Shrinking Violet

by Jean Ure

  “They live just the same as anybody else,” I said, crossly.

  Lily looked over at Dad and made her eyes go big. I know she was expecting him to be on her side, what with him being a computer person and all, but Dad just laughed and said, “You could do with a spell on a desert island, my girl!”

  Hooray! That told her.

  Hi, Katie,

  I know it’s not my turn to write but I wanted to tell you about my ace weekend with my nan and granddad.

  Nan had a birthday cake with SIXTY CANDLES on it. Truly! She counted them. It was a VERY BIG cake! It took her several goes to blow out all the candles. In the end we had to help her!

  What made it such fun was that all the family came and we played games. All the family is: aunties and uncles (two of each); my great aunt (Nan’s sister); my cousins (Six in all).

  Two of my cousins are boys, but they are quite nice. This is because they are still little!!! One of them is Seven and the other is five. They have not yet had time to grow horrible … Of my four girl cousins my favourite is Stephanie as she is like us and hates fox hunting. Stephanie is twelve. You would get on with her!

  The games that we played were:

  Miming

  2O Questions

  Charades

  How does it resemble me?

  This last was particularly funny! How it is played is that one person has to go out of the room and all the rest think of an object. The person then comes back and goes round in a circle asking “How does it resemble me?” and trying to guess what it is. It was SO hilarious! When my nan went out of the room the object chosen was: a flower pot. Well, she came back and started to ask questions, and when she got to my granddad and said, “How does it resemble me?” you will never guess what he replied! Very solemnly he said, “It has a hole in its bottom.” Nan looked quite shocked for a moment so that I felt sure she was going to tell him off for being rude, but in the end she couldn’t help laughing, and so then we all did.

  Charades was also fun. In case you don’t know it, this is where you divide into teams and each team chooses a word and breaks it down into syllables. You then act out each syllable and people have to work out what the word is.

  I was in a team with Stephanie, Uncle Dave, my dad and my great aunt Annie. Our word was AEROBICS. (Air-o-bix.) When we did the first syllable Aunt Annie pretended to be an opera singer (Singing an AIR). She dressed up in a big lacy tablecloth and put a lamp-shade on her head! She is a very dignified sort – She is a head teacher!!! – and it was just hilarious. I couldn’t help wondering what the children at her school would think if they could see her!

  It was a really great weekend. Even Lily enjoyed it, though she was moaning like crazy on the way there as she didn’t want to leave her friend Francine and miss out on riding a pony called Cobbie in a gymkhana.

  What sort of things do you do when you go and visit your nan? Where does your nan live? Mine lives in St Alban’s, which is not so very far away.

  Tomorrow we go back to school. WOE. I don’t really mind though it would be far more fun just to go on playing charades and seeing my Aunt Annie in a lampshade! Her school had already been on half-term. We were a whole week later than everyone else but we break up a week earlier. On the other hand we do LOADS of homework and we start at half-past eight every morning and don’t finish until half-past four, which I think is quite a LONG DAY.

  Please write soon!

  Lots of love

  from your friend

  Violet XXX

  PS This is a joke my Uncle Dave told me. How do you make a sausage roll? Push it!

  PPS Did you manage to work out all the flower words?

  Hi, Violet!

  Sorry I haven’t written for ages. Almost ten days! I expect you will have been wondering what has happened and whether you have said something to offend me, which is what I would most probably be wondering if you didn’t write back to me like almost IMMEDIATELY.

  I have been in bed, boo hoo! I have had this really bad cold and couldn’t go to school, which I absolutely hate. There are some people that think it is fun, not having to go to school, but I am not one of them! It is just so boring, lying in bed, even though Mum stayed home to keep me company. I kept thinking all the time of what was going on at school without me, and wanting so much to write to you but I just felt too woozy. Like my head was full of fog. I did try starting a letter but my hand went like

  all across the page so that you wouldn’t have been able to read it anyway! It was, like, all sh-sh-shivery and sh-sh-shaky. Like a g-g-g-ghost.

  I am not yet back at school so I am going to write you this really LONG letter. Be warned!!!

  I did your flower arrangements. (Mum says it is called ANAGRAMS, when you mix up the letters of a word.)

  Uptil (tulip)

  Sore (rose)

  Drogmail (marigold)

  Foglevox (foxglove)

  Shopytalun (polyanthus)

  Marigold and polyanthus were really difficult! Especially as polyanthus is one I hadn’t heard of … Mum had to help me with that one! I expect you know all about flowers because of your mum.

  The flowers were in your first letter, which I expect by now you will have forgotten what you wrote. I will have to remind you!

  I keep all of your letters. Do you keep mine? While I was in bed I read through all of yours and I just felt so happy that we are pen pals!

  Mum says that the lily that Lily is named after is probably a TIGER lily. A tiger lily would look like this:

  I still like violets best!

  I couldn’t help laughing about your visit to the British Museum and seeing a mummy that looked like one of your teachers! I have done a strip cartoon of it. I will stick it on Now.

