It's love

by K. C. Harper

  “Oh, honey, please, TJ looks at you like your father looked at me, like no one else matters,like you’re the only person in a crowded room. Danni,” she reached for my hand. “I’ve seen the way you look at him, and it’s the same way.”

  She was right, but talking to my mother about my love life was a little much for me.

  “I should get going, it’s getting late.” I said goodbye and told her would stop by this weekend. I still hadn’t heard from TJ yet since I left him his message, and was starting to worry. I realized how worried he must have felt when I didn’t answer his calls. The worry grew as I drove home.

  My phone started ringing as I was trying to unlock the door to my apartment. I was in a hurry to get inside as an uneasy feeling was lingering in the pit of stomach from the moment I stepped out of the car.. I was searching through my purse trying to find my phone. I found it just before it went to voicemail.

  “Hello.”

  “Hi… it’s me. I’m sorry I missed your call. I was stuck in a meeting until seven and I just got back to my hotel room.”

  I could hear the longing for me in his voice. I was glad he was ok and I felt the nerves in my stomach fade a little, but something felt off.

  “Can you hang on a second? I need to put my stuff down and get inside,” I said as I was fumbling with the keys to enter my apartment.

  “I’ll wait.”

  I was grabbing the last bag of groceries off the floor, holding the phone in one hand and my purse in my arm, when I heard footsteps coming…

  No. No. No

  I was shoved inside, and fell to my knees. The phone went flying and my purse and groceries spilled onto the floor. I could hear TJ calling my name as the phone slid across the floor. I tried getting to my feet but was shoved down again with a kick to my side and this pain went through my body instantly.

  “I don’t want to hurt you, I just need money,” It was a man’s voice.

  I tried to breathe, but the pain was so intense.

  “Don’t get up or turn around, or I’ll have to hurt you,” he said.

  I could feel something sharp by the side of my face and knew it was a knife. “Please…” I whispered. “Take whatever you want, please just don’t hurt me.” I felt his knee on my back and the pain getting stronger. I could feel the air slowly leaving my body.

  “Shut up… shut the fuck up. Don’t fucking move.” He was shouting and in a panic. I could feel the tip of the knife running down my cheek, to my arm and now my back. I felt him bend down, pressing himself against my body.

  “Please.” It was barely coming out of my mouth.

  His breath was on my ear as he was running his hands up and down my body now. “Don’t fucking move or I’ll have to hurt you.”

  I could smell the alcohol and cigarettes on his breath . He pushed off of me with his knee furthering the pain in my body. I heard him picking up my purse. I saw his feet pass in front of my face, pacing and grabbing things. I laid my head down trying to concentrate on taking slow breaths because it was getting harder and harder to take a breath in.

  “Don’t fucking move I said or you’re gonna regret it. I swear lady.”

  I could feel the tears running down my face and the air leaving my lungs with each breath I tried to take. All of my thoughts were a jumbled mess, so many things, my mom and my dad… I wished my dad was here right now. Then to TJ and how I would never see him or kiss him again. I never got to tell him how I really felt about him. I could hear his voice on the phone yelling for me. It sounded far away, and it was the last thing I heard as I passed out.

  Tweleve

  I woke up with a stabbing pain on my left side and an ache in my head that felt like a jackhammer. Trying to focus my eyes, I saw my Mom sitting next to me.

  “It’s ok, honey. You are safe now. You’re ok.”

  I could barely hear her voice. I was so disoriented. “Mom, where am I?” My throat was dry and tight.

  “The hospital. You have a broken rib, but the doctor says it’s going to heal and you will be ok in a couple of weeks. I’m just so glad you’re ok.” She was sobbing and holding my hand.

  It was still hard to breathe.

  “Relax, honey. You’re ok now, TJ called the police from his hotel room, they got there before the man left and arrested him.”

  I was barely hearing what my mom was saying, I was too busy concentrating on my breathing.

  “TJ is on his way back home. He canceled his meetings and will be on the next plane out of Georgia, he’s so worried about you. He has been calling every two hours to check on you.”

