Beautiful With You

by Jen Andrews

  I peeked back into the office at Sasha and Michelle again. They seemed to be having a slightly heated conversation about something. I ended the call and reached out to pull the office door open when Sasha abruptly stood and barged out of the office.

  “What the heck happened?”

  She stopped in front of me. “Zoey, she wants to talk to you.”

  What the hell.

  “She knows who you are.”

  Oh shit. Pull it together Zoey. You can do this.

  I returned to Michelle’s office and stood behind the chairs we had been sitting in.

  She spoke first.

  “I thought you looked familiar when you came in, but I didn’t realize who you were until you took your call.”

  She wasn’t being rude, just to the point. I sat down on the chair and took a breath to speak.

  “What do you want from me?” she asked before I could say anything.

  “I need to know about Emma.” I got straight to the point as she had with me.

  She sucked in a breath and sat down. “Emma is none of your business.”

  I leaned toward her, resting my palms on her desk. “That’s where you’re wrong, Michelle.” I took a deep breath. “I am very sorry for the loss of your child, but if there is something that I can do to prevent the loss of mine . . . please tell me what happened to her.”

  As angry as I was, I was not opposed to begging if it got me the information I needed.

  Her eyes widened and traveled down to my stomach, then to my left hand.

  Her eyes snapped back up to mine. “How far along are you?”

  “Around fifteen weeks.”

  She slumped a little bit in her chair. “My family was against our relationship right from the beginning and they constantly put pressure on me to divorce him. I caved and left because I couldn’t stand it any longer. I found out I was pregnant a month after I left him.”

  It made me sick to hear about her and Andy together, so I raised my hand to prevent her from going any further. “Look, I don’t need to know about any of this. I really, truly believe your marriage to him is none of my business. I only need to know if our baby is going to be okay.”

  She nodded and took a deep breath. “Zoey, you need to understand how hard this is for me. I lost my child. I’ve made so many mistakes, but I do want to help you. I honestly didn’t know why he came to see me before, but I just couldn’t talk to him. I didn’t know anything until I spoke to my brother. He admitted that he saw him and told him about Emma. I never told my family he didn’t know about her.”

  She plucked a tissue from the box on her desk and dabbed her eyes.

  “I knew I needed to talk to him once I found out what my brother had done, so I tracked him down and went to see him. He didn’t answer the door of his apartment so I went to the shop below to find him. One of the men who worked there said he would locate him and asked me to wait in an office. I saw the photo of you together on the desk. He looked so happy with you and I didn’t want to hurt him . . . so I left.”

  God, if only she’d stayed. I could have talked to her then, instead of sitting here, while Andy was suffering in New Zealand. Why couldn’t she have stayed? Andy would know about Emma and our baby if she had and he might be home by now, or I would be there with him.

  She dabbed her eyes again and shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

  I was getting a little bit impatient with her. I didn’t need to hear anything other than our baby was going to be born healthy, but I listened anyway. If any of what she was saying was going to help me, I would willingly listen.

  “As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I knew I wanted to be with him and our baby, so I confided in my mother. She isn’t the most forthcoming person or the nicest, for that matter. What she failed to tell my brother and I as we grew up, was that she gave birth to three other children, but they all died shortly after they were born.”

  I waited silently for her to continue her story. I felt sympathy for her, because she had lost a child and no mother should ever have to go through that. But, what she did to Andy was unforgivable. Not that it was up to me to forgive her.

  “Sorry, I know I’m rambling,” she admitted. “Emma died because of a hereditary gene in my family. It had nothing to do with Andy. As soon as my mother told me about her other children, I underwent several tests . . . they came back positive. That was when I decided he was better off not knowing about her. I knew Emma wouldn’t survive and I had to live with that knowledge for seven months.”

  Oh God, that poor woman. Having lost a child in my first trimester when I was married to Rob was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I could not imagine going through seven months of a pregnancy, every day feeling the child you loved moving around inside you, and knowing what the outcome would be. At that moment, my heart truly ached for Michelle.

  Tears fell from her eyes and slipped down her cheeks as she tried to keep her composure. She quickly wiped her tears away with her fingers, pushed her chair back, and stood.

  “I think you should go now.”

  Finally, we had answers. I let out a sigh of relief and felt like driving to the airport that minute.

  “Thank you, Michelle. I know you didn’t have to tell me anything, but I appreciate that you did. I just wish you’d told Andy about her. It would have saved a lot of heartache for him by finding out the way he did.”

  Michelle nodded once and looked down, appearing remorseful and a big weight seemed to be lifted off her shoulders.

  She opened the top drawer of her desk, pulled out a manila envelope, and held it out to me. “Will you give this to him, please?”

  I took it. “Yes, of course. Thank you for talking to me.” I grabbed my purse and hurried to the door.

  She called my name and I turned to face her.

  “You’re very brave, Zoey.” She eyed me inquisitively. “I wish I could’ve been as brave as you. Congratulations on your baby.”

  “Thank you, for everything.” I turned and pushed through the door and never looked back. I found Sasha waiting in the lobby for me in one of the white leather chairs. As soon as she saw me, she scrambled to her feet.

