by Sky Corgan
“I don't expect you to be psychic. Getting angry at you for not foreseeing this would just be stupid. You were only doing what you always do, trying to help someone who was having a difficult time. This is part of why I love you. It's part of why I'll always love you, for the rest of my life, forever. Even if you leave me, I'll never stop loving you. I'll never stop being in love with you. Letting me go because you think I'll be happier without you . . . it will have the opposite effect of what you think. I don't want to guilt you into staying with me or be too dramatic, but I honestly don't know how I'll live without you, Dominick. I honestly don't. You are so engraved on my heart that I don't think I'd ever heal from this.
“I'm sure you're insecure about the video. That's part of the reason I didn't want you to watch it. But all the things I said about you, I had to say to make him believe I actually wanted him. I didn't want to be brutally raped, and God knows what else. That was the only plan I had, so I used what I had to work with. I don't think you're too old for me. I never have. Even when we're both elderly, I want to be there to take care of you, not because I feel obligated to repay you for everything you've done for Tammy and I, but because I love you, and that's what people who love each other would be willing to do. Taking care of you will never be a burden for me.
“I don't think you realize how much I'd actually give up to be with you. You've never made me sacrifice anything. All you've ever done is give, give, give. Everything I do for you is out of love. I know I can't offer you the same things you offer me, but I've always hoped that the little things I've done for you would make you want to stay with me, and feared they weren't enough to keep you happy. Maybe I was right.”
The tears had stopped, though I wasn't sure why. All I could feel was pain. Talking about my feelings, opening up and being so raw about them, was horribly uncomfortable. But I felt like this was my last chance to get them out. Whatever Dominick decided, I probably couldn't change it, but at least I could let him know how I truly felt before it ended, before. . .
“Let's go home,” Dominick whispered softly against me.
“Home,” I repeated the word, but it now sounded foreign. What was my home? Was it Dominick's condo or Tammy's mansion? I didn't even know if such a place existed anymore.
When the waitress brought our food, Dominick told her to box it up, then he paid the bill, and we left the restaurant. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest with every step towards the car, as if it was trying to help me commit suicide.
Dominick walked behind me with his hand on the small of my back, guiding me. A strange electricity was coming from his fingertips and spreading throughout my body. I wanted to be touched. Despite my anger, despite everything that had happened, my body needed it more than ever. When his hand left me to open my car door, a sick numbness took the place of the electric sensation. My body was deadening—deadening to emotion, to everything.
I slid into the passenger's seat with a sigh, keeping my head down in defeat as I felt the car shift when Dominick entered it. Then we drove back to the condo in silence, though I was too miserable to feel awkward about it. There was nothing else I could do. Our relationship was over. When we got to the condo, I would pack my things, go to Tammy's house, and probably never see Dominick again.
“Here we are,” he said weakly as we pulled up into the detached garage of the condo, and he killed the engine.
I got out of the car and took long strides towards the condo, wrapping my arms around myself as if I was cold. Dominick followed shortly after, avoiding my gaze as he pushed the key into the lock and stepped aside for me to brush past him and make a beeline to my room. It was hard to keep the sobs down as I went into the closet to pull out my suitcase and throw it on the bed. When I turned around to open my chest of drawers, Dominick was leaning on the door frame, staring at me. I quickly wiped my face, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
“What?” I asked, my voice full of venom.
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I'm doing? I'm packing.” I wiped my face again, trying to stop the torrent of tears that seemed insistent on leaving my body.
“I thought you didn't want to leave.”
“And I thought you did want me to leave.” Now I was confused. What in the hell was up with all of his cryptic speech?
He opened his mouth to speak and then stopped, turning his glance to the floor for a moment before looking back up at me. “I don't . . .”
“You don't what?” annoyance shown through my tone, and I decided that it was best to continue packing lest my emotions get the best of me.
I opened my drawer and pulled out all of my socks, then I shoved them in my suitcase. When I turned back around, I was met by a wall of hard muscle and business suit. Dominick wrapped his powerful arms around me, drawing me to him. In frustration, I tried to struggle out of his grasp, telling him to let me go. He didn't though, and eventually I gave up, sighing and resting my head against his chest.
“I hate you,” I whispered.
“No, you don't.”
“You're confusing me.”
“We should take a shower. You look like a mess.”
“What's the point of taking a shower when I'm about to leave?”
“You're not leaving.”
“What if I want to? You've been horrible to me today.”
“You're not leaving,” his voice was unusually calm, soothing even, and I knew I wasn't leaving.
“Shower, fine,” I said, trying to sound annoyed still when on the inside all I felt was relief rushing through me . . . and hope. Would we really be alright? Was everything really alright?
I thought he would give me time to gather some clean clothes, but instead, he simply grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bathroom. The way he looked down on me when he undressed me was different that I'd ever seen before. There was sorrow behind his eyes, regret, love. He was hurting. I could almost feel it. Why was he doing this, then?
