Forever Breathing (Just Breathe #3)

by Heather Allen

  I suddenly remember James is here and break our connection. I glance around embarrassed for my brother but he’s already left. I look back into those eyes and he smirks enjoying my momentary discomfort.

  He whispers into my ear, “Are you ready to go home?”

  My heart stops for a second knowing he’s talking about my new home, the sea. Yes, that is my home now. My heart evens out, as I realize that no, the sea is not necessarily where my home is. This person wrapped around me, is my home and I will follow him anywhere. I nod and smile the most peaceful smile I’ve had in a very long time.

  ***

  Approaching my brother, I decide to give him a hard time. If he actually sticks with this decision to stay on land, the time we spend together will be few and far between.

  I punch his arm gently, “Hey, we’re going back, are you coming?”

  He looks over uneasily, “Ever… I can’t.”

  His face falls as I realize I must have the same disappointed look on my face.

  I try to make light of it, maybe giving him a hard time is not in his best interest.

  “That’s okay, I understand. Take your time. Maybe we’ll see you soon. I do expect periodic visits though.”

  He smiles his unique James smile. It reaches his eyes and I know he is feeling good about my reaction. Inside I am freaking a little, if James doesn’t come back, how can we even have a chance against these other mer-people?

  Jack nudges James on the shoulder and tells him, “You know you can drop in anytime?”

  James nods and asks, “This may sound a little silly but what if I stay on land forever, will it go away? Will I forget about the sea?”

  Jack shakes his head laughing, “No, you’ll remember and still be able to ‘will’ your fin. This has always been the case.” Jack looks down to me apprehensively as he admits, “You both chose the sea so even if you do Ken s down come back to stay, you’ll never forget.”

  The look on James face is relief. Oh, so we haven’t lost him yet. I’m feeling better suddenly.

  Jack holds his arm out so I can loop my hand through, “Shall we?”

  I smirk and take his arm closing my eyes. The image I conjure is the coral bed near the Erebus caves where we reconnected. Everything shifts, I ‘will’ my fin and open my eyes. I look over and Jack is grinning ear to ear.

  Chapter 8

  Ever

  Jack and I decided to go straight to Jaspen after we arrived back in the sea. I of course fell back into my usual MO, I was ready to avoid it again. Can you believe it?

  Jack pulled me out of it though and reasoned that Jaspen has a right to know. I knew there was a reason I’m keeping him around.

  We swam to the caves and I panicked seeing the familiar glass doors swing in. So many things have happened, not all of them good. I was ready to put all of this behind me and here it feels like de’-ja’-vu once again. Only this time, I’m following Jack down these halls instead of Alex. My heart skips a beat at the thought of him and where he is. How could he condone another clan attacking us?

  “Ever, hey, are you there?”

  Wh…at?” I shake myself out of my lapse. There I go again; maybe I’m just overanalyzing things too much.

  “UMMM, yeah, I’m here. Just I don’t know, tired, I guess.”

  He faces me and wraps his arms around me, “We’ll go back to Amber’s after this okay?”

  I nod.

  We enter a room off to the right, obscured by a plain looking wooden door. As we swim in I notice the walls covered in maps. A table and chairs sit in the center of the room. When I look closer at the maps, I can tell they are entirely made up of the landscape below the surface of the water. I swim closer to get a better look. They are actually amazing. The sea bottom is co N isghe up ofmpletely mapped out. Oh what the people on land would do to get their hands on these. Oh my, where did that thought come from?

  I look for the location of the clans, Alex spoke of. It’s the next civilization over further south and by far the largest. Looking out over the expanse of maps, I suddenly realize the enormity of our situation.

  My stomach tumbles at the sight of each civilization printed on the map. I start counting and feel like I’m going to be sick when I land on the number 24. Alex said there were 25 cities but I guess I didn’t really get what he was saying.

  Jack grabs my hand and looks down at me. His attempted assurance doesn’t get very far before I hear a booming voice enter the room, “Ever, so glad you are feeling better. What brings you out here?”

