Love Him Back

by Kris Nacole

  An hour later they arrived with pizza and ice cream, and we had a girls’ night in, catching up. We’d all been working so much that we hadn’t been able to get together as much as we would’ve liked.

  “Yay, for girlie movies and junk food!” Emberly hollered as she set the pizza box on top of the dresser.

  “I’ve got the ice cream…and wine,” Ashley said, holding up a gallon of my favorite—chocolate ice cream and a bottle of Sangria.

  “A freakin’ gallon, Ashley?” I laughed.

  She scoffed. “Well, I didn’t know exactly why we were meeting this late, so I figured I’d come prepared. It may be a long night,” she said, placing the ice cream and wine beside the pizza.

  “You’ve got the movie, right, Chesney?” Ashley asked, getting some plates and bowls out and pouring us some wine. Well except for Emberly. She’d skipped the wine because she was driving. She lived in a dorm across the base.

  I waved the movie in the air. “I sure do. It’s right here.”

  “Oh, I almost forgot. I came prepared. Here are some tissues,” Emberly said, placing a box of tissues out on the floor in front of us.

  We all settled down and started the movie. It was nice having two of my best friends there with me. We all needed some girl time.

  By the time the movie was finished, we’d gone through an entire box of tissues.

  “Okay, girls. No more wine, sugar, or sappy movies for a long time,” Ashley sniffled, getting up to get more wine. “After tonight, that is,” she added with a laugh.

  “So what’s been going on with you and Zane?” Emberly asked, taking another bite of her ice cream.

  “Things are going well, actually,” I said, pausing for a moment to decide if I wanted to tell them the rest. “Sometimes it’s hard to believe I’m dating him exclusively.”

  Ashley sighed. “Do you have any idea how many women have tried to date Zane? They all looked pretty pathetic.” She took another bite of her ice cream. “I’m so happy he finally decided to give you two a chance. You deserve to be happy, Ches.” She gave me a warm smile.

  Out of nowhere, I blurted, “He told me he loved me!” Then I shoved a spoonful of ice cream quickly into my mouth.

  Emberly and Ashley’s mouths both dropped open, and Emberly dropped her spoon into her bowl.

  “Chesney!” Ashley squealed. “Well? What did you say to him?” she shrieked.

  I cringed. “I didn’t say anything. He caught me off guard, and then his phone rang right after, and he had to go to work.” My cheeks warmed, and I could feel myself blushing.

  “Well, do you love him?” Emberly prompted.

  “I do, I really do, more than anything.” I paused, set my bowl on the bedside table, grabbed a nearby pillow, and buried my face into it. “I’m not even sure why I froze, and why I didn’t say it back. I wanted to, but after the moment was ruined, it was hard to find the perfect moment to say it.”

  “Oh giiirl,” Emberly said, dragging out the word. “You have to go to him right now. Go tell him. I’ll drag you there, myself, if I have to.” She pulled me to my feet and rushed me to my closet.

  “Here. Wear this!” She was holding up my favorite blue jean skirt and blue top; then, she froze. “Wait. Have you shaved your legs today?” she asked, getting ready to hang the skirt back up.

  “Give me that!” I laughed, grabbing the skirt and shirt out of her hands. “Yes. I shaved my legs today. Thank you very much.”

  Ashley ran around the corner. “Oh how romantic! I wanna come!” She danced back into her room to get changed. “Wait for me!”

  “I don’t know, Emberly.” I hesitated. Could I really do this? Should I? “He’s very serious about his job. I can’t just show up there. I’ll look stalkerish and needy.”

  “Stop trying to talk yourself out of it. You’re going,” she scolded. “If you don’t, you’ll regret it.”

  My heart was thudding against my ribs. I wanted to go tell him so badly. Even though I didn’t want to admit it, I knew she was right.

  “Okay, let’s go. Hurry up before I change my mind.” I quickly touched up my makeup and threw on my skirt and the blue, low-cut shirt he liked so much.

  When we pulled up to his hangar, my stomach was twisted in knots, and I was losing my nerve. I wasn’t really sure why I was so nervous. He’d already told me he was in love with me.

