Clementine

by R. Jean Wilson

  “Not quite yet. Is that okay?”

  “Only because I know when you finally do tell me about it, it’ll be so worth the wait.”

  The girls strolled around downtown Austin later that afternoon, window shopping outside all of the trendy boutiques.

  “When we finally are done with school and have salaries, remind me to come here and blow my first paycheck, okay?” Bethenny spoke, practically drooling at the well-dressed mannequins in the window.

  Addison laughed, “Sounds good, but only because you’d look killer in that skirt,” she assured her before grabbing her hand and pulling her away from the shop.

  “C’mon, we have to go back to the apartment if we want to get ready in time.” It was a relief to focus her mind on being with Bethenny but Addison couldn’t help being reminded of Holden at random times throughout the day. There was no rhyme or reason to it, she’d smell a sweet scent and think of his alluring body wash; see a pastry in a bakery window and think to get him one; walk past the downtown farmer’s market and wish he was strolling around with her and Bethenny. I’m hopeless.

  Henry had invited Bethenny and Addison to meet some of the other members of their rotation group at a pub for trivia later that night. Bethenny was excited to see Henry, so Addison took special care to curl her friends’ rich brown hair and help her pick out an outfit. It paid off when they arrived and Henry instantly shot up to greet them at the door. He gave Bethenny a quick kiss on the cheek and Addison almost couldn’t believe how wrong she’d been about him at the hospital.

  Addison was almost finished with her glass of wine and was pleasantly surprised by how much fun she was having. She hadn’t seen any of the other group members outside of the hospital setting before and was surprised at how easy-going everyone could be when they weren’t trying to one-up one another in front of the residents.

  “How did that surgery end up going, Addison?” Henry asked from across the table.

  “Oh yeah, I was wondering about that,” chimed another girl from their rotation group. Addison didn’t work with her often and couldn’t remember if her name was Sarah or Tara.

  “It was really great. I was Dr. Taylor’s assistant so I got to be right in the action the whole time. I thought the whole procedure would last longer than it did, though,” she smiled in their direction, realizing the entire table had turned to hear her answer.

  “You got to be Dr. Taylor’s assistant the entire time? What was that even like? Was he harsh?” Sarah or Tara asked with wide eyes.

  “Not really?” Addison answered awkwardly. She realized Holden came off fairly intimidating at the hospital but surely they didn’t think he was rude.

  “He has this whole bad boy resident image going on,” Tara/Sarah answered as the other girls at their table nodded in agreement. Addison took a drink of her wine, unsure of how to respond to the discussion.

  “Doesn’t he look like he just walked off the set of Grey’s Anatomy, Tara?” the girl sitting beside her asked. Ah, Tara it is. “I mean, he’s really hot. Too bad residents are off limits,” she laughed, winking at Tara.

  Addison swallowed, an overwhelming sense of jealousy washing over her. She never put much thought into the other women in her group but as she sat listening to them talk about her Dr. Taylor, she suddenly had the urge to scan them once over. Chill, they just think he’s cute. Still, she couldn’t help wondering if they were his type.

  “Well he was nice to me,” Addison shrugged nonchalantly, wanting the conversation to end. “When does trivia start?” She smiled, taking a sip of her wine.

  Their group was getting killed during the first trivia round. The questions for each round consisted mainly of current events and pop culture. As a group they could perform countless surgeries, but naming the current Jay-Z song wasn’t something they had time to keep up with for the past few weeks. They played half-heartedly, laughing at how wrong their answers tended to be as the night wore on. Addison appreciated that Holden hadn’t been brought up again; she didn’t want to listen to how gorgeous the other women thought he was. Believe me, you’re preaching to the choir.

  It was thirty minutes later, in the heat of a trivia round that Addison felt her phone vibrate in her lap. She was huddled with Henry and Bethenny, trying to guess which movie the trivia question referenced, and didn’t want Bethenny to see her reading the text incase it was from Holden. She trusted that her friend wouldn’t say anything, but she wanted to keep it private a while longer, especially with girls like Natalie and Tara at their table. She sat back in her chair, shrugging her shoulders.