  “Zoey, oh my God! What happened?”

  I opened my purse, shoved the envelope inside it, and grabbed her hand.

  “Let’s go Sash . . . I need to get out of here, now.”

  Adrenaline raced through my body as we rushed toward the elevator. Even in a building made of windows, I felt as if I was suffocating in that place. I was relieved with the news Michelle gave me, but I was at a breaking point and needed fresh, cold air.

  We reached the elevator just as the doors were inches away from closing. Sasha sacrificed herself by putting her hand in between the doors, forcing them to reopen. Which in turn, pissed off the people inside it.

  Oh well, get over it assholes. We’re on a mission here.

  We crammed ourselves into the very full elevator and high-fived each other. Sasha looked over at me questioningly as she entwined her fingers with mine.

  I just smiled and nodded, indicating to her that I’d acquired what we came for. I loved my best friend so much at that moment for helping me.

  We finally made our way back down to the parking garage and sat in my car where I spilled the entire conversation between Michelle and me. I reclined my seat back as far as it would go so I could relax and calm my nerves. I laid back, relieved, and completely overwhelmed at all the news I’d received.

  Baby Tate would be perfectly healthy. I knew it in my heart.

  “Let’s get the hell out of this town, Sash. I have a trip to plan,” I said, a few seconds before my stomach growled embarrassingly loud.

  “We need food too.” She laughed at me and took me out for an early celebratory dinner.

  Reclining back on the exam table for my eighteen-week ultrasound, my mom settled in the chair next to me.

  “Let’s see if we can get this little guy, or girl, to cooperate today,” Dr. Stewar
t said as she squirted gel on my ever-growing belly.

  It was official; I looked like I had swallowed half a basketball. I hadn’t gained much weight since my previous appointment, but I was eating well and taking care of myself. Since I had found out all the information I needed from Michelle, my stress level was next to nothing. I still took time to myself each day so I wouldn’t have any setbacks and slip into my old ways, but it was getting better every day.

  When I had found out I was pregnant, I wanted to jump on a plane right then and fly to New Zealand, but with my stubbornness of handling everything on my own, I couldn’t leave right away. I had to train both of my parents on how to take care of the day to day business at the store because I’d been doing it all on my own. Between them working behind the scenes and my employee, Tara, taking care of keeping the store stocked and orders up to date, I now felt comfortable leaving everything behind in their capable hands.

  Even though I had to wait nearly a month to get my affairs in order, I missed Andy like crazy, but we had talked a few times on the phone. I was also becoming good friends with Iria, just as she said we would. She was a huge help in planning my trip to New Zealand.

  She hadn’t told Andy I was coming, but Iria told Tamati so he could keep Andy busy on the day of my arrival. I hated all the secrecy, but what choice did I have? There was no way for me to know what Andy would do if he knew I was coming to New Zealand. Would he leave? Would he be angry that I came, or happy to see me? I just couldn’t risk him knowing.

  Iria and Tamati backed me up one-hundred percent that telling him beforehand would not be a good idea in his state of mind. Andy was miserable and grieving, but they knew I had the information he needed about Emma. They were keeping an eye on him and trying to keep him busy.

  I focused back to the task at hand. Looking at the screen, I found Baby Tate was bouncing around inside me. It was a very strange sensation to see it on the screen and feel it inside me at the same time.

  Dr. Stewart moved the wand around on my belly for a minute or so and then stopped. “Looks like we have a good view here, Zoey, would you like to know what you’re having?”

  Glancing over at my mom for reassurance, I nodded to the doctor. “Yes, please, more than anything.” I wanted Andy there with me, but I honestly couldn’t wait to find out. I’d been anxious for days about my appointment, because it signified my last hurdle before I left my family and friends behind and went into the unknown. I swore right then, that everything else in regards to our baby, Andy would be right there beside me. That is, if he wanted to be.

  Dr. Stewart smiled up at me. “It’s a girl.”

  Of course, my mom and I both started crying happy tears. We’d be adding another baby girl to the family. Jason and Heather’s little girl, Mya, had been born last June, the day after Jess and Noah’s wedding. Her Auntie Zoey and her grandma spoiled her rotten.

  After a few minutes, I asked Dr. Stewart if it was still okay for me to fly to New Zealand.

  “Yes, I think you’ll be just fine,” she said. “When do you plan on coming back?”

  I honestly didn’t know when I would be returning. For all I knew, our baby girl would be born in New Zealand. I would come back when Andy was ready to, and not a minute sooner. “I’m not really sure yet.”

  “You’ve had a very healthy pregnancy so far, but try not to fly back in your last month. I’ll ask the girls in the office to copy your medical records, and you can take them with you.”

  For the entire week prior to my appointment, I had been packing and tying up loose ends before my trip. I also did some shopping for bigger clothing since I didn’t know how long I was going to be away. I researched online and discovered since it was the beginning of spring in New Zealand, the weather would be significantly cooler than here. I packed my raincoat and some rain boots at Iria’s suggestion because it would most definitely rain while I was there.

  After a goodbye brunch with my family and friends, I would be leaving for New Zealand to see him. I was not looking forward to being on a plane for over twelve hours at once, but I was going to see Andy again. I would swim if I had to.

