by M. Clarke
Approaching his room, my heart rate started to escalate as I anticipated how Jax and Chloe would greet me. When Hendrix appeared before me, all of my anxiety went away.
“Hendrix, what happened?”
Hendrix embraced me, holding me in his arms tightly, then let go. “How are you?” he asked, ignoring my question.
I looked down and shook my head.
“I know he’s mad at you right now, but that’s because Jax is in love with you. I know this because he told me. I told him to be honest with you from the start, but he wanted to wait until he was sure there was something special between you two. He doesn’t open up to people easily the way he did with you. He went all out.” Hendrix held my hands together and pierced his eyes through mine. “He doesn’t want a life with Chloe. He never did. He wants to have forever with you, Rachel.” Hendrix shifted his eyes to the door. “Go. He’ll be happy to see you.”
“What happened to Jace?”
“I don’t know if you knew, but he’s really allergic to nuts.”
I nodded frantically, already knowing where this was headed.
“Chloe and Jax were arguing.” Hendrix’s palm slid down his face. “They always have screaming matches. Anyway, Jace got a hold of the bread Chloe had on the kitchen counter and took several bites. Chloe didn’t know that the bread had nuts in the ingredients. They’re both very careful about what they eat, but sometimes you just don’t know. In the midst of arguing, they didn’t notice that Jace was on the floor. Had they noticed, they could have given him an epinephrine shot, the one they always carry around just in case, and he would have been fine, but it was too late.”
It was none of my business, but before I could stop myself I asked, “What were they arguing about?” Crap! “You know what…never mind. I didn’t mean to—”
Before I could finish, the door swung open. “You! What are you doing here?” It was Chloe, coming at me as if she wanted to dig her nails into me. “You’re the reason Jace is in the hospital. You’re the reason why Jax and I fight all of the time.”
If it weren’t for the fact that her son was in the hospital, if she’d come at me, I would have defended myself by any means, even if it meant punching her with my own fist.
“That’s enough, Chloe.” Hendrix took a few steps, getting ready to intervene. “You know that’s not true.”
“What’s going on?” Jax came out the door. Stunned into silence at seeing me, he stood still for a second. “Rachel?” Though he didn’t light up the way he used to, I could tell he was happy to see me.
“I’m sorry, Jax. I came as soon as I found out.”
“Bullshit,” Chloe barked. “What do you know about kids anyway? You can’t possibly know our pain. I want her gone, Jax. Jace needs us, not her.”
Jax put his hands on her shoulders. “You need to calm down.” He opened the door. “Go back inside. I need to talk to Rachel.”
“I’ll go in with her.” Hendrix escorted Chloe while Jax guided me to the waiting room.
As soon as we sat down, I threw myself in his arms, not caring if Jax would push me away. “Jax, I’m so sorry,” I mumbled into his shirt as tears poured down my cheeks. “I feel like this is all my fault.”
Jax pulled me away, and I thought he was going to tell me to leave or that he was going to confirm that it was my fault, but he didn’t. Instead, he held my hands and gazed lovingly into my eyes. “Thank you for coming, Rachel. It means a lot to me that you’re here. Never mind what Chloe said to you. She’s really scared and needs to blame it on someone. That’s the way she is. She never takes responsibility. She just cares about what she wants and how she can get it. If anything, I blame this on the both of us. We shouldn’t be shouting at each other in front of our son. He’s going to learn that fighting is normal, and it isn’t. He’s just a child. We should have been watching him. We really suck at being parents.”
Jax let go of my hands, raked his hair back, and curled in so I couldn’t see his face. “The doctors don’t know if he’ll make it. It’s been forty-eight hours. It takes about two to three days to snap out of it. He needs to be able to breathe on his own.” I heard a low, painful growl muffling from the palm of his hands.
“Jax,” I rubbed his shoulders, “have some faith. I have hope that he’ll pull out of it.” It hurt so much to see him this way. Jax was always strong and confident. To be able to show his vulnerable side to me made me believe he trusted me and felt comfortable in my presence. He needed a friend, and I would be there for him. This was a good sign. At least if nothing else, we could be friends, but I didn’t know if I could be just that.
