Back Piece

by L. A. Witt

  While people biked, flew kites, and walked, Daniel and Colin strolled in silence for a little while, following the concrete path that wound around the “mountain” and the large pond.

  Colin had hoped the change of scenery might help him relax, and maybe he could work up the nerve to explain to Daniel what had kept him up last night. But now that he was here, the setting wasn’t helping. In fact, it was having the opposite effect.

  Whenever he was out with a man he was seeing, he couldn’t help bristling with jealousy at the sight of affectionate straight couples. They could get away with holding hands, kissing, leaning on each other. Some even pushed the envelope of public indecency, and everyone else just looked away.

  Colin and Daniel stayed a safe distance apart. Enough that anyone who saw them would just assume they were a couple of friends. He didn’t dare let their hands brush, or steal a kiss on the cheek, or even indulge in a lingering look. He’d heard that there were parks in some cities that had been allegedly overrun by amorous gay men, but he’d never quite reconciled that with his own reality. He’d have been too nervous about getting beaten up or arrested to even get an erection, never mind scarring passersby with a romp in the bushes.

  And of course, that was just the kind of stress he needed on top of worrying about the conversation they needed to have. It was the worst possible thing he could have underscoring his fear that if he met Daniel’s parents, the slightest hint of gayness would have Daniel dropping him like a piece of trash.

  We need to discuss this. Like now.

  The worry and irritation simmering under his skin weren’t going to go away, and if he didn’t get it out in the open, it was going to fester into something much worse.

  Finally, as the path started winding around the far end of the man-made lake, Colin cleared his throat. “Listen, there’s something we need to talk about.”

  Daniel tensed. Colin swore he could feel his heart dropping.

  “It’s about your parents . . .”

  Daniel glanced at him. “Yeah?”

  “I’m not sure about it. About meeting them.”

  “Okay. Then, you don’t have to.”

  Colin gnawed his lip. “But you want me to.”

  “But if you don’t want to, then say no.” Daniel stopped, and they faced each other. “You know, just like you’ve always told me.”

  Colin avoided his eyes.

  “What am I missing here?” Daniel asked. “Is this why you’ve been quiet since I got here?”

  “Yeah. It . . .” Colin looked out at the lake and sighed. “I’m not sure what to think about the whole thing, to be honest. I mean, you’re asking me to be around people who hate what we are enough to keep you closeted.”

  Daniel winced. “I know. And I’m sorry.” He blew out a breath. “But it’s actually why I asked, too.”

  Colin cocked his head. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, this is the first time I’ll be around them since I started actually living as a gay man. You know, being involved with another man.” He gulped like it took a ton of effort. “And maybe having that guy around them doesn’t make sense on paper, but I’d feel a hell of a lot better having someone there to remind me, just by being there, that who I am is okay.”

  “Jesus.” Colin breathed. “I . . . hadn’t even thought about that.”

  “I should’ve said something, I guess. Maybe it won’t.” Daniel hooked his thumbs in his belt loops and fixed his gaze on the lake Colin had been staring at a moment ago. “I’m just still trying to feel comfortable in my own skin, you know? Being out at work is great, but this is the first time in my life I’ve done more than look at a man.”

  Colin’s throat tightened. He fought the urge to reach for his arm, and wished like hell they’d had this conversation in private, just so he could put a gentle, reassuring hand on him.

  “And maybe it’ll help me work up the nerve to tell them eventually.” Daniel pushed his shoulders back and took a deep breath like he was steeling to tell them right here, right now. He turned to Colin. “The thing is, if they meet you as my friend, they’ll like you. I know they will. And, I don’t know, maybe I’m completely stupid for thinking this, but I really think if I come out by telling them I’m dating someone, it’ll be better. Like instead of them thinking I’m out there fucking every guy that moves, they’ll see that I’m in a relationship with someone . . . you know . . .”

  “Someone, what?”