  I looked around the room still in shock about what happened. “What time is it, mom, I have to be at work in the morning.”

  She shook her head. “Danni, you can’t go to work like this. The doctor says you have to stay here for a few days for observation. I called the school and told them what happened and they said to take the time you needed to get better and come back when you’re ready. I was so scared when TJ called me Danni, I didn’t know if you were ok and what was going on. I’m so glad you’re ok. I’m so grateful for TJ. I don’t know what would have happened if you weren’t on the phone with him when all of this happened.”

  I closed my eyes, trying to ease the pain in my head. My mom’s voice was tuned out completely now. All I could see was her mouth moving and my head was spinning. I finally drifted off to sleep again. My body felt weak and the pain in my ribs was still there as I opened my eyes again. I wondered what time it was. My hospital room was dark and I could see no light from behind the curtain. I could barely focus on anything but was able to see that someone was on the chair in the far corner. I tried sitting up and cried out in pain falling back to the bed. I felt a hand brush across my forehead.

  “Don’t try to sit up Danielle, just lie down, please baby.” His voice was low.

  I could hear the hurt and worry. I couldn’t focus on his face. I was groggy and my vision was still out of focus from my headache. “TJ…” I said, trying to open my eyes to see him.

  “I’m here baby, I’m right here. Try not to move too much.”

  Hearing his voice brought back everything fresh in my memory, the sound of the footsteps, the feeling of my knees hitting the floor, and feeling like they had shattered, the kick and the noise of my rib breaking. I could feel the tears filling in my eyes and run down my cheeks as it played out in my head over and over.

  “Oh, Baby, Don’t cry. Please. You’re ok. You’re safe now. I’m here. No one is going to hurt you again.” He was rubbing circles on my hand trying to reassure me.

  I felt the mattress dip, and he slid into bed next to my good side. He was gently pulling me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me to hold me. “I’m sorry Danielle, I’m so sorry. I should have never gone to Georgia, I should have waited a few more minutes to call you. I should have waited until you were inside, instead of outside on the phone with me.”

  I could hear the anger and fear in his voice. My tears were falling now with no sign of easing up. I tried to speak to tell him none of this was his fault, but my tears took over until I finally fell asleep, resting my head on his chest.

  ***

  The next few days were tough. The pain was intense and constant. The doctor was finally letting me go home. He said I could return to work next week, but I was to take it easy for the next two. My mom and TJ were sitting in my room with me as I waited to be discharged by the nurse.

  “Honey, why don’t you stay at home with me for the next few days so I can help you?”

  I couldn’t wait to get into my own bed. “No mom, it’s fine, I really want to go home and sleep in my own bed.” I really wanted to be alone.

  “But Danni, you might need help, and you still have your bed in your old room.”

  She wasn’t going to give up. “A twin bed, mom that’s not as comfortable as the bed at my apartment, I’ll be fine.” She realized I wasn’t going to agree to go stay at home with her.

  “Honey, are y
ou sure you are ready to go back to your apartment?”

  I hadn’t thought of that yet, I just wanted to get home and get in my bed.

  “I’ll stay with her, Mrs. Bryan. I’ll take care of her.”

  I looked up at TJ and saw the look of anger and pain on his face. He looked exhausted, like he had been awake for three days straight.

  “TJ, I’ll be fine. Mom, don’t worry so much about me.” I just wanted to get out of this hospital already. It felt like weeks had gone by.

  “I’m staying with you, Danielle.” He said it firm, and I knew he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

  Finally, the nurse finished discharging me and I was ready to go... I wanted to get home, take a shower and get in bed.

  We drove to my apartment in silence. I could feel TJ stare at me as I looked out the window.

  “Are you sure you want to go back to your apartment? We could go to mine, or stay at my dad’s house,” he asked.

  I looked at him, a quick glance, as I turned my focus back to the window. “No, I want to go to my apartment.”

  I heard him sigh and I could feel his worry and see it on his face. I could feel my nerves building as we got closer to my apartment. As I was walking to my door it was as if I was floating outside of my body, just watching, not wanting to feel anything.