  Jack speaks before I have a chance to gather my thoughts, “Jaspen, you might want to sit down for this.”

  An amused look crosses Jaspen’s features as if he finds it funny that Jack is telling him what to do. I’m still uneasy around him. Something about him really makes my skin crawl.

  Jaspen sits down easily and gestures for Jack and I to do the same. Jack guides me to a chair but stays where he is, actually pacing through the water.

  “The other cities, they’re coming. They want to defeat us to show that the Lior are still in power. Some of the other Erebus have started rebelling but none have won any battles.”

  Jaspen looks down at the table, grasping his goatee as if deep in thought.

  I fidget in my chair feeling completely helpless.

  After about ten minutes of sitting in silence, when I’m about to scream at him to say something, Jaspen looks up and glances at Jack and then landing on me he says, “Well, I suppose we have a situation here.”

  Really? Is that all he can say. Hey, your entire existence is about to be wiped out and all you can say is, we have a situation? I want to go over and slap him silly.

  Jack crosses his arms, meets my stare and looks back to Jaspen.

  “Jaspen, yes, you could say that. We have to start planning because I don’t know when it will happen, just that they are preparing and they have had more time and manpower.”

  Jaspen gets up and glides over to the maps looking at each one as if searching for something.

  He turns and looks straight at me while speaking to Jack, “How did you get this information, Jack?”

  His eyes bore into me and as his question hits me, I flinch. His mouth moves in a grimace. He was looking for a reaction from me and he got exactly what he was looking for.

  “We ahhh…” Jack looks over to me and I nod. What’s the point in protecting Alex? He pretty much turned his back on us. I can’t think about him right now. This is way bigger than how Alex turned on me.

  “We spoke with Alex. He fled to the Peru clan during the battle. He came back to warn us.”

  Jaspen quickly asks, “And where is Alex now?”

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  Jaspen shakes his head and starts for the door. He calls out over his shoulder, “Jack, don’t you go anywhere. We have plans to make.”

  Jack nods and looks reservedly at me. I lower my head into my arms hoping something will take me away just for a moment. Reality is a bitch right now.

  Chapter 9

  James

  When Jack and my sister took off, I ended up feeling even more rotten. I raced home driving way too fast trying to think about something other than the shit Sara has put me through and the situation my sister is in. I can’t believe after everything that went down, it’s going to happen again. Jack is willing to expose Ever to it, all over again. In reality I should go back and drag her ass back home but I’m too self-absorbed at the moment. So I decide to get Garrett and Davis together to practice.

  When I pull into the driveway I dial Garrett’s number.

  He picks up on the first ring, “Dude, Where have you been? I haven’t heard from you all week.”

  Why is he such a whiny chick?

  “I’ve been busy. Is your mom home today? Will she let us use the garage?”

  “I don’t know man. Let me ask and I’ll call you back. Did you call Davis yet?”

  “No, let me know what your mom says then I’ll call him.”

 
We hang up and I feel a little bit better at being slightly productive. I climb out of the jeep and slowly step up onto the porch as my mom is coming out of the front door. She’s all dressed up, obviously on her way out.

  “Hey James, I was wondering where you went off to. I’m meeting dad to get a bite to eat and see a movie. Will you be alright?”

  I nod my head, “Yeah mom, have fun.”

  She squeezes my shoulder on her way to the car.

  The prospect of going into the empty house suddenly seems unappealing. I cross the porch and land in the bench swing, glancing back down at my phone, waiting for Garrett to call. Sitting here brings Sara to the forefront of my mind. I remember the day I climbed up the porch steps and found her sitting in the swing reading. She was oblivious to me staring at her. She was so beautiful with her long legs peeking out of her dress and her finger on those perfect lips. When she did realize I was here, she was so shy and I loved every moment of it.

  My phone rings shaking me out of the memory.

  I put it to my ear expecting Garrett to tell me to head on over.

  Instead I hear that singsong voice I know so well, “James?”

