My Kind of Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

“I had to. I had to know if you loved her!” she screams at me, pushing me away. I fall back onto my ass and she stands over me. I know who the ‘her’ is, and it’s not Layla. “Why did Sam have such a hold on you that you couldn’t come back? What did she have that I didn’t?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Then why wasn’t I enough?” Tears stream down her face and I feel my eyes starting to burn.

  “I wasn’t enough for you.” I stand so we’re eye to eye. “I wouldn’t have treated you right if you were here with me. I needed to grow up. I’m selfish, Josie. I wanted the whole fucking world and I couldn’t have it. I wanted to be with you, Mason and Katelyn, but I was fucking stuck. My best friend ditched out on me and I didn’t want to look like a fucking loser, so I came here because my grandma offered me a different life. A life where no one had any expectations of me, and if I failed no one would give a fuck.”

  I look away, pinching the bridge of my nose. Inhaling deeply, I skip the part about meeting Sam and how if I hadn’t, I would’ve come home that week. Instead, I tell her when the downfall started. “After my grandma died I started drinking heavily. I partied every night and took women home because I could. No one cared about what I did, except for Sam, and she only cared because it wasn’t with her. I was too far gone to come home and, if I had, I wouldn’t have stayed.”

  It’s a long moment in time before I’m standing in front of her again, cupping her face. I press my forehead against hers, letting her tears wet my hand. “Please don’t let those years I was gone haunt us.”

  “But they are.”

  “How?”

  Josie clutches my wrist as she closes her eyes. “Because I read that book. I broke your trust and now I’m questioning everything about our lives. There are things in Sam’s journal that hurt us.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like Mason… he came here for you, right after you signed with your agent. He waited at her office for two days looking for you.” I drop my hand and step away.

  “I didn’t know.” If Sam weren’t dead, I’d be strangling her right now. The fact that she kept so much from me, kept me from knowing I had people who cared about me, burns me on the inside. This is just one more reason why I can’t be a part of Moreno’s plan. He raised that bitch, and he’s just like her.

  “Would you have come home?”

  I nod. “He would’ve kicked my ass first, before telling me you were pregnant. I would’ve come back for you, but I know you would’ve ended up hating me. I had a dream coming true and nothing was going to stop me. I would’ve asked you to marry me, and I would’ve brought you back here whether you liked it or not.”

  “She came to Beaumont and saw me, pregnant. She’s done so much to us and can’t even pay for the hurt. She lied to you, and you didn’t even know it.”

  “Sam was a manipulator, and she was good at it.”

  Josie moves to the small sofa and sits down. I sit across from her, next to the window. “I can’t change the past, Josie. I can only promise you that the things I did, I’ll never do again. I would never disrespect you or our marriage.”

  “You did it tonight, though, and you know it.”

  I shake my head. “I didn’t. You saw an act. It’s no different than a music video or a movie. I put on a good show, but you’re always the one on my mind. When I was singing with Layla tonight, I was picturing you. It’s how I get through my days. Hell, it’s always been like that.”

  I crawl over to her, determined to hold her. I part her knees and settle in between them. “You’re my life, Jojo. You’re the only girl I’ve ever loved. I told you that I’d marry you some day; I just never specified how long it would take for that day to arrive. But, clearly, I’m good for my word. You know that.”

  Josie leans forward and places her lips on top of my head. I should tell her not to since I’ve sweated like a pig on stage, but I can’t interrupt the moment.

  “I have a few things to tell you.”

  “As long as you’re not asking me for a divorce, you can tell me anything.”

  Her fingers trail down the side of my face, a look of apprehension on her face. Right now all I want to do is pick her up and comfort her and then make love to her.

  “Sam never sold your grandmother’s house. I believe you still own it.”

  This should shock me, but it doesn’t. I kiss the palm of her hand and smile. “I had a feeling. I went by there the other day and the neighbor said the same family still owns the house. Can I take you there tomorrow?”

  “Maybe. Have you ever taken anyone else there?”

  I shake my head. “Just Harrison and Yvie.”

