Love Him Back

by Kris Nacole

  “Of course, you can,” she whined. “I need you tonight, Zane. I need this.” She rubbed my thighs as she knelt down in front of me. “Come on, baby.”

  Fuck! Nope, I can’t.

  “Bye, Mikayla,” I said gruffly as I stood up, grabbed my uniform shirt off of the dresser, and headed for the door.

  The look of shock on Mikayla’s face reminded me how messed up I was. I’d never turned her down before.

  Pulling my phone out, I knew what I needed to do.

  Me: Are you awake?

  Chesney: No.

  She made me laugh despite how horrible I was feeling.

  After showing my ID at the front gate, I rushed back to Chesney’s dorm. I couldn’t go home knowing how I’d left things with her earlier.

  When I pulled up, Chesney’s room was dark. It was so late, I thought about just going back home, but I knew I wouldn’t get any sleep unless I told Chesney how I truly felt about her. She deserved the truth, and I finally knew what that was.

  I knocked quietly putting my ear up against the door to listen for any movement inside. Nothing. “Chesney, please open the door.”

  “Go away, Zane,” I heard through the door.

  “I will after you let me in so I can talk to you, please.” I almost didn’t realize I was holding my breath until I saw a light through her curtains.

  She pulled the door open slightly, her eyes swollen and red from crying. “What do you want?”

  I did that to her; I reminded myself, feeling even worse. When I didn’t respond, she almost shut the door in my face, but I reached out to stop it.

  “Wait, let me come in.”

  She narrowed her eyes, suspicious and mistrusting.

  I threw up a hand showing five fingers. “Five minutes, and then I’ll leave you alone.”

  “Fine, but if you’re planning on making things harder than they already are, then you can forget about it and go back home.”

  “Okay, fair enough,” I said, walking in and closing the door behind me.

  Better make this count.

  I almost didn’t answer the door, but he sounded sincere. I should’ve left him outside looking like an idiot. He deserved it. But it seemed, even after everything I’d been through, I was still a softy sometimes.

  Go me.

  Walking over to the bed, I sat down and hugged my pillow to my chest, waiting for him to speak.

  He looked so nervous pacing the floor as if trying to formulate his thoughts. Finally, he stopped pacing and knelt down in front of me. “Chesney, I know when I left earlier I said some hurtful things to you. I’ve been a dick to you, and you don’t deserve it. I came back here tonight to tell you that I…I do know how I truly feel about you. I was just too much of a coward to admit it.”

  He took my hands in his. “I’ve probably screwed everything up with us now, but if it’s not too late, I’d like to prove that I’m willing to give us a shot. I want to see where this goes even if it scares the hell out of me. Whether I like it or not, my heart’s in it,” he said, hopeful. Then he waited nervously for my response.

  “What made you change your mind within an hour?” I asked confused.

  He blew out a breath. “No other woman can make me feel like you do. Your face is the only thing I see when I close my eyes. The smell of your perfume is all I want to ever smell. The way your lips feel against mine—so eager and demanding—that’s what I want.”

  Well, if that wasn’t the most romantic thing I’d ever heard.

  “Chesney,” he continued. “I know what I want. I want you, all of you. I promise I’ll never see any other woman but you, if you’ll give me another chance.”

  I could only stare at him. I really didn’t know what to say or do. I wanted to believe him, but I was still scared out of my mind. “How do I know you won’t change your mind tomorrow?”

  “You don’t,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand. He was doing it again. He always rubbed the back of his neck when he was nervous or unsure of something. “That’s the thing about relationships.” He paused. “I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I’m willing to give this a try, for you.” His soft eyes were glazed over as he spoke. “The thought of not having you in my life at all scares me more than letting my guard down and letting you in. I’m all in, Chesney, that’s the one thing I know for sure.” He stood up and then pulled me to my feet.

