The Promise of Rainbows

by Ava Miles

  “You have no idea,” he ground out. “I used to throw up before I went on stage, at break, and when I walked off. The crowd noise was pure torture at first, notwithstanding the crush of people. It was…” A shudder ran through his frame.

  “And yet you do it all the time now,” she said, trying to encourage him.

  “I still have a recurring nightmare, Susannah. A horrible one. One that makes me throw up. One that makes me keep the lights on at night.”

  Her chest tightened from that revelation. What must it be like for a grown man, a military man, to admit to having to keep the lights on after a nightmare?

  “You haven’t asked me out because of all this,” she concluded. “Am I right?”

  “I promised myself I wouldn’t drag you down. My daddy and my brother have PTSD, but they won’t get help. I’ve seen the toll it takes on a family.”

  She was starting to see the light now. He’d been exposed to PTSD as a child, and now he’d experienced it personally. “But you have been getting help. You’re different than they are.”

  “Sometimes I wonder about that,” he admitted in a harsh tone. “Susannah, I don’t want to hurt you with all this. I’m broken.”

  “Stop saying that. I care about you.” She ran her hands up and down his arms. “Don’t turn away from me. What’s between us…when you first held my hand…”

  “I felt it too,” he admitted, his eyes narrowing. “From the start. But that doesn’t mean I’m good for you.”

  “You are good for me, Jake.” She knew it in her soul.

  He waved a hand at himself. “Not like this.”

  His heels were digging into the ground again. “Does my mama feel it’s okay for you to date me?”

  For a moment, the kitchen was completely silent save for the ticking of the retro wall clock he’d selected last week on one of their shopping sprees. She waited for him to answer, praying he would.

  “She did before today,” he finally said.

  Susannah took a deep breath. “Would you call her right now to see if she’ll meet with you tomorrow? I…don’t want to meddle…but I think it would be a good idea.”

  “I’ll call her in the morning. It’s late. She’s not in the office.”

  Since he didn’t argue about making the call, she knew today’s attack had scared him. “I have her cell.”

  “Okay,” he said with a sigh. “She gave me her cell number at Rye’s house, but I don’t like bothering her after office hours.”

  “My mama doesn’t keep office hours, she’s fond of saying. When people need her, she’s there for them.”

  Digging out his phone, he made the call. He gave a brief and apologetic greeting and then launched into a quick version of what had happened earlier. “I’m with your daughter,” he added. Then he said, “Yes, ma’am” about four times, and a short while later he ended the call.

  “I’m seeing Louisa at eight in the morning.” He set his phone on the table and pushed it away.

  “Good.” Mama had moved her prayer breakfast back just like Susannah had thought she would. “When you meet with her, I want you to ask her if she still thinks you should go out with me. Will you abide by her wisdom?”

  “I don’t know if it’s wisdom or folly,” he muttered.

  “Jake.”

  His mouth tightened. “All right. I’ll ask her, but there are some things you don’t know.”

  Her belly quivered in fear. There was no doubt he had many secrets, ones she probably didn’t want to hear. But if he wanted to share them, she would listen. “Does my mama know them?”

  “Some of them,” he admitted after a time. “Not all.”

  “Then you tell her what she needs to know, and you tell me what you think I need to know. I trust you both.”

  “You shouldn’t place yourself in my hands,” he said, looking away from her.

  “You should trust yourself more,” she said softly. “I do.”

  “That’s a mistake.” He exhaled sharply. “PTSD strips away all the trust you ever had in yourself and then some. It’s like…”

  When he broke off, she caressed his face. “It’s like what?”

  “It’s like I become a different person,” he admitted harshly. “Someone I hate being, and I can’t make him go away.”

  She’d seen shades of it today, from the man who’d closed down emotionally to the one too paralyzed to change lanes on the highway. “That’s not your fault.”

  “And yet it puts you at risk. You and anyone else close to me.”

  “That’s crap,” she said boldly. “Have you ever, in all your time of dealing with your PTSD, thought of hitting another person? Be honest with me. I think we’re past the point of telling tales.”