  “Okay. The next thing I have to tell you – and this one is hard, so bear with me – is that Aubrey called the other night to inform us that Meredith is keeping the baby. I thought I’d be sad, but I wasn’t. The more I thought about it, the more I saw it as a sign as we weren’t ready to adopt.”

  I try not to let my pain show on face. I know how badly she wanted this baby... hell, I did too... and for him to be ripped away from us is hard to grasp. “We can try another agency, or do that drug shit your doctor was talking about.”

  “No, we can’t, because tomorrow I have an appointment at the hospital for an ultrasound. According to my doctor, I’m eighteen weeks pregnant!”

  If ever there is a moment that I needed to capture – this is it. Unfortunately, pulling out my cell phone to take his picture doesn’t seem like the right thing to do.

  This is the expression I’ve been waiting for. There’s a gleam in his eyes that lights up his entire face. He looks shocked but elated, maybe even proud of himself. His eyes roam all over me, from my face to my stomach and back up again, even stopping to check out my boobs.

  He grips my sides as a wide smile of understanding slowly appears on his face. “Say it again.”

  “Which part?” I ask, knowing full well what he’s referring to.

  “The part where you said I finally knocked you up.”

  “I don’t think those were my exact words. I think I said something along the lines of: I’m eighteen weeks pregnant according to my doctor.”

  When you know someone as long as I’ve known Liam, you can tell when he or she thinking hard. Case in point was when I was with Katelyn at the park. She was telling me I’m pregnant, while I was simultaneously denying it and calculating in my head when my last cycle was. Katelyn knew exactly what I was doing, just as I know exactly that Liam is thinking now.

  “How is this possible?”

  “Well, when a man and woman have unprotected –”

  He silences me with his lips, then his tongue. He deepens the kiss, pulling me to the edge of the sofa. “I know how, Jojo. I was a very willing participant. What I mean is, months ago we stopped trying and started looking into adoption. This means you were already pregnant, which also means that the last round of pregnancy tests were wrong. And don’t take this the wrong way, but why aren’t you puking your guts out like Jenna was?”

  “I never had morning sickness with Noah. As for the tests, I’m not sure. I saw my doctor earlier today, and she said sometimes, with stress, the body doesn’t send the normal indicators.”

  “If you didn’t know you were pregnant, is the baby okay?”

  One night, I caught Liam reading one of my pregnancy books. He was on the chapter about miscarriages and stillborn babies. We didn’t talk about it, but I knew it had touched him profoundly.

  “I don’t know. In my heart, I feel like the baby is fine. The more I’ve thought about it, the more I feel pregnant. Katelyn even told me I was fat. This morning at the park, my best friend looked me in the eyes and told me I’m either pregnant or Xander has a lot of work to do.” I laugh and cry at the same time because while I love Katelyn, she was mean today, but in a good way.

  “You’re not fat.”

  “I will be.”

  Liam shakes his head. “I read in one of your books that you can still work out and do yoga to stay in sh
ape and that it’s healthy for you and the baby. If you’re thinking about how I’ll see you - because I know you’re comparing yourself to those women you saw tonight – then you have nothing to worry about. From the time I was fifteen I’ve thought you to be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. The fact that you’re carrying our child only intensifies that thought. Tell me what happens tomorrow.”

  He pushes a few pieces of fallen hair behind my ear and lets his hand fall down the front of my shirt, palming my boob in the process. He makes no bones about the groping action, just smiles like it’s no big deal.

  “In the morning I have to go to the hospital to have an ultrasound done. The doctor wanted to do it right away, but I couldn’t do it without you.”

  “Thank you for waiting.” He leans in and kisses me softly on the lips. It’s too soon when he pulls away, leaving me longing for more.

  “We have a lot more to talk about, like how you went against my wishes and read that book, as well as what happened with Meredith.”

  “Like how I saw you smoking on stage?”

  “Touché. In my defense, I was pretty drunk because I had to perform with Layla. I didn’t want to do it because I didn’t know how to explain it to you. You also have a voicemail from me that probably doesn’t make sense.”

