Healing Grace (9781621362982)

by Shriver, Beth

  Abby dressed and walked out the front door to avoid going through the kitchen where the girls were making breakfast. The smell of bacon wafted through the air, but she had no appetite. She passed by the two farms between Becca’s and the Fishers’ and soon ran into a group of children walking together in groups. Esta came up behind her carrying a bundle of books. The sight of her made Abby’s heart twist. She missed teaching. That was one thing she knew for sure. Someday she wanted to take more classes to get certified and have a class of her own.

  “Morning, Esta. Where are you going with all of those books?”

  “We’re going to the new schoolhouse and dropping off our supplies. The parents are there having a meeting. Are you going?” She tucked a blonde wisp under her kapp and happily marched down the dirt road.

  “No. I’d like to, though.” Abby was curious, but it made no sense for her to attend.

  “So you’re going to see Mose, then?” Esta crinkled her nose and squinted against the bright sun. Surprised the child would notice, Abby took a moment to respond, then nodded. “But I may stop by, if that’s all right.”

  “See you later, then.” She gave her a quick wave and ran up to some girls, chatting away. Abby felt the excitement and wished she was part of it. As Esta talked to her friends, they turned around and waved while they giggled.

  Esta probably told them about Mose, which made Abby wonder what people in the community felt about them. She was never one to care what others thought of her. She’d never been truly accepted or cared enough to want to be, until now.

  When she reached the Fishers’ farm, Abby went straight to the milk barn. Mose should just be finishing up, and Abby knew she would be alone with him and he couldn’t leave. She didn’t know what to expect, but she owed him a private conversation. The closer she got, the more nervous she became. What if he was still as upset as he had been yesterday? She didn’t know how to deal with that Mose. But she’d come this far, and it needed to be done.

  “Morning.” When he didn’t respond, Abby wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t hear her or that he was ignoring her. He turned and startled when he saw her. His face tightened, and he looked away.

  “Mose, do you have a minute?”

  He pointed to one of the milking stools they used when they milked by hand, before the gas-powered units were approved by the elders. The stools had one middle leg to balance on so the person milking could lean in under the cow. Mose sat down on his with no effort. Abby sat on her stool but wobbled around, trying to gain her balance.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you first about my plans. It just came out. And honestly, I wanted to get it over with.” She paused to see if she could gauge him, but his face was void of any expression, so she continued. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You know that I do, Mose, but I can’t stay here indefinitely—”

  “Why?” His lips didn’t seem to move, but he said the word so loud she knew he had spoken.

  “I’m not a member of the community.” She stated what she thought was obvious, but when he didn’t respond, she added more. “It’s not like I can just stay here forever without some sort of recourse.” She waited for him to say the words she wanted to hear, hoping he would tell her he felt the same way about her that she did for him and wanted her to stay.

  “You know you can. You heard me telling Chris.” His blank face was worse than if it had been red with rage.

  “Exactly—you told him, not me.”

  His eyebrows drew together, and his mood was condescending. “And through that conversation you learned there was a way for you to stay here if you wanted to.”

  She shook her head, causing the stool to wobble, and reached down with both hands to steady herself. When Abby looked up at him, she noticed him ready to reach out and catch her. She lifted her eyebrows to caution him. The conversation wasn’t going as she’d hoped, and even though the stool was irritating her, she didn’t want his assistance.

  “But it wasn’t directed to me.” She placed her hands on her chest to express what she was saying and caught herself before the stool fell over. When she looked up, he was hunched over with his fingers intertwined, grinning up at her. She stood to save face before she went tumbling down off the stupid, little stool.

  “Everything I said to Chris was what I’ve been wanting to say to you. But I’ve gotten so many different signals from you, I didn’t.” He crossed his arms across his broad chest.

  “You don’t exactly wear your emotions on your sleeve either, Mose.”

