by June Taylor
This special night. The night Aaron proposed to her.
13
Karin
The next morning unravelled itself slowly, creeping out of the darkness between short bursts of sleep. Karin had inherited Birgitta’s sleepless gene. The difference was that her mother claimed it was a waste of time anyway: ‘For losers, Karin,’ she would say. Sometimes, when ghosts and monsters got the better of Karin, she would creep into her parents’ room, distressed and frightened. ‘Silly child,’ was her mother’s only comfort. ‘Either go back to bed, or else get up and do something useful.’ So Karin would return to bed, muffling her cries until the morning made her feel safe again.
The only way to get Karin to be more independent was to send her away to boarding school, where she would develop the powers of ‘thinking for herself’. Karin was never officially told this was the reason, just snippets of conversations wafting upstairs or through doors left slightly ajar. But once Karin did develop the powers of ‘thinking for herself’, she worked out that there must be other factors involved in this decision. Birgitta’s career was beginning to take off. Furniture design and quirky household products. Later, log cabins and trendy alternative living spaces. Her work was revered the world over, in magazines and trade press. But the name Svendsen was a curse as far as Karin was concerned. She got rid of it as soon as she could.
There was also the oddness to her parents’ relationship. Karin couldn’t remember what age she was when she detected it. Perhaps it had always been there, but this must surely have been a factor too, to get rid of Karin so she wouldn’t see what was really going on. In some perverse way, maybe her mother was trying to be kind. But Karin ended up resenting being robbed of so many years that could have been spent with her dad. He never wanted Karin to go away any more than Karin did, but had no say in the matter.
She suddenly became aware of someone touching her hair.
‘Had one of your restless nights again,’ Aaron whispered, kissing her forehead. ‘Get some more sleep.’ He must have gone in the shower after that, because the noise of the water carried her away to the beach.
Drowning, sinking. In mud, heavy and bulbous. Water pouring into her nostrils.
When she opened her eyes she noticed a cup of tea by her bedside. It had gone tepid and undrinkable. She remembered managing a grunt of thanks when Aaron had placed it there. Now he was calling to her from the bathroom. His words were unclear, and at first she thought something was wrong, until he appeared with a toothbrush in his mouth and white-coated lips.
‘I said, she has an exhibition in Leeds next Thursday.’
‘Who does?’
‘That waitress we were talking to last night. She’s invited us to her launch. You’d disappeared by then, but we got chatting – until I realized you weren’t coming back.’
‘Oh.’ Karin sat up. Her chest felt tight. ‘In Leeds?’
‘Yeah. I said we’d go along. That’s okay isn’t it?’
Aaron disappeared again, returning a few moments later wiping his face in a towel.
‘Erm. I suppose.’
‘Well it’s just some pop-up place in the Victoria Quarter, but I said we’d swing by, and we can always go for a meal afterwards, make a night of it.’
‘Not with her!’
Karin even startled herself at such an abrupt response. She immediately tried to soften it with: ‘I mean it’s not like we know her or anything.’ Pulling the duvet up to her chin, she waited for his response.
Aaron clambered on top of her and covered her face with kisses, saying, ‘Of course I just meant us.’
‘Okay, that sounds nice,’ she said, pressing her lips to his.
Wasn’t this her moment to tell him about Louie? Not about last night, but she could say they were once good friends who fell out or something. Although, wouldn’t that contradict her reaction last night of ‘only vaguely recognizing’ her? And saying just now that she didn’t really know her at all? That would make it seem like she had something to hide. And what about her strange absences, returning from the toilet dishevelled minus an earring?
‘The stuff on her website looks pretty good,’ said Aaron, but Karin could only hear him in the background of her thoughts.
‘Does it?’ she said, realizing there must have been a long gap. All she could think of was that Louie must now know she was living in Leeds.
‘I might even have some work for her, if she’s interested,’ Aaron continued. ‘Bars, restaurants, big corporates, they all want new artwork at a good price. I could do with branching out a bit.’ Karin was still only half-listening. ‘That’s what comes of being taken to the cleaners by the ex-wife.’