  “Nice. Normal.” Daniel swallowed. “I guess I just think it’ll be easier to tell them I’m gay if I’m also saying, ‘Hey, remember that guy you met? He’s my boyfriend.’” He shook his head. “Which now sounds a lot stupider than it did in my brain.”

  “No, it’s not stupid. It’s . . . God, I can’t even imagine.”

  “Mostly, though,” Daniel said, “I want you there for my own sanity. So I can remember that someone exists who knows who I am and accepts me.” He stared at the ground. “But don’t say yes unless you’re really okay with it.”

  Holy shit. Colin wanted so badly to slip his hand into Daniel’s right then. “You know what? Forget I brought it up. I’ll meet them.”

  Daniel turned to him. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah. I don’t blame you at all for needing that kind of support.” He took a deep breath. “So, yeah. If you need me there, I will be.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely. If it’s to make you feel better and remind you you’re accepted, then yes. Definitely.”

  Little by little, Daniel relaxed, and he even smiled faintly. “Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

  “Don’t mention it.”

  Chapter 24

  Two days into his parents’ visit, Daniel was on edge.

  Every time he moved and his shirt—being fabric and flexible—shifted slightly, he panicked. He kept tugging at it, making sure it covered the gods drawn on his back and the long-healed bird on his chest. Though his tattoos had been an act of independence, they were suddenly a constant reminder of how independent he wasn’t yet. He was a grown man living away from home and pursuing a career, but just like a kid—like that sixteen-year-old closeted kid he sometimes thought he still was—he was worrying himself sick over what his parents would think if they found out.

  The tattoos and their phantom itching were only the tip of the iceberg. There was also the issue of Colin. Daniel was used to being distracted by thoughts of him when they weren’t together. What he wasn’t used to was being distracted by those thoughts with his parents around. All he had to do was have Colin on his brain when one of his parents looked his way, and he was nearly overcome with guilt and fear. He didn’t feel guilty about being gay or having a boyfriend. He did, however, feel guilty as hell about lying to them. And he was terrified they’d figure it out.

  As he showed his parents around Norfolk, drove them up to Virginia Beach, patiently wandered through touristy shop after touristy shop, his anxiety was at a constant, nearly unbearable level. He was used to a certain amount of that. Ever since he’d realized he was gay, it was normal to be anxious around them, as if he might accidentally drop a lingering glance on a good-looking man or unintentionally say “I’m gay” instead of “pass the potatoes.”

  Now, it was so much more intense. Being hypothetically gay was one thing. Being actively gay, being involved with a real-life, flesh-and-blood gay man, made it ten times worse in his mind. Like every move he made was somehow more incriminating, or he had I’ve been having sex with a man tattooed across his forehead.

  And it wasn’t helping that his parents hadn’t come alone—Daniel’s youngest sister, Christina, was with them. She was the last of the Moore siblings still living at home, and Daniel got the feeling she was grudgingly coming along. Or maybe she was just wearing the requisite I hate everyone and everything attitude that came with being a teenager.

  He and his sister weren’t close. He had nine years on her, and there were three other siblings between them. By the time she’d
been old enough to play with the other kids, he was in high school, and by the time she was a teenager, he was long since out of the house. They never had been chummy.

  In fact, none of his siblings were all that close. They never had been. Certainly not like Colin and Shane. None of them had fought all that much, but now that Daniel thought about it, they’d never had time. They’d all been so busy with school, doing every sport and extracurricular activity imaginable, and going to church every five minutes, they’d forgotten to be siblings along the way.

  It was a shame, now that he thought about it. As he wandered with his family through one of the more touristy shopping centers, he hated the fact that he and his sister were strangers.

  This was going to be a fun visit. Ten days of keeping everything about himself tucked securely up his sleeve while he escorted his parents and a bored stranger around town. Awesome.

  * * *

  The USS Wisconsin was an old battleship that was permanently moored in Norfolk and had been turned into a museum. Daniel had come here when he’d first moved to the area, and it was less boring than some of the other tourist traps, so he brought the family out on their third day.