  Mose frowned with confusion at her turn of phrase, exemplifying their different cultures. “As much as you like it here, I had hoped you might stay. But I guess I was wrong.” His voice continued to rise with each word, the fire in him heightening. He stood abruptly and hung up the stool.

  “If I stayed here, it wouldn’t just be because of the community or the way of life. It would be because of you.” As soon as she said it, Abby felt so exposed, she had to turn away. He stared at her, his jaw dropped, but he didn’t speak. She turned, kicked the stool, and walked away. She heard him say her name, so she walked faster and didn’t stop until she got to the dirt road. Abby wanted to look back but didn’t. If he wasn’t there, she’d be hurt, and if he was there, she’d be angry, so she kept walking.

  “Abby.” Esther sat in her flower garden, waving to her.

  Abby hoped she hadn’t overheard her conversation with Mose. She was disappointed at the way it had turned out and embarrassed about the way she’d left him. She let out a breath, and then walked over and climbed up to the porch. She stopped, noticing a blue patch of flowers. “Those blue flowers are beautiful.”

  Esther stuck the spade into the dirt and smiled at her. “How are you, Abby?” Her face showed small lines from age, but she was still a pretty lady with a lot of wisdom and energy. Abby wondered whether she could be the woman and mother Esther was. She was so far from knowing what she wanted for her life at the moment. She couldn’t even imagine being anything like Esther.

  “I honestly don’t know how to answer that question.” Abby sat down and hugged her knees, and they sat quietly together looking over Esther’s garden. Pink-lace cactus flowers and yellow daises among a plethora of other plants filled the white picket fencing that surrounded them.

  “What’s next for you, Abby?”

  Abby sat to the side, propped up with one hand, trying to figure out the answer to Esther’s question. “I know what I want, but I’m not sure it will all work together.”

  “So what are you going to do?”

  Abby hadn’t seen Esther so serious, yet she was gentle with her questions and patient with Abby’s time in answering.

  “You’re worried about Mose.”

  “I’m worried about both of you, that you’ll miss this opportunity for all the wrong reasons.”

  Abby sat up. Esther’s words were what she was struggling with, and she was open to hear Esther’s advice. “What opportunity?”

  “To be together despite your differences.”

  “The obstacles are pretty big.”

  “It’s all relative—depending on how much you want the relationship to work and what each of you will sacrifice.”

  “I don’t have as much to give up as Mose.”

  Esther smiled. “I was just thinking the opposite.”

  “Mose doesn’t want to leave this place, and I don’t have anything to go back to, except teaching.”

  “You could do that here too. The timing couldn’t be better.”

  Abby frowned. “They wouldn’t choose me. And it wouldn’t be fair if they did.”

  “It’s only right to hire the person best suited for the job.”

  Abby took a minute to consider the possibility. It was more than she could hope for, but not realistic in her mind. “I just can’t imagine that happening.”

  “You have the experience. The other criteria is a religious foundation.” Esther shrugged. “And I’ve seen your students who live he
re interact with you. That says a lot when it comes from the children.”

  Sudden emotions caught Abby off guard, as thoughts of her mother flashed through her mind. She had encouraged Abby much the same way Esther was doing. “Can I share something with you, that’s just between us?”

  “Of course. What’s on your mind?”

  “When my father died, he said something about being Amish.” She paused to let it soak in again. “Do you think that’s possible?”

  “Ach, anything is possible, but does it really matter? Most are born into the community, but there are those who come to us who aren’t and live a gut life. After a while there is no difference.” She stared at Abby and then smiled. “If you’re doing it for the right reasons, no matter who your blood is, it’s meant to be.”

  There seemed to be nothing she could say that Esther didn’t have an answer for. Abby took a moment to reach into the heart and truly see where God wanted her to be. It might not become apparent today or in the coming days, but she knew a path would be made for her.

  “I appreciate what you’re saying concerning teaching the students here, but I still couldn’t rightfully be considered to teach when I’m not a member of the community.”

