Fading to Light

by Sarah Cole

  So last week, after a long talk with both Jay and Andrew, I decided to put in my notice at Harper & Logan. It simultaneously liberated me and saddled me with a heavy dose of guilt that settled on my shoulders, weighing me down. I knew for a fact that working in a large firm wasn’t what I wanted to spend my life doing, but I still couldn’t let that last little piece of the plan go. I suppose in a way letting it go, meant letting a little piece of Abby go, and I was still desperately clinging to the shreds that used to weave the tapestry of my former life.

  Instead of working the final two weeks, the firm escorted me out due to my access to many high dollar accounts. Luckily, I would still receive two weeks’ pay. It was decided that I would be needed immediately as Fading to Light’s entertainment lawyer, and I also let Jay wear me down into pulling double duty as their manager. It wasn’t hard to find my own way considering I used to act as their manager in college, but things had skyrocketed to a new level that I wasn’t used to. This was serious business with big names and a lot of money in play.

  I was sitting at my desk in my room on a conference call with a manager from one of my favorite bands, and a summer series tour manager trying to work out tour dates. We just learned a few days ago that Fading to Light has been invited on the Madness and Mayhem summer tour, which is huge in the metal music world. It is being headlined by some pretty iconic metal bands. Our spot would be mainstage, not the side stages that we were used to on these kinds of tours. This was finally it, and I felt a huge swell of pride for having had a small part in this band since its inception.

  I was in the middle of negotiating compensation when I feel a familiar set of eyes on me; I turn to find Andrew filling my doorway in a set of dark blue hospital scrubs, smiling warmly at me. He has been so encouraging in this change, constantly reassuring me. I smile back and hold my finger up, indicating that I’ll only be a minute, and he nods as he rakes his eyes down my body. I’m still wearing the black sheath dress and booties that I wore to an album cover shoot earlier in the day. I push my glasses back up my nose and bend over my desk to write down some figures and a call back number with a time and end the call, just as I feel a set of large arms circle my waist.

  Andrew:

  It was a shitty day in so many ways, but standing here looking at Charlie makes everything dark in my world shine brighter than I ever imagined it would. Seeing the transformation in this magnificent woman from our first conversation to now makes my heart soar. She’s coming to life; so confident, intelligent, and sexy as hell showing whoever’s on the other end of the call whose boss. She turns and finds my eyes giving me a smile and holding her finger up.

  “I’m not certain that will work, but I will run the numbers by my clients and see if there are changes that need to be made before we confirm.” She says firmly, bending over scribbling something in a notebook. I take in the site of her beautiful form – the perfect mix of edge and sophistication, and my body gravitates towards hers.

  “Thank you, talk to you then.” She says, hanging up as I wrap my arms around her small waist.

  I love how her body relaxes into mine and I take a Moment to breathe her in, nuzzling in her neck. It might be my favorite part of her. It’s soft and smells like honeysuckle, perfume and my Charlie.

  “Hey beautiful.” I say turning her around to face me.

  “Hello Dr. Montgomery.” She purrs as she smiles, and the combination definitely turns me on. “Fancy threads ya got there.” She says plucking at my scrub top.

  “Ah yes. My clothes and lab coat were the unfortunate victims of a young patient with an upset tummy.” I say shaking my head and her eyes soften.

  “Bummer, I hope everything is ok.” She says with complete sincerity. She is always genuinely interested and concerned about my day, and it makes me feel good.

  “Nothing a little medication adjustment didn’t fix.” I admit as I bend to kiss her lips.

  “How about that grocery shopping, baby?” I ask.

  “Right! I nearly forgot! I’ll go grab the menu and list we made and you can get changed. I washed the clothes you left here the other day so you have a sweater and jeans you can wear.”

  She looks excited as she rushes from the room to grab the list, and comes back a second later with some folded clothes and the gigantic list of groceries. God, she’s cute.

  “Thanks babe.” I say as she hands me the clothes that are so soft and fresh smelling. How in the world does she even make my clothes feel better?

