When Our Worlds Collide

by Iler, Lindsey

  I drive and I drive until I end up in the middle of nowhere in front of the old barn, the secret hideout for some pretty insane keggers that almost always get broken up by the county sheriff’s department. The feeling of seclusion should be comforting. It has the opposite impact. I’m not just alone in the middle of this country road. I’m alone in the realest sense of the word. No one’s to blame except for me, just like everything else in my life.

  I get out of my car slamming the door. Sitting on the hood I look directly up to the sky watching the stars. I find the big and little dipper with ease. When I’m looking at the cluster of stars I question everything I’ve ever done, all my decisions that have affected those around me. Kennedy was born to dance just as I was born to play baseball. I almost took both of our dreams away. A gift like ours doesn’t happen to everyone. People go through life trying to decide what they should do or be, but she and I are the lucky ones. We knew the first moment we took the stage and threw a pitch.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  -Kennedy-

  There’s a faint knock on my slightly open door. Everything in me screams to ignore it, pretend that I don’t hear whoever it is standing on the opposite side from me. That option is tempting. I know that isn’t going to be an option when the door swings open and my mother walks in. Like most mom’s she can tell when something’s wrong just like she can tell if I’m running a fever just by kissing my forehead. It’s a mother’s intuition. Right about now I loathe her.

  “What’s going on with you, Kennedy?” she asks quietly as she sits on the bed next to me. “And don’t you dare say ‘nothing’. I’m your mother. I know you better than that. It’s written all over that pretty little face of yours.”

  How can I talk about this with her? The determined look on my mom’s face said everything I needed to know. I wasn’t going to get off easy so I dove right in.

  “Do you think two people that have every reason in the world to not be together can still find a way to make it work? Like if the whole world is finding a reason to fight against these two people, can they still find a reason to fight back?” I ramble on feeling utterly embarrassed enough to throw myself back onto my bed pulling a pillow over my head to attempt at hiding it. She quickly grabs it uncovering my pink face.

  “I think it all depends,” she smiles at me as if she has all of the answers. “Is this just two people or are we talking about you and Graham? Because if we’re talking about you and that adorable boy then I’d bet he would fight to the end of the world for you. I don’t know much about him, but I do know he has a reputation. None of that matters to me when he looks at you the way he does.”

  “What do you mean? How does he look at me?” I shyly ask tears threatening to show just what is going on inside my head. Talking about things like this with my mom isn’t natural. This was foreign territory for us. It’s definitely a first considering before Graham came along I had never had a boyfriend or even admitted to having a crush on someone out loud.

  “Like his world starts and ends with you. I don’t know what’s all happened between you two, but I know that you haven’t been with each other for too long. With that said that boy adores you. Don’t let your mind wander too far where you can’t find your way back to him if that’s what you truly want.” She lays a soft kiss on the top of my head then walks out of my room leaving me with her advice.

  I stare at the same wall for hours as if I expect it to open up and have answers to all of my questions. As if I could force the answers from the cold white walls just from staring into them. I replay my mother’s advice over in my head. Kicking Graham out of my room was irrational now that the dust has settled. I know the reason behind my rash behavior. I’m frustrated with him, with everything.

  My mother is right though. Like usual, but don’t tell her I said that. I just feel too much too quickly for Graham that it’s not natural. We’re in high school. We shouldn’t be wrapped up in each other this soon. If the universe wants us to be together then it would stop giving us reasons not to be.

  Everything that is and will be Graham is frightening. He’s the type of guy that will manage to be gorgeous after thirty years pass, the type of guy who can be cocky then turn around and prove to you that he also has this unbelievably sweet side. Mostly he’s the type of guy who doesn’t ask you to change, but you find yourself changing anyways. He’s the ultimate prize whether he sees it in himself or not.

