Healing Grace (9781621362982)

by Shriver, Beth

  Unsure what kind of reception he’d get after their last conversation, Mose tethered the buggy and sat on the porch waiting for her. When she walked up to the house and saw him, the four of them stopped talking.

  “Morning, Mose.” Becca and her sisters walked past him. He nodded, sinking into the awkwardness that had suddenly come upon him.

  Abby forced a quick grin. “This is sort of a bad time.”

  He held up a hand to block the sun. “Should I have called first?”

  His joke made her smile. “Why are you here?” She wrapped her arms around her waist and gave him a blank stare.

  “To see you and tell you I’m sorry for taking so long.”

  She frowned. “About what?”

  “Telling you how I feel.” The last word came out slowly. It wasn’t a comfortable one for him to say. When he saw the beginning of a grin on her face, he knew he’d picked the right one.

  “You’re hard to be mad at.”

  “Yeah, I know.” He grinned.

  “Why are you in such good spirits?”

  He looked around the green fields with yellow corn busting through the leaves, grateful for the crop. “It will still be a decent harvest, even after that flood.”

  She turned her head to look at him. “That’s why?”

  “Jah. Don’t you think the crops will do good?”

  She furrowed her brow. “Yes, but what does that mean?”

  “You can’t say no about the crop, so I thought I’d at least get one yes this way.” He continued to study the swaying green leaves, unable to meet her eyes. “I’m going to propose to you, and I want to know you’re going to say yes before I ask.”

  She shifted away. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

  He looked at her to see whether she was getting angry or understanding his cowardliness. Her forehead creased with confusion and question. He hoped it wasn’t just curiosity that was keeping her from slapping him across the face and walking away.

  “But I’m glad you told me, because the answer would be no.”

  Mose felt the blood rush through him. All he could do was stare as his heart began to ache.

  She looked down at the dirt under her feet. “I’m not ready yet.”

  He shook his head. Now he was the one who was confused. He finally got his lips to move but wasn’t sure what would come out. “I don’t understand.”

  “You will. Just give me some time.” Her eyes shone brightly, like Mose had never seen. Whatever her secret was, it made her glow.

  He shrugged with disappointment. “Do I have a choice?” Irritation began to overtake his interest in what she was talking about. He looked away to keep her from seeing the change.

  “No, but I do, and I want to make sure I make the right one.” She looked at him with those hopeful eyes, and he couldn’t say anything against what she was saying even though it made no sense to him.

  “I’ll leave you alone, then, until you figure things out.” He couldn’t help but hope she’d throw him a bone. Any more information would be good about now.

  “Danke, I appreciate your patience.”

  There seemed to be no end to her flustering him. But her last comment gave him a small bit of hope all would work out in the end.

  She pointed to the house. “I’m making apple dumplings.”

  He was tempted, but it didn’t feel right, like he was left out of something really important. “Maybe another time.”

  Mose turned to walk away, torn as to whether or not he should have stayed. As much as he wanted to be with her, she seemed to have something more significant than him at hand. He wanted to turn around and see if she was still there, but he didn’t let himself until he got to the end of the gravel drive and onto the dirt road. When he did finally look back, no one was in sight.

  He passed by his place and stopped by Joe’s. He needed another opinion as to what was going on. He replayed the recent events in his head but found no reason as to how things had taken such a bad turn. He figured he was at fault for something, but he wasn’t sure of what exactly.

  When Mose got to Joe’s, he started helping his friend with a chore; he always felt better working. He had time to figure things out and gather his thoughts. There was something about making or repairing that cleared his mind and helped him think more clearly.

  Joe took one glance at him and then went back to sorting nails. “Look what the cat drug in.”

  “How do you know so much?” Mose took a handful and put the nails in containers by size.

  “You and Abby are both acting strange.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I went over to see Becca, and Abby seemed like she was floating on air.”

  Mose was more than irritated that she wasn’t more that way with him. She acted as if she couldn’t wait for him to leave when he was there. “I didn’t get that reaction.”

  “What did you say to her?” Joe snapped the lids on the nail boxes and put them in his toolbox.

  “It wasn’t so much what I said as how I said it.”

  “Which was?”

  “Told her I was thinking of getting married.”

  “That’s how you asked her?” Joe shook his head. “No wonder it’s taken so long for you to settle down.”

  Mose remembered similar words coming from his daed and decided they must be right. It wasn’t that an Amish girl would expect anything elaborate, but he could have done better. And she was English. He’d heard of some of the ways they proposed and was glad he didn’t have those expectations put on him.

  “You’re not too far behind me.” Mose tried to redeem himself.

  Joe was two years younger but knew he and Becca would marry soon.

  “Jah, that’s true. We’re going to the schoolhouse. Grab another hammer. It’ll distract you.” He took his supplies to the buggy with Mose carrying a few more tools close behind him.

  “Glad I stopped by,” Mose said sarcastically as he pulled himself up into the buggy.