  My mouth is suddenly dry and I can’t find my voice. Silence.

  “James, a Ve="">n>

  I mutter softly, “Sara, is that you?”

  Her voice perks up as if we just talked yesterday, “Hi, I thought I’d call and see how you’re doing.” She pauses and adds, “I miss you.”

  Confusion clouds my thoughts. What the hell? I shake my head to clear it. This must be a joke.

  My voice hardens, “Why are you calling me?”

  She stutters, “I… uh…I just… I’m on land. I just wanted to see you.”

  I try to reply without any emotion, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  She pleads carefully, “James, I know you must be upset with me. Please meet me so I can explain.”

  I falter and give in. I know this is a bad move but I have to know.

  “Fine, I’ll be at the lake in an hour.”

  I hang up not even giving her a chance to reply. That voice will make me melt. I have to get my head on straight before I see her again and make a big mistake.

  ***

  I pull up to the lake fifteen minutes early and look for the white cabriolet. She might not even be driving the same car for all I know. The field is empty as is the parking lot across the lake where the fishermen usually put their boats in. My phone rings on the console. I slowly glance down suddenly afraid she’s calling to cancel. Then I kick myself as I realize she’s doing it again. I haven’t seen the girl in months and already she’s got me jumping at her will. The screen lights up continuously and I pick it up seeing Garrett’s name flash across the screen.

  “Hello.”

  “Yo, dude, I thought you were gonna leave me hanging.”

  “No, I’m here.”

  “Well, bad news, my mom isn’t up for the racket today. How about we meet at six tomorrow?”

  “Sounds good. See you then.”

  I hang up wondering how one minute I was hyped to go practice and the next I’m here waiting on Sara who I thought I would never see again. I try to relax turning the music up and leaning back into the headrest, closing my eyes. My heart is beating way too fast in anticipation of seeing her.

  ***

  Incessant tapping wakes me. I open my eyes and realize I’m in my jeep and there’s tapping on the window. I glance over and see those perfect aqua eyes that haunt me when I’m awake and asleep. I sit and stare at her savoring the sight. Her lips turn up in a grin and she glances down to her hand. I break my trance and fumble to unlock the door. She opens the door and it’s as if a light is shining down on me. Just being around her brightens everything. I turn the music all the way down.

  She climbs into the passenger side and shyly says, “Hi James.”

  I’ve lost my words. All I can do is stare. I’m such an idiot.

  She waves her hand in front of me bre [ontuchaking whatever hold she had. I look forward out the window to gather my thoughts. Why did I agree to this? I know it’s a mistake but she does something to me that I can’t explain.

  I look over carefully and tell her quietly, “It’s good to see you.” It is good to see her. Better than it should be.

  She fidgets with her hands in her lap. “I wanted to see how you’re doing. Alex said you came back to land.”

  Alex, what the hell? This breaks my trance and I find some words.

  “You spoke to Alex? When?”

  She looks around and avoids my sudden stare.

  “I guess it was yesterday. I wanted to see you but I knew I couldn’t go to the city…”

  She trails off the last of her sentence and for good reason. It reminds me of the reason we are here in the first place.

  I sigh, “Sara, you tried to kill my sister… twice. Why are you really here?”

  She is wringing her hands around in circles now as if she doesn’t hold on, she might lose it.

  Pleading she tells me, “I really did want to see you.”

  Her hand moves to my arm. That touch could be the death of me. I stiffen not wanting her to let go but hoping she does. Her hand drops back to her lap. I breathe deeply. I must have been holding it in.

  Her sad eyes meet mine, “I’m so sorry about your sister. I really am.”

  She takes a deep breath and continues, “I thought Jack loved me. He told me to come to the sea and then after I did, he didn’t want anything to do with me. I really did care for him because he made me think he felt the same way.”

  My brain turns over. This is a different story than the one I was told. But it remains that she tried to kill Ever and I can’t let that go.

  “James, I really like you. I enjoyed our time together and I miss you.”