  “It didn’t, but I get it now... sort of,” I pause, giving some thought to what I’m going to say. “Liam, we need to find a happy medium. I don’t want to be one of those wives who question everything that she sees or hears. It’s not fair to you. I’m having trouble letting go of the past even though for most of it, I wasn’t even involved. I’m afraid I’m not enough for you and that’s not because of something you’re doing wrong –”

  “Jojo, you’ve got to trust me,” he says, cutting me off. “You’ve got to accept that I’m not walking away from you or Noah, ever.” He pleads with me. He’s right. I need to get over whatever it is that I’m feeling. I shouldn’t be insecure in my relationship with him.

  “I’m sorry for making things harder.” I realize it’s too late to take back what I just said. His expression has changed.

  “Want me to show you hard?”

  I roll my eyes and bury myself in his neck. This is home for me, wherever he’s at. He picks me up and carries me to his bedroom. The last time I was in his penthouse, I could only imagine what his room looked like.

  He carries me straight to the en suite, setting me down on the vanity. When he steps away, he lifts his shirt, gracing me with his beautifully defined chest. My name is like a beacon screaming at me, telling me that everyone who saw him like this knew my name. When he steps toward me, my hands grab for him. His eyes close as my fingers trail over his chest. He lifts my shirt and unclasps my bra, causing me to break contact with him.

  Liam pulls me until I’m standing and slowly undoes my jeans, pushing them to my ankles. He slips each boot off, setting them to the side before he helps me step out of my jeans. Lips ghost up my legs, followed by his hands, until he’s back at my waist. He looks up with a wicked smirk on his face as he tugs my panties, ripping them from my body.

  I gasp and he laughs. “I’ll take you shopping tomorrow.”

  This slow method of undressing me is about to drive me insane. He blows on my core, sending waves through my body. He thinks teasing is fun but, right now, I’m finding it rather mean. I rub my thighs together to give myself some friction while hoping to spur him on, but he just watches my eyes.

  I reach for him. I need to get him out of his jeans. I need to feel him pressed against my body. His erection strains against his jeans, needing to be freed. He steps back and slowly undoes each button of his jeans. Liam knows I’m eager, but is making me wait. When he bends over to untie his boots, I feel naked and alone.

  His hand snakes between my legs until he’s at my center, pressing his thumb to my bud. I move forward for more, but he has other ideas as he pulls away and drops his pants. I lick my lips at the sight of his cock poking out of his boxers. He chuckles and grabs himself. The smirk he had earlier is back and now I’m finding it wildly sexy. Liam knows he’s hot, and he knows that I think so as well.

  “Stop playing around,” I say, irritated that he’s teasing me.

  “What do you want, Jojo?”

  “You.” I step to him, crashing my body into his. He catches me with a groan and instantly brings my legs up around his waist, burying his finger deep inside of me. I move ever so slightly against his hand as he fumbles to get his jeans off.

  Liam pushes me against the shower wall and with one hand still buried deep between my legs he uses his other to turn the water on. I don’t care if it’s too cold or hot I just want to feel him wet and slick against my body.

  I hiss when the water touches my skin, it’s hot and steaming up the glass door. The tiles are cool on my back and already damp. In an instant, his cock replaces his fingers. He groans at the contact, biting my shoulder.

  “Fuck, I’ve missed you,” he says as he pumps into me. I lock my ankles together, holding him place. He steps back, putting as much space between us as my legs will allow, and takes hold of the top of the shower door. I lean my head back against the tiles and push onto him, keeping with the rhythm of his hips.

  “I could watch you take my dick all day.” He licks his thumb and places it on my clit, rubbing vigorously until I start to shake. “It feels so good when you’re about to come. I can’t wait to feel you squeezing my fucking dick, Josie.” His words encourage me. I tweak my nipple, pulling on the already sensitive bud to push my impending orgasm.

  “Ah… ah… oh shit!” The throbbing between my legs is too great. I dig my hand into his shoulder and he moans, thrusting harder until he’s collapsed against me. He jerks a few times, spilling into me.

