Book Woman

by Ivan B

  He went to leave, paused, and went up behind her and kissed her on the nape of her neck before virtually running for the front door. She stood stock still at the sink and listened to him go; is this what he really wanted, a kitchen skivvy? She made herself a cup of coffee and sat down in the quiet to think, she definitely needed to get her thoughts straight before he returned.

  A little while later Mary heard Josie’s TV coming to life and she got up to look round Josie’s door. Josie was watching a cartoon. Mary walked in.

  “Morning Josie, want some breakfast?”

  Josie scowled.

  “I’m watching TV.”

  Mary was slightly taken aback, was this the Josie she knew? She tried a different, and more direct, tack.

  “Well I’m not sure that I like that cartoon and I’d rather you came and had breakfast.”

  Josie didn’t move.

  “Dad lets me watch this.”

  Mary’s eyes narrowed dangerously, this was going to be difficult.

  “Well I don’t like it, it’s too gory, and full of disgusting images, so please turn it off and come and have breakfast.”

  Josie glanced at her.

  “You’re not my mother and you can’t make me.”

  Mary left the room. Josie watched a few seconds of the cartoon, but the pleasure had gone. She was feeling exceedingly grumpy and tired, but even in that state she knew that she had done something dreadfully wrong. She turned the TV off and crept across the corridor to carefully peer round Mary’s door. Mary was sitting on the edge of the bed looking thoroughly miserable and Josie knew it was her fault. Mary looked up at Josie with sad eyes and Josie burst into tears. Mary held out her hand and Josie rushed to her and buried her head in Mary’s chest. She sobbed.

  “I’m sorry Mary, I didn’t mean it; I wish you was my mother.”

  Mary stroked Josie’s hair and held her close, Josie sobbed into her chest.

  “Other girls have mothers and you’d be the bestest mother around. I didn’t mean it, honest I didn’t mean it, please don’t be angry with me.”

  Mary felt her sobs and said quietly.

  “You were rude Josie, but I love you all the same.”

  Josie came up for air, all red-eyed and miserable.

  “Please don’t go.”

  All of a sudden Mary realised that Josie blamed herself for her mother leaving and wondered what Robert had said to her. Mary murmured gently.

  “I’m not going anywhere, you’re stuck with me, at least for this week.”

  It proved no comfort as Josie broke into a wail and sobbed again.

  “I don’t want you to go, I wish we could stay here forever.”

  Mary let her cry for a bit and then squeezed her shoulders.

  “I think you are over-tired my young lady, so it’s bed for you.”

  Josie looked horrified and obviously thought that she was being sent to bed for being naughty. Mary smiled at her.

  “This bed that is. You get breakfast in bed and then I want you to sleep, we’ve got some serious shopping to do this afternoon and maybe we’ll also a see a show.”

  Josie climbed in the bed.

  “Can I cuddle Bertrum Bear?”

  “Of course.”

  Mary made her a light breakfast and as Josie ate it as Mary got dressed. Josie was already lying down by the time Mary got round to putting her knee brace on. Josie said sleepily.

  “What’s the red marks on your leg?”

  Mary rubbed her skin.

  “It’s called chaffing, it’s where the knee-brace clamps rub on the skin, in the end the skin gets used to it.”

  Josie half closed her eyes.

  “Why don’t you wear tights?”

  ‘Tights and slacks make my legs too hot in this weather.”

  Josie sniffed.

  “Wear a skirt then, my legs are always cold in a skirt.”

  Mary made a snorting noise.

  “And show off my gruesome legs, no fear.”

  Josie smiled.

  “I mean a long dress, Aruna’s mother wears some beautiful floaty long dresses.”

  Mary went to answer, but Josie was asleep, so she said to herself, ‘floaty long dresses, now there’s an idea.’

  Robert and Stephen sat next to each other on the flight to Amsterdam. The exhibition was within the airport complex, so they planned their respective paths round the stands while still on the plane. Finally, as they started the landing approach to the airport, Stephen put away his papers and said idly.

  “How’s it going with Mary? Has she driven you to distraction yet?”

  Robert smiled.

  “Actually she grows on you.”

  Stephen laughed.

  “So goes fungus it you’re not careful.”

  Robert smiled politely.

  “No, I mean you get to the stage when you wonder what it’s going to be like without her.”

  Stephen punched him on the shoulder.

  “See I said sensible was OK!”

  He gave Robert a curious look and added.

  “As long as it’s ‘sensible’ your after and not just ‘available’. Don’t choose the wrong one a second time. If divorce one was difficult, divorce two was bloody misery. You’ve had you’re first chance, don’t blow the second.”

  Before Robert could respond the plane bounced onto the runway and started taxiing towards the main terminal.

  Josie turned over in the bed and momentarily woke up, she cuddled Mary’s night-time tee-shirt closer too her. It smelt of Mary and somehow it made everything alright.