  “I know you wanted to sit around and mope, but we have better things to do.” Joe clicked to his horse and they passed by the Zooks’ and Yoders’ farms. The schoolhouse’s red exterior contrasted with the white interior and made both stand out. As they walked in, the women were scrubbing the floors with soapy water. The men worked outside to make sure every nail was flush with the wood siding. Some were finishing a second coat of paint, and others were painting the rim of the bell tower, the doors, and the window trims white.

  “The kids should be proud of this school.” Mose smiled at the children swinging in the back.

  “This is nicer than the schoolhouse we had in Virginia.” Joe admired the structure with Mose, and then they got to work.

  Mose caught up to his daed to see whether he needed any help with setting the legs of the playground equipment. He stood over his daed, who was on all fours checking the stability of a teeter-totter. “How’s it look?”

  His daed sat back. “Gut. The bigger question is, how are you?”

  “It didn’t go as well as I’d planned.” Mose hitched a thumb in his work belt, wondering what he could have done differently. “She’s got something going on that’s not clear, and she obviously wants to be alone.”

  His daed scratched his head. “You might want to talk to your mamm about all of this. I’m running short on words.”

  Mose groaned inwardly. He needed answers. “I know where I inherited it.”

  His daed smiled to ease the pain. “I say we work on that greenhouse you talked about building.”

  Mose was shocked. His daed hadn’t liked the idea from the beginning. But it was a good idea. The crop wouldn’t be as bountiful due to the storm, and Mose wanted to create something with his own two hands, completely different from anything else he’d ever made. “I’d like that. Just a little surprised that you want to.”

  Eli grunted. “To be honest, your mamm’s been pestering me about it.”

  “Fair enough.” Mose smiled
, understanding a little better what was happening and looking forward to another distraction.

  Everyone worked into the evening, stopping only for supper. The women cleaned the desks the men brought in and scrubbed the walls. The only tasks left to do were building the outhouses and organizing the supplies. That would be up to the teacher. As Mose packed up his tools in the one-room schoolhouse, he pictured seeing Abby sitting at the teacher’s desk. And for the first time he could honestly consider it a reality.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  YOU’VE BEEN DILIGENT in learning the ordinances.” Esther sat in a rocking chair, swaying slowly. The clacking of her knitting needles made a slow rhythm that synchronized with the motion of her rocker. The smell of beef roast lingered in the air, making Abby’s mouth water. She hoped she could learn to cook as well as Esther. The women here loved to have their own secret spice or ingredient that made a dish their own.

  “Yes, there are a lot of rules to remember.” Abby found comfort in the movement and noise. She relaxed back into the sofa, waiting for Esther’s direction.

  “Hmm…speak as much Pennsylvania Dutch as you can. You probably know more than you realize.”

  Abby cleared her throat. “Jah, I understand it better than I speak it.”

  “The German helps. Where did you learn it?”

  “Most in my high school took Spanish as their second language. For some reason I took German. It’s harder to learn the Amish German language mixed with English.” Abby knew the reason now, and it made her wonder whether God had planned for her to be here all along.

  “You’re ahead of most, so you’ll be fine.”

  “Have many converted here?”

  “Not here, but back in Virginia there were some.”

  “And did they adjust well?” Abby didn’t want to seem doubtful— she already felt at home in the community—but she still wanted to know what would make them change their mind. She already knew the ways of the church, and Esther was coaching her in their ordinances. All she needed was for the church to vote her in.

  “Most do, but others realize it’s not for them.”

  “Esther.” The sound of the knitting needles stopped, and their eyes met. “I don’t have any doubts that I want to be here. I just hope that everyone wants me to be.”

  Esther set down the knitting needles and reached out for Abby’s hands. “You’re already one among us. I just don’t want there to be any surprises. I’m here to answer your questions and guide you, but the decision is yours.”

  Abby reached out and hugged her, sinking into her arms. She rested there for a moment, enjoying the closeness and knowing there was no doubt where her home was. She pulled away. “When I think back to when I first came here and why, it seemed so dark and sad because of what I was going through.” She sat back and plopped her hands onto her apron, thinking about how it was second nature to wear the Amish clothes. “I never would have dreamed things would end up this way.”

  Esther put a hand to Abby’s cheek. “And I would never have expected Mose to bring home an English girl.” They both grinned. The sound of Mose’s name made Abby miss him. Abby was still frustrated that she was the one who had to finally mention something about their relationship. Although she was disappointed, she knew it wouldn’t do her any good to dwell on it. This was a good way for her to be sure that he wasn’t the only reason she wanted to live here.

  The door opened, and she heard the sound of Mose’s and Eli’s voices. Esther turned to Abby with a gentle smile. “Before you see Mose, here’s a thought. Give thanksgiving for what you have received and encouragement for living the way the Lord wants you to. If someone insults you, don’t do the same to them. Our way is to turn the other cheek and forgive.”

  Abby knew the last part was concerning her and Mose. She wanted to see him and everything to be good again, but she felt he needed to put forth some effort if she truly meant anything to him. She understood his loss of words when it came to serious matters, but this meant too much to just assume she knew how he felt. She needed to hear it with her own ears to feel it in her heart.

