Forever Breathing (Just Breathe #3)

by Heather Allen

  ***

  I avoided the subject with Jack again. I know I’m such a wimp. I decided to use my quick trip to Gam-aw’s for two things. To get my mom off James’ back, but also to run through things with Gam-aw before I lay it all out there with Jack. My first choice is Gabbi but Gam-aw will have to do.

  I land in the bathtub again. Nuts. On top of the bathtub, yet again I forgot about my legs. Someday, I’ll get this whole thing right. Gam-aw comes through the door as I’m getting out of the tub on shaky legs.

  “Hey you. I was wondering when you’d come and fend off your mom.”

  I wince, “That bad huh?”

  She smiles, “Nothing I can’t handle, remember I’m her mother.”

  I smile back. James was just talking about handling my mom. Here’s to hoping I can follow their lead.

  ***

  As soon as my conversation with my mom is over, I ask Gam-aw if I can stay awhile. She leads me to the living room and I sink into the overstuffed, couch, covered in yellow flowers. It feels heavenly against my worn out muscles. Maybe I’ll stay overnight. I chuckle inwardly; there you go again Ever, avoidance is not your best feature.

  I turn to face Gam-aw, “I need to tell you something. B { soot ut let me tell you everything first before you say anything. Okay?”

  She looks confused but concerned suddenly, “Of course honey, what is it?”

  “Gam-aw, things are going to get bad again in the sea. A week ago, I found out that Alex is still alive. I am so happy that he is alright. But he went to Peru, the city there is twice the size of ours.”

  My voice cracks a little at the mention of Alex and his betrayal. It makes me so sad. She grasps my hand and squeezes.

  I continue, “He met with me and Jack and explained that they have joined with other Lior cities to defeat Jaspen.”

  I take in some air and finish, “Gam-aw I’m scared. It’s a battle that we can’t win if we fight with who and what we have. They are so much stronger.”

  She looks very worried suddenly and cuts me off, “Ever, you have to come back then. You can come back now. Seamus is gone so there is no one keeping you there. The only way you will be safe is to come back home and live on land. There’s no other choice now.”

  Her eyes glaze over momentarily and she claims, “I told you in the beginning that nothing good comes from the sea. Seamus was actually doing the right thing. I am so mad at Jaspen for doing this to you.”

  Oh boy, this is going to be like talking to Amber all over again. Great!

  “Gam-aw, there’s a little more. I’ve already made a decision.”

  She goes silent and waits looking thoughtful. I know what she thinks I’ve decided. UGH!

  “Gam-aw, Jaspen and I have come up with a plan. I’m going to Peru. It will help to find out what they are planning.”

  She starts shaking her head raising her voice before I can even tell her more.

  “Ever, no you can’t. It’s too dangerous. How could he think that is okay? Especially after everything you have already been through…”

  I cut her off standing up and pacing, “I’m going. I have to go. When I started this thing and chose the sea, my reason was Jack. It still is. If we don’t fight for what is right, no one will. This is the only Lior city that has fallen to the Erebus. That speaks volumes and that is why they are coming. They want to squash out that hope. The hope, that life can be different. The hope, that you can love who you want. I have to fight for that. I am the only hope at this moment and I won’t let them down. I won’t let Jack down.”

  Her face goes blank. I’m not sure if she’s going to yell at me or hug me so I wait. Minutes drag into one another as I watch a myriad of emotions pass over her face.

  Finally she speaks, “Ever, you are one of a kind, you know that.” Admiration fills her face, “You make me so proud to call you my granddaughter. I don’t like it one bit but I won’t argue. You need to stay safe and remember you can come back to land anytime.”

  I nod as she gets up and she hugs me. I feel all of her emotion in that hug and my energy is instantly drained. Tears well up in my eyes and I savor my grandmothers words and touch because speaking about my ulti {abo is insmate cause is a lot easier than it’s going to be.

  A smile spreads across my lips thinking about Jack and how when this is all over, there will be nothing on this earth that can tear us apart.

  Chapter 14

  James

  Telling Sara that I am coming back with her felt better than it should have. I do have an ulterior motive but just being with her for longer than small moments, excites me. I have to wrap my brain around it all and come up with an official plan. I know I can’t stay there forever and I have to keep my purpose in the forefront as hard as I know it is going to be.

