The Promise of Rainbows

by Ava Miles

His lungs seemed to deflate in his chest. “The rational part of me wants to agree with you, but Susannah doesn’t deserve the problems I’d bring to our relationship.”

  J.P. rested his elbow on the table, thinking for a spell, and then said, “Do you think Tammy deserves to be with me even though she’s still healing from what happened to her?”

  He hung his head. The hole he’d dug himself was big enough for a dinosaur. “Of course she deserves it.”

  “Then why don’t you?” J.P. asked, watching him closely.

  “Tammy was a victim of what happened to her.” Jake’s throat burned. “I wasn’t a victim. I killed people, and when it mattered the most, I let my best friend down.”

  “When you wrote ‘Man Down’ with me, I wondered who you had lost. I knew it had been someone close to you even though you wouldn’t talk about it.” J.P. rested both forearms on the table. “You killed people because it was your job, Jake. I can’t even imagine what that would be like, but if I had to kill someone to protect my own, I would do it and live with it. Not that I wouldn’t be sorry and pray for forgiveness and hope it never happened again.”

  J.P.’s matter-of-fact attitude was oddly soothing. It had been his job, one he’d signed up for. And the man was right. If he had to defend someone he loved or cared about, he wouldn’t hesitate to do it.

  Something clicked inside him.

  “As for your friend…you didn’t kill him,” J.P. said, “and from everything I know about you, I’d bet anything that if you could have saved him, you would have. Right?”

  His throat grew thick with emotion. “Yeah.”

  “Then are you going to punish yourself for the rest of your life because you weren’t God?”

  “You sound like your mama,” Jake said, shifting in his chair again and drinking some water to wet his dry mouth.

  “Thank you,” J.P. answered, his mouth tipping up at the corners. “There are times when I’ve wanted to be God. Especially with Tammy and the kids. But I don’t want to be God full-time, and I’m pretty sure it’s a full-time job.”

  “If it’s a full-time job, where was God when I asked him to save Booker? Or my other friends?” He still couldn’t make peace with that.

  J.P. rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “That’s not easy for me to answer. Some of my prayers haven’t been answered; some of them have. I don’t always understand God’s rationale. Again, I’m not God, and last time I checked, neither are you.”

  Jake found himself fighting a smile too, and wasn’t that a miracle all its own? “You make it sound so easy,” Jake said, and he meant that as a compliment. “You’re not a Pollyanna, but you’re not sugarcoating it either.”

  “I know none of this is easy.” J.P. gave a heart-felt sigh. “Some things reach inside and rip out your heart. Plenty of prayers are never answered. It doesn’t mean God doesn’t care. I believe that.”

  And from his sincerity, Jake knew he meant it.

  “Where there’s love,” he continued, “there’s grace. And that’s when the miracles come. Some prayers are answered, Jake. Sometimes a miracle shows up without us even asking. Maybe Susannah is your miracle. Maybe she’s God’s way of restoring your faith in Him and in His mysterious order of things. Maybe she’s God’s way of showing you that He loves you—despite all you think you’ve done not to deserve that love.”

  He broke out in gooseflesh as his friend’s words washed over him. “You humble me.”

  J.P. shook his head. “No, bubba. I’m only telling you the truth.”

  Silence descended. Jake’s mind was reeling from their talk. Could it be that Susannah was his miracle? Could she help him break through this pain and love him through it? “It’s a lot to put on someone.”

  “Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not Tammy’s savior. I love her—totally and completely—for all that she is. Perhaps I’ve helped her remember she’s lovable and strong and sexy. But she did the healing all by herself, and she’s still doing it. She took the risk to love me and be with me. The question for you, my friend, is whether you’re willing to do the same with Susannah?”

  His temples were pounding now. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

  J.P. rose and slapped him on the back like a brother might. “I suggest getting some shut-eye first and then rising with the dawn. Things always look different at sunrise. If my friend Rhett Butler Blaylock were here, he might even say, ‘After all, tomorrow is another day.’”