“Thanks.” Jax sat up. “Would you like to see him?”
I blinked in surprised. “Yes, but what about—?”
“Never mind Chloe.” Jax grabbed my hand and led me to Jace’s room. “Stay out here for a second while I talk to Chloe.”
“Okay.”
After a few long seconds, everyone came out. While Jax and I entered, Hendrix and Chloe stayed out. But of course, when she came out, she gave me the dirtiest look.
The first thing I saw were the tubes. The ventilators were helping him breathe, and the IV was keeping him hydrated. He seemed so small, even smaller with things hooked to him. Looking pale and so fragile, I couldn’t control my tears at seeing him so helpless like this. I had never experienced death before, and I didn’t want Jace to be my first. But no matter what, seeing a loved one in the hospital and on the verge of death was dreadful.
“Hey, buddy.” Jax rubbed his cheek. “Guess who came to visit you?”
I waited for Jax to look at me to confirm it was okay for me to talk. “Hey, Jace, you need to wake up so I can give you some cookies. If you’d like, we can even bake some next time, and you can eat all you want. I just need you to wake up.” I felt my eyes pool with tears. I hadn’t expected to get so emotional.
Jax glanced at me in surprise. He seemed happy by what I had said. “Daddy can help, too. We can play catch, and I’ll even let you play with my turtle collection.” Jax started to tear up. “I feel so bad.” His head hung low. “He wanted to play with my turtle collection, but I wouldn’t let him. I even got mad at him. I’ve been in such a shitty mood lately that I lost patience with him.”
Jax wouldn’t admit it, but I was sure I was part of the reason why. “It’s okay, Jax. Nobody is perfect. You didn’t know.” I raised my hand to his cheek. He closed his eyes and rubbed against it. I had to close my eyes, too, and take a deep breath. Having his lips pressed into my hand made my heart hammer faster. “You’re a wonderful dad. I saw the way you took care of your son. He’s lucky to have you.”
Jax opened his eyes and backed away, as if he had come to realize what he was doing. “Thanks.”
“Chloe is probably anxious, so I’ll wait in the waiting room.”
“Okay.”
“Actually, I need to go back to the office and take care of a few things, but I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“You don’t have to come back.”
“I want to.”
Jax seemed satisfied with my words.
Just as I headed out the door, Matthew walked in with Hendrix. Matthew greeted me, looking surprised. “Rachel.” I was prepared for his questions, but instead of asking, he turned to Jax. “Jackson.”
Maybe he already knew about Jax and me? If he had no idea, he was about to find out today. Not that he would do anything about it, but there was a possibility he might say a few words of disapproval.
“Matthew is going to make sure he has the utmost care. He has connections with the hospital,” Hendrix said to Jax.
“I’ve already made some phone calls,” Matthew said. “Let’s get Jace to wake up and breathe on his own.”
Chapter 34
Rachel
It was always good to have connections, and the Knight family was full of them. Having Matthew there gave me a sense of relief that everything was going to be fine. It wasn’t that the doctors would suddenly tak
e good care of Jace. They were already doing that. But Matthew’s connections would be an added bonus, such as having more nurses around, getting another doctor’s opinion, and making sure the family was comfortable.
After I took care of what needed to be done at the office and found a substitute photographer to take my place tomorrow, I was just about to head to the hospital when I heard my phone ring. It was Jax. Please let it be good news.
“Jax?”
“Rachel.” After that, all I could hear were his sobs.
Jace didn’t make it, repeated in my mind. Jax would never forgive himself.
“Jax.” There was nothing I could say. After the shock wore off, tears started to stream down my face.
“Rachel.” More sobs filled my ears. “Jace….”
“Jax, I’m so sorry.” My hand started trembling under the phone. I was in so much shock that my body went numb. Dropping to my chair in my office, I sat there staring at the blank screen on the computer.
