The Drought (The hilarious laugh-out loud comedy about dating disasters!)

by Steven Scaffardi

  Then I heard someone clear their throat behind me. “Hello, Daniel.”

  I slowly turned around to see Rob’s mum sitting at the dining table. But it wasn’t just his mum. His dad was sitting there too. And his grandparents, his aunt and uncle, and his cousins. All four of them. And someone I had never seen in my life before. Rob folded his arms across his chest, cocked his head to one side, raised his eyebrows at me, and half-smiled.

  “Hi, Mrs Devlin,” I nervously said. “Hi everyone.”

  “Cold outside, is it, Dan?” Rob’s dad asked me.

  “I better go,” I said turning back to Rob. “I’ll call you later,” I whispered, holding my thumb and finger to my mouth and ear. “Bye everyone.”

  *

  I made it back to Kelly’s flat and hopped back into bed.

  “What was that all about,” she said half smiling, half looking at me like I was a crazy man.

  “Just something I had to do,” I told her. “Hey, you ready to go again?” Before she even had a chance to answer I jumped back on top of Kelly and moved back into position for round two. We had only been at it for a few seconds when she once again told me in no uncertain terms: “Don’t you dare cum too early.”

  There was a pause.

  “Sorry,” I said.

  *

  The next day I took Kelly to the airport. There was no awkwardness whatsoever about what had happened. It just felt right. We hadn’t made any silly promises to wait for each other or anything like that. We both knew a lot could happen in 12 months, and there was no way I could go on another drought. Besides, she had just come out of a long-term relationship. If we still felt the same when she got back then we would see where the wind takes us. But until then...

  “I guess this is it,” Kelly said after she had checked her bag in. We hugged and kissed.

  “You’re going to have a great time,” I said and for the first time I realised how much I would miss her.

  But something caught my attention. On one of the TV screens they were showing Sky News. I couldn’t hear what was being said but I saw the image of a naked man in a pair of socks running down the high street – my naked sock-wearing image running down the high street with the headline: Gay Rights Protester Strikes Again.

  I quickly looked away before Kelly had the chance to notice what I was looking at. I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I would have to call mum back later to explain.

  “I want you to have this,” Kelly said handing me a plastic bag. I took the bag and pulled out what was inside.

  “The Rocky Balboa robe,” I said in total shock. “But this was Paul’s birthday present.”

  “Yeah, well Paul didn’t exactly deserve it now did he?” Kelly said smiling. “I want you to have it.”

  We hugged again. I didn’t want to let her go.

  “Hey,” Kelly said looking at me. “You keep performing like you did last night and I don’t think you’ll be experiencing any more droughts.”

  We both laughed. I kissed her for the final time. I then watched her go through passport control. In 12 hours she would be halfway across the world. I walked back towards the train station.

  I stood on the platform and thought about the last 24 hours – about the last nine months. It really had been a whirlwind ride.

  “Excuse me, does this train go to Green Park?” a girl carrying a suitcase asked me as the train pulled into the platform.

  “Yes, I hope so, otherwise I’m going in the wrong direction,” I joked.

  She smiled and thanked me as she struggled to lift her suitcase onto the train carriage. “Here, let me help you,” I said lifting her suitcase up.

  “Thank you,” she said. “I’m Cindy, by the way,” and she extended her hand.

  I looked up and thought of Kelly. “I’m Dan,” I said shaking her hand. “So where have you just come back from?”

  More from Steven Scaffardi

  Steven Scaffardi is currently working on his second novel The One That Got Away which is the hilarious follow-up to The Drought. To keep up to date with news about Steven Scaffardi then please visit:

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