My Kind of Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  My leg bounces up and down while we wait for Josie’s name to be called. My nervousness is tenfold. Not only are we going to confirm that she’s indeed pregnant, but last night I should’ve spilled everything, like how I have a new motorcycle. I never felt there was a good opportunity to just blurt it out, but today I’m realizing there was. When she called me out for smoking, I could’ve told her then, but I didn’t and that makes me an idiot.

  I’ve been watching Josie all morning for any type of breakdown, or waiting for the shock to wear off that Meredith has decided to keep the baby. There isn’t any. She said it was a sign that we weren’t ready, but I don’t believe that. I think the “higher ups” knew she was pregnant and just set things in motion for us. Still, I’m torn up about the baby boy we were set to adopt. I question whether he’s going to have a good life or not. It scares me to think the wrong decision is being made for someone who can’t speak up for himself yet.

  We’ve been here before, getting an ultrasound, but this time it’s different. I was excited the first time because it was my first experience seeing a baby on the screen. Now, I’m down right freaking out because this baby is growing inside of my wife and I put it there. There’s a certain amount of pride that goes along with knowing you’ve knocked your wife up and I feel like I should be beating my chest with my fists like Tarzan.

  Josie places her hand on my knee to stop my leg from moving up and down. It’s her left hand and the diamond I put on there years ago sparkles in the rays of sun that are beaming through the window. Since I’m in the habit of spending money, I think she needs something new to remember this monumental day. A stop on Rodeo Drive is in order once we’re out of here and celebrating.

  I clasp my hand with hers and bring it to my lips. She looks at me and smiles before turning her gaze back to the door where the nurses come out to get the patients. A few other expectant mothers stare, but not for long. I’m the only guy in here right now and it saddens me to think these women are going to their appointments alone. I wouldn’t want Josie to go by herself. Besides, I might miss something important and I’m just not okay with that possibility.

  When the lady across from us lifts her magazine I stifle a laugh.

  “What’s so funny?”

  I lean into Josie so I can whisper into her ear. “Look at the front of her magazine.” Half a minute later, Josie is covering her mouth and mumbling. “Oh my god.”

  “See what I was talking about?”

  She nods, agreeing with me that the headlines are ridiculous, especially the one about us: “Liam Page Lets Wife Out of Hiding”.

  “I’m sorry I kept you in the dungeon so long.”

  Josie shrugs. “Eh, at least you gave me conjugal visits.”

  “Yeah, I’m good like that.”

  We both burst out laughing just as the nurse calls her name. If anything can shut me up fast, it’s this appointment. I squeeze her hand, letting her know everything will be okay.

  “Hi Josie, I’m Elaine. I’ll be your nurse today.”

  “I’m Liam.” We all shake hands as we walk down the hall.

  “Oh, we know who you are Mr. Page.”

  “Fantastic.” I run my hand through my hair and think of the worst-case scenario when the staff blabs about this appointment.

  “Don’t worry all of our staff has signed non-disclosure agreements. We are all here to treat our patients not share their personal lives,” Elaine reassures us as we walk down the corridor. We turn the corner and she motions for us to go into a room.

  “I’m going to get your vitals and then the tech will come in and do your ultrasound.” She flips through the chart page by page. “It says here we’re confirming your pregnancy today?”

  “Yes, to see how far along I am.”

  “Wonderful. I love watching everyone’s expressions when they see their baby for the first time.”

  I like Elaine. I like that she’s focused on Josie and doesn’t give a shit about me, even though I’m the dad. I sit in the chair across from Josie while Elaine takes her temperature, blood pressure and tells her to lie down. When she’s done, she tells me its okay to move closer to my wife so I can see the baby.

  “This is a lot different from when we did this with Meredith, huh?”

  “I’m scared, Liam.”

  I bend down so we’re eye to eye. “There’s nothing to be scared of, babe. I’m right here, holding your hand the whole way.”

  “What if something’s wrong with the baby?”