  I place my hands on the steering wheel needing to grab onto something instead of her. What she’s saying to me and how her presence can turn me upside down, kills me.

  I say a little too harshly, “I think if you really felt that way, you wouldn’t have tried to kill Ever. Your actions and words say two very different things.”

  Her breathing becomes erratic and she looks down crying quietly. It takes everything in me not to console her but I just can’t. There are still so many things that aren’t right.

  “Sara, I’m sorry you’re upset. I just need to know why. I mean why you can’t let Jack be with Ever. I don’t know what happened with you and Jack but he is with Ever now.”

  She shakes her head sadly and stifles her breathing. She looks up and meets my eyes. If I wasn’t putty before, that did it. I grab her hand [gra her and pull her to me, wrapping my arm around her. She sidles closer and lays her head on my shoulder. Did I mention what an idiot I am?

  Chapter 10

  Ever

  It’s very clear that we are in a bit of a situation as Jaspen so calmly put it. I’d actually like to scream that it’s quite larger than his brush off. As soon as he left, I pretty much lost most of the stability I’d so carefully built up. The realization that more people are going to die turns my stomach inside out. I’ve sunk into myself again and barely made it back to Amber’s dwelling. Now I’m lying here in the blue room engulfed in pity while Jack is planning for this unknown battle back in the Erebus caves with Jaspen. I pleaded with him to stay with me but he left anyway. My selfishness takes over again or really that avoidance thing I’m so good at. Good thing he is nothing like me, we’d never accomplish anything.

  I doze off and my mind wanders…

  “Ever, where are you?” I frown and look around. “Alex?” I spot him in the coral bed across the sea floor. His green eyes sparkle as he glances in my direction. “Ever, I’ve looked everywhere for you. Where did you disappear to?” I shrug but then remember I left him in the middle of the battle. Guilt settles over me. “Alex, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…” But he’s fading away. I yell out and reach for him, “Alex, wait, please don’t go.”

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sp; “Ever, Ever, hey wake up.” I roll over groggily and realize; I did it again.

  “Hey, were you having a nightmare? I heard you calling out.”

  I frown and look up at Amber trying to gauge exactly what she heard.

  She looks at me sympathetically. Yep she heard his name. I silently kick myself. What is my problem? I have the most amazing person dedicating his life to me and I keep dreaming about Alex.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  I shake my head, no way am I talking about this with her. It’s already bad enough that Jac ^gra h

  She backs away and tells me, “It’s still the middle of the night; you might want to try and get back to sleep.” And she leaves, closing the door behind her.

  I take a deep sea breath and glance around the darkened room. I hold my hand out and ‘will’ the lights from my fingers. A glow emanates through the room and I realize I’m alone, Jack never made it back.

  I roll back over and the lights dance through the water shifting on the walls. This dream is different than any of the other ones. It seems to be bringing the past back instead of showing something from the future. I wish I knew how to read my dreams. The guilt still resonates with me but now more for Jack. He’s still over in the caves and here I am sleeping away valuable time. I’m suddenly motivated to do something. I decide it’s time I stake my claim to this existence. I need to stand up and fight, for once in my life.

  ***

  I enter the Erebus caves suddenly feeling self-conscious about my motivating factor. What in the world do I really have to offer at this point? I’m pretty emotionally unstable and kind of a wimp. As I slowly swim down the hall to the map room, all that confidence I so quickly gathered, seeps away just as fast. By the time I’m facing the door with muffled voices beyond, I’m ready to turn around and flee back to Amber’s. Before I can turn though, the door creaks open and my reluctance disappears as I’m face to face with my rock. His mouth turns up in that adorable half grin that melts my heart. He holds his arms wide open as if he heard my inner monologue. I embrace him as he envelopes me in his arms. Slowly that confidence creeps back and I remember this is why I’m here, to fight for this. I’m extremely lucky to have this. I have to stand up for those who don’t get this opportunity. This is my new mantra, I must not forget.