  Meanwhile Mary was sitting on the settee with her legs on the support and turning events over in her head. She remembered her prayer, ‘I don’t want to upset the girl, but equally I don’t want to start something I’m not capable of finishing,’ and her prayer that she would understand what God was saying. She mulled a little more and tried to put things in categories. Firstly there was Josie: Mary knew that she’d had already upset the equilibrium, probably more than she realised. Robert could invite her here for a holiday with no strings attached, but Josie’s emotions didn’t know that and for that matter neither did hers. Secondly there was her irrational fear (well irrational in daylight) of being alone: the bath incident had frightened her, she’d had to sit in the bath for two hours waiting for release. Her logical thinking brain told her that if she’d had to she could have escaped, even if it meant injuring herself in the process. Her insane fear told her that she’d cripple herself for life in the attempt. Thirdly Robert: admittedly he didn’t set her pulse racing, least not when he wasn’t stroking her wrist. Could she live with him for life? Could she grow to love him? And suppose she agreed to take what he called ‘the risk’ and found that she hated him; what damage would that do to him and Josie? Fourthly herself: she knew in her heart that she was a failure when it came to relationships. Susan had persisted at their friendship at a time when Mary had been immobile and literally unable to run away; otherwise she usually shied away, not wanting people to get to know the real her in case they disliked her. She had not lied to Robert, apart from the lecherous customer she’d not even been asked out by a man in the last fifteen years, let alone had a relationship. Robert had only managed to get close because of the flat and because of Josie, in normal circumstances she knew that she would have run away from him days ago. She dreamt of a handsome man arriving on his white charger, but she knew it would never happen and that if she let this chance, however slim a chance it was, pass her by she would probably die a spinster. For some people that was a happy prospect, but not for her. She suddenly said out loud.

  “So this is my chance for happiness, not with the man of my dreams, but with the man who happened to walk into my life and who’s pulse I don’t set racing.”

  Sayings involving birds and bushes crossed her mind and she sighed and said to herself.

  “God help me I’m going to take the risk.” She looked up at the ceiling. “Did you hear that God? I’m prepared to take
the risk and for goodness sake stop me if I’m wrong.”

  She moved the footrest back to it’s storage position and muttered to herself.

  “Anyway by now he’ll be trying to think of a diplomatic withdrawal, least he will if he’s got any sense.”

  Robert was not thinking about diplomatic withdrawals, or any sort of withdrawals, he was concentrating on watching a saleswoman manipulate a light pen on a graphics tablet. She burbled on and Robert realised that this was not the computer package for him and slunk away. In any case he’d already bought an upgrade for the software he currently used and that was good enough for his sort of business. He found a coffee bar and sat down. Halfway through a seriously boring piece of shortbread he realised that he’d not worried about Josie since he left the flat. Normally he worried about her at least once an hour with questions like, was she being bullied again? Is that cough the start of pneumonia and are those spots contagious and deadly? These frequently passed through his mind along with other thoughts about bringing her up properly. But today he’d had not one worry and he knew that was because of Mary. He knew Josie was safe with her and he was sure that if push came to shove Mary would put Josie’s well-being before her own. He sat back and pushed the shortbread away and nursed his cup of coffee. He reverted to his engineering background and started weighing up the influencing factors. First and foremost Josie: he was in no doubt there wasn’t a problem there in the short or long term. He’d never seen her react to anyone like she reacted to Mary and he could tell it wasn’t an act. Then there was his nervousness about Josie being left without him and he had no doubts that Mary would not abandon Josie, at least not willingly. He sighed, but what about his needs? Mary was no glamour–puss, but she was not ugly, just sort of bland. She certainly didn’t physically inspire him into a romantic chase, unlike Marcia. On the other hand she was easy to be with and they seemed to have a joint understanding on some subjects without even discussing them. She could definitely be a grouch, but she could also be pleasant and sometimes funny. He sighed, the major question was, of course, could he live with this woman for the rest of his life? He knew he dreamt of a super-model walking into his life, but also knew that it was an unrealistic expectation. Since he’d managed to overcome what he thought of as his Marcia disease he’d actually taken out seven women with the intention of more than just a one night non-sexual liaison. Only two had gone out with him a second time and they had both rapidly backed off after meeting Josie, one of them had even been a single parent. He’d also met other women, what he termed as husband-hunters; women who wanted a husband at any cost; any husband. He’d always veered away from them; however, no matter how he thought of Mary, husband-hunter was not in the description. Finally he thought of Mary’s needs. It took him a little while to realise that not once had he thought of her physical disabilities, they were just an integral part of her make-up. He did, however, remember her standing at the sink in her skimpy thin dressing gown with her match-stick legs and her pronounced buttocks, and he did not find the image displeasing. He put his cup down; happiness in a relationship had eluded him and he knew it. Marcia had been lovely to look at and loads of fun, but she had also been a harridan at times, too many times. So was this his last chance at happiness? He looked at the clock, he had a couple more hours to finally decide, but at the moment, if she was willing, he’d take the risk.

  A few hours later Mary and Josie were standing in the clothing department of a large store, they already had nearly as many bags as they could carry. However, Mary was on a double mission, clothes for Josie and clothes for herself in her new non-brown freedom. Mary gave her equivalent of a twirl and Josie turned her nose up.

  “Makes you look like one of those women who stop you in the street and ask you questions.”

  They went back into the changing booth and reappeared with Mary wearing a different dress. Josie cocked her head to one side.