  TJ pulled my keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door.

  “Danielle are you sure you want to do this? If it’s too soon, you don’t have to. We can stay at my apartment or at my dad’s house if you want to be close to your mom.”

  I didn’t answer him, not even a glance. I just pushed past him walking into my apartment. A wave of fear and panic came over me and my mind took me back to that night again like a movie playing back. I could hear the footsteps coming up behind me. Every noise was fresh in my mind again, like I was reliving everything all over. I tried to breathe, but no air was getting in. I heard the footsteps again, felt my knees crash onto the floor and the kick to my side and the noise of the crack of my rib.

  Suddenly, I was pulled back to reality. TJ had his hands on my face and was standing in front of me with a look of dread on his face.

  “Come on, let’s go to your room so you can get in bed.”

  I followed him to my room. I felt like a zombie. “I want to take a shower before I lay down.” I walked past him and saw the look again in his eyes, I could see the pity in his eyes and I hated it.

  “Do you want me to help you?”

  I closed the door before he could get another word out and locked it. I knew he meant well, but I just wanted to be alone for a few minutes. The pain in my side was shooting down my entire body now. Turning the shower on even hurt and I knew getting undressed was going to be a struggle, but I needed to be alone. I didn’t want to see TJ look at me again like I was broken,. I just wanted to take a shower and forget––everything.

  I struggled to pull the shirt over my head. I got it past my head and felt a sharp pain shoot through me as I tried to lift the shirt off. Tears began falling from my eyes from the horrible pain and the anger I was feeling. Before I could get the shirt off TJ was knocking on the door.

  “Are you alright? Let me come in, please. Let me help you. I know you’re hurting. Please, Danielle…”

  I could hear the concern and heard him rest his head on the door. I tried again to get my arms up over my head to pull the shirt off and couldn’t. The pain kept coming back and stronger each time I lifted my arms. By this time I was no longer crying, but downright sobbing. I could hear TJ pacing back and forth in front of the door, but I didn’t want him to see me like this. I took a slow, deep breath, holding it in preparing myself for the pain I was about to feel. I tugged my shirt off in a quick yank. It was so intense that I screamed and fell to my knees just as a wave of nausea came over me. I could feel it rising in my throat as I pushed myself over to the toilet. No longer able to hold it back, I was throwing up and crying from the pain. My entire body was crying out in agony. The more I tried to stop myself from throwing up, the worse it got. I thought for sure that I was going to pass out.

  Next thing I knew, TJ was on the floor next to me

  “Why didn’t you let me in to help you?” he said, as he pushed my hair out of the way. I tried to push myself up off the floor so I could get in the shower , but it was pointless, I was in too much pain. The room was filled with steam, it was hot and I wanted to get in the shower.

  “Danielle, please let me help you.” He pulled me up slowly.

  “I want to take a shower,” I said, as tears fell down my cheeks.

  He was upset and concerned, he didn’t have to say it. His eyes said everything as he looked at me. “Ok, let me get your clothes off and you can get in the shower.”

  I tried to move back, hesitating and resisting for a moment, but he pulled me back again. I finally gave in and let him finish getting me undressed and I stepped into the shower under the hot water, letting it run over my body and down my back easing the pain in my side.

  “I’m not leaving this bathroom Danielle, I’ll be sitting right here on the floor if you need me.”

  I was so consumed by the noise of the water around my ears and feeling it rush over my body that his voice was almost like a whisper far away. If my shirt was a struggle to get off I knew washing my hair was going to be just as bad and I decided to ask him for help.

  “TJ...”

  “I’m right here, Danielle.” He was standing next to the shower.

  “I need help washing my hair. I can’t lift my arms up that high.” Before I could finish telling him how much it would hurt to lift my arms, he was reaching into the shower grabbing the bottle of shampoo.

  “Turn around so I can reach you better.”

  I knew it was going to be difficult for him to wash my hair from outside the shower and even harder for me to lean back to give him better access to washing my hair. “TJ, it will be easier if you just got in the shower. I won’t be able to lean back.”

