Fuzzy Logic

by Susan C. Daffron

  Jill looked unconvinced, but bent down to give Rosa a farewell pat. “I think Rosa’s ready. Have a good evening.”

  “Thanks Jill. I owe you one.”

  Jan loaded Rosa into the car and drove out Forest Avenue to her house. Her little yellow cottage came into view and Steve’s car was parked out front. Jan took her foot off the accelerator and let her car coast to a stop next to the curb. She wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. Rosa poked her nose up from the backseat. The car was stopped, but they weren’t getting out. The dog stood up on the backseat and wagged her tail. Jan could see her in the rearview mirror staring out the window toward the house. “Hi Rosa. Sorry for the delay. I need to think for a second.” What was she going to say to him?

  Rosa jumped down to the floor of the backseat and put her front paws up on the center console. She looked up at Jan and licked her hand. Jan stroked the dog’s head. “Thanks for the support, sweetie. I’m trying to get it together.” Talking to Steve right now was not what she’d had in mind. Normally in a situation like this, she’d try to escape somewhere. Probably to the library. But there was no way she was running away from her own house. She had to face him.

  Jan straightened in her seat and put the car into gear. She was going to have to deal with Steve sooner or later. Apparently, he had found time in his busy schedule to drive up here, so she may as well get it over with now. After parking her car in the driveway, she got out, clipped the leash on Rosa, and walked to Steve’s car. He had told her at least 10,000 times that the IROC-Z was the best Camaro ever made. Jan had been allowed to drive the car exactly once, and she wasn’t impressed. The handling was sloppy on the winding road she’d driven it on. Of course, she hadn’t volunteered that information to Steve, since he loved that car more than life itself and had special-ordered it from the factory.

  Steve was fiddling with the complicated controls on the radio in the car. He glanced up and when he saw Jan, he rolled down the window. “Hey babe. I just stopped by to say hi to Rosa and see if you’re okay.”

  “I’m fine. So is Rosa. But she isn’t going to have to buy ten gallons of makeup to cover up the fact that her fiancé smacked her at her place of employment.”

  Steve’s eyes widened and he moved to get out the car. “Hey, I didn’t do that on purpose. I was trying to belt the pretty boy. He said he saw you naked.”

  As the anger welled up in her, Jan tried not to shout. “When I was EIGHT!”

  “What?”

  “I told you. Michael lived next door to me when I was little. He was trying to make you angry. He taunted you and you fell for it. Maybe we should talk about this inside. I’d really rather not have the entire neighborhood hear our business.”

  Steve shrugged his shoulders and locked up his car. “You were eight?”

  Jan walked to the house and opened the front door. Rosa rushed inside and flopped down on her dog bed, and Jan turned to face Steve. “Yes. I was eight. It was laundry day. But I’d really rather not go into it.”

  “Whatever,” Steve said as he sat down on the sofa. “I thought you were cheating on me.” He patted the sofa next to him and said, “Hey Rosa, you wanna sit next to me?”

  Rosa looked up from her dog bed and appeared to ponder the option, but stayed put.

  “Hey, how come Rosa doesn’t like me anymore? Come on, Rosa. We always hang out on the sofa.”

  Jan put her bag on the table. “Maybe because you hit me.”

  “Oh come on. I told you that was an accident.”

  “I believe you. But this isn’t the first time you’ve been angry and jealous. It’s been a problem for a long time. When we first met, you weren’t irritable all the time like you are now. You weren’t always this way. I don’t know what changed, but I can’t seem to get you to talk about it. And as far as I know, you’ve never done anything to deal with whatever is bothering you. I’ve been thinking about that and the fact that you were seen with a woman at the H12.”

  “I told you about that too! She’s a client.”

  Jan leaned back on the counter and faced the living room again. She took a deep breath to try to bolster her courage and collect her thoughts. “Here’s the problem. We either trust each other or we don’t. You’ve accused me of cheating before. And I never have. But you’re going to think I’ve done something wrong whether I have or not. So we end up with situations like today, when you’re trying to beat up some guy I barely know at the library.”