  It was a much smaller ship than the one he lived aboard, that was for sure. He’d thought an aircraft carrier meant close quarters. This was like a floating box of claustrophobia.

  Even worse was being crammed into the passageways with his family. He wasn’t actually claustrophobic, but he was irrationally sure that the closer anyone got to him, the more likely they were to notice one of his tattoos through his shirt, even though he’d worn a black one on purpose. Or, worse, they’d inexplicably catch on to everything else he was hiding. Like they could smell the guilt and sin on him.

  Every time the tour led them into tight quarters, Daniel wanted to wriggle out of his skin. Just standing shoulder-to-shoulder with his folks while they read placards and took pictures, he felt like he was being literally squeezed for answers. Like he was one nudge away from, “Okay fine! I’m gay!”

  He shook himself. This was ridiculous.

  He shuddered as they stepped out of a passageway and onto the upper deck. Air, thank God. With an uncomfortable laugh, he said, “Man, this thing is tiny.”

  Dad chuckled. “Aren’t you glad you don’t have to live on a ship like this?”

  I need you to know I’m gay.

  God, it wasn’t any better out here, was it?

  Daniel forced another laugh. “At least a carrier’s got some elbow room.”

  “We get to see your ship, right?” Dad asked.

  I blew my boyfriend aboard that—

  “Of course.” Daniel gulped, and when he spoke, he concentrated on forming each word just to make sure his name is Colin didn’t sneak past his internal censor. “I was thinking we could go up there after we’re done here.”

  “Oh, that sounds like fun,” Mom said. “I’ve never been on an aircraft carrier.”

  “It’s not that exciting.” Daniel chuckled, gesturing at their surroundings. “Kind of like this, but bigger. And without the wooden decks.”

  “Still, it’s where you work.” She smiled. “We’d love to see it.”

  “So since you’re doing this whole Navy thing,” his sister said with a smirk, “when are you going to get a tattoo?”

  Daniel’s blood turned cold, but he didn’t have a chance to respond.

  “Christina,” Mom snapped. “Your brother is not getting a tattoo, and neither are you.”

  Christina just rolled her eyes.

  Daniel coughed to get enough air moving for another nervous chuckle. “Well, the Navy’s not real big on tattoos these days. So . . . none for me.” Of course that was a bald-faced lie. The Navy had actually changed their regs. He could have full sleeves if he wanted to now. But his parents didn’t need to know that.

  “Good.” Mom threw a scowl at Christina. “They’re ugly and unsanitary, and the Bible is very clear about them.”

  Christina rolled her eyes again, but said nothing.

  The tattoo subject was dropped, thank God, and the family continued their tour of the old ship. At least he had one thing to keep him sort of sane. In his pocket, he kept his hand on his phone so he could, at any available opportunity, check for his latest message from Colin. It was just benign banter, but it was like a lifeline for Daniel, reminding him he wasn’t condemned to this awkward tension forever.

  On the way to the parking lot after touring the ship, he checked his messages and sent a quick response.

  As he did, his mother elbowed him playfully. “You sure you’re not hiding a young lady friend from us, Daniel? You’ve been spending an awful lot of time on that phone.”

  “What? No!” Daniel laughed as he shoved the phone into his pocket. “Just some of the guys from the ship. I was letting them know we’re coming.”

  “Mmhmm.” She eyed him. “Is that why you’re blushing?”

  Son of a bitch.

  “Just some friends, Mom. I do have a few of those.”

  She didn’t push the issue, but he kept his phone close after that, refusing to take any chances with a family member glancing over his shoulder at the screen. It was ridiculous to even be worried about it, though. His conversations with Colin were perfectly benign. Even if his parents grabbed his phone, there was nothing incriminating unless they scrolled back a few pages.

  Got a few walk-ins today. If I do 1 more daisy . . .

  LOL Charge extra for flowers?

  Might have to.