  “I give up on this one, I don’t have a clue what movie that quote’s from.” She picked her wine up, and tried to casually glance down at her phone without stirring too much attention from Bethenny.

  Addison laughed under her breath. Bethenny and Henry had joined the others in answering the next trivia question so no one noticed her texting.

  “Addison do you know what animals Joey and Chandler had when they lived together on Friends?” Bethenny asked, pulling Addison back to reality.

  “AH! Wasn’t it a duck and a chicken? Or two ducks?” she answered, feeling her wine starting to take effect. Everyone was laughing and offering answers so Addison turned back to her phone before putting it away.

  Chapter 24

  Addison allowed herself to sleep in longer than usual on Monday morning. The rest of the weekend had dragged on with Holden out of town and she’d tried to distract herself with studying and reading. She’d only been able to briefly text Holden on Sunday; his conference had run long and then he was still on the plane traveling by the time she’d crawled into bed. She was anxious to see him in person after two long days analyzing what had taken place between them Friday night. She didn’t think anything had changed, at least she hoped not, but a tight ball of tension still formed as soon as she pulled herself out of bed.

  She quickly changed into a cute work outfit and pulled her hair into a sleek ponytail. She didn’t have time to doll herself up as much as she had the week before but she hoped her simple makeup would still hide the fact that she hadn’t gotten enough sleep. She’d tossed and turned for hours as her mind ran through the different scenarios the following day could hold. She and Holden seemed to be on the same page, but it still felt like there were so many obstacles in their way before they could actually be together.

  She arrived to work on time and made sure to keep herself caffeinated. One cup of coffee wasn’t going to cut it for her that morning. She met Bethenny in the locker room, attempting to perk up as her friend recounted each detail of her weekend with Henry. She raved about him and it was clear they were head-over-heels for one another. Addison envied the fact that Bethenny could speak openly about her feelings for their fellow student. Sure, they still couldn’t make out in the hallways at work, but at least it wasn’t against the rules for them to date. Bethenny was allowed to speak openly about her feelings and the more she divulged, the more Addison felt the knot build in her stomach. Maybe this whole situation isn’t so simple.

  She didn’t want to keep a secret from her friend but there was no way around it. She hadn’t talked to Holden about what their plan would be or if they even needed a plan, and she didn’t want the blame to be on her if word got out. She couldn’t imagine how much trouble they would end up facing if someone like Stacy found out about their relationship.

  Holden wasn’t in the conference room during their morning meeting, but she knew it was only a matter of time before they ran into each other and she couldn’t help but feel anxious. It was like she’d committed a crime and was attempting to get away with it. It’s not that bad right? No one knows except me and him, so there’s no way we could get in trouble… So then why do I feel so guilty? She took a deep breath, trying to calm her mind.

  “Bethenny do you want a coffee refill? I’m going to grab another one before we see our next patient.” She’d already downed her first cup and was still yawning.

  “You read my
mind; no cream please.” She grabbed the mug Bethenny held up.

  She shuffled both mugs to one hand, reaching for her phone with the other. Since Holden hadn’t been in the morning meeting she thought she might text him, just to touch base. However, as she approached the end of the hallway it sounded like she wouldn’t have the need. She smiled to herself, hearing Holden’s voice around the corner. Finally, I get to see him. But as she was about to turn into the hallway her heart sank and her feelings of excitement turned to dread. Is that Stacy’s voice? She rounded the corner and her suspicions were confirmed. You’ve gotta be kidding me.

  Holden stood among a group of residents and nurses, directly next to Stacy, the devil herself. Shit. Why is she here? She felt her hands begin to shake slightly as her body seemed to enter a flight or fight situation. Breathe. This isn’t weird, they all work here. Smile and act normal. Of all the scenarios she’d planned for, Holden standing with Stacy wasn’t one of them. She forced herself to continue walking, knowing it would look much worse if she suddenly turned away now.