  Steve clenched his fists. “But he deserved it. I thought he was messing around with you. I was defending your honor.”

  “My honor was fine, which you would know if you had simply asked. I think you’re missing the point. The point is, you don’t trust me. And I realized yesterday that I don’t trust you, either. If you’d given me a ring, right now I’d give it back.”

  Steve looked shocked for a second. “Are you still harping on the whole ring thing? You’re unbelievable.”

  “I think we should stop seeing each other. I’m not sure either of us ever truly believed we’d get married anyway.”

  Steve’s face clouded with anger. “You’re kidding, right? You’re breaking up with me? You’re the type of woman who wants to get married. And my mother thinks you walk on water. I know you want that whole white picket fence thing and all that. You’ll never get that now if you break up with me.”

  “No. I’m not kidding.” Jan clasped her hands in front of her in an effort to retain her composure. But she could still feel them shaking. What if she was making a terrible mistake? She straightened her shoulders. “I’ll miss her, but your mother is going to have to get over it. I’m going to miss you, too. I thought I loved you for so long, I guess I didn’t notice that I don’t anymore until people started talking about seeing you with another woman. I was upset. Really upset. But after talking to some people, it occurred to me that I was mostly just confused and embarrassed. Not hurt like I would be if I were truly in love with you. After a lot of reflection, I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t trust you and I’d be happier if you were no longer a part of my life.” There. She said it. The words were out there. Maybe he’d argue. Try to change her mind and win her back.

  Steve stood up from the couch, knocking some pillows onto the floor. He shook his finger at her. “You’ll regret losing me. I’m the best thing that has ever happened to you or that will ever happen to you.”

  Jan bowed her head and looked down at her hands. His reaction made it clear she was definitely not making a mistake. She looked up at him again. “I’m willing to take that risk.”

  “You’re not getting any younger or prettier, you know. You’re getting to the point that it’s gonna be more likely that you’ll get attacked by a terrorist than find a man and get married.”

  Jan was tired of hearing that old statistic. Her heart was pounding in her chest as her sadness twisted back to anger again. “It was one article in Newsweek a decade ago. Get over it. And in case you haven’t noticed, I’m also not over 40. The study was flawed and even if it weren’t, I was not born in the mid-1950s. I’m willing to take my chances.”

  Steve turned toward the door and then paused. “Hey Rosa, I have to go. Don’t you want to say goodbye?” He patted his knees to encourage her to come to him.

  Rosa sat in her bed and didn’t move. She didn’t even wag her tail.

  Steve stood up straight. “Fine. Be that way. You both can be old spinsters together.” He walked out and slammed the door behind him.

  Jan walked over and bent down to pet Rosa’s glossy black fur. “Good girl. Even though it doesn’t feel that way right now, I think we’re better off without him.”

  Rosa thumped her tail, stood up, and shook her body vigorously, rippling her fur from head to tail.

  Although tears were streaming down her face, Jan smiled and ruffled Rosa’s ears. “Exactly!”

  After such a long, traumatic day, some comfort food was in order. Jan ordered a pizza and she and Rosa shared an enjoyable junk-food extravagan
za. Rosa sat with her head on Jan’s thigh, hoping for some pizza crusts to be directed her way. Jan obliged. She was such a soft touch. No wonder Rosa looked like a bowling ball.

  “Okay Rosa, after this, I think we need to go on a health kick. With the over-indulgence at Kat’s place, and all the ice cream and pizza, I’m not going to fit into my clothes anymore. And you won’t be able to keep up with Kat’s dogs the next time you have to stay there. Maybe we can take up jogging.”

  Rosa licked her chops, still focused on potential pizza crusts.

  “I know. Who am I kidding? I hate jogging. But I promise I’ll buy more nutritious food the next time I go shopping.” A tear slid down her cheek and she reached down to wrap her arms around Rosa’s neck. “It’s been a long day, sweetie. How about if we go hang out on the couch and watch a total chick flick that Steve would hate? I’m thinking a little Princess Bride with Westley, Buttercup and ‘wuv, tru wuv’ is in order. What do you think?”