  LOL

  So where are you taking the family now?

  Showing them around the ship next.

  Ooh, touring your own workplace. Exciting. ;)

  LOL I could bring them to yours.

  LOL! Your funeral.

  No kidding. OK, GTG, Text you later.

  * * *

  After a long day of checking out ships and tourist traps in Norfolk, the family returned to the Jet On Inn, the little motel where they were all staying. Daniel’s parents and sister stayed in one room while Daniel stayed in the one next door. He’d insisted on it when he’d made the reservations, claiming the other guys in his berthing complained about his snoring. Since Mom and Christina were light sleepers, they’d be miserable sharing a room with him.

  The truth was he was probably the quietest sleeper on the boat. On cruise, one of the guys had joked they needed to check on him once in a while to make sure he wasn’t dead.

  But he didn’t dare share a room with anyone right now. It would be just his luck he’d pick this week to start talking in his sleep, and he’d no doubt be moaning Colin’s name. Even if he stayed quiet, he was pretty sure he’d need a little alone time just to keep the tension at bay. He’d already had to jack off four times since he’d checked in three days ago. Which was crazy. He’d had to spend a few nights here and there apart from Colin, and he hadn’t been coming unglued like this. Though, to be fair, he’d known it would only be a few nights. This time was ten days. It wasn’t that he was spending tonight away from Colin—it was that he wouldn’t be spending a night with him for a week and a goddamned half. Plus he just needed a break. To catch his breath.

  Going to his own ship had been a fresh form of unexpected torture. From the moment they’d stepped out of the car in the parking lot across from the pier, Colin had been there. All the way to the ship, Daniel’s mind superimposed Colin beside him. Walking down the pier. Taking the brow up to the quarterdeck. On his heels as they crossed the hangar deck and followed the narrow maze of passages to Daniel’s shop.

  And in the shop—fuck.

  Introducing them to his coworkers hadn’t even been that bad. He’d warned every last one of them about mentioning that he was gay in front of his parents, and he trusted them anyway. As it was, his mom probably hadn’t been impressed by all their cursing and being crass like, well, sailors.

  But his coworkers hadn’t stressed him out as much as the shop itself. Especially when he’d taken them back to his workstation. Because
he’d done more than work back here.

  My boyfriend was here.

  Here. Right here. This is where we . . .

  Daniel shook himself. Now that he was alone and didn’t have to worry about someone glancing over his shoulder, all bets were off.

  Surprised I don’t have blue balls after all your texts.

  Tell me about it, Colin wrote back. I’m lucky I didn’t fuck up a tattoo.

  Sorry ;)

  Yeah, sure you are. You can make it up when you’re off leave.

  We’re going to break your bed.

  LOL I need a new bed anyway.

  Daniel laughed. We’ll have to break in the new one too.

  Oh we so will. I can’t wait.

  Daniel was about to respond, but a second message came through: Your parents know you’re sexting me while they’re in the room?

  Daniel grinned to himself as he wrote back: They’re in the next room.

  Almost immediately, Colin responded, ORLY?

  Yeah, they’re . . .

  Daniel froze, thumbs hovering above the keys. He read and reread that four-letter response. Did he mean . . . ? And did Daniel dare . . . ?

  Spine tingling with nerves and excitement, he wrote back: So if I suggested joining me tonight?

  In seconds, the response came through: Say the word. Can be there in 20.

  Daniel’s spine tingled. His fingers barely cooperated, but he managed to type out: Yes please.

  Voices in the other room made his stomach flip. The walls weren’t all that thick. He could hear the show his parents were watching.

  Was this a good idea?

  Hell, maybe it wasn’t. But he wasn’t about to call it off, so he just wrote: We can’t make a sound.

  No problem—I can stay quiet if you can. ;)

  Daniel shivered. Stay quiet? With Colin? That was asking a hell of a lot, but staying apart for one more night was asking a hell of a lot more, so he wrote back: Bring it.