‘Oh.’ His last remark, any mention of his ex-wife, was enough to get her attention. But it suddenly struck her what the consequences would be if he ever found out about Louie. How could Aaron possibly forgive her when his ex-wife had cheated on him? Karin had no intention of telling him of last night’s indiscretion, but what if Louie did? And what else might Louie say? She risked losing far more than a fiancé at this rate. Louie had the power to destroy her life completely.
Did she really have it in her to do that?
They took a walk on the beach in the late afternoon sunshine. The bay looked stunning, miles and miles of shiny, flat water and it was bright enough to see the Lake District on the other side. Despite the sun’s presence, every now and then a cool breeze blew in from the sea sending Karin’s hair in every direction and she had to tie a loose knot in her silk scarf to hold it down. She was clinging to Aaron’s arm as they picked their way over the pebbles.
Karin had known how treacherous parts of this bay were, how easy it was to get caught by the tide, swallowed up by the sands. She had heard on the news about the Chinese cockle pickers drowned in 2004, trapped by waters coming in from both front and behind faster than any man could run away from them. And fishermen getting trapped in rising tides.
She had done her research.
‘I nearly drowned on this beach once,’ she blurted.
Aaron stopped.
‘What? Really?’
‘It’s easy to get caught out, and I did. It was foggy, I lost my bearings.’
‘My god, Karin. So what happened?’
‘Well, luckily someone saw me – not sure how – and managed to pull me back before it was too late.’
‘Who was it?’
‘Just some bloke.’
She gulped a breath of salty air, knowing she had to leave it at that, but felt better for having got that bit out in the open at least. There was no way she could tell Aaron that it was Louie who had saved her. The same as Aaron could never know that she hadn’t wanted to be saved, that she had deliberately chosen that foggy night to walk out onto the mudflats and wait for the sea to swirl around her feet, creep up to her knees, thighs, waist, swallowing her further and deeper into the quicksand until she was no more.
‘You know you can tell me stuff, don’t you?’ He took hold of her hand and kissed it. ‘You’ve had a rough time, Karin, I know that. I just want to look after you.’
‘Thank you, Aaron. Honestly, I appreciate it.’
He knew about her dad dying, her stepdad committing suicide, but no way did Karin want him to know that she had once been a suicide case herself, even if she was a teenager at the time. It wasn’t that long ago, that’s what he would think. It seemed so unfair when she had made real progress since then.
She only wanted Aaron to see the person she was now, a mature, competent young woman. She had seen photos of his ex-wife, well-groomed and in her forties, still attractive enough to get herself a younger man apparently. From the little Aaron was prepared to say about her, Karin knew she must be a strong person, and the fact that Karin was only twenty-two played to her insecurities as it was. Sometimes Aaron laughed when she didn’t understand his jokes because they contained references from before she was even born, actors she had never heard of, musicians, TV programmes, films. He found it charming, but it
made Karin feel foolish.
As they were heading back to the hotel she thought she could see someone watching them from the promenade. The outline was familiar, tall, slender, and something sinister about it in silhouette.
Was the stalking beginning all over again?
Karin felt a chill run the length of her spine, but after a few more steps she came to an abrupt halt, bending down to pick up a pebble. She threw it with such force it almost put her shoulder out.
‘Don’t think that’ll quite make it,’ said Aaron, laughing at her for even attempting it. ‘The sea’s a mile off.’
Karin pulled Aaron towards her and kissed him. ‘I do love you, Aaron. We’ll be so happy together.’
‘We are happy together. And I love you too.’
Aaron rubbed her shoulders, smiling. They carried on walking, holding hands again. As they got closer to the promenade, Karin glanced up and spotted Louie disappearing up the curved steps leading into the bar of The Midland.
Her body tensed.
‘You okay?’ Aaron asked.
She gave him a look of contentment, but fear gnawed at her insides.