  I didn’t really have to think about it. My heart already knew the answer, but I wanted to make him sweat just a little, so I was quiet for a long moment until I replied, “Okay, Zane, but no more games. I also expect you to really open up to me and talk about your past. If we’re going to do this, then we’re going to do it right. You’ve got to be prepared to do whatever it takes to make this work, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.”

  “Fair enough,” he grinned, then took my face in his hands and placed the softest kiss on my lips. “I promise I’ll try my best and put one hundred percent into this.” One more sweet kiss, and he said, “I’ll let you go back to bed now, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Okay, goodnight,” I said to him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

  Zane Thomas is finally mine. All mine. I wanted to bury my face in my pillow and kick and scream with excitement.

  “Goodnight,” he said softly, kissing my forehead once before he was gone.

  I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT’D BEEN almost four months since I’d met Zane. Time had seemed to fly by, and since our in-depth talk a couple months ago, Zane had been trying hard to open up to me and be more mindful of what I needed. Our relationship needed work, like all other relationships, but we were slowly starting to get there. We were concentrating on living life day-to-day and seeing what happens.

  “Hey! How are things going with you and Zane?” Ashley asked as she plopped down on my beanbag chair at the foot of my bed.

  “Wonderful actually,” I said, carefully painting my toenails and trying to pamper myself for once.

  “Good! I’ve noticed you’ve been staying at his house a lot. You’re one lucky bitch!” Ashley said, giggling.

  “Ashley!” I threw my pillow at her.

  “What? Just sayin’,” she shrugged.

  “He’s actually on his way over now. He’s taking me to my first horse race in Newmarket and then to this really nice Indian restaurant. Both of us have been working so much, it’s nice to finally have some time together. I’m excited to see him!”

  “How sweet. I hope you have fun.” She smiled, then started back to her room. “I’m actually going out with Justin tonight. He said he had something special planned.” She turned and winked at me before disappearing around the corner.

  “Have fun!” I yelled after her.

  I glanced at the time then rushed to get dressed. I put on my blue dress and black heels, and then I packed some overnight clothes and toiletries since I’d be staying at Zane’s house.

  Ah, the nomadic life of a girlfriend.

  The horse race was everything I’d hoped it would be and more. Zane bought tickets for me because he knew how much I missed home and how much I loved horses. He even bought me a wide-brimmed, floppy hat, so I could get the full experience.

  “Are you having fun?” he asked, leaning toward me as we watched the horses circle the track.

  “Are you kidding? This is wonderful! Thank you.” I turned to give him a quick kiss and then turned back to cheer on my favorite horse.

  “Goooo, Chester!” I yelled, pumping my fist in the air excitedly.

  After the race ended, I went to the bathroom to freshen up. Looking in the mirror, I took off my incredibly large hat and gave my hair and make up a last minute touch up. Then I went to find Zane.

  “Chesney, you look delectable,” Zane said, smiling his sexy half-grin as I walked toward him. “Maybe we should skip dinner.” He kissed my cheek and wrapped his arms around my waist.

  “No way, mister. I’ve wanted to try this Indian restaurant for a while now.�
��

  “Yes, ma’am,” he replied in his horrible attempt at a Southern accent, making me giggle. He looked good enough to eat in his black slacks, white shirt, and dark-blue tie.

  I pulled him to me by his tie and whispered, “Just wait until we can have dessert.” His eyes widened, and his lips parted in surprise. I turned and looked at him over my shoulder as I walked away. “You coming?”

  He cleared his throat and grinned. “Later I will be.”

  After dinner, we went back to Zane’s house for dessert. And not the kind that sticks to your hips.

  He led me to the bedroom, loosening his tie along the way. He looked at me over his shoulder and flashed a grin. My breath caught. This man was going to devour my body and soul, and I was okay with that.

  He dropped my hand once we were in the bedroom and walked over to turn on some music. I reached behind me and dimmed the lights to the lowest setting. He walked up and swept my hair to one side, over my shoulder, so he could unzip my dress. I closed my eyes as his fingers slipped under the fabric and pushed it down my shoulders. His tongue brushed the sensitive spot below my ear, and he sucked on it gently. He blew a light breath over the moist spot, making me shiver. He continued kissing a path down my neck and shoulder. I stepped out of my dress and was in nothing but a bra.