  He sighed. “Not a woman. My shrinks called me one of the protective types. I want to defend the people I care about more than I want to lash out at them. When I first got out, I had the urge to hit a guy for talking smack to a girl I was seeing. But I didn’t.”

  “Then I don’t see why you should be worried,” she said calmly. “I’m not.”

  “You don’t know…”

  “Jake, I’m not scared of you.” And she meant every word.

  He gently set her down on the opposite chair and stood. “Well, I’m scared enough of the other Jake for both of us.”

  She was silent for a moment, and so was he. Now that he had an appointment with her mama, she could leave. But there was no way she was going to do that just yet.

  “You don’t have to babysit me,” he all but growled.

  She decided to ignore that. “How about we order in and watch a movie? It’s suppertime.”

  “I’m not hungry.” His mouth flattened. “You should go home.”

  She decided to try another tactic. “Didn’t we just have our first kiss? You’d think you could buy me dinner and watch a movie with me.”

  Part of her was surprised at herself. Where was she getting all this boldness?

  “This is the worst first date on the planet.” His dramatic eye roll punctuated his feelings on the matter.

  “So there’s room for improvement.”

  He pointed his finger at her. “I need to do some thinking after today—independent of what your mama thinks about us dating. It’s been…intense.”

  “That’s a good idea.” Intense seemed a tame word if you asked her. “What would you like to order?” she asked, standing up.

  “Are you really hungry?” he asked, scanning her face.

  She didn’t think she could force down a bite, but maybe if she ordered something, he would eat. That would be a step in the right direction, wouldn’t it? “I could eat. How about BBQ?”

  “Fine,” he said without enthusiasm.

  She extended her hand to him, and he took it after a few moments, making her breathe a sigh of relief.

  “Are you planning on holding my hand for the rest of the evening?”

  “You can bet on it,” she answered, making herself smile.

  Chapter 15

  When Mama called at eight o’clock at night and said, “Text your sister, Susannah, and tell her that you’re praying for her,” Shelby listened. Those words meant it was time for their family to circle the wagons around one of their own.

  Of course, Mama didn’t give one teeny weensy hint about what she knew, but Shelby expected it had to be something with Jake. What in the world was going on?

  She immediately texted Susannah. And then she stewed. Had Mama called anyone else? She wished she’d thought to ask.

  Worry wedged under her breastbone as she fiddled with the papers on her office desk. She’d worked late after a long business lunch with Gail, who seemed to be doing better. She’d brandished her rust-colored pill bottle of Lipitor in one of Nashville’s finest restaurant and announced rather loudly she was taking care of her cholesterol. Since Gail was a well-known figure in Nashville, plenty of people had taken notice, and she’d left with a pleased smile on her face.

  Her fiddling didn�
�t help much. Most days it looked like a tornado had blown across her desk. Shelby liked it that way. Her numbers were all around her—like they were swirling inside her head. Sometimes she felt like she could dance with them, she saw them so clearly.

  Of course she’d never told another soul about that. It would make her sound as loony as Lavender May, their old neighbor growing up who liked to wear real bird nests in her Sunday church hats because she said, “Jesus liked him some birds.” Personally Shelby thought the woman was taking Matthew 6:26, the Bible verse about God caring for the birds, way too far.

  Tidying the mess gave her something to do as she watched the clock. She was closer to Susannah’s townhouse from her office, so if she didn’t hear from her sister in twenty minutes, she could head over. She was mostly finished anyway.

  But tidying her desk got old real fast, so Shelby’s thoughts turned to the one that had been pressing on her heart and mind. Since her conversation with Gail in her office, Shelby hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her daddy’s medical history. For all she knew, she was a ticking time bomb like Gail had been before her diagnosis.

  During lunch with Gail, Shelby had asked for the woman’s opinion on her using a private investigator since it had been her idea. Gail had immediately recommended Vander Montgomery, assuring Shelby he was the best P.I. in the city and easy on the eyes to boot. She’d used him on more than one occasion, but refrained from explaining why beyond the issue with her ex. It had been hard not to press her out of curiosity. Gail could be mysterious sometimes.