  “Possible, but I can see through it – you said you didn’t want that.”

  They tried for the third time, Josie beamed and Mary looked in the mirror; the dress was long, pale blue, slinky and opaque, Mary added it to their little pile. She looked at her watch.

  “Time’s up, got to go home.”

  Josie pointed to a baseball cap on a mannequin. Mary turned up her nose.

  “You’re dad didn’t say anything about baseball caps.”

  Josie gave her wicked smile.

  “He didn’t say anything about toilet bags, crop-tops and knickers either, he never talks about them and lets grandma shop for me when she comes.”

  Mary sighed, picked the cap off of the mannequin and dropped it on her head.

  “I must be a very soft touch?”

  Josie shook her head.

  “You wouldn’t buy that sari for me.”

  Mary laughed.

  “At the price they were charging, definitely not. We’ll find a bazaar somewhere and get a proper one.”

  They struggled to the cash desk and paid up. A taxi home was obligatory.

  Robert arrived at the flat just before six, he still found it amazing that he could go to Holland and come back during the normal working day. As he entered the smell of cooking assailed his nostrils and he made straight for the kitchen, only to be waylaid by Josie on the way and dragged into her bedroom. Her bed was covered in the trophies of the shopping expedition. He smiled at the gold party dress and most of the casual clothes; he picked up the school shoes and felt them, they were not the ‘sensible’ ones he would have chosen, but they were acceptable. Josie excitedly showed him some other items and he had to examine them all. Finally he said.

  “Did you have a good day then?”

  She nodded and glanced at the door, she drew alongside him and whispered.

  “But I upset Mary this morning.”

  He sat on the bed.

  “Have you apologised?”

  She nodded and became all demure.

  “She said that she forgave me and she’s been brill, but…”

  She tailed off not knowing how to finish and then blurted out.

  “I don’t want to make her go away.”

  Robert gave her a cuddle.

  “Why don’t you do something special for her, you know draw a special picture.”

  Josie’s face lit up and she gave her father a kiss. Robert stood up.

  “Now you pack all these things away properly and wash you hands.”

  He finally made his way to the kitchen to find Mary struggling to open a jar of mint sauce. He wordlessly took it from her and popped of the lid. She gave a shy smile .

  “Lamb cutlets in five minutes, have a good day?”

  He suddenly put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a little box.

  “I got this for you at the airport, hope you like it.”

  He opened the box and Mary extracted a silver chain on which hung a small heart roughly 2cm across. It looked like Amber, but was the colour of dark beetroot. She gasped.

  “Oh it’s lovely.”

  He took it off her, undid the clasp and put it round her neck.

  “It’s a spinel ruby and it’s a thank you.”

  She gave him a coy look.

  “Just a thank you?”

  Before he could answer Josie burst into the kitchen and came to a dead stop with her eyes almost out on stalks.

  “Wicked!”

  Robert smiled and put his hand in his pocket.

  “I thought it was time you had one of these.” He fastened a small watch round her wrist and she positively beamed with delight. Mary inspected it and laughed.

  “It’s an hour out.”

  Robert looked bemused and flapped his hands.

  “That’s what you get from buying it on the continent.”

  They sat down and had dinner with Josie talking about the shops and all the different things they had seen and Robert giving a description of the exhibition. Mary stayed quiet and didn’t say much, but she was conscious of the red heart dangling round her
neck.

  At 7pm Josie looked at the clock and Mary smiled. Josie stood up and kissed her father, she then kissed Mary. Robert was bewildered.

  “You’re going to bed?”

  Josie gave him a serious look.

  “I was overtired this morning. Mary and I have discussed it and we’ve decided that I should have an early night tonight.” She flashed a smile.

  “I’m not going to bed early because I’ve been naughty, I’m taking the wise option so that I’ll enjoy tomorrow after all I don’t want to fall asleep in the middle of a show.”

  She made for the door and paused looking at Mary.

  “Half an hour TV?”

  “That’s what we agreed.”

  She nodded and left; Robert looked at Mary and whispered.

  “She’s gone to bed early and without argument?”

  Mary smiled.

  “We discussed it, actually it was her choice.”

  He grinned.

  “I bet.”

  Mary grinned back.

  “Well I might have made a suggestion, but she didn’t argue. She knows that’s she behaved awfully for a few minutes this morning.”

  Robert opened his mouth, but Mary shook her head.

  “The matter is closed.”

  By an unsaid mutual agreement Robert stacked the dishwasher as Mary made some coffee. She reached in her pocket and passed over £50 and his bank card.

  “Your change.”

  He looked at the money.

  “How much did you draw out?”

  “£180 as we agreed.” She passed over the slip from the cash-point machine, he took it from her, glanced at it and muttered to himself. He looked at her.

  “It’s just a cash-flow problem, I’m owed money by a couple of large firms and they haven’t paid me yet.”

  She shrugged.

  “Not my business, but that’s a hell of an overdraft.”

  He did his shuffle from foot to foot.

  “They will pay up, but sometimes it’s not easy to get the money on time.”

  She looked at him.

  “Tried asking?”

  He looked away.