  First things first though the parents. I’m almost tempted to just be done with this and tell them about the sea. I don’t know what would happen if I did though. Apparently people can forget things easily when it comes to the sea stuff. Who knows what’s really true though and what’s not. Ever and I have been through the ringer with lies and truth. Who knows what’s up and down anymore. But this lying shit is getting old. I’m running out of convincing stories.

  I clomp down the stairs and walk into the kitchen. Both my parents are reading the paper at the table and drinking coffee. They look up as I walk through the doorway.

  My mom greets me, “Hi James. How was practice last night?”

  “It was good. Davis wrote a couple of new songs, they’re coming along.”

  “Good, we’re looking forward to hearing them.”

  I nod and grab the bottle of juice to pour a glass.

  She announces, “I spoke to Ever last night.”

  Good, she made it to Gam-aw’s.

  I turn around and lean against the counter taking a sip from my glass.

  “I was thinking, maybe I’ll go and see Gam-aw and Ever once more before school starts. Next year will be busy and next summer I’ll be doing the college thing like Ever. What do you think?”

  I wait for their reaction. Minutes tick by and they seem like hours. I need this to work so badly. My mom turns to my dad to gauge his reaction. He must take that as he gets the final decision.

  He clears his throat, “I don’t see why not. Did you talk to Gam-aw yet?”

  I nod but before I can respond my mom pipes in, “James, are you sure she is fine with this? I know she thinks she is hip with all the teenagers but she is getting up there and I know she needs her space.”

  “Yeah mom, she said it’s good as long as I have your permission.”

  My dad asks, “How long will you stay? School starts in a few weeks.”

  I knew this would be a bit of an issue. I tread little by little.

  “I know, I was thinking a couple of weeks, I’d still have one week left when I get back.”

  My mom shakes her head, “I don’t know what the appeal is for you an ~abo iontd Ever to go and stay with an eighty year old woman but I’m glad she has that kind of relationship with you two.”

  So am I, more than she knows.

  I head out as soon as they are done grilling me. I pack a bag and decide not to push things. I buy a train ticket for the next day with the last of my band money. Well, there went that. It sucks that I have to buy a ticket anyway when I’m not even going to use the thing.

  I dial Gam-aw’s number reluctantly. I know I have to tell her something just not the truth, or the whole truth anyway.

  “Hi James, how are you?”

  “Hi Gams, I’m good. I need a favor again.”

  She chuckles, “Of course you do. What will you two do when I’m gone?”

  “Gam-aw don’t talk like that.”

  “Sorry, today has been tough. What do you need?”

  “Well, I’m coming up tomorrow. I need to go back to the sea for a little while.”

  She sighs, “You are going to finish school next year, aren’t you?”

  “Of course Gam-aw,
I won’t be gone long.”

  She starts to say something but seems to hesitate.

  “James, we need to talk before you go.”

  “Okay Gams, see you tomorrow.”

  I hang up already knowing the talk she is referring to. Ever must have told her about the upcoming imminent battle. I hope my sister is handling things well. This could turn out very badly but if I have anything to do with it, they will come out on top and she won’t have to worry anymore.

  ***

  The next day, I have a major de’ja’vu moment. I find myself saying goodbye to both of my parents again at the train station. But this time as I board the train, I know it’s not for good. I have a plan and I’m sticking to it. Even if a beautiful blonde gets in my way, my senior year awaits me.

  As soon as the train starts to move I sink down into my seat, put my ear buds in and pull up my hoodie. I close my eyes and focus on the loud vibrations of traveling to block out any uneasiness about this whole thing.

  ***

  The train comes to a stop and jogs me awake. My left side feels warmer than my right. Something feels like it’s attached to me as well. I look over and see the top of her blonde head. She is snuggled into my arm holding on as if her life depended on it, asleep. My breath catches at the sight of her. If she is so bad for me, why does my heart do good things every time I see her or think about her? Even after everything she did, I still can’t shake this.

  She stirs and looks up into my eyes. Her smile spreads. I could get lost right now.

  “Are we there yet?”