  “That’s your choice, but I beg to differ.” Esther stood and took the small rake to clear away the weeds that were tangled around some sunflowers. The suffocating vines made Abby think of how tainted she’d felt when she first met Mose, and how the feeling had slowly slipped away once she started living a more God-centered life. But she could do that anywhere. It didn’t have to be among the Amish.

  “How do I decide?”

  “Learn about our ways and what is involved in converting. Then pray for Gott’s wisdom as to if it’s right for you.”

  There was a long but comfortable silence between them. “Will you help me, Esther?”

  Esther looked her in the eyes. “I would love to, Abby.” She took a moment and then added, “Let’s start with this. Gott is twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, not just when you need Him. Here, prayer is every day, at any time, for any reason.”

  Abby nodded. “I can attest to that after living here. It’s about time I do what I’ve observed.”

  “Set your mind to things above, and you’ll soon find it a habit.” Esther continued on with her gardening as their conversation came to a close. “Abby, let’s keep this between us, at least for a while, until we have a better idea about what you’ll decide.”

  Abby nodded reluctantly, knowing how hard it would be not to tell Mose right away. As she made her way to the road, she was encouraged after their talk and felt she had the direction she’d been looking for.

  Abby was deep in thought about what Esther had told her as she walked. She was almost surprised when she looked up and found herself by the little red school with the charming bell on top. She started to walk by and then stopped, feeling drawn to it. Maybe it was just curiosity. Maybe something else drew her.

  The children were outside playing together, and the older ones were in a huddle talking. Abby stopped at the door and heard the bishop speaking and listened awhile. “At this point I believe it’s up to the school board of parents to decide, and we’ll go from there.”

  She felt like she was eavesdropping, so she backed away and enjoyed watching the children playing a game of ball. She was about to leave when Esta ran over and took her by the hand. “You’re gut at this, and we’re losing.”

  Abby’s first reaction was to decline, but as Esta pulled her along, she felt her frustrations fall away. There were two teams, girls against the boys, and the boys were winning. When they saw her, they chuckled. Esta grinned at Abby and called for the ball. She kicked it to Abby, and she tapped the red rubber ball halfway down the field before handing it off to one of the other girls, who then scored. The boys saw they needed to step it up, and the game was on.

  By the time they’d finished, Abby was tired and panting from exertion. But she hadn’t felt this good for a long while. There was something about being out in the country air, exerting herself in a friendly with a group of kids, that could bring out that feeling. The boys shook hands even though they’d lost. The girls knew they’d given the boys a challenge, so Abby gave them high-fives. They all talked at once, the way girls do, and Abby decided she should get back to Becca’s.

  “Danke, Abby!” They all yelled in unison.

  Abby waved and walked around the corner of the schoolhouse. She passed by a window to see a dozen parents talking with Becca’s sister Arianna. The bishop shook her hand and opened his arms wide, as if showing her the school for the first time. As Abby passed by the next window, Bishop Omar watched her go by. She smiled at him and kept walking. Reality hit once again, and she pulled out of her Amish-school fantasy and switched to the school in Beeville. That was her place, not Meadowlark Valley.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  WHAT’S ALL THE noise?” Mose’s daed peeked around the corner of the milk barn.

  Mose instantly felt ridiculous throwing the steel milk buckets into the bin. He didn’t lose his tongue when he was angry, but he did tend to get physical when he reached this level of frustration. He thought about how Abby’s daed dealt with his anger and let out a slow breath. He didn’t ever want to take his frustration out on anyone. He needed to learn to talk instead of lose his top. “Sorry, got carried away.”

  His daed turned over one of the pails and sat down on it. He waited for Mose to do the same. “What’s on your mind, son?”

  Although couples didn’t usually let anyone know of their intentions, Mose got the feeling his daed knew about his and Abby’s conversation the day before, so he skipped the general and got down to the specifics. “I don’t know what to do with Abby.”