“Rachel.” Jax managed to gather himself. “I’m sorry to break down on you like that. I lost it when I heard your voice. Jace is going to be fine. He woke up just a few minutes ago.”
The breath I didn’t know I was holding expelled, as if I had a balloon full of air. “Jax. Thank you for letting me know.” The reason for my crying had shifted to relief. I almost gave myself a heart attack. Taking in the good news, I wiped my tears and let out a short laugh. I had assumed before hearing what Jax wanted to tell me. “If it’s okay, I’d like to come see him.”
“Of course. I would love that.”
By the time I got to the hospital, Jace had been moved to a recovery room. Matthew had already left, and Jax’s parents had arrived and were conversing with Jax.
“Rachel.” Jax’s eyes grew wide with elation, coming toward me with open arms.
“These are for Jace.” I handed him a bouquet of balloons and a stuffed turtle that was bigger than the one he had in daycare.
“He’s going to love these. Thank you.”
I answered with a smile. I didn’t know for how long, but our eyes were locked to each other so that time seemed to stand still…until Jax snapped back into reality. “My parents are here.” As if he suddenly remembered, he turned to his parents. “Mom. Dad. This is Rachel,” Jax introduced.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Clark.” We shook hands.
They looked exactly how I remembered at Becky’s wedding when I saw them at the reception. I didn’t bother to introduce myself, especially knowing Jax and I were just friends. Jax’s mom was beautiful with flawless skin, and his dad was dashingly handsome with soft wrinkles on his forehead. Though they both smiled at me warmly, their eyes were filled with concern.
“Is this the Rachel, Rachel?” Mrs. Clark asked Jax.
“Yes, Mom,” Jax said with a short chuckle, rubbing the nape of his neck.
What did they mean by that? It seemed as though they were speaking in a secret code, and I didn’t want to be that Rachel, Rachel, if it wasn’t a good thing.
“I’ve heard so much about you,” Mrs. Clark said. “I wish we could have met under more pleasant circumstances.”
Warmth traveled to my cheeks. “Thank you. Me, too.” I shot a quick glance at Jax, only to be rewarded with a wink. Knowing Jax had mentioned me to his parents meant the world to me. I hoped he’d left out the recent fight.
“Jace is waiting for us.” Jax’s dad opened the door and gestured for us to enter. “We should go inside. Jax, you should think about what we talked about.”
What was that all about?
I stayed away from Jax that week. Having his parents visiting was one reason, and also Jace was going home from the hospital. I wanted to give Jax time to adjust and have quality time with his family. Even knowing this, and telling myself that it was alright that he hadn’t called or texted me, I couldn’t help but feel the sadness in my heart.
Not knowing what we were was killing me, but I had to prepare myself for the possibility that we were going to be just friends. The Jax I knew would have called me already, and would have wanted me to be over at his place. Speaking of which, I had no idea where he lived.
I thought about calling or texting Jax, but what was the point? I would seem desperate. Ugh! I was desperate. The more time went by, the need to see them both grew bigger and stronger. Staying home alone wasn’t helping, so I decided to go to the mall. After grabbing my purse, I rushed out the door. Then…bam!
“Jax?” I was so happy to see him, my eyes started to tear. It got worse when I saw Jace standing beside him, holding the turtle I had given him. “Hey, buddy.” Without thinking, I knelt down to his level and embraced him with all of me. My heart felt so light, and yet so full. I was so overjoyed to see them both that happy tears were forming in my eyes.
Jace draped his arms over my shoulders. “Hi, Wachel. Thank you for my turtle.”
“You’re welcome.” I loved how he said my name. As laughter vibrated through my chest, a sense of warmth and motherly love consumed me. I wanted to hold on to both of them and never let go.
Never had I thought Jace could make me feel this way. Almost losing him might have been a factor, but the truth was, he was part of Jax. I couldn’t just love a part of Jax; I had to love all of Jax, and that included Jace. As a tear escaped the corner of my eyes, I wiped it before any more could fall.