  Next week, me and Mum are doing a sponsored walk for the Cats’ Protection League. We got Bella and Bertie from them and so that is why we always support them. These are the people I have been sponsored by:

  The lady who lives upstairs, Mrs Cathcart. (She is old but very nice. Sometimes if I am at home when Mum is at school I go upstairs and watch TV with her.)

  Our next door neighbours (both sides).

  The lady in the newspaper shop.

  The whole of my class at school!

  If I walk right round (five miles) I will make … £52!!! I am really looking forward to it.

  I am glad you enjoyed your nan’s birthday party. It sounded like fun. I specially liked Auntie Annie in the lampshade!

  I told Mum about your granddad saying to your nan that “It has a hole in its bottom”. Mum thought it was very funny! Mrs Cathcart came down on Sunday afternoon for tea and we played the game of “How does It resemble me?” but we didn’t have a flower pot! Mrs Cathcart is too old and might have been upset.

  You asked me what we do when we visit my nan and where she lives. She lives in Yorkshire but we don’t ever visit her. She won’t have anything to do with us, except just at Christmas and on my birthday she sends me a present and I write to thank her, but that is all. She doesn’t want to see us or even for me to ring her up. This is because she thinks we are beneath her. She was my dad’s mum, and she was very angry when he and Mum got married.

  Unfortunately she is the only nan I have as Mum was brought up in a children’s home and has no family. She and Dad were so happy together! There is a photo of them holding hands and looking all smoochy into each other’s eyes. But my dad died when I was only three and so I never really knew him and I have never met my nan at all as she cut us off and retired to live in her dark and spooky house and never see the light of day. Dad was her only child so perhaps when he died it unhinged her mind, but Mum says she is a very proud and unforgiving woman and so I cannot really feel too sorry for her. Mum is the one I feel sorry for. I think it is so unkind, the way she has been treated.

  You are lucky to have a mum AND a dad AND a sister (even if it is not always fun) AND two nans and a granddad. I am not being jealous when I say this but I would like to at least have a nan. Mu
m says Mrs Cathcart is “as good as” but Mrs Cathcart has children of her own and always goes off at Christmas to stay with them. So then I am completely nan-less! It is just Mum and me. Even Arthur has a family.

  I hope this letter doesn’t sound too glum and gloomy. It is not meant to. But you did ask! About my nan, I mean. I am not feeling sorry for myself, I am just telling you how it is.

  The reason you have half-term at a different time from everyone else is because you go to a posh school and posh schools do everything differently from everyone else! I expect you have to be quite rich to go to your school. I don’t mind if you are rich! My nan is rich. Mum says she has more money than she knows what to do with. Mrs Cathcart says, “It is a pity she doesn’t spend some of it on her granddaughter,” but Mum says, “We can do without her charity.”

  I have not yet done another maze, but here is a joke! I just made it up.

  Question: What kind of robbery is the easiest?

  Answer: a safe robbery!

  I think that is quite good.

  And now I must tell you something. I have had this totally brilliant and earth shattering idea! You know in one of your letters you said how it would be great if you could write stories and I could do pictures to go with them? Well, we could do a magazine! Like Go Girl, only we could make it funny. You could do the writing bits and I could do the drawings. Do you think this is a good idea? We could have problem pages and letters pages and short stories and poems and articles. And then when we had done it you could maybe make copies on your computer and I would do a cover for it. Say if you want to! You don’t have to. I mean, like if you’re too busy or anything. Or if you think it would just be a drag. But if you would like to you could send me something next time you write and I would do the pictures straight away.

  I hope this letter is not so long that you have stopped reading it! I must close now as my hand is beginning to ache. I suppose that would be one good thing about having a computer. Mum says maybe next year. I will keep my fingers crossed!

  Lots of luv from

  Katie xxxxxxxxxx

  I told Mum about Katie’s dad, and about her nan being too proud and unforgiving to have anything to do with Katie and her mum. (I didn’t tell Lily as she was still calling Katie the Blob and so I didn’t think she deserved to be told. Plus she would probably only say something stupid and annoying.)

  “It’s so sad, isn’t it?” I said to Mum.

  Mum agreed that it was. “But it’s nice that she’s told you. She obviously felt ready for it. And it explains why she’s always seemed so close to her mum, if there’s only the two of them.”

  “At least she has Arthur and Mrs Cathcart,” I said. “I know it’s not the same, but it’s better than nothing.”

  I was so excited by Katie’s idea of writing stories and poems for our own magazine. It is just exactly the sort of thing that I really love to do! I sat down immediately and wrote a poem and sent it to her.

  Dear Katie,

  I will write a proper letter soon. I love the idea of doing a magazine! Here is a poem I have written for it.

  xxx Violet

  PS What shall we call it? The magazine, I mean.

  POEM

  I’M HAVING A VERY BAD HAIR DAY,

  MY HAIR SIMPLY LOOKS SUCH A SIGHT!

  IT STICKS UP IN SPOKES, ALL OVER THE PLACE,

  IT WONT DO ANYTHING RIGHT!

  OH, WHAT CAN I DO WITH MY HORRIBLE HAIR,

  HOW CAN I MAKE IT BEHAVE?