  Holden was talking to another resident in the circle, facing away from Addison, so she wasn’t surprised when he didn’t notice her starting to approach. Stacy, on the other hand, locked onto Addison as if she was the freshest cut of meat at the market.

  “Wow, Addison, what are the odds?” Stacy asked, eyeing Addison’s white coat and work attire. At the mention of her name Holden stopped his conversation and followed her gaze to where Addison stood.

  Stacy eyed Holden as he took a hesitant step toward Addison before he thought better of it. A twisted grin spread across Stacy’s face.

  “If I knew you were doing rotations here I would have come to say hi earlier, the way we left off last time was far too interesting for my taste,” Stacy cooed, her fake smile deceiving everyone but Addison. Yeah, if I recall, I told you to fuck off and it was one of the best moments of my life.

  “Oh no worries, Stacy,” Addison answered, her tone as clipped as possible. “I don’t usually have time to sit and chat anyway,” she said, allowing her eyes to briefly scan over to Holden. She appreciated that he at least held concern in his honey brown eyes.

  She forced herself to look away from him and keep walking. She could feel their gaze on her but she’d be damned if she let Holden see how shook up she felt. Once she was out of their sight and alone in the nurses’ lounge she put the coffee mugs down, placed her hands on the counter, and closed her eyes. Holden hadn’t done anything wrong, but it still hurt to see him with Stacy, to know that he couldn’t follow her into the lounge. It wouldn’t have been weird if he’d said hello to her in the hallway, but if he purposely came in to talk to her now, it would only fuel the fire waiting to burn within Stacy. Besides, Addison still technically had no claim on him, especially not when they were at the hospital. Somehow that didn’t stop her from wishing like hell that he had swept her into a kiss, showing everyone that she belonged to him, that they belonged together.

  She felt her phone vibrate and flicked her eyes open to check the message.

  Addison was browsing the gift shop’s candles when she felt him approach, his heady scent a dead giveaway.

  “Think they have a clementine flavor?” Holden asked tantalizingly close to her ear. His easy charm calmed her nerves and she let a smile spread across her face before turning toward him. As shaken as she was by seeing him with Stacy, she couldn’t help but feel warm and happy when he was near.

  “You look like you got some sun this weekend,” he spoke with a look of pure adoration as his eyes scanned her features.

  She met his eyes for a moment before looking away and shrugging, “Bethenny and I took her dog to the park. I’m surprised my skin can still pick up a tan at all after spending so many hours in this place.” She could feel his gaze still devouring her. If anyone from her rotation group or his ward saw that gaze there would be no escaping the suspicions.

  “We have to be careful Holden,” she warned, making sure to keep her voice low enough that the other customers wouldn’t hear.

  “I’m sure Stacy, and, every other woman in this hospital, isn’t keen on you and I being together, or you know, whatever we are... being,” she said, her voice dropping off at the end as she felt a blush spread across her face. Oh god did I just assume we were dating? If the ground could just split open now, that’d be great.

  “Addy,” he spoke, reaching to touch her before remembering where they were and putting his hands into his coat pockets instead.

  “We’re together,” he confirmed, giving her enough confidence to peel her eyes away from the candle display and face him.

  “If you honestly believe that after losing you a year ago, I’d make the mistake of letting you go again, then it’s a good thing this is your heuro rotation cause you need your head checked,” he joked, his voice low enough that the other gift shop patrons couldn’t hear.

  She blushed at the boldness of his statement and found herself momentarily speechless. Has anyone ever said something like that to me before? Definitely not.

  “Together,” she repeated, nodding her head and maintaining intense eye contact with an orange colored candle behind Holden’s head. Are those tiny angels ringing bells? I think this is heaven. “Well my Dr. Taylor...” she murmured, loving the way it sounded, “I need some food. Want to split some of the gift shop snacks for lunch?” she asked giddily.