  Detecting that mealtime was over, Rosa wagged her tail, ran over to the sofa, jumped up, and spun around a few times before settling into a corner.

  Jan grabbed a comforter and smiled. “As you wish, Rosa.”

  Later, Jan was startled from the travails of the fire swamp and rodents of unusual size by the sound of the phone ringing. She reached over Rosa to grab the receiver.

  “Hello. Wait. Hold on a second.” She dug around the sofa, discovering the remote under Rosa’s ample hind end, and muted the sound on the movie.

  “Sorry. This is Jan.”

  “Hi Jan. It’s Michael. I’m just calling to see how you are doing.”

  Jan closed her eyes. Not again. She so didn’t want to talk to Michael. Why didn’t she get an unlisted number? It was far too easy to find anyone in the one-eighth-inch-thick Alpine Grove phone book. Trying to keep the annoyance out of her voice, she said, “I’m fine. Rosa and I are just watching a movie. Actually, I’m watching. She’s sleeping.”

  Michael laughed. “Sounds like another big night in Alpine Grove. Are you sure you’re okay? I feel bad about what happened. I hope your friend is taking care of you. You seemed pretty angry and upset.”

  “Yes, you and Steve embarrassed me. But I don’t think there’s any permanent physical damage. I put some ice on my cheek and that helped. Rosa is my dog, by the way. And she’s been very supportive.”

  “I’m glad you’re feeling better. I went back to the library to get the change from the copies and that other librarian said you’d gone home. She had some choice words for me, too. I don’t think she likes me.”

  Jan smiled. “I’m pretty sure she doesn’t. If it helps, I asked her not to say anything. But sometimes Jill is a bit protective of me, I think. It’s really sweet, but I keep telling her it’s not necessary.”

  Michael cleared his throat. “She suggested that I apologize to you. And she’s right. So, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let your boyfriend get to me. It’s probably a guy thing. But the way he was talking to you pissed me off.”

  Jan didn’t know what to say. This was a surprising development. Steve certainly hadn’t apologized. “Well, ah, Steve isn’t my boyfriend anymore.”

  “Really? That was fast.”

  Jan took a deep breath in an effort to keep the tears from starting up again. She said quickly, “I am surprised that I’m even thinking this, much less telling you, but it may have been a good thing. Steve has had anger issues for a while. I’ve tried to ignore it—and a lot of other things, too. So I think everything will work out for the best.”

  “I hope you’re right.” Michael paused. “So since you’re feeling better, I was wondering if you’d like to have some coffee. I’ll be here for the next few days. Thanks to your research, Ron is on track again and we might finish shooting this commercial before my boss has a heart attack. The screaming and level of crazy was over the top.”

  “The actor was screaming? It’s just a commercial, right?”

  “No, Ron is nit-picky and annoying, but he doesn’t scream. I meant my boss. The client is kind of nuts. They say one thing one minute and then change their minds. I guess they think we’re psychic. I think my boss may be melting down a little under all the money and deadline pressures. He’s a good guy, but he’s been in ad-land for a long time. It can get to you.”

  “That level of stress sounds terribly toxic. I don’t think I could handle that.” Nor would she want to. Advertising certainly sounded like a horrid way to earn a living.

  “I think you either thrive on the stress or you get out. I love it. Every day is different. Sometimes you get ten people in a room all bouncing ideas off each other. The creative flow is incredible. There’s nothing like it.”

  Jan examined her fingernails. She needed a manicure. “I’ll take your word for it.”

  “Hey, you didn’t answer me about coffee. I’d like to see you before I go back to San Diego so I can verify for myself that you’re healing up okay. And to thank you for the research. You really saved me.”

  Jan didn’t want to see him again, but he was being so conciliatory and friendly at the moment, it seemed mean to shoot him down. Plus she couldn’t think of any reasonable excuse to get out of it. What the heck. It was just coffee. “I guess I can do that. I hate to think how awful this bruise will look by then, though.”

  “I’m sure it will be fine. You always look great. How about tomorrow? I guess the library closes at five, right? How about if I meet you there.”

  “Yes. That will work.”