  Whenever Graham’s nearby I can feel him as if we have this invisible tether that keeps us connected, keeps us feeling. The first time it happened was the night of the accident. As I stood on the stage I felt nervous and awkward, as if I still didn’t belong after all this time of being their peer. The lights came on and focused solely on me. When I looked out at the crowd before the music began to play I saw him. He’s all I saw. He was my lighthouse and I was the lost boat. He guided me through that moment whether he was aware of it at the time or not. I’m sure he had no idea of how he made me feel that night and then the accident happened. I wasn’t sure then what was happening, but I knew something switched in me. I hadn’t been looking for Graham. He came along anyways. I believe that’s how all love stories begin. How they end is a whole different thing.

  Graham is the one responsible for my accident. When he was the one who showed up above me that night, looking over my broken and disheveled body, I felt a sense of relief course through my veins. He looked down at me with fear in his eyes. He knew what he had done and he was just as scared as I had been. At the time I didn’t know a thing about the type of guy Graham is, but that didn’t matter much in the long run.

  I made the decision I did based on the look in his eyes. I never told him this. It still doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me even after all this time. When he was hunched over me looking at my injuries he grabbed my hand then he looked at me. Like really looked at me and that’s when I saw it. There was a glisten in his eyes, a look that exposed his soul without him realizing it. I couldn’t do anything but admire what I saw. He turned out to be exactly what I thought even when he tries to prove me wrong time and time again.

  There’s another knock on my door as I am starting to get ready for bed. My mom has come back with more words of wisdom I’m sure. She’s the type of person that thinks of the right thing to stay far too long after the moment has passed. I inherited that trait from her. It’s the reason why every time I want to yell at someone (primarily Graham) I can’t think of the right thing to say.

  “Can I come in?” My dad’s voice echoes through my room as he enters.

  “Sure,” I answer sitting down on the bed. He never comes in here unless it’s important. He always says things like “a girl’s domain is no place I want to be” or “it’s too pink in here”. He’s funny like that.

  “I know you’re stressed about your leg and what it may mean for your future…”

  I stop him before he can say anything else. He can’t be further from the truth. “Dad, it’s not just that. Of course I’m worried but it’s out of my hands at this point. It is what it is. I’ll deal with it,” I explain the best I’m capable of.

  “I never understood where you got your maturity from.”

  “Mom.”---“Mom.” We both say in unison making us both laugh.

  “Did that boy make you cry?” he asks with a determination as if I were to say yes then he would spend his night out avenging my broken heart.

  “Mom told you?” I ask knowing very well that she did.

  “We don’t keep secrets in this family. You know that.” That sentiment makes me want to laugh. “I know I’m just your old dad, but I might have some advice for you.”

  “Okay…” I proceed with caution not really understanding where this is coming from. We usually avoided any conversation that ran deeper to the heart.

  “There’s something about young love that makes us adults secretly jealous. Love at your age is easy. You know in your heart that this person consumes you, owns you. Knowing their name i
sn’t necessary before it all happens. As you get older you’ll learn that love becomes more about the circumstance rather than the excitement of your heart. Promise me you won’t let your heart age before you do. If you do you could end up letting something go wishing every day that you still had it in your grasp.” He pats me on the leg in encouragement and comfort before standing.

  “Are you pushing me into Graham’s arms, Dad?” I ask with a small laugh at how hilarious that idea is. “Most dads try to deter their daughter from dating, but what you just said makes it seem that you have the opposite of intentions.”

  “I want whatever makes you happy. That’s the job of a parent and if that boy is what makes your heart happy then how can I fault him or you?” He doesn’t get a response from me. He isn’t expecting one.

  I go to bed that night feeling drained and confused. I’m scared that after pushing Graham out of my house and maybe my life that he won’t be there in the morning. To be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised. He’s not the poster boy for successful relationships. He’s never actually been in one. His definition of a successful relationship is hooking up with a faceless girl while they keep their shirt on in the back of his car in the high school parking lot or in Craig’s boat house. Hardly the resume you want to see in your next boyfriend.