  “Wow,” Holden feigned surprise, “Addison, are you asking me out on our very first official date?” he teased. Addison laughed and gave him a playful scolding with her eyes, the drama of the morning completely forgotten.

  Chapter 25

  Every morning he spotted her as they biked the downtown streets of Los Angeles. He had no clue who she was or where she went each morning, but he’d come to appreciate the sight of her multi-colored helmet atop her flowing blonde hair. On certain lucky days he’d find himself abreast her gleaming Schwinn at a traffic light and he’d let his gaze drift over to take in the beautiful profile hidden beneath her helmet. She seldom returned his glances, but he didn't let that deter him. Over the next few weeks, he’d bike to work, appreciating the days their routes overlapped and continually hoping for a fleeting look back in his direction.

  He woke up late one morning, instantly aware that his alarm clocks betrayal would cost him the opportunity to run into her. He pulled himself out of bed, and hastily fumbled through his morning routine before setting out on his bike. He’d made it to the intersection where their paths usually merged when he saw a white poster hanging off the lamp post.

  They met at that stop light the next day and each day after. It was at that stop light four years later, he would ask her to spend his life with him forever.

  Holden and Addison decided that until Addison’s rotation was over in three weeks, they’d have to play it safe. Holden confirmed that both of their positions could be jeopardized if word got out, even if he only had a year of his residency left. They decided that there would be no communication between them at the hospital unless it had something to do with her rotation or medical training. Both of their homes were safe, but they couldn’t travel to or from the hospital together. The plan didn’t sound all that hard, except that, outside of the hospital, neither of them had very much free time.

  On most days Addison was studying with Bethenny for their rotation review and Holden was working late hours at the hospital. He’d been on call the past weekend and had to pretty much live in the hospital lounge for forty-eight hours.

  In spite of their hectic schedules, Holden still called her every day and they would text when they could. The first two weeks passed in a frenzy. Addison would get ready for bed after a late night of studying; Holden would find the quietest part of the hospital, and they’d sit on the phone forever. They’d go off on random tangents and realize they’d been talking about what their favorite type of dog was for forty minutes.

  “Holden, we really have to hang up. We should both be sleeping. You have surgery in the m
orning,” she said, laying in bed unable to wipe the smile from her face.

  “Alright alright, but just promise me we’ll take the trip when we both get time off. How great would it be to camp along the coast? I mean, we’re talking smores for dinner every night.”

  She laughed freely; he definitely knew the way to her heart. “You’ve convinced me, it’s a deal. Now I’m going to hang up so I don’t fall asleep in front of the head resident in the morning.”

  “Mmmm, maybe he’ll just take a nap with you? Maybe in a secluded area of the hospital...”

  “Holdennn,” she playfully groaned, even though she loved the offer, “you’re relentless.”

  Even through the phone his rich laugh sent shivers down her spine.

  “Goodnight Ms. Caldwell.”

  Addison almost preferred the arrangement they’d been forced into. If she was with him every day they wouldn’t have been able to keep their hands off each other. This way, they were taking it slow, becoming completely comfortable with one another again. It hadn’t taken long before they’d slipped back into the easy relationship they had a year ago. Even Addison’s friendships with her girl friends didn’t quite compare. She could discuss anything with Holden. She could be the silliest version of herself when they were together. It was as if, to everyone else, they showed a put together version of themselves, but when it was just the two of them, every wall came down. There was nothing to hide and Addison had never felt so at home, so content in her own skin, than when she was with Holden.

  In addition to their texts and phone calls over the past two weeks, Holden managed to find the time to sneak sunflowers into her locker the morning after she’d had an especially agonizing study session. She’d snuck them to her car without anyone noticing, keeping them in a pretty vase on her counter the rest of the week. Each morning she’d wake up and see them, reminded of how lucky she was to have Holden in her life.