It's love

by K. C. Harper

  Ten

  “Are you ready to go?” TJ stood in the doorway waiting for me. I was sad our time together was ending. A part of me could have stayed here with him forever, lost in bliss and love.

  “Yeah, I think I have everything. Let’s go.” I turned around once more, glancing around the room to make sure I wasn’t leaving anything. “I am not looking forward to work tomorrow. I had such a good time this weekend.”

  He glanced at me for a second and then back at the road ahead. “I had a good time too Danielle. Thank you for coming with me.”

  I smiled at him and continued looking back out the window. The drive home was quiet and I felt his distance. I fell asleep after a while and awoke to TJ opening my door.

  “We’re here. I’m sorry to wake you up, but we are at your apartment.”

  I stretched and looked out the window. We were already back. Before I even got out of the car I could feel that something wasn’t right with him.

  “Come on, I’ll walk you to your door.”

  We walked in silence. He was carrying my suitcase. I was walking ahead of him, feeling a sense of sadness coming over me. “I had a nice time, TJ. Thank you.”

  He set my bags inside my apartment just by the front door, clearly so he wouldn’t have to come in. I was about to cry, the distance I felt from TJ was eating me up inside. We both stood there for a few seconds. I could feel the tension in the air.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow. I am going to be out of town for a couple–”

  I didn’t want to hear lies. It was painful enough that this was all over. “TJ you don’t have to explain anything. I get it. Thank you again, I had a nice time.” I turned to walk inside and he grabbed my wrist.

  “Danielle wait...”

  I wanted to get inside quickly before I started crying. I could feel the tears in my eyes already. I spun around, trying to pull my wrist out of his hand. His grip was tight and it started to hurt. “Let me go, TJ. You are hurting me. I get it, you don’t have to give me some big story of how you will call and then you won’t. It’s because you will supposedly be out of town and busy.” I felt a tear start to fall and knew it was too late to hold them back.

  “What? Danielle, you think I wasn’t going to call you anymore?” quickly letting go of her wrist.

  I could feel more tears coming. I tried to turn around to go inside and slam the door in his face. It’s what a guy deserves after dumping you when they got what they wanted all along. I thought he was different. He grabbed my arms, holding me so I couldn’t move.

  “Danielle, that’s not what was going to happen. I was going to call you.” His voice was low and sounded like he was hurting.

  I couldn’t stand to hear him try and make up excuses. “TJ, please...” I wiped a tear off my face with the back of my hand. “It’s late, I should go. I have to get my things ready for work tomorrow.”

  He dropped his hands from my arms and shoved them into his pockets and I could see he was getting frustrated. “Danielle, that’s not…” He stood there as if he were at a loss for words.

  “Goodnight, TJ”. I was finally able to get inside my apartment and close the door to lock it, when he pushed it open. Tears were falling steadily down my face.

  He grabbed my face with both hands and brought my eyes up to meet his. “Stop crying. Please, I don’t like it when you cry. Danielle, I swear I was going to call you.” His voice dropped to a whisper.

  “You don’t have to try and be nice now just because I’m crying. It’s fine. I could tell you were thinking of a way to get out of this during the whole ride home. I mean while I was awake.”

  He looked almost hurt by my words. He took a step closer to me and stared straight into my eyes. “What are you talking about?”

  I didn’t want to have to explain anything. It was bad enough I was crying. “You hardly talked to me the entire way home, TJ. You barely even looked at me. When we got out of the car just now you didn’t even hold my hand. It’s clear by the look on your face that you weren’t happy to be around me and couldn’t wait to get out of here.” Tears continued to pour out of my eyes.

  He wiped a tear away from my cheek with his finger, still holding my face in his hands. “Danielle, you think I regret what happened this weekend?” It was almost a whisper from his lips.