  “What if everything is perfect, Jojo? What if the baby is growing nicely and doing all the things it’s supposed to be and just waiting for the day he or she is supposed to come out and meet us?” I lean in and kiss her, holding my lips against hers until the door opens again.

  “Hello, Josie and Liam. I’m Gus and I’ll be showing you your baby today.”

  “Hey, Gus.” I reach over Josie and shake his hand. He seems cool and hip. I like him as much as I like Elaine.

  “Have you had an ultrasound before?” he asks.

  “With my oldest, but it was years ago.”

  “Well, can’t say much has changed except the images are clearer, but we still use the same cold gel,” he says with a smile, trying to lighten the mood. Gus starts pressing a few buttons, and the screen comes alive.

  “All right Josie, I’m going to lift your shirt, add the gel and then we’ll see your baby.” He does as he says and the gel causes Josie to hiss.

  “Cold?”

  “Duh,” she says, rolling her eyes.

  “Okay guys, here’s your baby.” Gus is pointing the screen, but I don’t see anything there. I lean closer until I’m over the top of Josie’s legs trying to see what Gus is pointing at. Josie is up on her elbows trying to see, too.

  “Dude, throw me a bone. Where’s my kid?”

  Gus laughs, but I’m not finding this funny. I need this dude to show my wife that she has a baby in her belly that’s coming out in a few months.

  He pulls the screen closer, using a pen to trace the baby to show us the head, shoulders, two arms, a tiny torso and a set of legs. Josie gasps when she realizes she can see the baby.

  “And here’s the heartbeat.” Gus turns the speakers on and our baby’s heartbeat surrounds us. It’s the best freaking sound in the world. I lean over and kiss Josie hard. When I look at her, tears are streaming down her face. I wipe them away, but shed my own.

  “Thank you,” I whisper against her mouth. “Thank you for loving me enough to give me this opportunity.”

  I press my lips to the side of her belly, peppering her skin with kisses. “Hey little baby, it’s your daddy. I can’t wait to meet you. You have such a huge family already. Your big brother Noah is going to love you and teach you how to get everything you want from Mommy and Daddy. He’s going to protect you and be your best friend. There’s also Quinn, Peyton, Elle and Eden. Eden is going to love you so much. Elle is going to dress you up whether you’re a boy or girl. Peyton will teach you how to throw a football. Quinn will teach you all about music. Don’t even get me started on all your aunts and uncles because they’re going to spoil you rotten. Your mommy and I are so happy that you’re growing. I love you so much already.” I wipe away the tears that have fallen before looking at the screen in time to see an arm and leg move.

  “Looks like you have a soccer player in there,” Gus says, as he presses more buttons on the screen.

  “I can’t feel anything.”

  “Give it a few days, Josie, you will.”

  “A soccer player? Gus, are you saying it’s a boy?”

  “Hmm, hold on; let me see if I can get a good position.” He moves the wand, pressing down on Josie’s stomach to move the baby. Knowing my kid, he’ll probably flip the camera off. “Sorry, guys, she moved too fast for me to get a good look, so best guess would be sixty percent chance it’s a girl, forty percent boy. But you’re measuring more closely to twenty weeks, so you’ll have another ultrasound in about ten weeks or so.” />
  “Can you give us another minute to see the baby and listen?” I ask, not ready for this to be over.

  “Sure,” Gus says, turning around the face the computer but keeping one hand on the wand.

  “What did I tell you? Do you hear that Josie? That’s our baby that you’ve been taking care of for weeks now.” Josie’s tears match mine as we stare at the screen and listen to the heartbeat. I pull out my phone and flip the camera so it’s facing us. I slide it to video and hit record.

  “This is our first video journal for baby Westbury. Here we are at your first ultrasound. You’re in the background telling your mom how much you love her.” Josie laughs, but continues to cry happy tears. “We can’t wait to meet you.”

  I have the driver take us back to the hotel after the appointment. It’s my plan to take her to my grandmother’s, but only after I let her kill me for buying another motorcycle. Instead of going inside, I take her hand in mine and walk her to parking garage. The valets don’t necessarily like the guests doing this, but its better this way.

