Book Woman
Page 22
“Not politic.”
She opened her mouth to give a sharp retort and then the penny dropped.
“Is it Stephen who owes you money?”
Robert nodded unhappily.
“Now you understand.”
“How much does he owe you for goodness sake?”
“£32323.73, he always pays up in the end, he just takes longer than most.”
She sighed.
“You daft twit; you won’t ask him because he’s your friend.”
He shrugged and Mary decided that, large as his overdraft was, it was not the problem of the moment. She gave Robert a smile, fingered her necklace, and gave him a peck on the cheek.
“Take the coffee into the lounge will you, I’ll just check Josie.”
Josie proved to be fast asleep, so Mary turned off the TV, gently placed the duvet over her and tiptoed out. She stopped in the corridor and whispered.
“Well God it’s make or break time. Please don’t let us do anything that will harm Josie, you’re supposed to be outside time and know the future, well I just want the best future for her.” She paused before adding. “And if that means that I get tossed aside help me to pick up the pieces.”
She then went forward to meet her destiny.
Chapter 15
"Sheer lunacy"
Mary walked into the lounge and sat down on the settee, Robert was already seated in one of the armchairs, she sighed to herself; maybe the armchair seating position meant nothing, maybe he was already putting distance between them. As she sat he murmured.
“Thanks for taking Josie shopping, I can’t believe you got all that stuff for £130, you didn’t spend your own money I hope?”
She manoeuvred the footrest to where she liked it.
“Not much I bought her the toilet bag and the cap, that’s all.”
Robert half rolled his eyes.
“What on earth does she need a toilet bag for at her age?”
Mary wondered where this was going.
“Soap, shampoo, bubble bath, skin cream, smellies.”
He grinned.
“I noticed that it was fully loaded, but skin cream?”
Mary grimaced.
“She’s got little cracks between her toes, probably because her feet have sweated too much in those awful plasticky trainers. The new pair will be OK, they’re much better quality.”
He didn’t look convinced.
“And that gold dress, it’s a designer label, how much did that cost?”
She smiled.
“£2.50, best Oxfam could supply.”
His mouth dropped open in total disbelief.
“You bought my daughter a party dress from and Oxfam shop!”
She shrugged.
“She saw it in the window and fell in love with it, where it comes from is not important, the fact that she loves it is.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but Mary cut across him.
“And I think you’re making small talk, if you want to say that last night’s conversation was the product of half a bottle of wine and a touch of the sun go ahead, at least it will be in the open.”
He closed his eyes and screwed then tight shut.
“You’re right, but I don’t know where to start and I’m rather frightened of the answer.”
She thought for a moment.
“I guess neither of us wants to give our decision first in case the other one has made the opposite choice. How about we close our eyes, I’ll count to three and we’ll open them, hands together on lap means we want to explore the idea of what we call ‘the risk’ further, hand not together means it’s a no-no.”
He nodded.
“OK.”
She closed her eyes.
“One – two – three.”
She opened her eyes and he was sitting with his hands together, she didn’t know whether to be relieved or scared. He said softly.
“So it’s move forward to the next stage.”
She took a deep breath.
“I’ve done nothing but think about it all day and I have loads of things on my mind.”
He grinned and fidgeted with his hands.
“So have I; you first, but no more than six points and then I’ll give six.”
It was almost like playing a game except the stakes were higher. She nodded.
“One; what we are considering will be regarded as sheer lunacy by our friends and families; we’ve only known each other for days not even weeks. If we go ahead we must back each other up to the hilt. I don’t care if the world laughs at me, but I don’t want you laughing at me.”
He smiled.
“Check.”
She gave him a questioning look.
“Does that mean agreed?”
“Yes.”
She swallowed; this was far more difficult than she had thought it was going to be.
“Two; I want a quiet church wedding not some hole in the corner Register Office.”
He kept folding and unfolding his hands, almost if he didn’t know what to do with them. “Check – Marcia and I got married in a Register Office, it was soulless and horrid.”
She smiled with partial relief.
“It’s not just that, there’s something about involving God in the marriage.”
He nodded. She resumed her mental list.
“Three; no sex before we’re married, I’ve waited thirty-five years to have intercourse and a few more weeks won’t matter. Besides I’d feel a fraud getting married in church if I’d…”
He looked utterly amazed.
“You mean you’re a…”
“Yes.”
She waited for a few seconds.
“Four; we tell Josie before anyone else.”
“Check.”
“Five; I want to continue working, I don’t want to be under your feet all day if you’re working from home, least not in the short term.”
“Check.”
“Six… ” She hesitated. “Oh hell I’ve lost my thread. No I haven’t. Six; we agree to work at it, our marriage that is, not just drift into a comfortable coexistence.”
He nodded.
“Check.”
Before he could jump in blurted out.