  I didn’t even want to think about the weekend because it would only hurt more. “It’s obvious, TJ, that you couldn’t stop touching me all weekend, but today on the way home in the car and walking to my door, you didn’t touch me once. I’m not stupid TJ! I know how this usually works. The guy is sweet, so he can get the girl in bed and then moves on to the next one.”

  He had a look of shock and anger on his face. He staggered back as if I had just slapped him.

  “Danielle, that’s not–– I can’t–– Dammit Danielle! This is not how I saw things going.” He was running his hands through his hair making it look even more disshelved.

  I pulled away from his hand, backing away from him. “Danielle, please wait. Listen to me, ok? I had the best time with you this weekend.”

  I didn’t want to hear anymore. It was hurting more and more with each word. “Yeah, and this is when you say it’s you and not me, right?” How long could this possibly go on? I thought. Why can’t he just leave? I kept trying to back away from him and go further into my apartment, but he kept stepping closer.

  “No, Danielle!” He was shouting now and I could see he was clearly frustrated. Rubbing his hands over his face I could see he was upset. I was the one being dumped. “Please. Listen to me, ok? Let me explain it to you.”

  I stood there trying to hold back the next rush of tears.

  “Danielle, I know I was distant in the car and I know you felt it. I could tell by the sadness on your face, but you’re getting it all wrong.” He looked around trying to get his words together.

  “Please explain it to me TJ, because you are confusing the shit out of me right now.” At this point, I was getting upset. I had my arms crossed across my chest just waiting to hear his excuse.

  He let out a long sigh. “I’m upset alright, but it’s not because I don’t want to see you again. I do.” He looked into my eyes for a moment.

  “Then I’m not understanding, TJ. Did something go wrong with your meeting and the contract?”

  He shook his head. “No, work is fine.” He ran his hand over his face again and I could see he was struggling with his thoughts. “I’m going to miss you. I’m going to miss going to sleep next to you, and watching you sleep.” He looked down at the floor and back up to my eyes. “I’m going to miss waking up next to you. I wasn’t ready for the weekend to be over and I have to go back to my apartment alone.”

  I felt my world shift at hearing his words. I felt the pain in my chest start to rise and go directly to my heart.

  He let a breath out as if he was really struggling with his feelings. “Dammit Danielle. I want you! I really want you! It’s more than just sexual. I have thought about kissing you almost my entire life and when it finally happened, I didn’t want it to ever stop. It was better than I thought. Then this weekend being with you and making love to you was amazing.”

  Oh my God. He thought of us having sex as making love. The dull ache started again, getting stronger with every word. “TJ I’m sorr...” I took a step closer.

  “Let me finish, ok? Before I get nervous and can’t.” He just spent most of the weekend naked with me and now he was going to get nervous.

  I was confused. “Why would you be nervous TJ?”

  “I don’t know. When I’m around you I can’t think straight. I can hardly breathe, and now seeing you cry because you thought I didn’t want you, really hurts. I never want to make you cry.”

  I wasn’t sure what to think. My mind was overloaded with the thoughts of him not wanting me and now this. I could barely think straight.

  “I’m sorry I was an ass about this. I just didn’t know what to do or how to tell you I couldn’t stand being aw
ay from you for a whole night, without you thinking I just wanted you for the weekend,” he said.

  “TJ, I would never think that about you. I’m sorry if I thought you were just trying to get out of calling me or seeing me again.” I moved closer to him and slid my hand across his cheek. He looked down at me. He was sad now.

  “TJ, I know how you feel because I feel it too. I felt it last night in bed with you, and the first time you held my hand. I felt it that night in your garage when we were teenagers. I just never realized it. I was too stupid to see it.”

  Before I knew what was happening, he was wrapping his arms around me and kissing me. It was a kiss that was sealing my love for TJ forever in my heart.

  “I know we have only spent a weekend together , Danielle, but I can’t help what I’m feeling. I don’t even think I could stop it if I tried,” he said, in-between kisses.