  Pulling my phone out, I sent him a quick text and then started toward the side door, hoping nobody would see me.

  Me: Hey you. I know you’re working, but do you have a minute? I really need to talk to you. I’m outside by the side door…

  Zane: Give me five.

  Give me five… I hated texts because I could never tell what mood the person was in when they responded.

  My heart raced, and my ears were ringing. I relaxed my hands once I realized I’d been holding them in tight fists.

  The door slowly opened, and Zane stepped out.

  “Everything okay, Chesney? What’s wrong?” He rubbed my arms with his hands and gave me a quick kiss.

  “I’m fine,” I said, biting my lip. “Look, I’m sorry to show up at your work like this. I’m not crazy. I promise.” I took a deep breath and went for it. “I love you, too. I couldn’t wait a minute longer. I just had to tell you in person.”

  I waited for him to get mad or say I was crazy, but a sexy grin spread across his luscious lips, and he looked at me with a hunger that melted me like warm syrup slowly dripping down a stack of hot pancakes. However, this hunger wasn’t for food.

  “Say it again,” he whispered in a voice that reached me deep inside.

  “I love you,” I whispered. My chest grew heavy, and it was hard to breathe.

  “Again.” He kissed my neck just below my ear, and his breath tickled my skin as he spoke. His deep baritone voice was even sexier when he whispered.

  “I. Love. You,” I breathed, almost unable to speak.

  Saying those three words, again, was overwhelming. I’d opened myself completely to him, making me fully vulnerable. He held my heart in the palm of his hand. He had all the power now, and that scared the hell out of me. He could take my heart and keep it safe, or he could break it. There was no wall up anymore. It was just me, Chesney Ward. The small-town girl with a big heart who loved him back—hard.

  He groaned and pushed his hard body against mine. My back was against the hangar wall, and I could feel the coolness of it through my shirt. When he pulled my skirt up, I realized I’d forgotten to put on underwear and a bra because I’d been in such a hurry.

  Oh darn.

  His eyes locked with mine as he unbuckled his belt. His hands were firm and teasing as they ran down my body and up between my thighs. “Dammit, Chesney,” he growled as he realized I wasn’t wearing any panties. He reached around to grab the backs of my thighs and lifted me off the ground, so I could wrap my legs around his waist. I was so caught up in the moment and on an emotional high that I’d barely realized what was happening.

  “I love you, too, Chesney,” he said sweetly. Then his demeanor changed as he demanded, “Now, put your arms around my neck and hold on tight.” He thrust into me, taking me hard and fast right there—our bodies fitting perfectly together.

  We both knew what we were doing was wrong, but it felt so right. Everything with him had always felt right. We could’ve gotten caught at any moment, and the thought had my adrenaline pumping even more.

  He thrust into me again and again, making me moan. I loved this man. I was deeply in love with him. Feeling him as he made me his was exhilarating.

  I tightened around him. “Zane, please,” I cried out.

  “Shhhh,” he whispered gruffly. Then, he devoured my lips with his to keep me quiet.

  He broke the kiss and with a breathy whisper demanded, “Say it again, Chesney.”

  I moaned and then whispered, “I love you, Zane.”

  I threw my head back against the wall. I tightened my grip around his neck and dug my nails into his should
ers as I shuddered with my release. A couple more thrusts, and he was there with me.

  Still holding me firmly against the wall, he brought his forehead to mine. His breathing was heavy as he stared into my eyes without so much as a blink.

  Once he caught his breath, he lowered me to the ground and fixed his pants back.

  “I’m glad you came here tonight to tell me. I wasn’t worried, though,” he said, pulling me in for a hug. “I’ve suspected for a while now how you felt about me. I just had to admit to myself that what I feel for you is real.” He kissed me on the lips and then kissed my forehead. “I have to go back in now. Not sure how much longer Jones can cover for me. I told him I had to go get something out of my truck.” He smiled a devious grin.

  “You’re horrible!” I laughed.

