The Knowers (The Exiled Trilogy)

by Merry Brown

  For the following two weeks, Lizzy and I sat together through Senior Seminar, lunch, Computer, and P.E. We sat together but didn’t really talk much. In class we were expected to be quiet and pay attention, of course, and at lunch she was usually intently listening to her new girlfriends, Sam and Skyler, as they each in turn poured out their guts to her in hushed whispers.

  I watched from across the table as Lizzy listened patiently, seeming genuinely interested in their petty problems, putting serious thought into her own responses and avoiding pat answers. She was always honest, even if her responses were hard to take.

  As interesting as it was watching the draw and openness Lizzy exuded, I found it more fascinating observing Sam and Skyler’s slow-but-sure transformation. Both of these girls seemed damaged in some fundamental way. I tried not to listen when their conversations turned personal, but their pain and lack of self-confidence was plain.

  Within the span of two short weeks, Sam looked brighter, more optimistic, and Skyler had found the strength to leave her cruel boyfriend. Lizzy’s effect on others was bizarre, unnatural in a beneficial way.

  Her interactions were fascinating, but why should Lizzy care so much for others? What was she thinking, feeling? No one seemed to ask. Her goodness was a bit annoying and got on my nerves sometimes because… I felt left out.

  Though things were going surprisingly well at school, nothing had changed at home. If anything, things were worse – as if that were possible. My father didn’t have any business trips planned until December. Since this was the last year I’d be living with him, he wanted to spend more time with me.

  I did all I could to avoid him, but he was unavoidable when he wanted something. He always got what he wanted. And so I spent most school nights after dinner in his study, headphones on, trying to concentrate on homework or my growing stack of college applications and not the random hostile stares he’d throw my way.

  He made no sense, so unpredictable. I completely got why he frightened people. He insisted we spend time together, we would, and then he acted either angry with me or completely ignored me. It was obvious he wanted something, but I couldn’t figure out his agenda.

  All I know is I’d enter his study feeling semi-normal, with a bit of happiness I haven’t known in years and I’d leave his presence feeling black.

  Not much longer. When I leave I will never return to this place, to him, ever again.

  It was finally Friday. Thank God for Friday nights. Everyone was going over to John’s for game night.

  In the beginning of the summer a bunch of us were hanging out at John’s house when the power went out. Since we couldn’t play video games or listen to music, Michael had the novel idea of breaking out the board games. Ever since June, Friday night became game night. Game night traveled to various locations around town: our favorite coffee shop, Denny’s, the plentiful dirt fields, though we usually ended up at John or Michael’s place – not mine of course.

  I got a ride from Michael and Hannah. Lizzy told me she thought she’d be there, but wasn’t sure. I wondered if I’d miss her if she didn’t show. Did I like being with her because she was the only real friend I had at school? Was she just a substitute for my best friends and other good friends like Jan and Katie? Doubtful, but I was interested in finding out anyway.

  First on the agenda was Taboo. Guys against girls, per usual. Michael and I totally rock this game, but John can’t act out a thing to save his life. After the girls beat us soundly, we took a break and ordered pizza.

  “Hey Will, how’s school?” Katie asked. Katie looked exceptionally attractive tonight. She usually wore tight shirts with fitted jeans, her lips glossy and pale red with her thick, long blonde hair in a ponytail.

  “Better than expected. How about you. You like being a senior?”

  “Doesn’t feel much different to me,” she said biting down on her lip as she played with the ends of her hair.

  “You hear about me and Kevin? We broke up.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah. I’m glad he’s gone. He’s such a loser. But that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. See, we were going to the homecoming dance together and now we’re not. I was wondering if you’d like to go with me. Well actually, everyone’s going together as a group. What’d you think?”

  “Sure…do I need to dress up?”

  “Just wear a blazer or something. I have the cutest outfit I’m just dying to wear! I bet you’ll love it!”