I was too afraid to ask questions—too afraid I'd say something wrong and be back to packing my suitcase. Instead, I just went along with it, allowing him to undress me, his hands moving over my body with a strange delicateness. When he was done undressing me, I did the same to him, then I stepped up to him, pressing my palms and face against his warm body, listening to his steady heartbeat. He wrapped his arms around me, nuzzling the top of my head, inhaling my scent. The embrace was more sensual than anything I had felt in a long time. It was like our emotions were flowing into each other, all the pain and fear we'd both held onto for these past weeks. Could we really heal each other, I wondered?
After several moments of just standing there, Dominick released me to turn the shower head on. When the temperature was right, he stepped inside before me, and then beckoned me to follow. I silently joined him, facing him and staring up into his gray eyes. My hand reached to caress his face, and he leaned into it. For as much as I wanted to hold the moment forever, my mind was pulling me in all different directions. I was unsure if this was Dominick trying to fix things, or if he was just giving me lingering tastes of what was quickly falling apart.
“Dominick,” I whispered.
“Hm?”
“Do you still want me?”
His eyes widened a bit, as if the question stung him. “I want you on a selfish level.”
“Then be selfish.”
“I can't handle this anymore Kim.”
My heart shattered at his words, all of my hope falling to the floor and sliding down the drain. Tears mixed with the water pouring down my face. Could he possibly hurt me anymore in one night? If he didn't want me, then what was the shower all about?
Dominick took a step away from me, and for a moment, I thought he was going to get out of the shower, leaving me with my misery. Instead, he knelt down . . . no, got down on one knee. I was immensely confused. He took my hand in his. Part of me wanted to recoil, but the other part of me was too shocked to move.
<
br /> “I can't handle this back and forth anymore,” he continued. “It's selfish for me to do this. I don't want you to regret it, but I seriously can't do this anymore. You're either mine or you're not. If I let you go again . . . Will you marry me?”
The tears kept falling in a mix of confusion and disbelief and joy. This was not how I expected to be proposed to, especially not by Dominick. I had thought we would be in some fancy restaurant, or in some public place, and that he'd present me with a diamond the size of my fist. Now here he was, on his knee, in the shower, asking me to marry him right after he had just tried to break up with me. His words were strained, and I wasn't even sure if he meant them.
“You tried to dump me not even an hour ago,” I muttered.
“Because I'm afraid. And I'll always be afraid. Desperately afraid of losing you. Afraid that I'll mess things up or do something wrong. Afraid that you being with me will ruin your life or make you unhappy. That will probably never change. But the truth is that I want you forever. It's selfish and horrible. But you told me to be selfish, so I am. I want you to marry me, but if that's not what you want, I'll understand.”
“It is what I want,” I almost choked on my own words. “It's what I've wanted since I was five.”
“Then marry me, and we'll never have to worry about this stupid bullshit again, because we'll be bound together.”
Everything was so surreal. It felt like I was living in a dream. Was this really happening?
“Yes,” I replied, laughing slightly, more from disbelief than anything else. This is definitely not how I thought this night would end.
Dominick stood and pulled me into his arms. The second our skin touched, my eyes flooded, and I sobbed against his shoulder, filled with a mix of too many emotions to count. Most of them were good, but there was still some doubt that this was even real. When he pulled away and touched my face though, I knew it was. And when his lips met mine, a pleasant shiver rolled through me that couldn't have possibly been all in my mind.
My hand reached down to grip his cock, and painful memories flooded through me of having to touch Jeff. Dominick wasn't Jeff though. I could feel that beneath my fingers.
Was this wrong or right? I wasn't sure. My heart felt like it had been at sea for months, completely battered. My body still cringed slightly from being touched, but I knew that we needed to do this—needed to do this so that I could heal, so that Dominick and I could become one again.
I worked his manhood until it was stiff against me, and he kissed me. Oh, how he kissed me. His mouth was full of passion, his lips moving on top of mine with tempered desperation. He needed this just as badly as I did.
Dominick's slick hands wandered my body, causing a trial of goosebumps and confusing sensation wherever he touched. I knew they were his hands, but my mind kept going back to the horrible experience with Jeff. It was like an internal battle to gain pleasure from the touch, to remember that it belonged to someone I loved. No matter how much I tried though, I couldn't get comfortable with it, and I feared that I would ruin the moment.
“I want you inside of me,” I broke away from the kiss to say.
Thankfully, Dominick was too aroused to argue. With a strong hand, he grabbed one of my legs and pulled it over his hip, pressing me against the tile wall. I worried I might slip, but Dominick had a firm hold on me, and when he pushed his manhood inside of me, all of my fears melted away into pleasure. A soft groan escaped my lips as he bucked forward to fill me, and I wrapped my arms loosely around his neck while he reclaimed my body. Though his touch had felt somewhat wrong, this was completely right.
Every second spent connected to Dominick helped to erase the bad memories of Jeff's touch. Maybe not so much erase them, but to remind me that he wouldn't be touching me again. Dominick's touch meant pleasure, and in his protective arms, under the weight of his body, that was all I would feel. The sex was just as much emotional for me as it was physical. It was as if each thrust helped to reconnect some wires inside of me that Jeff had broken. It was sexual repair.