  “Where are we going?”

  “I have something to show you.”

  I’m trying to think of how I’m going to word this. Truth is nothing is going to sound good no matter what type of spin I put on it. It was an impulse purchase that I should’ve discussed with her first.

  We round the corner and there’s a line of bikes parked in front of us. Her grip becomes tighter, and I squeeze back letting her know everything is okay. When we come to my parking number, I inhale deeply and prepare for the worst.

  “I’m sort of an idiot, but I think you know that by now.” I scratch the back of my head and look at her with puppy dog eyes. By the look on her face, I get the impression she’s not buying it. “So… I kind of bought this.”

  “Kind of, as in you did but are too afraid to tell me… or kind of, as in it’s a lease and can go back?”

  “The first one?” I question myself because it’s just easier than pissing her off.

  “Uh-huh. Did you ‘kind of’ knock me up?”

  I shake my head. “No, I did that on purpose.” I try to smile, but her ‘I’m going to kill you’ look has me shaking in my boots.

  Josie walks over to the bike, walking around it. “It’s cute.”

  That’s my cue. “You could learn to ride it. I mean, after the baby is here. I’d teach you.”

  She walks back over and sets her hands on her hips. “You need to learn how to communicate with me.” She jabs me in my chest to emphasize her point. “I’m serious, Liam. Talk to me about everything.”

  “I know, you’re right.” Josie stands there with a satisfied look on her face as a result of my instant agreement with her.

  “I know this is going to be a stupid question, but do you want to go for a ride? I bought a helmet for you. It’s not like the one I have at home, this one doesn’t go fast at all and we’ll take all side streets.” I waggle my eyebrows at her. We have a lot of fun on the Ducati that I have home, and could have some fun here.

  Josie shakes her head. I get it. “I’d like to go to the house, though. Can we take a cab?” By house she means my grandmother’s place. I nod and pull out my phone to call the bellhop and ask him to get us a Town Car.

  I’m looking forward to getting out on the open road with this bike, but until then, it’s parked. As soon as we’re back on the street, a black Town Car is waiting. I tip the bellhop and tell the driver where to go. I should’ve rented a car for us to get around in. I don’t like it when others have to drive me around. I ask the driver to stick to the main streets because I want Josie to see as much as she can. As we drive into the Hollywood Hills, the houses get bigger, grander. A lot of people live beyond their means around here, but my grandmother didn’t. Her biggest splurge was the parties she liked to host.

  Josie all but hangs out the window as the driver maneuvers the hills. Every few houses she points and I tell her who lives there, or who used to. I realize that while she’s here, we need to do the Hollywood tour so she can learn where the rich and famous live.

  We pull up to my grandma’s house and the black steel gate blocks my way. I type in the last code I remember, which is my mother’s birthday, and the gate starts to move. It’s fitting that the first time I’ve come back is with Josie. If it weren’t for her, I don’t think I’d be doing this right now.

  As soon as the driver parks, Josie is sliding out of the back and looking around; nothing has changed. I don’t know who has been taking care of the house, but I have to find out. There’s only one more keypad that I can use to gain entry and that’s around back. With Josie’s hand in mine, we walk along the brick walkway leading to the backyard.

  “Holy shit,” Josie says when she sees the pool and the landscaped yard.

  “Yeah, I didn’t really use the pool when I was here.”

  “Why not?”

  I shrug. “Too busy, I guess.”

  I flip the door open on the keypad and press in the code. The door unlocks, allowing us to enter. Taking a deep breath, I hold the door for Josie and she steps in, immediately mesmerized by the grandeur inside.

  “Liam… this is… wow!”

  It’s been about eleven years since I stepped foot inside this house. I never came back after she died. I told Sam to get my shit and sell it. I didn’t want it. Of all the bad things that Sam did, this wasn’t one of them. I’m thankful she didn’t do what I asked.