  She paused and thought about how perhaps she hadn’t been very forgiving or honest when she sold horses. She had observed a lot from watching her dad and learned to use his tactics well. Abby wondered whether she should ask for forgiveness for her dishonesty.

  Mose walked into the living room and stopped when he saw Abby. “I didn’t know you were here.”

  Abby smiled at his surprise. “Eli didn’t tell you?”

  Esther picked up her knitting and appeared to concentrate on her work, but they both knew she was enjoying being in the room with them.

  “Nee.” He turned around as if to spot his daed, maybe to tell him off for not preparing him that Abby was there. “What are you doing here?”

  Esther frowned at his lack of tact, but Abby was coming to expect it. His choice of words got worse when there was tension. The anxiety would continue until he could figure out what to say and how to say it. She wouldn’t accept anything less at this point. Abby felt she was doing her part by learning their ways and taking classes to be baptized—something she had never done and wanted to do now. It was a good time for her to make the commitment, no matter what happened between her and Mose.

  Mose scratched his chin. “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

  “I came to see Esther.”

  He flinched and looked from Esther to Abby. “Ach, I see.”

  In the awkward moment Abby wanted to look into his eyes, to see what he might be thinking, but she couldn’t find the courage. His short responses made her think he was upset with her. If that was true, there would be a standoff. The advice Ester had just given her went to the back of her mind. Abby noticed the striking blue color of his eyes as he brushed some blond wisps from his forehead. Maybe because they hadn’t spent time together for a while or because she felt more accepted and assured of herself, she was looking at him in a new light. Abby felt as comfortable there as she had when her mother was alive.

  “I’m going to the milk barn.” Mose didn’t so much as wave good-bye before he left. His guarded demeanor was upsetting, but then she must be coming off the same. For the moment it didn’t matter. She was making big changes in her life, and Mose could support her through this or she could do it on her own. She was beginning to think this was the way God wanted it to be—just her and the Lord working together to find her niche in the world.

  “Would you like to help me make dinner, Abby?” Esther didn’t stop knitting as she waited for an answer.

  “Jah, sure.” She watched Mose walk out the door and second-guessed her answer. It was so automatic, she didn’t think much of it, but she would wait and see whether or not it was comfortable for her to stay.

  Esther set her knitting on a little brown stool by her rocking chair. “Let’s get started.”

  Abby had learned a lot from Esther about cooking and was always ready to make something new, but Abby was more than ready to finish this task and go to Becca’s. She hadn’t had a heart-to-heart with Becca for a while, because she had been trying to figure out things on her own, but now she felt the need to talk to her friend.

  Abby knew Esther wanted to talk about the mood she was in, but she had nothing nice to say about Mose, or herself, for that matter. “What’s for dinner?”

  “Hamburger subs. They’re made with cheese, onions, peppers and ground beef, and my special sauce. We used to sell them to the English during tourist season. They’ve become a favorite.”

  “They sound good,” Abby agreed, although she had no appetite. The thought of sitting with Mose and having a meal together made her stomach turn. She watched the shadows grow over the fields as the day ended. Come fall they would harvest the crop, a time she always enjoyed. Seeing how they’d prospered from the land with bountiful produce reminded her of why she enjoyed being there.

  “Are you staying for supper, Abby?” Eli sat in the family room with The Budget newspaper in ha
nd.

  “Jah. It’s almost ready.”

  “No rush. Patience is a virtue.” He winked at her and began reading again.

  It seemed everyone had words of wisdom for her. And it was beginning to bother her. She had come a long way since arriving there and had gotten along just fine. So unless there was something she was missing, she wished everyone would give her more credit. Her shoulders slumped, and she let out a dry breath.

  Unless they are referring to my faith…but haven’t I shown growth there too?

  With dinner on the table, Abby waited to see what Mose’s disposition was before speaking. Although she had a lot to say to him, what she had to say was not fit for the dinner table.

  Chris came in pushing and shoving his friend, some sort of game they always played. Never having had siblings, she envied them. She was learning firsthand the saying that Amish children have never-ending playmates. The boys sat in their seats and became somber when Eli eyed them. Mose hadn’t joined them, but she didn’t want to ask about him. That might open up a discussion that she didn’t want to have.

  “Let us have a silent prayer,” Eli directed, and he intertwined his fingers together.

  Abby still didn’t feel like she knew what to say to God. He seemed so big and ominous, would she ever feel worthy of His attendance?

  The meal was congenial, as usual. She always enjoyed Mose’s family—one she wished she’d had growing up—but she had stopped feeling deprived, instead appreciating having this family now to fill that void.

  When the meal was over, Abby was overwhelmed with curiosity as to where Mose was and why no one had mentioned him. She pursed her lips, trying not to ask about him.

  “Let’s fill the lamps with kerosene before it gets dark.” Esther led the way to the barn, stopping in the mudroom to tidy some shoes that were in the way.

  Staying busy on the farm had helped when her mother passed, and a task such as this helped in the same way. As she walked behind Esther gathering the lamps, Abby felt a certain kinship with this Titus woman who was leading her in so many ways.