I couldn't help but wonder if Dominick was feeling the same thing. He was so engrossed in our love making, holding me tightly, his eyes hooded, whispering sweet words into my ear while he proved their meaning to me. If he had ever told me that he loved me more times in one day, I couldn't remember. It was like a month's worth of affection condensed into thirty minutes of passionate hot shower sex. And I loved every minute of it.
Chapter 13
There was no avoiding it now. I had to tell Tammy about my relationship with Dominick. It was a hurdle that should have been crossed a long time ago, but now that we were both fully committed, we would jump over it together.
My fingers trembled slightly as I dialed Tammy's number while I sat on Dominick's lap in the living room. His arms were draped loosely around my waist, a content smile on his face. For as much as he had continually told me he didn't care if she knew about us or not, he seemed happy that I was finally going to tell her.
“I'm scared,” I mumbled as the phone began to ring on the other end of the line.
“Don't be. I'm here with you,” Dominick whispered in my ear. It was easy for him to sound confident. He wasn't the one about to get a lecture.
“Hello,” Tammy answered.
“Hey, sis,” I said, unable to hide the nervousness from my voice.
“Kim. How's it going?”
“It's going good. Really good.” I nodded, glancing down at the one karat princess cut diamond engagement ring that Dominick had bought me the day after he proposed.
“Glad to hear it. I'm alright too. Work was a bit stressful, but it's over now,” she sighed.
“Um . . . I have something I need to tell you.” A hard lump formed in my throat as I approached the moment of truth.
“Oh?”
“Dominick proposed to me.”
“What?” her voice went flat.
“He proposed. Now, before you freak out, you should know that we've been dating for a long time. We just didn't tell you because we didn't think you'd approve.”
“Well, that explains a lot,” Tammy huffed, obviously displeased. “How long is a long time?”
“For over a year.” I sank back against Dominick, preparing for her wrath, and he gave me a gentle reassuring hug.
“Wow,” she sounded genuinely surprised.
“Are you angry?”
“Well, I'm not pleased that you kept something like this from me.”
“I know, and I'm sorry. Things have gotten serious though, and I want you to be a part of the wedding. I knew I was going to have to tell you eventually.”
“I think this is something that would be better discussed in person.”
“Alright. Dominick and I can come over whenever you want, or you can come over here.”
“I'd rather it just be you and I.”
“Why?” I quirked an eyebrow.
“Because you're my sister, and I'd like to talk to you alone.”
“Fine,” I sighed, already figuring that she was going to try to talk me out of it. “I can be over in a little while.”
“It's been a long day, Kim. Why don't you come over tomorrow afternoon? I really need some time to process this first too.”
“Alright, sis. Whatever's better for you.”
“Tomorrow would definitely be better. I'll talk to you then, okay.”
“Okay. Hope you feel better.”
“Thanks.”
I leaned back against Dominick when I hung up the phone, analyzing the things that Tammy had said and the sound of her voice. She had handled the news surprisingly well, probably because she was tired. Tomorrow would be a different story, I was sure.
“That went better than expected,” Dominick commented.
“Don't count on it. She wants me to come over tomorrow so that we can talk.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“She wants me to come alone.” I frowned.
“Oh. Well, I will pr
ay for you then.”
“Easy for you to say, jerk.” I gave him a playful jab in the ribs, and my misery melted away as he wrestled me down on the loveseat, restraining my wrists while he kissed me. A soft purr left my throat as his mouth moved on top of mine, and I knew that everything would be alright.
Unfortunately, that feeling didn't carry over into the next day. As I drove to Tammy's place after school, the knots in my stomach fought for space, preparing me for the unpleasantness of the battle to come. Tammy had a night to think about what I told her, and I was certain she'd have a whole arsenal of reasons as to why Dominick and I shouldn't be together. She'd play the age card, the money card, the taking advantage card, and I'd be ready to throw her hand right back at her.
I pulled up in front of her ridiculously large house and sighed. This was not going to be fun. All I could hope for was that she wouldn't be pissed at me when I left. I had to make her understand that this was my life, and if I wanted Dominick to be my husband, then that was just something she was going to have to deal with.
The knots in my stomach seemed to grow ten fold as I walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. When Tammy opened it, she didn't seem happy to see me, and that only made things worse. And when I say she didn't seem happy to see me, it's not that she wasn't smiling. I could just see right through that smile to the core of things, that she was just as nervous about this visit as I was.
“Come in,” she said, stepping away from the door to let me inside.
I followed her into the dining room, pulling out one of the side chairs while she took a seat at the head of the table. This is what we usually did when I came over to talk with her. Instead of the living room being the focal point for socialization, somehow the dining room had become it instead. Maybe because it was close to the kitchen and easier to serve drinks and be a good host that way. I wasn't really sure. I only knew that we pretty much only went into the living room to watch television.