  He stood there, holding the bottle of shampoo. “Are you sure Danielle? I can manage like this. I don’t mind if my clothes get wet.”

  I wasn’t worried about his clothes, I knew it was going to hurt just to lean back. “No, TJ. Please, it will be easier.”

  He took off his clothes and slipped into the shower behind me. I could feel the heat coming off of his body. I felt an ache in my chest again, and I knew it wasn’t from the pain in my side.

  “Can you lean your head back a little bit so I can wash your hair?” His voice was calm and low. I leaned my head back as his fingers began moving in my hair, massaging my scalp and washing the rest of my hair with the shampoo.

  “Turn around so you can rinse it out.”

  I turned, leaning my head back into the water, letting it rinse the suds out of my hair and heard a gasp come from him. Looking up I could see the fury in his face and his eyes.

  “I’m going to fucking kill him.” He ran his hand slowly over the black and blue bruise that was coming down from my back all the way to the front of my chest and under my breast.

  “TJ, please don’t look at it, it’s just a bruise, it will go away.”

  He looked down for another second. “Yeah, it will go away, but the feelings I’m having right now of wanting to kill that asshole aren’t going away.” He was furious; it was a side of him I had never seen. My body was aching and tired, I was beginning to feel sleepy. We finished in the shower and he helped dry me off. I sat on the bed as he got the clothes out of my dresser drawer for me to put on.

  “I don’t know what you want to wear, but I got you a tank top and underwear.”

  I just wanted to sleep, I didn’t care what I was wearing. “That’s fine, I just want to sleep.”

  He slipped the tank top over my head never taking his eyes off of mine. I felt the backs of his fingers run over my skin as he pulled the tank top down over my body. His fingers were warm and soft, a small part of me wanted to tell him I needed him to hold me, but I knew it
would only make me cry and make him feel worse.

  “Sit down,” he said.

  I sat back down as he kneeled in front of me slipping one leg, then the other into my panties and sliding them up my legs. I stood up, allowing him to pull them the rest of the way up showing no emotion on my face. “Thank you, TJ. You didn’t have to do all of this.” I wanted him to kiss me, I missed him, but I was too tired to tell him. My eyes were stuck on his face, his lips. I felt a sudden need for him, a need for him to kiss me and take away all the pain. “TJ…”

  He was still on his knees in-front of me, his hands resting on my thighs. The skin of his palms was warm and the feeling of his hands on me eased my pain for a second. His eyes were burning into mine, I could see the sadness deep inside of him and it broke my heart.

  “Come on, get in bed.” He was sweet and so careful not to hurt me. I was happy to be in my own bed as I put my head on the pillow.

  “Do you want the TV on? Are you comfortable?”

  I didn’t want to watch TV, I wanted him to hold me, but I knew he would only feel worse if he hurt me because he held me too tight or moved the wrong way. “No, I just want to sleep. I think these pain pills are kicking in.”

  He got up and turned the light off and I heard him walk out of the room and it was the last thing I remember as sleep took over.

  Thirteen

  I could feel the panic rising in my chest, the noise of the footsteps was loud. I was struggling with every breath, he was getting closer, and I knew it. And then I felt it, the kick to my side, sending pain radiating all over as I fell to the ground. I woke up, gasping and crying out in pain from the movement of sitting straight up so quickly. The room was dark, only a light coming in from the hallway. I was holding my chest ,trying to get air in my lungs and searching the room to make sure he wasn’t there. I needed water. My throat was feeling dry, and I pushed the covers off, swinging my legs off the bed. It was dark and I kept looking all over the room, every corner searching for someone. I made it to the bathroom, switching on the light and walked to the sink. I gazed at myself in the mirror, my face was pale and the rims of my eyes were red. I must have been crying in my sleep. I could feel the dampness on my cheeks. I got the cup from the counter and filled it with water, drinking it all. I wiped my face, drying the water droplets that fell down my chin to my chest and switched the light off. I was going back to bed when I heard noise in the hallway outside of my room. Panic hit me again, someone was here. I froze in the middle of the room terrified and gasping as the door opened slowly…