  I’M OFF TO A PARTY TOMORROW,

  IT’S GOING TO BE QUITE A BIG RAVE!

  HOW CAN I GO WITH MY HAIR IN THIS STATE?

  IT IS SUCH A TERRIBLE MESS!

  AND TO THINK THAT I’VE BOUGHT SOME NEW SHOES,

  AND A HUGELY EXPENSIVE NEW DRESS!

  I KNOW WHAT I’LL DO! I’VE GOT A GOOD PLAN.

  I WONT GO AND SULK IN MY BED.

  I’LL INVENT A NEW FASHION, I’LL BE REALLY COOL,

  I’LL JUST WEAR A CAT ON MY HEAD!

  Dear Violet,

  Your poem is really funny! It made me laugh. I have tried to draw some funny pictures for it. I hope you like them. XXX Katie

  PS How about GIRLZONE (Girls’ Own … Girlzone! Geddit?) But you can suggest something else if you prefer.

  Hi, Katie!

  The pictures are ace! And I think GIRLZONE is cool. Now I have made up some problems for a problem page. I will type them out on the computer and send them with this letter. But I have not done the answers as I think it would be better if you did those.

  Your last letter that you wrote me was not in the least glum and gloomy though I am sorry if I upset you by asking about your nan. I know that I am very lucky to have a family even if I do sometimes complain about my sister. She is quite a tiresome sort of person, but in future I will try to complain a bit less and just put up with her.

  It is true you have to pay to go to my school, but we are not rich!!! Mum said to Lily just the other day that “We are not made of money”. This was because Lily was nagging about these new riding boots she wants. She says her old ones are naff, and she can’t be seen in them. She has to have SPECIAL ones like her friend Francine has. So Mum told her she couldn’t and Lily got into one of her sulks and that was when Mum snapped we weren’t made of money.

  I have asked Mum if we can sponsor you for your walk! She says that we can and we would like to give you a pound for every mile. Just let me know how many you do! We got Horatio from a lady that comes into Mum’s shop, but if ever we get another cat we will go to the Cats’ Protection League. That is a promise!

  I look forward to hearing your answers to my problems!

  Luv and kisses (lots of them!)

  From

  Violet

  PS I keep all your letters, too! In a special box with a LOCK.

  PROBLEM PAGE

  Dear Katie,

  My sister has such a big head that if I walk behind her no one can see me. What do you think I should do? Please help! – Norah Nobody.

  Dear Katie,

  I have a confession to make … I am frightened of my own shadow. This is so pathetic! How can I cure myself? – Scaredy Cat.

  Dear Katie,

  When I go to parties I stand in the corner and nobody talks to me. How can I make myself more noticeable? – Mouse.

  Ever since the incident with the riding boots, Mum and Lily had been on really bad terms. Lily, as usual, said that Mum was ruining her life, because how could she hope to be a top class rider and ride for Britain if she didn’t have the proper riding boots. Mum said the riding boots she had were perfectly adequate and that Lily was a spoilt brat.

  She said, “Sometimes I wonder why your dad and I bother! We work our fingers to the bone, all the hours God sends, and what for? Just so that you can go to your snotty little school and mix with your snotty little friends and be thoroughly grasping and disagreeable!”

  Wow!

  She said she had a good mind to take Lily away from Lavendar House and send her to the local comprehensive.

  “Why just me?” said Lily. “What about little Shrinky Winky? Of course, she couldn’t go to the comprehensive, could she? She’s too delicate. She’d get crushed.”

  “I could go there!” I said. Though as a matter of fact I am the reason that Mum and Dad work their fingers to the bone and send us to our snotty little school. (Which is quite nice, really.) It is because of me being a shrinking violet and Mum being scared that I couldn’t cope. Which maybe I couldn’t.

  The thought of being with boys, and lots of tough kids, is scary. It wouldn’t scare Lily. She’d be all right! She’d be one of the tough kids.

  But she was really resentful.

  “Why just me? Why is it always me?”

  “Because Violet doesn’t constantly make demands,” said Mum.

  “No, ’cos she never does anything!” screeched Lily. “She just sits upstairs writing letters to the Blob!”

  “I’m not just writing letters,” I said. “We’
re doing a magazine. We’re going to call it GIRLZONE … Girls’ Own. Geddit?”

  Lily said, “Hey! That’s quite cool,” in tones of some surprise. She then got a bit sidetracked, wanting to know when the magazine was going to be finished and what sort of things were going to be in it and whether we were going to have any articles about horses.

  “’Cos if you like, I could do one for you.”

  I said that I would ask Katie, though to be honest I didn’t really think we wanted anything about horses, I mean it wasn’t a horsy mag, and I definitely didn’t think I wanted Lily interfering.

  “Well, just let me know,” said Lily. “I could do you a really good article about riding boots.”

  She looked at Mum quite boldly as she said this. Mum snapped, “I don’t wish to hear another word! If you want to go down to Francine’s again at Easter, my girl, you had just better watch your step!”

  So after that, Lily started being all polite. Unnaturally polite. Like everything was please and thank you and could I possibly. And always with this big bright beam to show how charming she was being. Sickening, really.