  I’m sure I will. Even though Katie and I were just friends, she’d always been in the possible girlfriend category. She’s the sexiest girl in school, and she’s fun to hang out with. But I’d never been on the dating market, and now that I was finally a senior, I wasn’t going to change my mind about that.

  “When is homecoming anyway?”

  “Next Saturday night. And, I hate to ask but . . .,” she trailed off.

  I knew what she wanted. I hated it too but I wouldn’t be a jerk about it.

  “Sure, we can use it. How many people are going?”

  “Well, there’s Michael and Hannah, John’s taking Jan, you and me, Keely and Drew – if they’re still together, and Sue and Tim. So that’s 10. Is that okay?”

  “It’s fine. We’ll all fit, no problem,” I said, trying to sound like it was no big deal.

  I hated having easy access to a limo, but they’re expensive, and we’d never be able to all go together if I didn’t get it for us.

  I wouldn’t ask him though. I’d just take it. I was supposed to ask him of course, but I didn’t care. The really weird thing is I knew it would give him a sick pleasure that I disobeyed him and took the Hummer limo without his permission. He liked it when I was rebellious or the least bit devious. For that reason I was tempted to ask.

  “Great! Let’s start picking everyone up around 5 p.m., game starts at 6. This is so exciting! Last homecoming dance. Oh, and, I might be homecoming queen, just so you know,” she whispered to me.

  I wouldn’t be surprised.

  “Thanks a lot, Will, for going with me. I know we’ll have a ton of fun.” She turned and ran over to the girls who started giggling and giving me looks after hearing Katie’s report.

  We eventually returned to the games. Lizzy never came. I was ready to test out my hypothesis to see if I could understand how I felt about her. More than that, though, I missed her. I found myself wishing she was here, with me.

  Chapter Four: Homecoming

  I spent Sunday morning at the Bakersfield Community Food Pantry sorting and stocking shelves with off-brand can goods donated by local churches and school food drives. Do the poor really like canned spinach and spam?

  If I picked up anything to donate, I’d get stuff most people like, like peanut butter or mac and cheese. But then I’ve never donated anything.

  I volunteered at the food bank when I wasn’t working on Saturdays. It seemed right to give back to the community, like I was honoring the memory of my mom because she was a founding member and patron. But honestly, I’d do just about anything to give me a legitimate excuse to be out of the house on the weekends.

  I came home grimy and spent the rest of the day playing guitar and trying to write. I thumbed through my book of thoughts and half-written songs. Most were depressing, not where I was now.

  I made it the whole weekend without seeing my father. I snuck out of the house and to the freedom of school without seeing his face. Most kids hated Monday morning. Not me.

  Mr. Klep started Senior Seminar with the bad news, “Due to system-wide budget cuts, it looks like the first of the senior camping trips is going to be canceled.” Moans from all around. “It’s not officially canceled, we’re still looking into a few options, but we thought you all should be prepared for the worst.”

  He moved on to the next scheduled seminar topic: appropriate dress attire in a variety of settings—school, work, college, the office, etc.

  Actually I thought this was a valuable topic for my classmates, but I’d heard i
t all before. What somebody wore was really important to my father. He made sure I dressed so as not to embarrass him.

  Lizzy leaned over to me, “What did you do this weekend?”

  “Game night at John’s Friday. Where were you?”

  “My sister and I went to a concert at Cal State. It was amazing. Sorry I missed game night. Did you have fun?”

  “Yeah. Would’ve had more fun if you were there.”

  Wait. Did I just say that out loud? Hope she doesn’t take it the wrong way.

  She turned her head and smirked.

  Instead of turning back to the lecture she continued to stare at me, her eyes looking for something.

  Too uncomfortable.

  I could feel sweat starting to run down the side of my face. I couldn’t take her gaze. I turned my head back to the drone of the teacher.

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw her smile widen, like she was remembering a joke, and turn her attention back to the front.

  The week progressed with nothing out of the ordinary. As the weekend approached, I wondered what Lizzy had planned. I didn’t want to bring it up because I wasn’t sure if I wanted her to know about my date with Katie.

