Fuzzy Logic

by Susan C. Daffron

  “Almost. We have a half-day of shooting tomorrow. Then it’s back to San Diego for me.”

  “Your dog probably misses you. Well, assuming she’s still there.”

  Michael smiled. “Very funny. Swoosie is at her favorite boarding kennel. I refer to it as ‘doggie boot camp.’ It’s kind of a drive, since it’s out in East County, but the place is huge and they tire her out. They have people who volunteer to come in and go jogging or running with the dogs. Swoosie tends to sleep for a few days after she comes home.”

  “It’s hard for me to imagine that dog tired.”

  “You might not have seen her at her finest moment.”

  Jan paused before taking another sip of coffee. “Which one? There were multiple disastrous moments.”

  Ignoring the disparaging comment about his dog, Michael leaned back in his chair and surveyed the people walking down the street near the coffee shop. “Check out this guy. The way he’s walking, I think he’s an undercover cop. See how he’s looking right and left. Shifty. Maybe a private detective.”

  Jan looked over her shoulder. “What are you talking about? That’s Ralph. He works at the grocery store.”

  “Maybe that’s his cover. Are you absolutely sure he’s just a bag boy? Maybe there’s more to him than that. Everybody has secrets.”

  “I suppose that’s true,” Jan said. “And they probably want to keep them secret.”

  Michael leaned forward, put his elbows on the table, and looked into her face. “Where’s the fun in that? Everyone has a story. Don’t you ever look at people and wonder?”

  Jan fiddled with the handle of her mug. “That’s their business. I guess sometimes I wonder what they’re thinking, though.”

  “Exactly!” Michael said. “What’s going through Ralph’s mind right now? He looks like he’s on a mission. Where’s he going? What’s he doing?”

  The corners of Jan’s mouth twitched with amusement. “If you met Ralph, you might not be so curious.”

  “Okay, maybe not him.” Michael turned in his chair. “How about that woman over there? She’s busy trying to ride herd on that little boy. Maybe she’s taking him to the doctor and he doesn’t want to go.”

  Jan put down her mug. “Do you usually make up stories about people while you’re having coffee?”

  “All the time. And when I’m waiting in line to do my bank deposits. Wherever. It passes the time. Like Shakespeare said, ‘all the world’s a stage.’ I’m just here watching it play out.”

  “Wow. Quoting the Bard?” Jan said with a smile. “I never would have guessed it of you.”

  Michael arched an eyebrow in mock surprise. “Hey, I’m a complex guy.”

  “I’ll take your word for it. At this point, I’m waiting for the next disaster to befall me.”

  Michael threw an arm over the back of his chair. “You’re really not much of an optimist, are you?”

  “So far, I’ve experienced extreme wardrobe destruction and violence when I’ve been around you.” Jan said. “I think that should be cause for concern.” Although to be fair, she was enjoying herself now. He was entertaining. And, of course, not exactly hard to look at, either. Things could be worse.

  Michael grinned and Jan noticed his chipped tooth again. Why hadn’t he ever gotten it fixed? He stretched his long legs out under the table and folded his hands across his stomach. “Well, you better get used to it, because I just thought of something. I’m now your step-brother! We’ll probably be spending holidays together. It will be like the Brady Bunch.”

  “I wouldn’t get too attached to that idea,” Jan said. “I’m guessing you haven’t spent much time with my mother, have you? Over the years, I’ve seen quite a few step-siblings come and go.” That was an understatement.

  “Speaking of which, I always wondered why Greg and Marcia didn’t ever get it on,” Michael said. “They weren’t related, after all. They were steps. And they were what, 16 or 17? With all those hormones? Get real. They would have been trying out Carol and Mike’s water bed the first chance they got.”

  “Well, if you believe the gossip rags, the actors actually did have some type of relationship. So did Keith and Lori Partridge, supposedly.”

  Michael leaned forward and wrapped his large hands around his coffee mug. “I see your reading extends beyond Shakespeare.”

  “It’s an occupational hazard. I read everything.”

  “So can I be amused for a second that your name is Jan? Oh—and now thanks to me, you can have middle-child syndrome. How cool is that?”