  Jake sputtered out a laugh. He’d met Rhett on occasion. The man should have his own reality TV show called Southern Eccentrics. “I hate that movie.”

  “Don’t breathe a word about that around my sisters,” J.P. said, giving a pretend shudder. “Gone With The Wind is up there with Steel Magnolias.”

  “Good Lord,” Jake said, standing as well.

  “Do you want me to bunk here tonight?” J.P. asked. “There’s no shame if you need a friend. We all do sometimes, and I know you’d be there for me.”

  “No, I think you’re right. I need a shower and some shut-eye. Your mama’s agreed to meet with me in the morning.”

  J.P. put his hand on his shoulder. “You’re a good man, Jake. I wouldn’t let just any man be with Susannah. In fact, I can’t think of anyone better. She’s got good judgment. You can trust that if you find yourself doubting your own.”

  More humbling words to cap off the night. “Thank you, J.P.”

  “You’re welcome, bubba. Get some rest. I’ll give you a call tomorrow.”

  His friend headed out. Jake was too tired to follow him. He sank down at the table again and rested his head on his forearms.

  Was J.P. right? Was Susannah his miracle?

  Remembering that first sweet caress of her lips over his after he’d poured his guts out to her, it was hard to believe otherwise.

  Chapter 17

  Susannah had just parked in the driveway of her townhouse when she spotted Shelby and Sadie hurrying toward the car. Both of them drove faster than they should, but tonight she didn’t mind. She exited her vehicle and closed the door, waiting for the double embrace she knew was coming. Sadie smelled like butterscotch from her favorite lotion, and Shelby had on her signature Jo Malone Peony & Blush Suede. She inhaled deeply, hoping her aching heart would ease.

  “Come on, Susannah,” Shelby told her. “Let’s get you some tea. Then you can tell us what happened.”

  Sadie grabbed her purse and rummaged for her keys while Shelby took hold of her hand. She wanted to call her mama, but she didn’t want to influence her mama’s assessment of Jake tomorrow. His needs were more important than hers right now, and besides, she had her sisters.

  Her body was so tired from the strain of the day, she slumped onto the couch as soon as her sisters led her inside. Forcing herself to lean forward, she pried off her boots and then kicked her feet up on the coffee table, stretching her toes.

  Shelby and Sadie cast a worried look at her. She tried to smile to allay their concerns.

  “Have you eaten anything?” Sadie asked.

  “I ordered BBQ in the hopes that Jake would eat,” Susannah said, pressing a hand to her tummy, “but neither of us could choke much down.”

  “How about I make you some toast? Jam or honey?” Sadie asked with steel in her voice. “It always makes you feel better.”

  Since the women in her family always fed people in crisis, she didn’t waste the energy arguing. “Honey.”

  “All right,’ Sadie said, nodding. “I’ll get that while Shelby makes the tea. Do you want to come into the kitchen with us so we can keep you company?”

  She almost laughed. When they were little kids, they hadn’t liked to go into another room without each other. “It’s only a few yards away.”

  Sadie worried her lip. “I can wait with you.”

  Shelby took her elbow. “The longer we spend dithering, the longer this tea and toast is going to take. Hustle it, Sadie. Holler if you need us, Susannah.”

  Left alone with her thoughts—w
ell, out of earshot at least—she closed her eyes. The full weight of her hurt welled up in her heart, and she knew why it was so strong.

  She’d fallen in love with Jake.

  After all these years, she’d finally found someone she loved, someone she’d do anything for. And he was hurting. So much so, she didn’t know if she could help him. But she’d be there just the same and do what she could. Surely her presence had soothed him today. What might have happened on the highway if she hadn’t been with him? A couple of tears spilled down her cheeks despite herself.

  “Hey now,” Shelby said, her voice much more subdued than usual.

  Susannah jumped a mile. “Good heavens! You could have told me you were in the room.” In fact, her sister was standing right over her.

  “I set the water to boil and came back out to check on you,” Shelby said, sitting beside her. “I’m glad Mama called us to pray for you.”

  Yeah, Mama must have known she needed them. “Me too. Oh, Shel.”