“Seven, as soon as we’re married I want to adopt Josie, I want her to be as much of my daughter as she possible can. But, I will only do so if she agrees; if she wants to think of me as Mary then so be it, I will not force adoption upon her.”
He nodded.
“I’d thought of that, but not asking Josie - good idea.”
She picked up her coffee cup.
“Your turn.”
He took a deep breath.
“There’s no going back; once we’ve made our commitment there’s no going back. I don’t want us to tell Josie we're getting married and then you throw the ring back at me and break our hearts and her heart especially. If we agree to go forward we must be sure it’s what we want to do.”
She nodded.
“I understand.”
He squirmed in the armchair as if it were full of ants.
“On the same tack, but different, and I think you’ve already covered this, we need to get married and not just shack up. Marriage means an intention for permanence, shacking up means it can be temporary if we want it to.”
She nodded.
“Don’t disagree with one word of that.”
He began to look uncomfortable.
“We must be absolutely honest with each other. If I’m short of cash I’ll tell you and if you have any change in your physical condition you must tell me. I don’t want you struggling on like a martyr because you don’t want to make a fuss.” He hesitated. “I guess I’m saying that I want to be allowed to care for you.”
She nodded. He literally gulped for air.
“I don’t want Josie to forget that Marcia was her mother. I know she was a bitch and that she walked out on us, but she still gave birth to her and I can’t turn that particular clock backwards.”
<
br /> Mary took a sip of coffee and looked at him over the cup before answering.
“I can’t say I like the concept, but you’re right.”
He suddenly became gentle in his manner, even the tone of his voice changed.
“Next, I don’t want you to think that I’m entering into this merely to get a housewife or a childminder for Josie. I want to enter into it to find happiness and love in a relationship, that’s something which I realise has been sadly lacking in my life.”
She swallowed back the lump in her throat before she replied.
“And I’m not just looking for a man to open jam-jars for me; I too want a proper loving relationship.”
He sat silent for a moment before he shrugged his shoulders.
“I’ve lost count, but the rest we can work out as we go along. You got any more major points?”
She gave a modest smile and shook her head.
“Between us we seen to have covered all the important element, least I think so.”
He fiddled with his ear-lobe, almost as if he had an ear-ring.
“I’ve got one more. I want to stop calling it ‘the risk’. I’d rather call it ‘our adventure.’”
She put her cup down.
“So do we actually go forward?”
He gazed steadily into her eyes.
“My turn to go first I think. I must confess that I agree with you that this could be regarded as sheer lunacy, but my answer is yes. In all probability give me two years in your company and I’d propose anyway for Josie’s sake, but I want you to understand that I’m doing this for me and for you. In ten years time Josie will be off to university with any luck and when that happens I don’t want us to be strangers living in the same house, but lovers enjoying life together.”
He sat back.
“There I’ve said my little speech,” he suddenly leant forward. “No I haven’t. One more thing I want to make clear. I’m not proposing this out of some misguided sympathy for you. You called yourself a cripple and I don’t think of you like that at all, perhaps someone who has shown triumph and courage over adversity, but not a cripple.”
He sat back in his chair again and she tried to calm her racing pulse. She took a deep, emotion stabilising, breath.
“We’re a bit too objective, we’re seeking love not proposing a business arrangement and all this detached discussion doesn’t help. But my answer is yes. I know that we both have inner drives, you for Josie’s well being and me for not being alone, but it’s not the drives I’m considering in saying yes, it’s your phrase; I want us to grow to be lovers not strangers.”
He let out a long sigh and then muttered.
“What the hell do we do now?”
She patted the cushion next to her.
“The least you could do is give me a kiss.”
He moved and sat next to her and wondered how to approach their first real physical contact. In the end he just leant over and kissed her on the lips. They parted after a few minutes; what had started as a stilted kiss had ended up an amorous embrace. Robert sat back in the settee and slipped his right arm over her shoulders.
“Now, how do we tell Josie?”
She tapped his leg with her hook.
“You mean, how are you going to tell Josie. I'm not going to be around.”
He spluttered.
“Me? Alone?”
She said quietly.
“Just supposed she hates the idea.”
He snorted.
“Hell might freeze over first.”
She reached up with her right hand and held his hand.
“Children can be very fickle and if she doesn't like the idea we could try all we liked, but she would get between us.”
He sighed.
“You right, of course, but I also think you are wrong. She'll love the idea you and I both know that.”
Mary smiled.
“Telling Josie will be easy, later on you've got to tell Stephen and I've got to tell my mother. I can hear her now.” She put on a quavery voice. “Choose in haste and repent at leisure.”
They both fell about laughing, but both knew there was too much truth in the saying.
Mary woke the following morning feeling the warmth of Josie, who was snuggled up to her. She gently turned herself over and looked at Josie. Mary knew that she still had time to turn back, to run to the kitchen and shout ‘no,’ but she also knew she would do no such thing. Josie stirred and looked at her with sleepy eyes and smiled, she said, still half asleep.