  His daed frowned at him, so Mose started again. “What do you think about Abby staying here?”

  His daed shrugged. “Wouldn’t surprise me.”

  Mose turned and stared at him.

  “Don’t look so shocked. I told you at the hospital that I thought she fit in here.” He stuck a piece of straw in his mouth from the bale of straw behind them. “The real question is what do you think of Abby staying here?”

  Mose hated it when his daed turned it back around on him. If he knew for sure, he wouldn’t have asked what his daed thought. “You mean it’s not obvious?”

  His daed chuckled. “Well, it is to me, but it might not be to her.”

  Now he had Mose’s attention. “Can you expand on that?” Mose realized where he got his lack of words in serious conversations. Horseplay was one thing, but serious talks shut them both down.

  “What have you done to let her know how you feel?”

  “I hadn’t really thought about it. There’s been so much going on, I haven’t had much of a chance.”

  His daed nodded. “Jah, her daed mistreating her is what got her here. Then the flood kept her here.”

  “And before that, her horse came up lame after the accident.” Mose thought about how it had all come about and wondered if Gott had brought them together, but he was just too slow to figure that out. “Then her daed got sick.”

  “She was awful gut with the kids.” His daed looked over at him. “That comes from her being a teacher, I suppose. Interesting that we need one right about now.”

  “Have we talked ourselves into an answer?”

  “Maybe you needed to. I’ve known all along.” His daed grinned and waited for his reply.

  Mose took his time and gave it some thought. “I guess I have too.”

  “There’s always obstacles, son. There’s no getting around that. But Abby’s solid, so you’ll be all right.”

  Mose laughed inwardly at his daed’s choice of words. He didn’t know whether Abby would appreciate her finest attribute being “solid.” But he knew what his daed meant. She had struggled with her faith, but since she had arrived, he’d noticed a quiet, spiritual growth about her that he admired. “Since I’m not supposed to tell you anything else about courti
ng, you won’t be hearing from me for a while.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.” His daed’s face softened to where Mose knew he meant what he said and that his daed must truly accept Abby into their fold.

  He slapped Mose on the leg and stood. As he walked away, Mose heard him mumble, “It took long enough.”

  Mose grunted a laugh. He had taken longer than most, but it was worth it. Many Amish don’t get to experience marrying for love, only convenience, because most marry in their prime. Mose might be past that, but he didn’t have any regrets.

  He finished feeding the livestock and then went to find Chris. He was on a wood swing tied to the biggest branch in a cottonwood tree by the house. There were chores to be done, and swinging wasn’t one of them. Mose stopped behind him and cleared his throat.

  “Mose!” Chris drug his feet into the dirt a couple times until the swing stopped so he could jump off. “I’m almost finished with the cracked corn.”

  Chris dragged his feet all the way to the side of the barn and pulled out the grinder. Mose was close behind with a bucket and a large bag of dried corn. Chris placed the bowl underneath the discharge shoot that caught the cracked corn as it was processed. Chris continued to fill the grinder with the whole, shelled corn until the bag was empty. Mose was restless going through the process, but he wanted to keep Chris on task.

  When they were done, Mose went to Ginger’s stall. She whinnied and walked over to him. She favored her bad leg only slightly, but the injury wasn’t going away. It was something she would have to learn to live with. That was true of Abby, as well. But the hardships seemed to make them both stronger.

  Mose got his horse and set off to Becca’s. Frank seemed slower and the distance to Becca’s longer than ever. Mose did not make his usual stops to say hello to anyone on his way. When he got to Becca’s, he watched as Abby stood on a flatbed driving the horses in the cornfield. Becca grabbed the corn stalks as one of her sisters cut them down. Another sister took the stalks from Becca and secured them on the flatbed.

  When Mose saw the efficiency of the four young women, he was impressed, especially with Abby. He couldn’t help being partial. His daed was right in saying she worked as well as any of the women in this community, and even some of the men.