“Hi,” Jax said. “Sorry for coming by without a call. We were in the neighborhood, but it looks like you’re heading out.”
“No. It’s not important. Come in.” I stepped aside for the both of them as I screamed inside with excitement. “Would you like anything to drink or eat?” I nervously walked to the kitchen.
“No, thank you. We just had lunch.” Jax let go of Jace’s hand. After he whispered something to his son, Jax watched him sit on the sofa, and then leaned against the cabinet.
Opening the fridge, I took out a carton of orange juice and started to pour some into the cups I had laid out. Then I looked in the cabinet and started to take out whatever snacks I had. My heart was thumping so fast, I felt like it was going to burst. Anticipation and the unknown could do that to me.
“Rachel,” Jax placed his hand on mine to stop me in my place. “We’re fine. Stop moving around and look at me.”
Taking a deep breath, I did as told, but my hands were trembling in his hold. My eyes slowly moved up his arms, then to those dimples, and finally his gorgeous eyes. “I’ve missed you,” he said softly.
Those words were totally unexpected, but they were the words I longed to hear. Those three words carried so much depth and meaning. He had no idea how much I needed to hear that. “I missed you, too,” I mumbled, trying to contain the lump in my throat and the ache that was building inside from missing him. However, I failed when Jax wrapped one hand around my waist and the other hand caressed my face. He came at me so fast, I didn’t see it coming.
His eyes pierced into mine with longing and passion. As he continued to stroke my cheek and gaze into my eyes, it felt like we were secretly making out in our minds. It was extremely sensual, hypnotizing, and beautiful…I could not look away.
“I miss holding you, touching you.” His grip got tighter, but I didn’t mind. I wanted it to be tighter…to hurt. I needed to confirm this was real and that he was really here—mind and body. Then his face started to caress mine, and I began to lose it. His breath on my skin was tantalizing, making me want more. My hands moved along the curve of his arms and down to his chest. As he looked back at me, his eyes danced along my face; his teeth gnawed on his bottom lip, and his thumb traced my jawline. He was searching, wanting…waiting.
“Jax. I miss—”
“Kissing you,” he said before I could finish. I guessed I had said enough to give him the green light to continue…and he delivered.
He kissed me like he was on fire, mad with desire. I was the ice he could not melt, could not have enough of. As our tongues twisted and tangled, his hands traveled to every
inch of me. We were like two magnets, unable to peel away from one another. “I don’t want just a piece of your heart, Rachel,” he murmured between kissing me. “I want all of it. And I don’t want just a moment with you. I want forever with you.”
“You have my heart, Jax,” I said between kissing him back. “Every single piece that makes it whole belongs to you.” I paused. “But we should stop or—”
“Daddy? What are you doing?”
We were so in the moment that we had forgotten Jace was patiently waiting. Dropping our hands, we turned to him, trying to hide our laughter. “Rachel had something in her eyes. Daddy was trying to get it out.”
“Oh…I want water.” Jace looked tired, rubbing his eyes.
“Water coming up.” Motherly intuition kicked in. I poured some water into a glass and helped him hold it as he drank from it. I could tell Jax loved what I was doing.
“Why don’t you come over for dinner?” Jax suggested. “Jace and I will grill up some mean steak. We cook the best steak, right, Jace?”
“Wight.” He stuck up his thumb.
“I also invited my brother and Stacey. Hendrix told me they landed yesterday.”
“Yes, Stacey told me the same thing. Well then, I can’t pass that up. Two boys cooking for me. What a treat.”
Jace started laughing. His laugh was too cute and contagious. “Daddy is not a boy,” he said as if it was the silliest thing he’d ever heard. Gotta love his humor. Kids had the best sense of humor and said the darndest things.
“That’s right.” Jax picked him up. “Daddy is a man.”
There was no doubt about that. He was gorgeous, sexy…all man. And now he was mine…and I had no plans of letting go.
Chapter 35
Rachel
“Did you take the offer?” Hendrix asked, cutting through his steak with a knife. “Mmm, you did a great job, Jace.”