  I nod. “How did you get here? Actually, why are you here? I thought we agreeoug="+d I would meet you underwater.”

  “I wanted to make sure you are coming. I was afraid you would change your mind.”

  “And you thought just by being here, you could change my mind if I did have different ideas?”

  She smirks, “Did it work?”

  Oh boy would it have if I wasn’t already decided.

  I answer her by lowering my lips to hers. She meets me half way and opens her mouth slightly deepening our kiss. Man, am I toast.

  The doors to the car open, so I break our connection.

  I look down into her eyes, “Sara, I have to go to my grandmother’s. I didn’t exactly tell her where I’m going, so you can’t come up there with me.”

  She nods, “I know, I’ll meet you.”

  I get up and reach my hand out to her. She grabs it getting up. I notice her pink mini-dress that barely covers her thighs. As if her legs weren’t long before. I have to peel my eyes away from her body before my body betrays me.

  We exit the train and head in opposite directions agreeing to meet later that night. It’s going to be a long afternoon.

  ***

  I take a bus uptown to my Gam-aw’s apartment. She greets me when I knock on the front door.

  “Hi James, did you travel here like a normal person?”

  I laugh, “Actually Gam-aw I did.”

  I gently hug her and follow her into the living room. Smells waft through the air making my stomach grumble.

  “I thought I’d feed you before you go.”

  I smirk, “Thanks Gam-aw, I’m so hungry.”

  “How does chicken and potatoes sound?”

  “Wonderful.”

  “It won’t be done just yet, let’s talk first.”

  “Okay, before you start, let me first tell you that I know what’s going on in the sea.”

  She sits down next to me and it seems as though the couch swallows her up.

  “Good, that was my main concern that you didn’t know about the other cities coming. If you do know, then why are you going?”

  This is the hard part. I rehearsed this but a lie is never good especially since she has been telling them for me. I owe her big.

  “I’m going to spend a little time to help them plan. I don’t want to be there when it actually happens but I want to help in any other way I can.”

  She seems satisfied with my answer. I’m relieved, not sure how many more lies I have in me for the people I love. It seems like such a betrayal. Well, exactly what I am going to do.

  ***

  I wait for her to fall asleep a fat>

  She whispers, “James, before we go, will you kiss me like you mean it, like it’s our last kiss?”

  I turn to her, gather her in my arms and devour those lips like it’s the last kiss I will ever have. This girl could very well be the death of me and I will be fine if it comes to that.

  Chapter 15

  Ever

  Renewed by my grandmother’s confidence in me, I feel the need to get back to Jack. I have to get this over with. I know it’s going to be bad but not sure how bad.

  I travel back to Amber’s dwelling with my heart in my throat. I have to calm down or I’ll lose it before I even utter a word. Unfortunately, he’s not here. It’s late at night so I’m surprised that he’s missing. Great, this will be even harder at the Erebus caves. I reluctantly swim out toward the front door. Before I reach it, Amber meets me in the main room.

  “Ever, we need to talk.”

  Ugh, I am tired of talking. The one person I want to talk to is not here.

  “Amber, I really don’t want to go another round with you. My mind is made up. I know you can’t see it. Maybe if you loved someone from the land, you would have a better understanding…”

  I trail off not knowing what else to say. She pretty much disowned me in our last conversation so I’m just done.

  Her face grows soft.

  “Ever, you’re right, I don’t exactly understand. Maybe I can’t but I worry for my brother. I worry that when you leave, he’ll be lost to us all, for good.”

  She tries to lift my spirits, which must be transparent on my face. Then takes a moment to pause and smile before adding, “I worry that Jack will pull an ‘Ever’.”

  I relent trying to shake this feeling of doom rising in me, “You mean a freak out?”

  She nods grinning but still looking sad.

  “He’s waiting for you at the coral beds.”

  I look at her wondering if she told him. I don’t even want to go there. I turn to leave but she grabs my arm before I can go any further.

  “I still think of you as the sister I never had. Take care of yourself okay?”

  I turn and hug her fiercely letting a tiny tear roll down my cheek.

  ***

  I find Jack sitting amongst the coral. I can see the muscles in his back stretched taut. He is far from relaxed, I can tell. I look around us. The water seems cloudier than normal as if it can sense the turmoil I’m about to deliver.