  “Unless you have a younger sibling I don’t know about, I’m not a middle child. And this may come as a surprise, but you’re not the first person to point out the Brady Bunch connection. If you ask me to say, ‘Marcia, Marcia, Marcia,’ in a whiny voice I’m leaving.”

  Michael laughed. “Aww, you’re no fun.”

  That evening, Jan was washing up the dishes from dinner when the phone rang. A sinful little glimmer of hope skittered through her when she considered the possibility that it could be Michael. It was inappropriate, given that she had just broken up with Steve, but she’d had fun drinking coffee with him. Was it a date? Did he think it was a date? She shouldn’t be dating anyone right after a break-up. That would be insane. And he was leaving town soon, anyway.

  All thoughts of Michael vaporized when Jan heard her mother’s voice on the other end of the line.

  “Hello, Janelle darling! How are you?”

  “I’m fine, Mom. But I’m surprised that you’re calling all the way from Hawaii. Aren’t you still on your honeymoon? I thought it was a two-week trip.”

  “The islands are a fantastically spiritual place. You can feel the ancient mystical energies throughout your body. The ocean and the tropical air create such a beautiful harmony and it permeates my soul. We spent some time at the beach and then I found a shaman who gave me a crystal that aligned my chakra centers. I felt so balanced. It was beautiful.”

  “I’m glad you’re having such a good time. I’m sure Hawaii would be a wonderful place to spend a honeymoon.” She had hoped to go back to Maui with Steve, in fact. Someday.

  “Yes, it was lovely. But then the vibrations shifted.”

  Jan tightened her grip on the receiver. “What shifted? Is everything okay?”

  “I had to go home. It was meant to be this way. Crystals only work on the vibrations of light and love. Bruce didn’t understand. I needed to fill my being with love. My consciousness needed to be free.”

  Jan sighed. Since her mother had discovered New Age teachings, she was even more difficult to decipher than she used to be when she spent all her time with six-year olds and sock puppets. “Wait. What are you saying?”

  “I had to be surrounded by authentic love and free of Bruce.”

  “You mean you dumped the Toilet King...I mean Bruce...already? On your honeymoon? I think this is a new record, Mom, even for you.”

  “No, we are still together as one. I’m trying to tell you I was sick. It was my heart. I had to go home.”

  Jan shook her head. “I’m confused. Did you dump him or not? Or are you actually sick? Are you okay? I mean physically okay?”

  “Well, I’m back in San Diego. Right now, I’m at the hospital with Zoe.”

  A twinge of panic shot through Jan’s chest. “What? Is something really wrong with you? Have they done tests?”

  “My heart is sick. I’m feeling a range of emotions and surges of energy. Zoe says there’s a disturbance in my aura.”

  Jan readjusted the receiver on her ear. “Have you talked to a doctor? A real doctor?”

  “Yes, there have been several here. I am trying to remain attuned to their truths.”

  “Okay, now you’re scaring me, Mom. Do you need me there? Should I come down? I have some vacation time at work. I can call Jill to cover for me at the library. I can do it right now.”

  “I’d love to see you darling. Of course, I need you. I’ll always need you. You are a part of me. But don’t
worry about me. Bodies get sick and they break. It’s a disruption in my energy field.”

  Jan tried to keep the tremor out of her voice. “How sick are you?”

  “The shaman in Hawaii told me not to worry, Jan. He said that my body is not what is truly me. My consciousness will heal. My aura has a memory of everything that has ever happened to me. My heart is just a part of my body. I am merely an observer in this thing called life. My soul cannot be touched by the complexities of the world. The pain in my heart is not permanent.”

  Jan twisted the phone cord, “I’ll be on the soonest flight I can get. I just need to make some calls now and see if I can get someone to take care of Rosa.”

  “It will be delightful to see you. We didn’t get to spend much time together before the wedding.”

  “Will you be at the hospital?”

  “No. I’ll be at home.”

  “So you’re recovering?”

  “Yes, I am. My spirit is mending. We are all of us healing. All the time.”

  “Please take care of yourself, Mom. I’ll be there soon.”

  Jan’s hand was shaking as she hung up the phone. Her mother had seemed so invincible and had been such a force in her life for so long, it was strange to imagine her having some type of heart problem.