  Her sister cuddled close. “It’s okay, Suse,” she said, using her nickname. “We’re here for you.”

  The warmth of Shelby’s embrace soothed her heart some. Whenever one of the McGuiness children had a bad day at school growing up, Mama would always ask everyone to hug that person. Her motto was that hugs made everything feel a little better. Susannah hadn’t needed a hug like that in so long, but she welcomed it like a child welcomed her favorite teddy bear.

  The teakettle whistle sounded, and she patted Shelby on the back after giving her a good squeeze.

  “Go see to the tea,” she said and then wiped her face. Heavens, if she had a trace of makeup on, she’d be astonished. Not that a little thing like makeup mattered in a crisis, but she was Southern enough to want to look her best at all times.

  “I’ve got everything,” Sadie announced from the doorway, carefully balancing a tray with a piece of toast, her red and gold flowered teapot, three mugs, a jar of Mrs. Janice’s local honey, and a spoon.

  Shelby cleared a spot on the coffee table while Sadie extended the plate to her.

  “Eat,” she ordered. “You look like a gust of wind could blow you over.”

  Her sisters shared another concerned look as she ate. Shelby left to retrieve some napkins and dropped one in her lap. The honey was sweet on her tongue—a comfort—and the toast warm and buttery. She closed her eyes and simply chewed.

  She heard the rattle of the teapot, and soon a mug of tea was pressed in her hand. When she opened her eyes, her sisters were sitting on the floor between the couch and the coffee table. Both were touching her, which she appreciated.

  When she finished her toast and drank as much tea as she could, she patted the sofa on either side of her. They jumped up and cuddled close after setting their own mugs aside.

  “Okay,” Sadie said in her practical voice. “Start from the beginning.”

  Recounting the day’s events wasn’t easy. A few of the words stuck in her craw, and she had to clear her throat to continue. By the end, tears were spilling down all their faces, and her sisters were clenching both her hands something fierce.

  “You love him, don’t you?” Shelby asked, studying her face.

  She nodded and released a pent-up breath. “I even kissed him today. It seemed…the right thing to do.”

  Sadie’s mouth dropped open, and Shelby gave her a stern glance.

  “Then it’s official,” Shelby declared. “You’ve decided to be with him through all this.”

  They all knew Susannah didn’t kiss men lightly. Maybe she was old-fashioned, but she saw it as a kind of commitment. If she liked a man enough to kiss him, then she thought he was good enough for her in the long run. Which was why she hadn’t kissed a lot of men…

  “Do you think Mama will give her blessing about y’all dating after today?” Sadie asked, shaking her brown hair free like Susannah’s recitation had given her a tension headache.

  “I don’t know,” Susannah said honestly, once again feeling the temptation to call her mama. This time she wanted answers more than comfort.

  “I bet she’ll agree,” Shelby said. “You know how she always says connection is the source of healing.”

  “Well, you’ll see tomorrow, won’t you?” Sadie declared, squeezing her hand. “In the meantime, I think you did the best you could under the circumstances. I have to admit that I’ve always been a fan of Jake’s because of his music and well…the whole package.”

  “Sadie!” Shelby gasped.

  “I didn’t mean that package,” Sadie chided. “Good Lord, whose mind is in the gutter?”

  Susannah felt her lips twitch. It felt good to hear them bicker like this; it felt normal.

  “What I meant was…” she continued, giving Shelby the stink eye. “Now that I know about everything he’s been through, I’m in awe of him. I would never have imagined he was that tortured.”

  “Me either,” Shelby said, shaking her head. “He’s lucky to have you, Susannah. There are so many horrible leeches out there looking to be a country music star’s baby mama.”

  She winced. She hadn’t thought of that, not that Jake would be interested in a woman of that ilk.

  “Susannah,” Shelby continued in a softer tone. “I know you love Jake, but as your sister I have to point out that ever since you were in high school, you told us you wanted to be with a man who was stable and dependable. Someone who wouldn’t…”

  Sadie gave an audible sigh. “Leave you. Like Daddy left all of us.”