  I’m scared to face Craig tomorrow without Graham by my side though. It would be easier if I didn’t think about Craig, but it’s inevitable. We go to school together. I’m going to have to see him tomorrow and I’m not ready for that. I know looking Craig in the eyes will only bring back the memory of his bedroom, him hovering over me with his hand over my mouth.

  My life was perfectly content before Graham came along screwing it all up. Now everything is complicated and misplaced. Girls like me aren’t meant to be near guys like Graham. Our worlds weren’t meant to collide, but here I am wishing I wasn’t right.

  I don’t know how long I stayed up thinking and rethinking the situation I was in. When my alarm goes off I feel like I had just fallen asleep. I drag myself---literally drag my butt out of bed and into a shower. The warm water is soothing against my skin. The warmth of it only makes me think of Graham. The way he held me in his arms as the water washed away my anger and fear only makes me miss him more now that the sun has come up and I’ve allowed it all to play over in my head.

  Like a zombie I get dressed, blow dry my hair throwing it up into a high messy bun, and walk out of my bedroom where I’m greeted by my cheerful father who’s whistling some sort of sunny gleeful song and a mother who keeps looking at me as if she knows a life altering secret. I’m confused. This isn’t how our mornings go. Most of the time they argue over who will get the first cup of coffee from the pot. My dad believes that the first cup tastes the best and I think my mom likes getting a rise out of him from stealing it right out from under his nose. They’re cute like that.

  “What’s gotten into you two?” I grab the box of Corn Pops off the top of the refrigerator. They both ignore my question going about their business. Dad passes me the gallon of milk and a bowl with a spoon.

  “Violet coming to pick you up this morning?” My mom avoids making eye contact with me when she asks, but keeps her eyes on my dad who’s holding back a laugh.

  I furrowed my brow and shake my head in confusion. What’s gotten into these two? I’m tempting to raid their room looking for a pot stash.

  “Yeah she’ll be here in like five minutes which means I need to hurry.” I eat faster than necessary knowing Violet will get grumpy if I keep her waiting too long. I still can’t drive with this dumpy cast which means I’m dependable on anyone willing to be my chauffer. Hopefully that will all change today after my doctor’s appointment.

  I grab my back pack off the table and head towards the front door. My mom stops me in the hallway blocking my exit.

  “Wait sweetie. Before you leave I need to ask you something,” she says seriously.

  “What’s up mom?” I answer flinging my back pack over my shoulder in agitation.

  “Did you ever figure out the answer to your question last night? About how if it’s possible for two people who are completely different to find a way to be together.” She looks at me hopeful. She doesn’t want to have a cynic for a daughter. To her, I’m too young to already not believe in happily ever after.

  “Sort of and I’m starting to believe that there’s a reason why life sometimes doesn’t want people to be together, so we’re thrown these curveballs and obstacles to prove to us that we were never supposed to be together in the first place,” I force a smile. It’s upsetting to say it out loud reaffirming her fear for me. “I guess that’s that, huh?”

  “And here I thought you were a fighter,” she whispers under her breath thinking that I won’t hear her, but of course I do. I choose to ignore her snide remark. I’m not in the mood for the come to Jesus talk that will surely follow that comment. As I hear Violet’s car horn blaring, I leave her standing on the front porch watching me as I walk down the walkway onto the driveway.

  My eyes are down casted in shame for my admission. I turn the corner preparing for a snide remark from Violet, but there he stands leaning against his car. God, he’s too gorgeous for his own good. He’s wearing the jeans that are just tight enough to show off everything that makes a girl want to scream his name. His thin white button up is rolled up to his elbows. Best of all, his perfect smile is plastered on his face, the smile that makes you want to run into his arms and stay there. His aviator sunglasses are perched on his nose, making it impossible to see his eyes. I still know that in spite of his smile there’s a mixture of fear and reluctance behind the shiny surface.