  After clicking on Vander’s website link, Shelby had to admit Gail was right about him being dreamy. Good Lord, with a name and a face like that, he could play a starring role in a TV show. He didn’t sport a mustache like Magnum P.I., thank God, but he had the same thick, dark curly hair. His eyes were a shade between green and blue. She’d call them aqua if she had to pick, rather like the Caribbean waters in all those vacation ads. His lips were full. Yum. But he didn’t smile. In fact, he was downright serious.

  She remembered she was supposed to be fussing about Susannah and immediately felt guilty.

  Then she saw one of his endorsements was from the now-mayor of their fine city. Another was from Donald Blanders, the CEO of Giant Inc., whom she respected. No wonder Gail used him. Vander wasn’t just a pretty face. Not that Gail would hire a moron.

  She wasn’t ready to hire him today, so she clicked off his website, rubbing the tightness in her chest with her free hand. This would be a big step, and she wanted a little more time to make sure it was in the right direction.

  She jumped when her phone rang. Snatching it up, she saw that it was Sadie.

  “Hey, girl,” she answered.

  “Did Mama call you?” her sister asked, her voice full of intrigue.

  “You mean about prayer texting Susannah?”

  “Yes. Goodness, it gave me a fright, having Mama call me like that. She hasn’t used the Sibling Hotline for a while now.”

  “No,” she said. The last time it had been used was after someone broke into Rye’s house while Tammy and the kids were staying there.

  “I’m driving over to her place now,” Sadie said. “I left my date early. Not that it was much of a date.”

  She could ask her sister about the guy she’d seen later. “It has to be about Jake, don’t you think?”

  “I used my phone to search for news on him while my date took care of the bill. Nothing popped up, but I found a few tweets about him having lunch and going antique shopping in Sweetwater today. Susannah must have gone with him, right?”

  Who needed to hire a P.I. when there was Sadie? “I expect she would.”

  “I also found some pics on Instagram, and Jake didn’t look himself. I mean, he was smiling in some, but he looked downright weird in a few of them if you ask me.”

  Had something happened on the trip? “Sweetwater’s pretty far away,” Shelby said, tapping her foot. “Susannah didn’t tell me they were taking a road trip. You don’t think they were in a car accident, do you?”

  “No, Mama would have told us that,” her sister immediately assured her. “Do you think Mama called J.P?”

  “Let’s find out.” She dialed her brother on her office phone and put both siblings on speaker.

  “Hey, Shelby,” he said, picking up on the first ring. “Do you know something about Susannah?”

  “So Mama called you too? Sadie is on my other line, by the way, listening.”

  “Hey, J.P.,” Sadie said. “I’m more than a little worried here.”

  “Me too,” her brother said, his voice heavy with concern. “I texted Susannah. And then I texted Jake to see if he knew anything. Neither of them responded.”

  Right. J.P. would have Jake’s cell number since they worked together. “I bet it involves Jake. Mama doesn’t cause alarm for nothing. What did she tell you?”

  “To text Susannah and to ask Tammy and the kids to send up some extra prayers,” he told them.

  Goodness. “Sadie, tell him where they went today.”

  She fiddled with a pen while her sister recounted what she’d discovered on social media. Why hadn’t she thought to look there herself?

  When Sadie finished, her brother said, “Do you think we should swing by her house?”

  “I’m turning onto her street now,” Sadie said. “Her car isn’t here, and the lights are out.”

  “J.P. Do you want to swing by Jake’s house?” Shelby suggested, worry racing through her now. “Maybe she’s there.”

  “I thought about it,” he said, “but I wanted to call y’all first to see what you were thinking. I had a hunch Mama must have called you too. I’m not sure I should go over to Jake’s if Susannah’s there. Whatever happened…well, they might need to be together uninterrupted.”