  “You weren’t saying that a few minutes ago,” he teased, bending down to kiss me. “Besides, what did you expect me to tell him? Oh hey, Jones, my girlfriend’s here, so I’m gonna go outside and make mad passionate love to her against the hangar wall? I think not.” He laughed. The joyful sound of it made my heart swell.

  “Your girlfriend. I’ll never get tired of hearing that,” I said, pulling him to me and biting his bottom lip seductively.

  I turned him around so that his back was against the wall. I leaned my body into his as I put the palm of my hand over his button fly and hugged my fingers against the seam of his tiger-stripe camouflage pants.

  “You’re not playing fair right now,” he bayed. “I have to get back to work. But remember, payback’s a bitch sometimes.” He chuckled as he gave me one last kiss and headed inside.

  I sighed as I headed back to Ashley and Emberly, feeling like I was floating in the clouds.

  “What in the hell took you so long? Why are you smiling like that? And why is your hair such a mess?” Ashley asked as I climbed back into the car.

  Emberly blinked at me. “Wait! Did you? Chesney Ward!”

  “Don’t judge me!” I grinned. “I told him I loved him, and then things just happened.”

  Ashley snickered, and Emberly grunted. “Ugh, I’m so jealous! He’s so sexy.”

  “And bossy,” I sighed, cutting her off as I remembered how he’d taken control and made my body his.

  We all three laughed and headed back to the dorm.

  After saying goodnight to the girls, I headed to bed with a huge smile on my face. I was in love with Zane Thomas, and Zane Thomas was in love with me. Life couldn’t get any better. Nothing could bring me off this high. Or so I thought.

  IT WAS ONLY FOUR IN the morning when my phone started ringing.

  “Hello?” I answered sleepily.

  “Ward.” It was my supervisor. This isn’t good. “You’re being recalled. We need you to get to work immediately. We have a deployment of a hundred going out at the last minute. See you at the office.”

  Another joy of working War Readiness: lots of sleepless nights and working a crazy amount of hours with no down time.

  “Okay, on my way,” I said, hanging up.

  Sleep. I just wanna sleep. It was going to be a very long next couple of days.

  Walking into the warehouse, I noticed a few people had already arrived and started pulling A-3 deployment bags off the shelves and loaded them onto the conveyer belt.

  “The first group of individuals should be here any minute to pick up their gear. Ward and Brock! Go arm up so we can issue their weapons,” one of the Technical Sergeants yelled.

  “Yes, sir,” I said.

  Brock and I went into the vault to arm up and grab the weapons we needed. Once we finished, we locked the vault and headed back to the front of the warehouse to get started on the first group of Airmen. I turned to grab one of the A-3 bags off the floor.

  When I turned back around to greet the first group, I froze, dropping the bag I was holding. My chest and throat tightened, and I struggled to breathe. My entire world was crashing down around me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

  “Zane?” I whispered, staring at him through confused eyes.

  Sure enough, there, amongst the group, was Zane.

  Why didn’t he tell me? Warn me? Please tell me this isn’t happening.

  It all made sense, now. That’s what the interrupted phone call was about—he was recalled.

  His eyes met mine, and he had a pained look on his face. After a long moment, he pulled his lips into a thin line and then dropped his eyes.

  My heart shattered into a million pieces. My throat burned as I tried to swallow. My heart pounded violently against my ribs.

  Zane was deploying.

  I wasn’t sure if I was more upset by the fact he was leaving or that I had to find out this way.

  Knowing I had to snap myself out of it and do my job, I picked the bags up and went over to the group to get started. I cleared my throat, as I addressed everyone, holding back the tears. I couldn’t even look at Zane.

  “Okay, everyone. My name’s Airman Ward, and this is Airman Michaels. You all should’ve received a form to fill out with your sizes for your gear. Pull those out for us please, and when you get up to the front of the line, we’ll hand you the bag you need.”

  I went on explaining how to tag their bags and where to put them. “When you’re finished, please walk over to Airman Brock, and he’ll assist you with getting your weapons issued. Make sure you write the serial number of the weapon on your paperwork as well.”