  Tension built at the back of her neck. “I know what I said.” Heck, she’d all but vowed it.

  “I’m only saying this so you can be sure,” Shelby said, her brow knit with concern. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  Sadie nodded in agreement. “We like Jake, but we love you. You’re our sister. We’ll always put you first. Mama can help Jake apart from that if necessary.”

  Hadn’t she considered much of what they were saying to her in the car on the way home? “He’s a good man, and these troubles…he’ll overcome them. I know he will. And I do love him, enough to be there for him.”

  “What about waiting a while?” Shelby asked. “I’m only playing devil’s advocate.”

  No one played devil’s advocate quite like Shelby. “I don’t think waiting is the answer. Besides, he said our connection isn’t a common occurrence for him either.”

  “But it shook him,” Shelby said, “if today’s events are any indication. He felt he had to protect you.”

  “It made him want me to leave,” she said, remembering how much that had hurt. “I was afraid he might leave if I didn’t.”

  “Maybe Daddy had PTSD,” Sadie said suddenly, making everyone’s head swivel to look at her.

  “What in the world are you spouting off about?” Susannah found herself saying. “Daddy wasn’t in a war, and he didn’t have PTSD. I would remember.”

  “Don’t be ugly to me just because he left when I was in diapers,” Sadie said, her mouth tight now. “Why can’t I tell myself that? It’s a better story.”

  “Sadie? Do you think about Daddy leaving us a lot?” Shelby asked softly, a contrast to the intensity radiating from her eyes.

  Their youngest sister nodded and hung her head. “I just want to know why sometimes or what happened to him. That’s all. I don’t…remember him.”

  “I don’t either,” Shelby said, fiddling with the couch’s upholstery. “I was only two when he left.”

  How they had gotten to talking about Daddy, Susannah would never know. “Thinking about it doesn’t change what happened. You know what Mama always says—”

  “Yes, but there are things we deserve to know,” Shelby interrupted. “Important things. Things like…”

  There was a passion in her voice, one Susannah hadn’t heard before.

  “Things like his medical history and that of his family,” Shelby continued. “Gail recently discovered she has a familial disorder, and it got me to thinking. I don’t know anything about
daddy’s family’s medical history. What if we have genetic things in our bodies that we don’t even know about, ones that could be prevented beforehand?”

  “Oh, my God, Shelby,” Sadie cried out. “I never thought about that. Not once. Poor Gail. How is she?”

  Susannah shared her concern. Gail was a wonderful woman if not a tad eccentric.

  “She’s on medication,” Shelby said, “but she’s angry she didn’t know about her family’s medical history. She outright suggested I find out for my own health—and that goes for all of us.”

  Susannah didn’t like the sound of where this was going. Her sisters had always been more curious about their daddy than Susannah felt was healthy for them. She wasn’t sure she ever wanted to see him again because the hurt of him leaving had so weighed on her.

  “Well, you can’t ask Mama for it,” Sadie said with a pronounced frown. “I’ve tried. She won’t say a thing about his family.”

  “You tried?” Shelby asked, her hand loosening from Susannah’s. “When?”

  “I asked in high school when we had a class genealogy assignment. I had to make a family tree.” She made a few squiggly motions in the air. “That was pretty much my tree. It was worse than the one in Charlie Brown’s Christmas.”

  They were getting riled up, and for no good reason. “Well, you’ll just have to trust that your health is good and that God and modern medicine will take care of anything that might come your way.”

  Shelby cast her eyes down, and Sadie’s face had fallen.

  Susannah felt a different hurt rise, the kind that always came when she thought about Daddy’s abandonment. “The reasons Daddy left us were his own, and Mama always said speculating about them wouldn’t change anything. They had nothing to do with us.”

  But even she wondered if that were true. Had the weight of raising and supporting four children been too much for him? Or were there other factors they didn’t know about?

  “It still sucks,” Sadie whispered.

  “Yes, it certainly does,” Shelby said slowly. “I’ve…ah…been thinking of hiring a private investigator to see what…he might find out. Gail thought it was a good idea.”