  I knew exactly how he felt when I was in Cabo. I couldn’t wait to see him, and finally tell him the news of our baby girl. I hoped everything would go according to plan and he would come home with me.

  After my luggage was packed, I changed into my leisurely traveling outfit of a stretchy, but cute cotton dress.

  While I was getting ready, I found myself chanting “seventeen hours” over and over in my head.

  Once I stepped onto the first plane, it would be seventeen hours from here, to where he was. I took the shortest, quickest flight I could get which put my arrival in New Zealand at six-thirty in the morning. I would have preferred to arrive in Auckland in the evening, but that would have increased the travel time to anywhere between twenty-six, to over forty hours and there was no way my constantly changing body could handle that many hours of travel.

  As previously ordered, I walked next door and knocked on Will and Justin’s door so they could take my luggage to my car for me. James followed me over because he knew I was leaving him anytime I brought out a suitcase. He proceeded to curl up underneath their coffee table and fall asleep.

  As they loaded the luggage into my car, I packed my iPod, my new Kindle that was loaded with e-books, and some snacks in the enormous purse that Sasha convinced me I needed for my trip. I chuckled as I remembered the last time I’d carried a ginormous purse. I’d accidently dumped its entire contents in Andy’s truck only to have everything fall all over his feet when he’d opened the door.

  The boys and I drove to my parents’ house in my car. As soon as we walked through the door, my nephew Jake ran over to feel my belly.

  “Hola, baby cousin!” he yelled at my stomach.

  I felt a twitch inside. “Jakey, I think she heard you.” The movements inside me were getting stronger and stronger every day. A twinge of guilt filled my heart because Andy should have been experiencing it right along with me.

  We greeted everyone as Jake and I worked our way through the house. As soon as I saw Heather, I begged her to let me hold Mya. She was almost four months old and absolutely gorgeous.

  I sat down on the edge of the couch with her and rocked her gently while she looked around the room. “Heather, can you take a picture of me with her and the boys?”

  “Of course,” she replied with a smile.

  Jake and Alex both crowded in on either side of me while Heather took the picture with my cell phone.

  Since I had made Andy the photo album for his birthday, I’d officially decided I was going to be taking pictures of everything and filling albums with them. On each page, I would fill out a postcard with a written memory, or one of my favorite song lyrics.

  The day I found out I was pregnant, I started a new album. I took a photo of myself every week of my pregnancy, so we could see the progression of my expanding waistline.

  I didn’t want Andy to miss anything. Even that.

  After Heather took baby Mya into a bedroom to feed her and put her down for a nap, I sat on the couch and put my feet up. I was tired from the last three days of packing and errands and my doctor’s appointment.

  I pulled out my cell phone and looked over the picture Heather snapped. Since it didn’t show my belly, I sent it to Andy, and told him how much the family missed him. Then I laid back to relax. Of course, I dozed off for a few minutes. Well, maybe longer than a few minutes. I woke to my dad shaking my shoulder lightly.

  “Baby girl, food’s ready,” he said quietly.

  I sat up and slipped my shoes back on as my phone pinged with a text from Andy.

  I can’t believe how much Mya has grown. And you, Zoey, I’ve never seen you looking more beautiful. You’re a wonderful aunt. Someday you’ll be a wonderful mum . . .

  The thought of him saying that broke my heart. God, if he only knew. I needed to tell him, soon. I sent him a text back.

  You
are going to be the most loving, wonderful father a little girl could ever ask for.

  He wouldn’t know the real significance of my words, but it was my way of telling him, without revealing the truth to him until I could in person.

  I knew he wouldn’t message me back afterward, and he didn’t. He was still hurting. I hoped by tomorrow night, everything would be out in the open. I put my phone away and sat down to eat with my family and friends. We talked about my trip and life in general while we ate.

  When it was time to leave for the airport, I checked my giant purse for my passport, the envelope from Michelle, my medical records, the photo album I was making, and DVD’s of my sonograms. Those five items were critical to my plan so I could not lose them. If I lost my luggage, I wouldn’t care because I would still have my purse containing everything that would bring Andy home.

  I had no idea what was in the envelope from Michelle. I knew that whatever it was, it would make sense to Andy, and it would hopefully give him some sort of closure to that part of his life.

  “Z, you alright back there?” Justin asked from the front seat as Will drove us to the airport.

  “Yeah, I’m good. I just can’t believe this day is finally here.”

  He smiled at me with empathy in his eyes. “I know this last month has been really hard for you, but it’s made you a true warrior.”

  He laughed as I stared at him like he was crazy.

  “A warrior, huh?” A smile formed at the corners of my mouth.

  “Make that a warrior queen,” he joked.

  From the driver’s seat, Will laughed. “Honey, there are three queens in this car tonight. Wait, why the fuck am I driving?” he joked. “Shouldn’t someone be driving us to the airport? Queens don’t drive. They have minions for that.”

  Justin and I went in to hysterics at that point. I finally caught my breath and wiped my happy tears away.

  “Can I be the only queen for a night? You guys can be my minions for a while. Just this once, I promise.”