  My front door was still open as he kissed me. He spun me around, kicking the door closed with his foot. He turned me so my back was up against the door, as he kissed me. I felt the world stop for just a second.

  “I want you so much, Danielle. I need you.”

  I could hear the need in his voice. I felt my shirt coming over my arms before I could react and saw it go flying across the room. He was pulling at my waist, grasping possessively with his fingers. He was pulling our bodies so close together that not even a piece of paper would slide between us.

  “I want you, too. TJ, I need you.” My voice was a breathless whisper. All I could hear was the loud beating of my heart. He kissed his way down my neck while he unbuttoned my jeans. They were off in less than a second. There was no stopping him now as he was burning with desire. I could feel how much he wanted me with every soft kiss. It was enough to push me over the edge. I was gasping now, feeling my breath caught in my throat. “Let’s go to my room, TJ.” I could barely hear my own voice.

  “I need you now, Danielle… so much. I can’t wait that long. I want you right here, right now.” His voice was rough and hoarse.

  I was completely lost in TJ now. “Oh God…” It was all I could manage to get out, as my head fell back against the door. He held me up with one arm. I felt like I was floating; waiting a lifetime to feel him inside of me. Finally, he slid himself inside of me. He pulled out again while slowly thrusting back in.

  “Oh fuck––you feel so good Danielle… every time.” He was moving faster now, pushing me higher and closer to the edge. One arm holding me up and the other on the door by my face.

  “Danielle...” His voice was a raspy whisper now. It was almost like he was hurting and needed to climb inside my body to ease the pain. I needed him like I needed my next breath of air. With his next thrust I was falling over the edge; my body giving into my orgasm. It was as if the world was spinning and I was falling and crashing with every thrust. My climax seemingly went on forever. He was kissing me and I could feel his body tighten and tense as he pushed harder and faster. I felt him find his release, groaning through his last thrust. He fell to his knees, pulling me on top of him. I was lying on him. My head was on his chest, feeling the quick rise of each breath.

  “Fuck, Danielle. You really do know how to bring a man to his knees.” He kissed me until we couldn’t breathe anymore. “I am sorry I was a dick about things; please don’t push me away. I want to be with you. I most definitely want to do what we just did again; maybe twice in one day, but don’t ever think I don’t want you or was just using you to get laid.”

  I could tell from the look in his eyes that he was truly sorry and meant what he said. I always felt more than just the physical attraction when he was inside of me, it felt like more.

  I finally managed to find all of my clothes again as TJ was fixing his jeans. He was smiling as he fixed his shirt and zipped up his pants. Reaching for me he pulled me to him and kissed me.

  “I really do have to go out of town for a few days, Danielle. I wasn’t trying to bullshit you earlier. I have to be in Georgia in the morning to meet with the medical director of the hospital in Augusta.”

  “It’s alright, TJ. I understand. I know you have a business to run.”

  “I am going to call you. I’m going to miss you more than you will ever know. When I get back, I want to take you out to dinner.”

  “When will you be back?” Deep inside I felt a sudden sadness.

  “I have to leave early tomorrow. I have at least three meetings with the hospital, so probably Thursday afternoon.”

  Thursday seemed like years away from him. “I have a parent conference on Thursday at seven, and I’m not sure how long it will be. I might get out by eight thirty or nine.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t care how late it is on Thursday, I have to see you. Being away from you for almost four days is going to drive me crazy.”

  I didn’t want to think about how many days it would be without seeing him, I just wanted to get through it quickly. “Call me when you get back. I’ll let you know what time I’ll be home.”

  He nodded. “It’s late, I should go. I have to drive back to my apartment in Charlotte and get some plans that I have to bring with me,” he said, while kissing me.

  “TJ, if you keep kissing me, you are never going to leave and you have to drive into the city. It’s already eleven.”

  He kissed me one more time, not wanting to stop. “I need to get my fill of kisses since I won’t be able to kiss you for four whole days,” he said, kissing me one last time.