  Neither of us say anything. Neither of us took the steps to close the gap between us. I stay planted on the edge of the driveway watching him against the hood of his car. He runs his thumb along the gap between the hood and the front end. I watch him intently trying to come up with something to say. Something that can fix everything, but I come up empty handed. When I see him pull his sunglasses off his perfect face exposing his eyes watching me, I’m reminded of what my mom had said to me last night.

  He looks at you as if his world starts and ends with you.

  This is what she was referring too. He doesn’t just look at me. He actually sees me.

  “Graham…” I look him up and down trying to memorize the way he appears in front of me. He tucks his sunglasses into the collar of his shirt. There’s a longing in his eyes when he allows his eyes to train in on mine. My breathing stills as I watch his chest rise and fall.

  “About last night…” Graham’s voice is low as if he’s telling me a secret. I don’t care what he has to say. I drop my backpack at my feet. As best as I’m capable of with a bum leg and crutches I make my way towards him. He meets me halfway just as I drop the crutches to the side. Graham’s hands find the side of my face. He runs his finger along my cheek making my blood pump thickly through my veins.

  That simple touch isn’t enough. I wrap my arms around his neck jumping to wrap my legs around his waist. He eagerly follows my intentions hoisting me up in his arms taking all of my weight on his strong capable forearms. I play with the back of his hair refusing to look anywhere else but into his honey shaded eyes. I want to make sure I still see the same person I had the night of the accident.

  Graham’s smile grows brighter with every second that ticks by. I can breathe again.

  He’s still in there.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  -Graham-

  I stayed up most of the night trying to work this mess out in my head. I came to a few conclusions. This seems to happen a lot these days, overthinking and analyzing moments that should be insignificant, but end up being monumental. Staring at my ceiling has become a recreational sport for me. I’m losing my god damn mind, I’m sure of it.

  The first thing that I know is that Kennedy and I are different. She’s all books and dance, and I’m all baseball and parties. Something against our control keeps pushing us
apart and maybe we are both at fault for this happening. The most important and hardest epiphany is that I just don’t really give a damn. I don’t care about any of the meaningless bullshit because I love her. I know I said it to her just last night and I meant every word when I let them slide out of my mouth, but something clicked last night while I laid on my bed thinking about her. Nothing could keep me away from Kennedy at this point and I’m not afraid to admit it.

  “Kennedy…” I try again to get the words out but nothing arrives at the tip of my tongue.

  Kennedy didn’t find a reason enough good to stay away from me from last night until this morning. When she rounded the corner to see me standing there my confidence level was at an all-time low. It could have gone either way. I’d either be driving her to school or drowning my sorrows in a bottle of tequila that I stole from my father’s den later tonight. I’m thankful that it’s managed to go in my favor. Feeling her beneath my fingertips is the closest I’ve felt to carefree in my entire life.

  “Graham, I don’t care what you have to say because none of it matters,” Kennedy fills in the silence when the words don’t come easily for me. She grins down at me as I hold her in my arms.

  “But I had a speech.” I plead with her, amusement evident in my voice.

  Kennedy jumps down from my arms being mindful of her hurt leg.

  “I was thinking you might want to kiss me, but if you have a speech…” she peers up at me through her long thick eyelashes. The grin that’s on her lips nearly stops my heart.

  “I think the speech can wait, don’t you?” I lift her up onto the hood of my car making her laugh uncontrollably. My lips quickly find hers. Subconsciously I’m drawn to her. That alone causes our kiss to deepen to the point where I would be willing to take her right here in her parent’s driveway. Something I doubt they would appreciate.

  A moan escapes Kennedy’s lips and I can’t help myself. I kiss along her jawline until I hit the softest of skin behind her ear. I know what’s coming before I feel it below my own skin. She physically shudders as my lips release from her. She smacks me on the chest feeling embarrassed as she always does. I can see her eyes dilating in excitement. She can say what she wants, but she loves when I do that.