  “You aren’t wearing any panties?” he growled, pulling me closer. The proof of his pleased reaction jammed itself against my bottom.

  A deliciously sinister grin spread across my face. I loved knowing what I was doing to him.

  “Fuck, Chesney,” he growled again, practically ripping off my bra and spinning me to face him.

  I looked up at him, his lustrous blue eyes burning with desire. Seeing the fire in Zane’s eyes did something to me. This was the man that I was giving my whole self to—the man who held my heart. I finished pulling his tie off and tossed it on the floor. As I unbuttoned his shirt, I kissed the smooth flesh under each button. I could feel the thump of his heart on my lips with each kiss, tapping out its secrets in code. He ran his fingers through my hair, groaning with pleasure.

  It was as if a switch flipped, and I had the strength to do anything. I yanked the belt off his pants and tossed it in the same direction as his tie. Being this bold was not normal for me, but I liked it. Zane made me feel powerful like I could do anything.

  I slid his pants down his muscular legs, and he stepped out of them. I turned to get a foil packet out of the bedside table, and when I turned around he already had his underwear off.

  “Eager are we?” I breathed.

  Whoa. What the heck has gotten into me?

  My heart raced as I pushed him back onto the bed. Zane watched as I ripped the packet open and rolled the condom onto him. I straddled his hips and positioned myself. My body trembled in response as I lowered myself onto him. The song “Tangled Up In You” by Staind filled the room and helped set my pace. I rocked my hips savoring the euphoric high I was on. The words ‘take away my pain’ snapped my attention to the song. Zane was taking away my pain—he was healing me.

  I was on top of him, completely naked, and for the first time, I wasn’t uncomfortable. Not a single bad memory entered my mind. No haunting from my past. I was completely exposed, and yet Zane made me feel comfortable in my own skin. I didn’t feel the need to hide my body from him. My chest tightened at the revelation and tears filled my eyes.

  Zane groaned and grabbed my sides, pulling me tighter against him and raising his hips to meet every thrust. I moaned lustfully, closed my eyes, threw my head back, and continued to just feel him beneath me. My heart was so full I thought it was going to burst through my chest. Nothing else in the world mattered, except for him.

  Connecting with Zane physically like this was intoxicating. It wasn’t only sex with him. When we were together, it was as if our souls connected in the most perfect way. His touch lit me on fire every single time.

  I collapsed on top of him, our breathing heavy. My head was on his chest, and I could feel his heart racing against my cheek. Neither of us said anything. We didn’t need to. Our relationship had shifted after that, and we both knew it. Things were getting serious.

  I rolled off of him and nestled myself under his arm by his side.

  Finally, I decided to break the silence. “Thank you for today. For the past few months really.” I looked up at him. His hooded blue eyes bore into mine. “I can tell you’ve been really trying to open up to me, and I know it hasn’t been easy.”

  He looked at me through lowered lashes, and then he turned slightly to face me. Confusion crossed his face. His lips parted, and he touched my cheek with his hand. “What’re you doing to me, Firefly?” The sincerity in his eyes made tears fall without notice. This was a serious side of Zane I didn’t get to see often. “No, it hasn’t been easy, but you’re worth it.” He leaned closer and crushed his lips to mine.

  He pulled away for a moment as if he wanted to say something else. But before he spoke, I had to let him know how I was feeling.

  I placed my hand up on his chest and took a deep breath. “Zane, I’m starting to fall…hard. I’ve been trying to respect your decision not to rush this, and I’ve done that, but my feelings are growing deeper every day.” I couldn’t help that I’d wanted more with Zane. However, the three words I’d longed to hear hadn’t been uttered yet.

  “I l…like you so much,” I stammered, not wanting to make a fool of myself.

  He blinked at me. “Well, I don’t like you, Chesney,” he said, making me freeze, not really sure how to respond to that.