  “It’s only four days and we can talk on the phone.” Who was I kidding? Four days was Four too many without him.

  “Ok… ok fine. But one more kiss,” he said, and this time kissed me one last time.

  Eleven

  Monday morning was crazy, three students were having some kind of crisis and I had to do paperwork for two upcoming parent conferences this week. I spent most of my day sneaking text messages to TJ, missing him more with each message. By the time I got home at six . , I was exhausted. I ended up passing out on the sofa while watching The Bachelorette. I woke up to a buzzing noise near my ear and it took me a minute to realize it was my phone. Eight missed calls. I hadn’t heard the phone ring at all, I must have been in a deep sleep. Three of the calls were from my mom checking up on me, and the other five missed calls were from TJ. He left me two messages and one text.

  Shit.

  I checked my voicemail, the first one was my mom. She had exciting news about her job and wanted to tell me in person and told me to call her as soon as I could. And of course, she wanted to know about my weekend. His voice came over my phone.

  “Hey, it’s me. I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you, call me.”

  I smiled. He was missing me just as much as I was missing him.

  “Hey Danielle, it’s me again, it’s like eight thirty. You’re probably busy. I just wanted to say hi. Call me later. Bye.”

  I could hear the worry in his voice and went to read my text messages.

  “Are you alright? Call me please.” His text message time read nine forty - five. I glanced over my shoulder to look at the clock on the microwave. “Oh, shit. It’s almost twelve.” I sat up and grabbed my phone to call him. He picked up on the first ring.

  “Danielle, are you alright?” He was worried, I could tell by his voice.

  “TJ, I’m sorry. I fell asleep. I didn’t hear the phone”. I heard him let out a sigh of relief.

  “I was getting worried. I thought something was wrong.”

  I was really missing him more than I wanted to admit. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry. Everything is ok. How was your meeting?”

  He was quiet for a moment. “Boring, long, and I wish I could come home already but I have to meet with two more board members tomorrow and then work out the contract. “I miss you Danielle…”

  eHearing him say that made my chest ache.

  “I miss you, too. TJ.” Thursday seemed like it was so far away.

  “I just wanted to hear your voice before I went
to sleep, you should go to bed you’re tired.”

  “Goodnight, TJ.” I never thought I would ever miss someone this much.

  “Goodnight, baby, dream of me.” He hung up and I felt my heart skip a beat.

  ***

  Tuesday was another busy day, students needed me almost all day and I had to schedule another parent conference for Friday. I was missing TJ even more than yesterday. At lunch I decided I would call him just to talk to him for a few minutes. I got his voice mail and figured he was probably busy with work and meetings.

  “Hi, it’s Danni…” I stopped for a second thinking it was awkward to call myself, Danielle and only liked it when TJ used my name. “I just wanted to say Hi, and that I miss you. I hope you’re having a good day. Call me later, bye.”

  Before going home I stopped at the grocery store because I knew I had nothing at home to eat and then made a quick stop by my mom’s house to hear about her good news. She was promoted to Assistant Manager and she would be getting a slight pay raise and was really happy.

  “So, Danni how was your weekend with TJ?” I could hear the excitement in her voice. I knew she would want all of the details.

  “It was good, mom.” I knew she wasn’t going to settle for “just good”.

  “Are you kidding, just good? Come on, Danni. Please tell me you did not push that boy away.”

  I thought about the night when we got back from Asheville and almost did just that. “Of course not.”

  She knew there was more to this story. “Danni, I love you, I want to see you happy and be with someone that I know will care for you and love you. I believe TJ will do those things. He is a great guy, and I can tell he adores you just by the way he looks at you.”

  Great, now I was sure she was going to pull out the bridal magazines and knitting books on baby blankets. “What are you talking about, the way he looks at me?”

  She looked at me and I could tell she knew I knew what look she was talking about and I did, because I saw it in his eyes our last night together in Asheville.