  When I finished, I walked over to the counter to start handing out the gear. After issuing about ten bags, I looked up to issue the next one. It was Zane.

  “Chesney, look, I’m…” Zane started in a whisper, leaning over the counter closer to me.

  “Don’t, Zane. Not here, not while I’m working,” I said to him, tears threatening. “I can’t lose my bearing. Not here, please,” I pleaded with him.

  Hold it together, Chesney. Hold it together, dammit. Don’t forget your military bearing.

  He dropped his head in defeat and stood back behind the counter handing me his form. I made eye contact with him for a brief moment. He looked stressed out and angry. Maybe he was. So was I, but I couldn’t deal with it right now.

  I grabbed his gear. “Here you go, Sergeant,” I said, throwing it up on the counter.

  He grabbed for the bag, and his hands engulfed mine before I had time to let go. “Chesney, I’m so sorry.” He looked into my eyes with so much hurt it was as if both of our souls were connected, feeling the same pain.

  Pulling my hand from the bag and out from under his grip, I gathered the courage to move on and motioned for the next person to come to the front of the line. “Next please.”

  As much as it hurt, my main focus had to be on each of the troops, not on my relationship. Their lives literally depended on my head being in the moment.

  I glanced over at Zane as he walked away. Watching the distance grow between us was breaking my heart. I wanted to stop him, throw myself into his arms, cling to him for dear life, and beg him not to go. Knowing I couldn’t keep him from going was hard to handle.

  None of that mattered, though. He had no choice.

  The last man I helped handed me a small piece of paper as he walked off to label his bag.

  Meet me by the sunflowers, please…My Firefly.

  My stomach did flips as I read those words on that tiny piece of paper. There was a flower garden not far from the dorms I’d always walked through to admire the sunflowers. Zane made sure to tell me every time he’d see a sunflower that he was thinking of me. He told me that I lit up his life like the sun, and sunflowers reminded him of that. Reading the word ‘firefly’ on the tiny piece of paper made my heart ache. I loved my nickname he’d given me, and it always brought back memories from our night together in London when he’d first said it.

  Internally, I struggled with whether to meet him or not. Of course I wanted to, but I knew it would only be a goodbye, and I wasn’t sure I was ready. Not yet. Not ever.

  He tried to warn me about this
…

  I was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. After working so many hours, I’d lost count. A hundred troops later, we were finally finished, and I was ready to go home and crash.

  I stared down at the note one more time then grabbed a pen, wrote on the back, kissed it for good luck, rubbed it on my wrist and my neck so my perfume covered it; then, I folded it up and placed it into Zane’s deployment bag. I zipped the bag back up, headed into the office, grabbed my things, and left.

  Since my dorm was so close to work, I’d usually walk. Thankfully, my supervisor offered to give me a lift because I was so tired.

  “Thanks for the ride,” I said, closing the car door and watching her drive away.

  I dug my keys out of my purse, but as I started to unlock my door, I couldn’t walk inside. I had to go to him.

  I sighed in defeat then made my way to the flower garden. I was afraid if I didn’t go I’d regret it for the rest of my life. I loved this man, and he loved me. Even though I was angry, it wasn’t his fault. I needed to see him one last time and hear what he wanted to say.

  Once I entered the garden, I made my way through to the back where the tall sunflowers stretched toward the sky. They were beautiful and smelled so ironically cheerful. I inhaled deeply trying to calm my nerves.

  Zane was sitting on a bench under a large tree. His elbows were on his knees, and he was holding his head in his hands.

  He abruptly stood up as if he were getting ready to leave. He probably didn’t think I was coming. I wondered how long he’d been waiting there.

  His eyes softened once he noticed me. He pulled his lips into a tight line, and his brows furrowed in anguish. He let out a breath and shrugged. “I’m so sorry, Chesney,” he said as I approached him.

  I stopped and leaned against the tree. My body was so exhausted that I needed the support to keep from collapsing under the weight of what I knew was about to happen.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked reluctantly. “It would’ve been nice to have a heads up.” I was hurting inside, but I knew it wasn’t his fault. I lashed out at him, and that wasn’t fair.