  “I’ll see you then!”

  Jan’s shoulders slumped as she hung up the phone. She leaned over on the sofa, putting her forehead on Rosa’s back. “Oh Rosa, what is wrong with me? Why didn’t I just say no?”

  Rosa wagged the tip of her tail in sympathy.

  “Yeah, I know, that would be inconceivable. I’m such a wimp.”

  At ten after five, Jan was sitting at the desk entering book data into the computer again. It was a never-ending marathon project and Jill wanted nothing to do with it. Whenever a new order of books came in, they needed to be entered into the system. The process was excruciatingly dull, but the end result was worth it. Being able to search for any book by just typing in text was so much easier than dealing with the old card catalogs.

  She looked up at the knock on the front door, which she had locked at five. If Michael wanted to score points with her, being late certainly wasn’t the way to do it. Waving toward the back of the building, she indicated that she and Rosa would be going out the back door.

  Michael was standing outside waiting when Jan and Rosa exited the building. “I’m sorry I’m so late,” he said.

  Locking the door behind her, Jan turned to him. “It’s fine. Rosa got in a little more nap time.”

  Michael bent down to pet the dog. “So this is Rosa, huh? I’ve heard a lot about you.” Rosa wagged her tail. Michael reached into his pocket and held a dog treat in front of her nose. “I’m guessing you know what this is. Do you know how to sit?” Rosa sat down proudly and then snorfled the treat with enthusiasm.

  Jan giggled. “Yes. She definitely knows about t-r-e-a-t-s. The other night, someone called Rosa ‘full-figured’ and I decided that’s a more polite way to describe her. We try not to use polarizing terms like overweight or fat.”

  “Certainly not,” Michael said. “No one wants their dog to have body-image issues. I saw that the coffee shop is just around the corner. Do you want to walk?”

  “Sure. I look for any excuse to give Rosa some exercise.”

  Michael smiled and turned toward her. “Wait a minute.” He reached over and gently cupped her chin with his hand, turning her cheek toward him. “Not bad. It looks like macho man only grazed you.”

  A guilty little tremor of excitement flooded Jan’s body at his touch. She smiled. “Thank goodness for the magic of Cover Girl. And it looks like I won’t get a black eye, which is a relief.”

  He let his fingertips skim her jaw line as he released her chin. “Good thing he was
n’t wearing a gigantic Super Bowl ring. He could have really done some damage.”

  “He was a football player in college, but he never made it to the pros.” Jan had been subjected to that story at least 400 times. Now she’d probably never hear it again.

  Michael took her hand in his. “I suspected as much. Because of all those years of playing sports, I can spot a football player at fifty yards.”

  “Maybe you should just avoid football players from now on. They don’t seem to like you.”

  “It was just the one. Normally, I play nice with jocks. And he started it.”

  “Oh please. You realize you sound like a ten-year old when you say that, right?”

  Michael swung her hand back and forth and began skipping. “I’m embracing my inner child. Some people find it endearing.”

  “Are they ten-year olds?” Jan said breathlessly, trying to keep up. She was out of shape. And what was she doing walking—or skipping—hand-in-hand with a man who wasn’t Steve? It seemed so wrong and even worse, she looked like an idiot. What if someone she knew saw them? She looked quickly over at Michael, who seemed unconcerned about the contact, apparently enjoying capering through town among all the fall colors. It was a gorgeous sunny day and the maples along the side of the street were putting on a fantastic show of red, orange, and yellow leaves. Rosa’s paws crunched through the fallen leaves scattered on the ground. The dog was panting heavily as she trotted alongside them.

  Michael looked over at Rosa and slowed back to a leisurely walk. “Sorry. All this fresh air is invigorating. I think your dog might have a heart attack, though.”

  “Rosa and I might need to embark on a new physical-fitness regimen.” Not to mention cut back on the number of pizza nights.

  At the outdoor patio of the coffee shop, they settled into chairs and sat sipping large mugs of coffee with Rosa snoring quietly under the table. Jan held her mug with both hands, enjoying the warmth. “Did you finish your commercial?”