How could she make Louie go away for good this time?
14
Louie
Louie positioned herself at the top of the steps, dropping down onto the promenade so she could lean against the railings. Her phone was on full zoom, framing an image she had to hold steady: Karin, her hair rolling across one shoulder, a flimsy scarf trying to free itself with the help of the sea breeze. She took a photo just as Karin turned her face. The motion blur would be good to capture when she came to paint her later.
Louie was aware that she had been spotted, but she had seen enough in any case. This nauseating display – kissing, holding hands with someone old enough to be her father – didn’t fool Louie for a second. She knew exactly why Karin had returned to Morecambe. It was because she was still in love with her. Karin had come back to remind herself of what she had walked away from, before she made the biggest mistake of her life.
Louie always knew she would return.
When she saw they were coming inside, she disappeared into the bar area. There was something about that old fart she didn’t like. Not solely because Karin was supposedly marrying him either, more of a vibe he gave off. She had chatted to him briefly last night after Karin disappeared. He had a sort of shifty arrogance about him. Louie couldn’t quite decide whether it was just his age, or that was really a part of his character. Even if he could find outlets for her artwork, tempting though that was, did Louie really want his help?
She worried about Karin. Louie didn’t want either of them to owe this guy anything when they eventually got back together. Why was she even with him in the first place? He looked like he might have money, although appearances could be deceptive and he could easily be one of those all flash no cash sort of guys. Louie saw enough of that type at The Midland. But Karin didn’t even need his money, not if her mother had been true to her word yesterday on her birthday.
The way he looked at her made her skin crawl.
Louie cleared some more glasses off the tables, returning them to the bar while still keeping an eye on things outside. A few of the guests were braving the terrace in their summer dresses and shirt sleeves, but the breeze was driving most people indoors now. There was no sign of Karin, and for a moment Louie wondered if they had gone round to the front entrance, but when they finally appeared she retreated behind the bar to serve a customer.
Karin’s arm was linked through his, like he had glued it there. She saw Karin take a quick scan of the room. Panic swept over her face the moment her eyes landed on Louie. Louie smiled back, giving her a nonchalant wave. Karin must have said something to him after that, like she was feeling the chill, because the old fart began rubbing her shoulders and folded her up in his big, hairy arms. He gave her a peck on the shoulder, moving the neckline of her shirt to one side.
Karin moved her body round to face him, turning it into a full kiss, and Louie had to clench her fists inside the pocket of her apron, digging her nails into her palms to distract from doing anything foolish. As soon as their display had ended, Karin looked across to gauge Louie’s reaction. But what she hadn’t anticipated was the round of applause they received for such a public performance. It took Karin by surprise, and Louie knew she wouldn’t have wanted all that fuss.
‘It’s okay, everyone. They’re almost newlyweds!’ That was Janine shouting, their waitress from last night. ‘They’ve got engaged.’ Her comments prompted wolf whistles, cheers and more applause. The old bastard said something to Karin, clearly embarrassed, and he escorted her under a bridge of hands and grinning faces.
Louie was desperate to rescue her from this circus. As soon as she had finished serving the next customer, she hurried out into reception, where she found Karin fleeing upstairs and Aaron making his way to the desk. Her heart said to follow Karin, but the front desk was unattended.
‘Hi. Someone will be along in a minute,’ she said, hurrying over to him.
‘Oh. Hello again.’ Aaron greeted her with a smile, his face like a deflated balloon, all lines and wrinkles.
‘Anything I can help you with?’ she asked. She was trying to imagine what he would look like in another ten years. Dead probably. He was so old.
‘Yes, maybe you can. My fiancée – Karin – lost her scarf while we were out walking on the beach. She’s only just realized. It was a present, so if anyone should hand it in—’
‘Of course.’
Fiancée. What an arse.
‘Em, do you have a pen?’ he asked, looking round for one.