  Lips are pressed everywhere: My collarbone, neck, cheeks and finally my mouth. Our tongues dance together as he holds me against him.

  “You’re truly the best surprise, ever.”

  Liam doesn’t give me time to respond as he pulls us under the water. It’s like a waterfall, only softer. We take turns washing each other, both going slow and using extra care when needed. After we rinse off, he gets down on his knees and shocks me when he kisses my stomach. His eyes meet mine, and if we weren’t under a stream of water, I’d swear he was crying.

  We dry off and walk hand in hand to bed. If this had been his other penthouse, I wouldn’t be doing this. I don’t think I could bring myself to lie in the same bed as one of his painkillers.

  “The ultrasound will be fine,” he tells me as he slides his fingers through my damp hair.

  “How can you be sure?”

  “I can’t explain it. When you told me you were pregnant everything felt right. I wasn’t worried, or freaked out. It’s like this is supposed to be our moment. I missed so much with Noah and you’re giving me another chance at being a dad to a newborn. I got the older kid stuff down, but I’m actually looking forward to two a.m. feedings. Besides…”

  He moves closer and presses his lips against mine, then my chin, my throat and finally trailing his tongue around my nipple until he pulls it into his mouth.

  “I told you your boobs were getting bigger. A man notices these things about the woman he spends hours a day studying.” I laugh at his absurdity, but can’t deny that he does stare at me an awful lot.

  He moves to the other breast before making his way back to look me in the eyes. “You think I’m joking?”

  I shake my head. “I know you’re not joking. I just wonder why you’re always staring at me.”

  Liam lies down and motions for me to roll on my side. He snuggles in behind me, pushing his leg in between mine. He puts his arm under my head and lets his hand rest above my boob. I have the urge to rub my ass against him, but I hold back, waiting for his answer.

  “Sometimes I wake-up in the middle of the night and wonder how I got there. I look at you, next to me, wearing a ring that I put on your finger and try to wrap my head around it all. I�
�m so fucking lucky you even let me into your life, let alone the fact that you took me back after everything that happened, so it feels like you’re not real sometimes and I have to stare to burn you to memory.”

  Liam pushes my leg up and slides into me. “Fuck, you’re still wet.”

  My back arches as I cry out. He kisses every available inch of skin he can reach from this position as he thrusts into me. He holds me to him grunting with each thrust he makes.

  “Yes, yes, yes,” I repeat. “Don’t stop, Liam. Please…”

  He growls in my ear, muttering a string of curse words as he grips my hip harder, pushing deeper into my center.

  He slides between my legs. “Touch yourself,” he demands, pulling my hand down to my core.

  “Fuck, that’s hot,” he says as the moves faster, groaning with each slap of his body against mine. He pushes my knees to my chest switching the angle.

  “Harder,” I beg as I take hold of his leg and help him pound into me.

  He flips me over and brings his knees up, going to work. His mouth is clasped onto my breast while the other bounces free. His fingers dig into my hip as he slams me down to meet each of his thrusts.

  “Fuck, I’m so deep.”

  “Oh god… I’m… oh shit!” My legs begin to shake. He quickly twists me so he’s on top, letting me ride out my orgasm. He leans down and kisses me, capturing my cries as he continues to fuck me. Slowing down, he pulls my leg over his shoulder. Each trust is met with eye contact.

  “Fuck, baby,” he says as he leans back on his knees. He cries out, grunting and moaning my name as he releases. I take everything he has to offer and more, greedily.

  Liam collapses on top of me, spent from exhaustion. I run my fingers through his hair and hold him to my chest as he wraps himself around me.

  “As I was saying, tomorrow will be fine,” he says out of breath. I laugh, causing my boob to hit him in the face. He climbs up my body, kissing the path he’s taking along the way.

  “We need to sleep because tomorrow I’ll be showing you off all over town.” He kisses me deeply before rolling onto his side and pulling me with him. It’s easy to fall asleep in his arms, but staying asleep and not worrying about what daylight will bring is another story.