  If she hadn’t been so worried, Shelby would have fanned herself. Together. Uninterrupted. Two words guaranteed to inflame a girl’s sensibilities. Heavens to Betsy, but Mama wouldn’t text them about prayers if they were together in that sense. Mama frowned on that sort of thing before marriage.

  “But what if she’s not with him?” Shelby asked, playing devil’s advocate.

  “Then she’ll text us when she can,” J.P. said calmly.

  “I don’t like waiting, especially if she’s in trouble,” Sadie said. “Plus I texted and called her.”

  Sadie could be such a stalker. “How many did you leave?”

  “Three voicemails and five texts. I even used Philippians 4:13.”

  Shelby gasped. “Not Philippians 4:13.” You didn’t bring out I can do all things through Him who strengthens me unless it was an emergency. “We need to find her stat.”

  “Now, y’all settle down,” J.P. said in his sister-soother voice. “No need to get riled up when we don’t know what’s going on.”

  Sometimes she hated how he was the sole voice of reason. “J.P., I know you mean well, but Mama riled me up something fierce. Do you really expect me to simply kick up my heels and wait for Susannah to get back to me?”

  “Yeah,” Sadie shot out in solidarity. “Do you?”

  He sighed on the line. “I’ll meet you in front of the road to Jake’s house. We can walk down the lane until we can see his driveway. That way we won’t interrupt them if they want to be alone together.”

  “You want us to walk down his lane in the dark?” Sadie asked. “It’s winter. J.P., you must be plumb crazy.”

  “If we drive all the way to the front of his house and she’s not there, what do you plan to tell him when he sees us? Because I can guarantee you that he’ll hear a car approaching. It’s one of the benefits of living in the country.”

  “Maybe you can tell him we were going for some ice cream and wanted to see if he’d like to join us,” Shelby suggested.

  “Didn’t I just say it’s winter, Shelby?” Sadie said with a tsk. “It’s too cold to eat ice cream.”

  Sadie could be so literal sometimes. “Fine. We’re going for a drink. Good heav
ens, Sadie, it doesn’t need to be as serious as the writing of The Declaration Of Independence. Stop overthinking things.”

  “Stop being ugly to me,” her sister fired back.

  “Girls,” J.P. said. “I’m not going anywhere near Jake’s property if you don’t stop your squabbling.”

  Squabbling, huh? Shelby crossed her arms, but she did take a few deep breaths to calm herself. Sadie could work her up something fierce.

  “I’m going to call Jake again,” J.P. said, “and if he doesn’t answer, I’ll swing by his house and see if Susannah is there. I’ll call you and tell you what I find out.”

  “You mean you’re going without us?” Sadie asked.

  “I live two miles away from the guy,” J.P. said, his tone as aggrieved as it ever got.

  “But she’s our sister too,” Shelby said, proud of the pouty voice she was able to roll out on command.

  “All right,” he said with a sigh. “I know when not to argue with y’all. I’ll wait for you by the road to his house—like I said. But if this turns into a spectacle, and we embarrass Jake, I’m going to hold you both personally responsible.”

  “I’ll text you when I reach Dare River,” Shelby said, eying the clock on her computer. “I’m leaving the office now. Be there in thirty.”

  “I’ll be there in twenty,” Sadie added.

  “Wonderful. I’ll see you then.” He paused. “Don’t worry about the security alarm guarding his property. I’m sure he only turns on the system when he goes to bed.”

  He’d dropped the call before Shelby could sputter, “His alarm?”

  “You don’t think we could go to jail for this, do you?” Sadie asked, ever the fraidy cat.

  “Only if we’re caught,” Shelby said to get her goose. “All the better to let J.P. do the driving. I think Jake’s warming to us, but trespassing on his property might officially put us in the stalker category if we’re caught. See you soon, Sadie.”

  “You too,” her sister said and hung up.

  Shelby grabbed her purse, her phone, and a couple of files she planned to bring with her. She all but ran to her car. No one was in the office to see. Goodness, she was out of breath. By the time she reached her new convertible she was huffing and puffing like a dragon with emphysema.