  “You want to pack a bag so you can just stay over tonight after we take the groceries back to my place?” I ask.

  I want so badly to ask her to move in with me, to wake up to her every morning, and to kiss her and hold her every night for the rest of my life. Admittedly I have started looking at rings in a few jewelry stores and online. I know it’s really fast, but this is the surest I have ever been of anything in my entire life. I know it in my gut that I wasn’t meant to walk this earth without Charlie by my side. The only thing holding me back is the uncertainty that she might shut me down thinking it’s too soon.

  “Sure. I have a meeting with the band tomorrow morning for some more photo shoots, then a lunch meeting with the record label over some copyrights, then I’m free. What time do we need to pick your parents up, and what do I need to wear?” She asks excitedly and it warms my heart to know that she is excited about meeting my family.

  She will be the first girl since high school that my family will have met, and the last if I have anything to say about it. Not that other women haven’t tried that route to get closer, but I always shut them down. My family is everything to me and I didn’t want that drama and superficial bullshit that the girls I usually date bring along with them. No way did I want that darkening the doorstep of one of the only meaningful things I still had in my life.

  I haven’t let myself get close enough to anyone in ten years for it to ever really matter. How could I when I was only a shell filled with guilt and regret? But there was just something about Charlie that drew me to her, and before I knew it, I was drowning in her and didn’t want to be saved because she was already saving me and she didn’t even realize it.

  The grocery store was packed, no big surprise there considering it was only two days until Thanksgiving. I loved how natural it felt to do these simple things with her, loved being in public hand in hand and people knowing we belonged to each other. I longed for the day when she would wear my ring on her finger and my last name as her own. As she pushed and called out ingredients, I filled the cart. She was reviewing the list and crossing items off as I walked a few feet away to grab some baking ingredients.

  “Andrew…baby is that you?” a familiar voice purred, and I cringe. God Damnit! That voice is like nails on a chalkboard.

  “Hello Jenna.” I say flatly.

  “So you are back! One of my friends, who’s a nurse, told me she saw you at the hospital! We should totally like hangout and stuff! O.M.G. (yeah she literally said the letters, seriously) I know this new club you can take me to.” She gushes, moving too close for comfort and putting her hand on my chest. I grab her wrist and remove it as I take a step back into my own personal space.

  “Not going to happen, Jenna.”

  “Why not?” She pouts sticking out her bottom lip, looking like a petulant child in an overly tight sweater dress. My God, it’s like a wool sausage casing filled with makeup and Botox.

  I see Charlie walking towards us with the cart and my pulse races. She doesn’t look too pleased with my predicament, and I have a feeling this may not go so well. I especially hate that my past is going to come in contact with my future. I’ve told Charlie stories about Jenna before, so this should be interesting.

  Charlie:

  After I finish marking items off the list and grabbing a few spices from the rack beside me, I glance down the aisle just in time to see a beautiful, busty blonde approach Andrew as he is hunched over inspecting the different kinds of flour. I am too far away to hear what she
says, but I see him stiffen with an annoyed expression taking over his handsome face. I decide to just sit back and watch how this plays out.

  They obviously know each other based on the familiarity that seems to bounce back and forth between them, but how well is my question. He seems to be having a polite, yet curt conversation while she’s basically slobbering all over him. When she reaches out and cozies up to my man, I can’t stand it anymore and decide to tell this floozy to take a hike.

  As I near, Andrew looks my way with a conflicted expression painting his face.

  “Because this beautiful woman, the love if my life wouldn’t approve.” He says reaching out for my hand and tucking me into his side. I give him a sideways glance and he looks down at me with a warm, adoring expression and any suspicions I had are immediately squashed.

  “Jenna, meet Charlie, my girlfriend. Charlie, sweetheart this is Jenna.” He finishes, and instantly it dawns on me that this is the self-absorbed airhead he dated briefly, and told me about. I know he had flings and girlfriends before me and I am secure in what we have and what we are, but I can’t help the slight stab of jealousy that there were others before me.