  Josie follows me around the house. My fingers are touching everything. One would expect layers of dust, but no, this house is spotless. I avoid the living room, instead choosing to go to what used to be my room.

  I flick the light on and everything looks the same. The watch I used to wear sits on the dresser. The night before my grandmother died I had taken it off and never had a chance to put it back on the next day. I leave it there, afraid to touch it.

  “This was my room.” I sit down on the bed and pull open the top drawer of the nightstand. There she is, all eighteen years of her. I pull out the picture of Josie, remembering the night it was taken like it was yesterday. It was the night of homecoming. We had been crowned King and Queen. Times were simpler then.

  “I kept this in my bedside table and would look at you every night. You’d help me write songs, and you’d listen to my problems. The first song I played after I got signed was something I wrote for you. Right after the show, Harrison and I were told we were heading out on tour. He wanted to celebrate, so we went and got the tattoos. That’s the night I got your name across my chest.” I take a deep breath. I haven’t told this story to anyone, ever.

  “The next day, I woke up to a loud crash. When I came out of my room I found my grandmother lying on the floor. I called 9-1-1 and tried CPR, but she had a brain aneurysm and was dead before she hit the floor. One day I’m on top of the world and the next, at the bottom of the barrel.”

  “I’m so sorry, Liam.”

  I set Josie’s photo back in the drawer and close it. “I had lost you and Mason because of my stupidity and then I lost my grandma. That’s when I started getting numb just so I didn’t have to feel the pain.”

  “I have something to tell you.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Your mom cornered me in the park the other day and apologized. She told me so much about her life, your grandparents and a little bit about your dad. Later that day, when I came home, I found out about the pictures of you and Layla. She was there with Noah and I invited her to dinner. She was with us when I got the call from Aubrey about the baby. We talked a lot afterward and the best part of the night was seeing her laugh. I’ve never seen your mother laugh before, but that night she did. She and Noah watched your games on DVD while sharing ice cream and when it was time for her to leave, I asked her why she never took you to meet your grandma. She said that Sterling had told her she passed away when you were three.”

  Liam looks at me like I’m a foreign object that doesn’t belong in his home. “He did that?”


  I nod, biting my lower lip. “I told your mom that wasn’t the case. I think you need to bring her here, show her that her childhood home still stands.”

  “What about you, would you consider living here?”

  “In Los Angeles?” she asks.

  “No, Hollywood. In this house, would you consider it? I need to be here, Josie, or the band is going to fail. I need to be in Beaumont or my family is going to grow up without me. What if we compromise? We can spend the school year in Beaumont, and the summers here. We can live here and raise the kids. Fill my grandma’s house with love and laughter. I think she would’ve liked that. I’ll still have to travel back and forth, but I’m not ready to give up my music… unless you ask me to.”

  “I’ve learned my lesson about forcing or suggesting anything. I think what you’ve proposed will work. What about Harrison and Jimmy?”

  “Harrison has a condo or apartment, whatever he wants to call it, south of here, but he could buy something close to us if he wanted to, so could JD and Jenna. Honestly, I think JD and Jenna are probably moving here anyway.”

  “What about the café?”

  Liam cups my cheeks, “Hire more people. I keep telling you that. Hire more people to cover for you. It’ll be worth it.”

  “Okay.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah, let’s do this.”

  Los Angeles was an eye-opener for Liam and me. We realized that we needed to work on our communication skills and stop worrying how the other might react when we have bad news. We hid stuff from each other that could’ve been very hurtful to our marriage. I still have looming questions about his past, mostly where Sam is concerned, but for the most part things between us are better than ever.

  It’s been almost four months since the band went to LA to help out Trixie. In the end, the fundraiser was successful for Metro and Trixie’s call sheet started filling up again. I’m not saying it was all 4225 West’s doing, but I do believe the guys helped out a lot. Of course, being front and center for their performances was the best part. Jenna and Katelyn joined me for the last show and we rocked out like groupies, except we went home with the band for the night.