  He rolled over, so he was on top of me. I could feel his heartbeat. It was thumping violently against his chest. Sweat trickled down his forehead, and he was trembling slightly.

  He cleared his throat, nervously, and continued, “I don’t like you because I…I love you, and I’m tired of fighting it.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “I’m in love with you, Chesney Ward. I honestly never thought I’d say that to anyone, ever again.” He paused for a second and stroked my cheek with his thumb. He looked so vulnerable and scared.

  I lay there in shock. My stomach fluttered with anticipation.

  Is this a dream? Did he really just say he loved me?

  Before I could even respond, he kissed me. So many emotions and thoughts were running through my entire body.

  What if he deploys again?

  What if Mikayla or some other woman came back into his life?

  What if he got bored with me?

  Could I trust him not to break my heart again?

  Was I truly ready to open my heart to him completely?

  And my biggest fear—what if he only said it because he knew it was what I wanted to hear?

  I’d been waiting for the moment Zane told me he loved me, and now that he had, I wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

  After his big confession, Zane didn’t mention the fact that I didn’t say it back. I wanted to, I really did, but the words wouldn’t come out. As we lay there, he gazed into my eyes and smiled. Only this smile was different. For the first time since I’d met him, his smile reached his eyes.

  I took a breath and started, “Zane I…”

  His phone rang, interrupting me, and he quickly grabbed it off of the bedside table to answer it. He got out of bed, put on a pair of black shorts, and went outside to take the call. I sat up against the leather headboard, hugged the sheets to my chest, and tried to decide what I was going to say to him when he came back.

  His tall stature filled the dark doorway as he hung up the phone. “Chesney, I’m so sorry, babe, but I’ve gotta go to work.” His eyes narrowed. He knew the timing sucked, but he had no choice. He had to go. “I’ll drop you off on my way in.”

  I smiled reassuringly. “It’s okay. I understand.” He kissed me on the forehead.

  He grabbed my head between his hands, and I brought my hands up to touch his. “I really hate this,” he said, bringing his forehead to mine.

  “I know. That’s the way it is,
right?”

  He frowned. “Right,” he sighed.

  He gave me a quick kiss and then walked into the bathroom. I grabbed my bag off the dresser and pulled out a pair of capris pants and a pale-pink tank top and slipped them on.

  Walking into the bathroom after I got dressed, I saw Zane standing by the sink in his uniform pants with no shirt on. Sneaking up behind him, I slowly wrapped my arms around him, gently rubbing my hands down his chest and abs. I planted little kisses down his back, and his muscles flexed in anticipation.

  “Chesney,” he groaned.

  “What?” I asked, acting all innocent.

  “You know what,” he laughed, turning around to face me with an amused look on his face.

  “I’m sorry, I can’t help it,” I pouted, batting my eyelashes at him.

  He spun me around so my back was to the sink and helped me up onto the counter. Settling between my legs, he grabbed my face and kissed me with the urgency I loved so much. Pulling my tank top over my head, he threw it on the ground and started exploring my body with his mouth.

  “Zane, I just put my clothes back on!” I said, making him freeze.

  He looked at me with wide eyes. “Really?”

  “No, not really. Just kidding. Carry on.” I giggled as he lifted me up long enough to jerk my capris off.

  “Chesney Ward. You’re killin’ me,” he growled, sliding into me right there on top of the counter.

  Zane dropped me off at my dorm in record time. Whenever he was recalled, he had to go in within the hour. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Goodnight.” He gave me a quick kiss on my forehead, and then he was gone.

  It was starting to get late, and I needed sleep. My mind was racing too much to sleep. I lay in bed, eyes fixed to the ceiling, trying to contemplate what had happened before the phone call ruined everything.

  Talk about a special moment ruined.

  Because of us having to rush back to base, I didn’t get the chance to respond to his ‘I love you’.

  Needing to get out of my head, I sent Emberly and Ashley a text to see if they were awake. They always made me feel better, and I’d missed them like crazy.