Louie took the pen from behind her ear and slapped it onto the notepad. When she realized that Aaron was scribbling down an address, she was about to tell him that it wasn’t necessary, it would be on their database. Giving her the perfect excuse to look for it, of course. However, as if he had been reading her thoughts, he glanced up and said, ‘The post is terrible at my place. Better send it to her. That’s if you do find it.’
‘No problem,’ she replied, delighted at how easy he was making this for her.
He carried on scribbling and Louie noticed his hair was showing the first signs of thinning on top. ‘How was your night?’ she asked. ‘Did you sleep okay?’
‘Very well, thank you.’
He tore off the sheet of paper and handed it to Louie. She was tempted to ask if he needed any more Viagra. ‘Well, I do apologize for that scene in the bar,’ she said instead, ‘if it embarrassed you. I’ll have a word with my colleague.’
At that moment, her other colleague was scurrying back to the desk. ‘Sorry about that,’ she said, flustered. ‘What can I do for you?’
‘I’d like to sort out a few things for this evening,’ Louie heard him say as she slowly edged away. She could still hear their voices as she waited for the lift, followed by polite laughter. The lift took far too long; she held her finger in the button to hurry it along.
When she stepped out onto the top floor, Karin was only just heading down the corridor. She must have been taking her time on the staircase, waylaid by nostalgia, overcome by all the reminders of Louie and their time together.
Louie was about to call out to her but, as Karin hadn’t registered that she was even there, she decided to surprise her instead. Just as Karin was going to unlock the door, she pounced.
‘You’re not seriously marrying that guy, are you?’ said Louie, pressing her hand over her mouth, twisting her arm up her back. She pulled Karin out of sight, round the corner at the end of the corridor, and only then removing her hand.
‘Louie, what the hell are you doing?’ Karin spoke in an angry whisper, wiping her mouth as if having Louie’s fingers across it was in some way disagreeable. Louie still wasn’t fooled. Nor by Karin’s rubbing of her wrist. She used to beg Louie to grab her like that, take her by surprise. Last night was proof that she still wanted it that way. She grabbed her again, attempting to kiss her, but Karin ba
cked off.
‘Don’t tell me you prefer plain old boring now,’ said Louie, slapping her hand against the wall. ‘Shit, Karin. He could be your dad.’
‘Well he isn’t. And stop spying on me. I could get you sacked.’
Louie gave her a look as if to say I could do far worse to you. ‘So come on then, how old is he? Forty?’
‘He’s forty-four actually.’
‘Seriously? Forty-four. Jeez, Karin. It’s not like you need a sugar daddy. Not if your Swedish mamma—’
‘It’s none of your business,’ she snapped. Then she sighed, softening her tone. ‘Look I’m sorry, Lou. It was an insane time for both of us. I’m just not that person any more.’
‘You were last night.’
‘Please don’t say anything,’ said Karin. ‘I mean he doesn’t even know we were together.’
‘Oh really? I’d never have guessed that. Okay, so when you’re fifty, he’ll be what? Let’s do the maths, shall we? Seventy-two. In a bath chair sipping hot chocolate out of a feeder cup, waiting for you to wipe his arse and empty his colostomy bag.’
Louie gave the wall another slap as she delivered her last remark.
Karin went back down the corridor, but Louie got there first. She put her hand over the card reader as Karin tried to unlock the door.
‘So what was last night all about if you don’t still feel anything for me? Answer me that one.’
‘I told you, it was a mistake,’ Karin replied.
‘“Meet me at the edge”. Remember that?’
‘Look. In the end, you and me—’
‘We’re the same, Karin.’
They were disturbed by the pinging of the lift. The doors swished open. Then someone whistling ‘Flowers in the Window’, by Travis, coming down the corridor.
Tragic.
‘Right. So if there’s anything else you need,’ said Louie in a suitably loud voice, ‘you just shout up. Okay?’
‘Y-yes, I will,’ Karin replied. ‘Thank you. That’s very good of you. I appreciate it.’
Aaron turned the corner, clutching a huge bouquet of flowers.