  She looked down at Rosa, who was dozing in her bed. “I guess you get to see Auntie Kat again. Here’s hoping she’s still willing to take you, after last time.”

  Chapter 5

  Smells & Dances

  Jan drove her car down the pothole-filled driveway toward Kat’s house again. She’d stopped by the travel agency and the plane tickets were in her purse. Once again, Rosa was running back and forth across the back seat. Although the dog could handle the short trip to the library without any problem, getting out here to Kat’s house in the sticks was apparently farther than Rosa’s sensitive digestion was willing to tolerate.

  “We’re almost there, Rosa. Only a few more minutes. You can make it.”

  Rosa paused in her frantic pacing for a moment. Jan looked up at her rearview mirror and watched the all-too-familiar motions of Rosa losing her breakfast all over the back of the car. After sitting for a week at the airport while Jan visited her mom, this poor car would be outrageously ripe. Best not to dwell on the reality of that olfactory scenario.

  As Kat walked down the front steps of the house, Jan had an unrelenting sense of déjà-vu. The last time she was here, she was going to San Diego for happier reasons, even if she hadn’t been particularly happy about it at the time. Now that her mother was sick, she felt guilty for not being more enthusiastic about her latest marriage.

  Jan extracted Rosa’s stinky black body from the back of the car, wishing again that she had remembered not to feed Rosa this morning. Waving at Kat, she said, “She doesn’t smell particularly good. Again. Except I think it’s worse this time. I forgot we were coming here and I wasn’t thinking, so I fed her breakfast. Twice. Then I think she rolled off the seat into it. Sorry.”

  Kat bent down to pet the small area on Rosa’s head that did not appear to be coated with used dog food. “Wow Rosa, that’s nasty. How do you feel about baths?”

  “Actually, she doesn’t mind. I guess it’s because she’s a Labrador retriever and they’re water dogs. She usually just stands in the tub quietly and lets you scrub,” Jan said.

  “I think we have a plan for the afternoon, then.”

  Jan handed the leash to Kat. “I appreciate you taking her on such short notice. My mom’s call was a surprise last night. I’m just glad I could get a seat on the flight. And that I have the money. Flying last-minute is so expensive. I did book a round-trip, so at least you know when I’m coming back this time.”

  “I’m really sorry to hear about your mother. I hope she’s okay.”

  “With her, it’s hard to tell. I think she actually may have dumped her new husband already, which given her history doesn’t come as a huge surprise.” Jan shrugged, “But then she kept talking about something being wrong with her heart. And that she was in the hospital. That can’t be good. I thought she was in Hawaii.”

  Kat nodded. “If I were on my honeymoon, I think I’d be frolicking on tropical beaches for as long as I possibly could before I had to return to the real world.”

  Jan fidgeted with the leather handle of her purse. “I guess I’ll find out what happened soon enough.” It was awful to think about something being really wrong. She hadn’t been able to sleep much at all last night.

  “I heard about the whole thing with your boyfriend in the library, too.”

  Jan groaned. “This is such a small town. How did you find out?” People had warned her that living here would be like living in a fishbowl, but she’d never been the target of gossip until now.

  “Cindy called Joel to ask him to help her with something. When she calls she also likes to report on the latest Alpine Grove happenings. The fight in the library made the cut, I guess. Joel told me, because almost every time he talks to his sister, he needs to vent about it afterward.”

  “Yes, usually when I talk to Cindy, she’s venting about him. I guess they don’t get along very well?” That was a nice way of putting it.

  Kat shook her head. “That would be a major no.”

  “He seems like such a quiet and sedate person, though.” Or cryptic and geeky, to hear Cindy tell it.

  Waving the end of the leash toward the house, Kat said. “He has his not-so-mellow moments.”

  Jan looked at her watch and said, “Okay, I really should go now. I don’t want to miss my flight. Please take good care of Rosa. I’m going to miss her and I feel terrible dumping her on you again so soon.”

  Kat smiled. “It’s no problem. We’ll take good care of her. And with any luck, she’ll smell better by the time you return.”