  Why would I not want Lizzy to know? I couldn’t quite put it into words, but the thought of her knowing I was with someone else made me uneasy.

  On Friday, Sam and Skyler were working on an econ presentation, so it was just Lizzy and I at our lunch table.

  “Who’s hosting game night tonight?” she asked.

  “No one. John and Michael have to work, so Hannah is having a girl’s night at her house.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I’m doing tonight. I assumed the guys would still be getting together. Got any plans this weekend?”

  Though I didn’t want to tell her about Katie, she’d hear about it tonight from the girls. Besides, I didn’t want to lie to Lizzy.

  “I’m working in the morning and then going to BHS’s Homecoming Dance with Katie,” I said, looking down. Her reaction was not what I imagined. I thought she might look a bit disappointed, or even sad, instead she looked… relieved? Why would she be glad I was going out with Katie?

  “And you?”

  “Well girls night tonight and I’m going to the dance too.”

  I knew what she read on my face, but I couldn’t help my shocked look. I’d never known her to date anyone, or even talk about boys. Come to think of it, she usually didn’t even talk to guys. She hung out with our group, but her time was always spent with whatever girls were present.

  She let out a muffled laugh that danced in her eyes. “I’m going with Keely. She broke up with Drew. She wanted to go and so she called me. It should be fun. Aren’t we all going together?”

  “Yeah, that’s the plan. I’m going to drive my father’s limo,” I said as my voice turned sour at the end.

  “I’m surprised you asked him. You don’t like taking favors from your dad.”

  How did she know this about me? I’d been watching her the past few weeks; had she been watching me?

  “I’m not asking. But he won’t care anyway.”

  I took the flashy yellow limo out of the garage. This was illegal, of course, but I knew how to drive it, and it’s not like I’d get pulled over.

  My dad was not someone to mess with – ever. I’d watched lots of cop shows where the D.A. was always trying to get dirt on the town’s crime lord. I use to wonder when the police would knock on our door. They haven’t yet, and they won’t. Is it because my father is rich, powerful, and connected at the highest level? No. It’s because he frightens the hell out of people.

  When people are around him, they have this fear that goes beyond fear for their life. It’s like he’s sucking the soul right out of you. It’s hard to put into words.

  Frank. He’s the best example. Frank was our driver and friend. He took me everywhere when I was young. He’d talk to me about my day, ask me questions about stuff. He loved to talk. He was once a drag racer but gave it up because his wife was afraid he’d hurt himself, and she was tired of moving around.

  Frank not only drove us to picnics, and fishing, but he’d eat with us and fish too. He was like an uncle or something.

  But after, after all the craziness and deaths, he totally changed. I heard my dad one day tell him, in the most civil, unemotional voice, that if he ever talks to anyone he drives he’ll be out of a job. Frank’s mouth fell open but gave a “yes sir.”

  Frank was in my father’s service for another year or so. Within a few months Frank no longer smiled or acknowledged my existence. I’d try to talk to him, but he’d either turn up the music or pretend I wasn’t there. Just another blow. Another death. I was numb to it by then.

  It was the living dead around my house. Frank, Maria, Carla. All once fun and free-going, had been turned into zombies. And then they were gone. Either quit or fired. I never knew for sure, but I wanted to believe they got the courage to tell my dad where he could stick his job.

  That’s why we can never keep any normal help. All the people who work for my father now seem to be just as messed up as he is. My house is a very dark place.

  I began my loop around the city, starting with Michael because he was the closest. He rode up front with me until we picked up the girls. They were all at Katie’s house getting ready together.

  John, Michael, and I went to the door and knocked.

  One by one they descended the staircase, all looking rather pretty. Katie looked amazing in her black leather pants, low-cut sparkling red shirt with lips that matched. Lizzy was right behind Katie. She was wearing an Indian-inspired black dress with gold embroidery. It showed off her body in a non-sexy, sexy way.