  Swallowing my pride and trying to stomp my inner bitch down, I reach my hand out to her. “Hello Jenna, very nice to meet you.” She wrinkles her nose at me, and just looks at my hand like it’s some sort of disgusting parasite. A long second passes.

  “Well this is a little awkward.” I say, and Andrew smirks at me, humor evident in his eyes.

  Jenna just scoffs. “Are you freaking kidding me right now? The love of your life, Doctor I don’t do serious relationships and have time for anything more Montgomery? Just a few months ago you were in my bed, and now all of a sudden you’re getting down and domestic with this basic bitch?”

  Oh good lord here we go. I look at Andrew, “Did she just refer to me as a basic bitch?” I ask, and I can’t help but to snicker because this is ridiculous. How seriously rude?

  Andrew chuckles, “Yeah babe, she did.”

  “This isn’t funny.” Jenna whines, stomping her stilettoed boot.

  “Ok Jenna, you have me.” Andrew says raising his hands in surrender.

  “Yes, I did say all of those things to you and none of them were a lie at the time. What you and I had was nothing serious, nothing solid to even build somethings meaningful on. It wouldn’t have been fair to either of us to continue that relationship, as I already explained a few months ago. Then I met this beautiful woman, and she turned my world upside down. I just knew she was it for me. So please, be kind to her because she is an amazing person and has done nothing to you.”

  After he finishes, Jenna takes a second and glares at us, tosses her over processed hair over her shoulder and stomps off, heels clacking on the tiled floor. I know that I need to pick my jaw up, but that exchange was just too much. It was like a level twelve awkward on a scale of one to ten, and I am not sure whether I want to commit it to the steel trap in my mind for replay later or bleach it out.

  “Whelp, that was awkward.” Andrew declares, fingers squeezing my shoulder lightly.

  “My thoughts exactly.” I mumble, and Andrew stoops and pulls me in so our foreheads are touching.

  “I meant what I said, baby. Every fucking word. Yes, I said those things to her and it wasn’t anything more than a physical release, because as you can see she isn’t really into meaningful conversations. But when I saw you in that restaurant bar, my heart started beating again. Every single time I’m near you, I find myself falling deeper and deeper and I didn’t even know it was possible. I love you Charlotte, more than I think you’ll ever know.” He breathes out that last part, and I know. I know because I can see it. I can feel it, because it’s the same way I love him; with every fiber of my being.

  I nod and his soft lips meet mine in a gentle, modest kiss. I mean after all we are in the baking aisle.

  “Come on, let’s finish up so we can get home.” I say giving a tug to our intertwined fingers.

  As we continue through the store, Andrew asks, “Ok so how close were you to going all Grant Fickner on Jenna, and putting her in an arm bar?”

  I feign an offended expression. “Who me?”

  Then I admit, more to myself than Andrew, “Fickner had it coming, but Jenna Jugs a Lot was this close to getting it next to the pound cake mix.” I say holding up my thumb and forefinger.

  Andrew throws his head back and laughs a hearty laugh, and continues laughing wiping tears from his eyes, and I can’t help but crack a smile. People are staring, but it doesn’t matter to us.

  “Basic bitch my ass.” I mumble, but he hears me and laughs even harder. This time I can’t help but join in as he wraps he arm around my shoulder.

  “That’s my girl.”

  I wake with a start, my heart pounding. I don’t even think I was dreaming, so it wasn’t a nightmare. What the hell? I glance at the clock 3:19 AM. Then I hear it and it sends a chill down my spine.

  “No, God no, please. Graham! I’m so sorry, Graham!” Andrew cries in his sleep covering his face with his hands sweat soaking through the t-shirt he’s wearing.

  Who the hell is Graham? I sit there not sure what to do. I know my nightmares, but I don’t want to wake him in a bad place. He continues to cry and call out in his sleep tossing and turning. After waging an internal war with myself, I flip on the bedside lamp and sit up.