  As Jan’s car rumbled down the driveway, Kat walked Rosa toward the house. “Alright Rosa, before we test out your magical ability to escape from the Tessa Hut, I’m cleaning you up. This is a truly horrible smell you have going on here. I know I have referred to this place as Chez Stinky, but you really didn’t have to participate. The house was doing so well too until you got here. It’s time to lower your stink factor.”

  Rosa wagged, content to let Kat continue to chastise her about the offensive stench as they walked along.

  When Kat entered the kitchen, she encountered Joel making one of his surreptitious half-sandwiches. Although he never would admit to snacking, food tended to vanish at a startling rate. She nodded at the sandwich, “Lunch time?”

  He looked up from his task. “No. This is to tide me over until lunch. Being on the roof makes me hungry.”

  “You weren’t on the roof. You were doing geeky things on your computer.”

  Joel waved his sandwich at her, “Well, I will be on the roof soon. I’m getting ready to go up there.” He looked down at Rosa and wrinkled his nose. “Yuck. What is wrong with that dog? She smells like six-week-old decomposing salmon.”

  “Jan forgot to skip Rosa’s breakfast and there was an incident in the back of her car on the way here. We are going to see how Rosa likes baths now.”

  Joel hurriedly gathered up his napkin and sandwich and moved toward the door, “’Bye.”

  “Wait. Could you help me? It would be a lot easier with two people.”

  “No thanks. We have a division of labor. I deal with power tools and you handle dog-related matters.”

  “I suppose keeping me away from the power tools is probably wise.”

  “That’s well-documented. Good luck with the stink dawg.”

  The bathroom in the house was extremely small and Kat was not looking forward to being locked in such a tiny space with such a bad smell. She led Rosa into the room and closed the door behind her. Turning to face the dog, she said, “Okay Rosa, this is the bathtub. Jan tells me you know about baths. So do you know how to hop in? Nothing personal, but I really don’t want to touch you. It would be great if you could just jump in.” She waved both
arms in the direction of the tub and patted the white porcelain side. “Come on. Let’s go. Get in the tub, Rosa.”

  Rosa sat and stared blankly at Kat. A chunk of well-masticated dog food fell off her front leg and landed on the tile. Kat straightened. This process might be more difficult than she anticipated. “I guess you’re not going to make this easy are you? I need to ask Jan what is in that dog food you eat. I mean, gross—what is she feeding you? I may never get this smell out of my nostrils. Not to mention my clothing. Eww. I definitely don’t want my clothes touching you.” Kat stripped off her clothes and jammed them into the tiny linen cabinet next to the sink. She stood naked in front of the dog. Rosa wagged and looked expectantly up at her.

  “Okay Rosa, we’ve got to do this. No matter how much I don’t want to.” Kat gingerly reached around Rosa’s slimy body to hoist the dog’s considerable girth over the side of the tub. Viscous ooze squeezed through her fingers. Gross.

  “You’re definitely not a lightweight, are you? It would be helpful if you could try and cooperate here.”

  Rosa pushed against the side of the bathtub with her front paws, but Kat leaned on the dog and Rosa’s front feet slipped forward and landed in the tub with a resounding thud. The dog’s rear feet were still outside, so she was stuck with her torso spanning the edge of the tub. High-centered like an off-road vehicle stuck on a rock, the dog was unable to go forward or backward. Kat let go of the dog’s body and Rosa attempted to throw all paws into reverse, scraping and flailing on the porcelain. “No Rosa! You’re going IN the tub.”

  Kat reached around Rosa’s hind end, lifting and shoving to try to get all four of the black dog’s paws into the tub. Jumping into the front of the bathtub, Kat pulled and dragged until all parts of Rosa were inside the tub with her. “Okay dog, this is how it’s going to go. I’m turning on the water now and you are getting a bath.”

  Continuing to grip Rosa’s collar, Kat turned and reached behind her to spin one of the knobs for the bathtub spigot. Freezing cold water spewed out of the tap onto her back and both she and Rosa began flailing to get away from the frigid spray. The dog lurched forward against Kat, ramming the small of her back into the faucet. Shrieking in pain, Kat lost her grip on the dog’s collar, and Rosa leaped out of the bathtub back onto the tile, hurtling herself around in a spastic circle.