  I approach him hesitantly and place my hand on his ar fat>he turmm so as not to startle him. He barely moves at my touch. I keep my hand there but settle in front of him. He is looking down toward the sand settled at the bottom of the sea. So he’s basically looking at nothing. I reach out with my other hand and place it under his chin guiding his eyes to meet mine. Cloudy green covers those beautiful almond eyes. I hurt just looking at the sadness already there.

  Suddenly he gets up, grasps my cheeks gently with both hands and lowers his lips to mine. I open eagerly letting him taste my mouth mixing with the salt of the sea. We kiss as if our lives depend on it. His hand moves behind my head guiding me. I raise my hands and run them through his hair. I can feel every bit of hurt I’m about to inflict on him and I haven’t uttered a word. Surely I’m going to lose it. I knew this would be hard just not like this. I lose myself in that kiss. I remember our first, he kissed my forehead and barely glanced my lips the day he met my parents. I remember the day he brought me to him in the ocean that first visit and I thought I could die right there because nothing could be better. And I remember the day we found each other again. The day when a huge battle was ahead of us but nothing meant more to me than to know that Jack still loved me. The day when he carefully kissed me, assuring us both that we are meant to be forever. This kiss will be stored in my mind forev
er. When life gets tough, I will conjure the sweet memory to the surface, and whatever I am facing will become a little easier to handle.

  I fall into this kiss with the knowledge that he already knows I’m going. Whether Amber told him or not, this is his truce. He is letting me go. That realization slams into me with such ferocity that I stifle my sobs with this kiss adoring him more than my very own life.

  Chapter 16

  James

  Traveling to an unknown place always makes me uneasy. fat> width="3eSara makes the feeling dissipate a small bit. She assures me that my presence in this city won’t cause alarm. I’m not sure I believe her. I am after all a relative of Jaspen, the only Erebus to ever overrun a Lior city. I sigh realizing that I have no clue what I’m getting myself into. I glance over at her as we swim south toward the city. She seems so happy. Remembering her dark time as I refer to it, when she went crazy on Ever, I wonder if this other Sara will make an appearance if things get too hard to handle. There’s no telling. More than anything I have to keep my head clear on the task at hand.

  She glances over at me, smiles and grabs my hand as we swim. I definitely have to keep my wits about me or she will be the death of me. I turn to look forward and small shapes appear off in the distance. They stretch for miles to the east and west. I remember the first time I came to Seamus’ city. It was an unbelievable sight. I thought the size was incredible. Now that I am staring at this immense expanse of civilization in front of us, my stomach turns realizing what Jaspen is up against. This city is twice the size. Disbelief settles within me. There is no way… it is going to be impossible.

  Sara squeezes my hand as we swim. I look over and meet her gaze. I smile pretending like I don’t have a care in the world except to be with her. Realization that I won’t be able to accomplish this by myself hits me. I have to find Alex as soon as possible.

  ***

  Sara was wrong after all. We were met with animosity and serious questions as we entered the city. Guards led us directly to the castle which makes Jaspen’s castle look like a hut. It is covered in white lights. The same luminescence commonly used under the water. The steeples reaching for the surface of the water jut out in all angles. I am more amazed than anything else at the resemblance the building has to a church on land. Windows dotting the steeples are covered with stained glass. If I didn’t know any better, I would imagine they went and took a church from the land and plopped it down here. I must have halted my swimming because I feel a tug on my arm in the direction of the castle. I look at my arm and spot Sara’s eyes pleading with me. I look over at the guards and they both nod impatiently for me to go. The spears they each hold are threatening so I follow Sara’s lead. We enter through curved, double doors mirroring the windows above. I get a closer look and realize the glass depicts scenes with mer-people. The doors show a scene that hits too close to home for me. It resembles a battle similar to the one we just finished back north so many miles away. Even worse, these people are proud enough of this violence to forever cement it in a doorway. If I were doing an ‘Ever’, I would vomit right here. I push the thought of my sister away and follow the guards and Sara down hallway after hallway. The walls are lined with red coral, creating more natural looking rock structures than actual walls.