  Gently I place a hand on Andrew’s shoulder, and pat. “Andrew. Andrew, hun wake up.”

  Suddenly his eyes pop open, red and glassy and he focuses on me.

  “Baby what’s going on?” he asks, and it’s like everything floods back into him at once and the color drains in his face.

  “Are you ok?” I ask tentatively.

  “Yeah.” He says placing a kiss to my forehead before turning over and sliding out of bed.

  “Go back to sleep baby, everything’s ok. Just a bad dream.” He finishes, walking past towards the bathroom and flipping the light back off. I hear the shower turn on and I can’t fall back to sleep. I lay there staring at the muted lights of the city behind the curtain wondering what he was dreaming about.

  I decide I’m not going to pry because I know how difficult somethings are for me to talk about, and I know Andrew doesn’t keep anything from me of importance. I’m just churning trying to figure out what was so terrible to cause a nightmare like that, and why is he so sorry?

  Chapter 14

  Andrew:

  My heart is racing and I’m trying to focus on Charlie. Is she ok? Her expression is a combination of panic and concern, but then it washes over me like a bucket of ice water. The nightmare I was having of the night I lost my brother because of my own ignorance. I haven’t had that dream in months, maybe even a year. Why now? I know I talk when I have them because my parents used to wake me up, so how much did she hear? I’m not keeping it from her. Yes, you are. A little voice in side my head chides. I’m just trying to find the right way to tell her the whole story and hope that in the end she isn’t as ashamed of me as I am myself.

  “Are you ok?” she asks quietly as if she can sense my internal war with myself.

  “Yeah.” I say placing a kiss to her forehead in reassurance as I try to make a hasty exit. “Go back to sleep baby, everything’s ok. Just a bad dream.” I flip off the light for her, and am grateful that she didn’t pump me for information. I’m just not ready yet.

  I peel off the sweaty clothes and crank on the shower, climbing inside, hoping the steam and jets will wash away this sick feeling. I know I need to tell her, just so there is nothing between us. So she knows me, the real me, all of me. We can’t truly move forward with our lives together if she doesn’t know about a huge chunk of who I am. I am terrified she won’t look at me the same way she does now, and if that happens, I’m really not sure what I will do.

  After I weigh all of my options and plans in my head, I decide I will tell her, but I will wait until after my parents leave. I don’t want to bring everyone’s spir
its down, and I want Charlie to have fun, and be her fun loving self with my folks so they can see how spectacular she is. I’ll just wait a little longer, just until my parents leave, then I will let it all out and pray she is as understanding as I think she is.

  After drying off, I slide back into bed, pulling Charlie close to my side. Her very presence soothes the deep ache that has roared to life within me. As she settles back into me, she says, “I understand if you don’t want to talk about it right now because I understand what my nightmares do to me. Just know I am here, and I love you.”

  “Thank you baby. I love you too, more than you know. I will tell you… soon, but I just can’t right now.”

  “I know. I understand, but just one question. Who is Graham?” She asks.

  I tense, partly from hearing the name of a ghost, but also because I’m not really sure how much she’s already put together on her own.

  “He was my brother.”

  “I’m sorry.” she whispers.

  “I know… me too. Go to sleep, sweetheart. Just let me hold you.” I whisper into her neck kissing the smooth skin there.

  “This is all I need.” And with that she snuggles into me, her soft body fitting the hard edges of mine perfectly.

  I wake to my alarm, and reach out to Charlie only to feel the cold sheets next to me. I plan on going to the hospital for a while at least, just to check on things. I hear the clank of dishes in the kitchen and smile, the dark mood from last night lifted.

  After showering again and shaving, I pull on some dress slacks and a button down and walk into the kitchen to find Charlie making some toast and scrambled eggs in some skinny black dress pants, an ivory silk tank with black blazer over the and sky high cream and black snakeskin heels. Seriously, she is every fantasy I have come true. I watch, captivated as her smooth manicured hands with her signature dark polish, make quick work of seasoning and chopping herbs for garnish.