  Katie took my hand and kissed me on the cheek. She seemed really glad to see me. We all headed to the limo and she curled up in the front seat next to me.

  We were late to the game, but no one really cared. We divided almost immediately: girls on the right and guys to the left.

  The girls fell instantly into a serious-looking conversation. Girls were so different. I’ve never gotten together with my friends to “get ready” to go anywhere. It’s not that I mind dressing up. I’ve dressed up most of my life due to various ritzy events my dad made me attend, and I don’t need help picking stuff out – though it looks like John could’ve used my help tonight.

  Tim started recapping the UCLA game for us. We’d all missed it. John and Michael worked all day, and I was at the coffee shop trying to write lyrics to that elusive song that’s stuck in my head.

  John leaned in, “So Michael, is it going to be tonight?”

  Michael smiled - no, he grinned so wide his eyes slightly popped out of place. “I think so, finally!”

  “What’s taken so long? I mean, you love her, right?” John asked.

  “Sure. She just hasn’t been ready and I don’t want to push her. But she’s been sending me signals lately like she wants to. I can wait, though. I care about her too much to have her do anything she’s uncomfortable with. I’m not going anywhere. I can wait.”

  “Wow, man, you must have super self-control,” Tim said, impressed.

  “No, it’s just I really love her. I don’t want to hurt her.”

  “Well, good luck tonight. I’ll be thinking about you two,” John snickered.

  I’m sure we’d all be thinking about what they’d be doing tonight.

  “Speaking of luck, Katie looks really hot tonight… and way into you,” John added.

  Hum. He was right. What would I be doing later tonight?

  BHS beat West High 24 to 14, and we headed down to the gym for the dance.

  The lights were low and the music was going. The girls dragged us into the middle of the dance floor as a thousand high schoolers jumped up and down to the beat. The Bee Gees, Aerosmith, Queen, The Eagles, Lady Gaga, Paramour, the music was all over the place. It was a blast.

  The music finally calmed down and Katie found my waist, winding her lovely arms around me. With the slow music and fee
l of her soft body next to mine, I wondered what it would be like to break my rules and date her.

  She was beautiful and interested in me. We were friends and she liked me, despite my father.

  Then I remember why I had my strict rules. If I started dating her, he would know. Damn.

  If he knew, she wouldn’t be safe. No, I wouldn’t do that to Katie. Besides, honestly, despite Katie’s looks, I wasn’t really interested in a long-term relationship with her. We were friends, and I think I’d rather keep it that way.

  As we circled the dance floor, I caught a glimpse of Lizzy and Keely sitting at a table chatting. The song ended and Katie went to find Jan. I decided to see if Lizzy wanted to dance with me.

  “Hey guys, enjoying the dance?” I asked, aware I was nervously shifting from side to side.

  “Yah,” Keely said. “I’m so glad I came and didn’t stay home because of that jerk!”

  Another slow song came on. I turned to Lizzy, “You want to dance with me?” I asked as I held out my hand to her. Immediately I remembered the last time I touched her hand – at Sue’s party. A shiver went down my spine and I now desperately wanted her to say yes.

  “Uh, no thanks. I think I’ll sit this one out,” she said politely, though it looked like she wanted to say yes, “but I bet Keely would like to. She’s a great dancer.”

  “Sure I will,” Keely said taking my hand. Keely was a fine dancer, but my mind was with Lizzy. Why did she say no to me? Does she think I’m interested in her and doesn’t want to lead me on? She’s sensitive, but not in the extreme. What would one dance matter, anyway, even if I was interested in her?

  It was almost midnight and time to go. We dropped Michael and Hannah off at Hannah’s house first. Hannah’s parents were out of town for the weekend. Everyone was giddy with anticipation and started giggling as soon as they stepped out of the limo. Michael slammed the door behind him with a grin on his face. Hannah just looked nervous.

  I took Keely and Lizzy to Keelys’ place and dropped off the rest until I had one stop left. Katie’s house.