“What are we doing today?”
Mary kissed her on the forehead.
“It’s too early to get up yet, but today is going to be a special day, a very special day.”
Josie smiled again and turned over, in a few seconds she was fast asleep, leaving Mary turning the previous evening over in her head and trying to map out how she had got from isolated spinster to potential mother in the space of a few days. She decided that one thing was certain; she must find a way of allaying Robert’s fears that she would back off the idea and leave him, and Josie, in turmoil. She knew exactly where he was coming from, Marcia had walked out on them and he was worried that she’d do the same when the going got tough. So she had to find a way to convince him that she wouldn’t, something he would understand.
Breakfast turned out to be a quiet affair as Robert obviously wanted to talk about the previous night with Mary, but not in front of Josie, who for once didn’t seem inclined to bolt her food. In the end Josie looked up at her dad.
“Where we going today?”
He shrugged and sought help from Mary, who grinned, in fact she’d been grinning a lot through the whole meal.
“This morning I hope your dad is going to take you on a boat trip.”
Robert raised his eyebrows, she continued.
“Nine-thirty-five boat trip from Tower pier to Kew Gardens, then he can take you round the gardens for ninety minutes -–no more – and get the river bus back to Charing Cross pier. I’ll meet you both outside Covent Garden Tube station at one o’clock and we’ll take it from there.”
Robert grinned.
“Not like you’ve planned anything.”
Mary smiled.
“It will give you both time to talk.”
Josie slurped her orange juice.
“Weren’t we at Covent Garden yesterday, wasn’t that where the jugglers were?”
Mary nodded and Josie became animated.
“You must see the jugglers dad, they juggled with fire!”
Robert looked at Mary.
“Then what, I’m sure you’ve got something in mind?”
Mary grinned, she felt like a foolish schoolgirl.
“A bit of shopping, a snack and a matinée performance of the Sound of Music.”
He squirmed.
“Bit passé.”
Mary didn’t bat an eyelid.
“For you and me possibly, but I’m sure Josie will enjoy it.”
Josie screwed up her face in thought.
“Is that the one with the singing nun?”
“Yes.”
She beamed and ran out of the kitchen. Mary looked at the clock.
“You go or you’ll miss your boat trip, I’ll clear up.”
He whispered.
“Cunning plan huh! Sending me to Kew Gardens with her, where we can talk!”
Before she could reply he kissed her cheek and added.
“No cooking tonight, I’ve book us a meal, special day and all that.”
She kissed him back, but by the time Josie made it back to the kitchen they were six feet apart. Josie looked from one to the other, something was going on, but she wasn’t sure what.
A little later Mary was near Covent Garden standing outside the second shop of the morning. She had spotted this shop on the previous day, but gone nowhere near it as she had had Josie with her. She looked in the shop window and swallowed hard, this was not going to be easy, but in her mind it was necessary. She muttered to herself.
“Sheer lunacy, sheer bloody lunacy,” and went inside.
Meanwhile Robert was sitting on a bench in Kew Gardens wondering how to tell Josie of his intentions towards Mary. In his head this had been an easy thing to do, reality was proving harder. For a start she was so full of energy that she was looking at anything and everything and asking a string of questions, secondly he had no idea where to start. In the end he bought two ice-creams and they sat on the bench in the sunshine. She attacked her ice-cream with extra vigour as there had only been chocolate covered ice-cream available and so Robert had had to provide her with normally forbidden fruit. He decided to start casually.
“Still enjoying the holiday?”
She took her head out of the ice-cream.
“Brill.”
“Do you like having Mary with us?”
She licked some chocolate of her fingers.
“Brill.”
Robert waited until she had finished and passed her his handkerchief; she cleaned herself up and was about to run off back to the gardens when he put his hand on her shoulder.
“Hold it Josie, I want to talk for a minute.”
She eyed him suspiciously, the last time he had used that phrase was just before he told her that her real grandmother wasn’t well.
“Talk about what?”
He rubbed her shoulder.
“Mary, you do like her don’t you?”
Josie took her eyes off of a small boy flying a kite and looked at him.
“Course I like her.”
He said slowly and carefully.
“Suppose I decided to marry her, how would you feel about that?”
Josie didn’t move, or respond, for what seemed like an eternity, she just stared at him with a wide open gaze.
“You mean come and live with us and all that?”
“Yes, come and live with us and all that.”
“You mean marry in a church with bridesmaids and all that?”
“I don’t know about the bridesmaids, but yes.”
She surveyed her dad with wide open eyes and a look of amazement.
“For ever, not just a holiday?”
“For ever.”
Josie launched herself and flung her arms round her father’s neck. When he finally peeled her off she said slowly.
“Would I have to call her mum?”
Robert gave her an encouraging smile.