Love Him Back
Page 26
I could still hear the sounds of bullets flying through the air, missiles being launched in our direction, Jones screaming in pain and gurgling as he choked on his own blood, trying to take his last breaths.
I could smell the desert air thickly mixed with blood, fuel, gunpowder, and smoke. I could even feel the warmth of the blood as it slipped through my fingers as I’d held him, his body convulsing in pain. Every tiny detail from that day was etched in my mind.
Screams echoed in my mind, but I fought the urge to scream and remained silent.
Looking around, I made sure I hadn’t woken anyone else up. Thankfully, it seemed everyone was still asleep.
Screw them and their peaceful sleep.
Grabbing my gym bag, I hurried out and headed for the gym to relieve some stress. It was the only thing that helped. I’d go to the gym alone and work out to the point of exhaustion then go back to bed to sleep for a couple of hours before I had to be up for work. Energy drinks and coffee had been the only two things getting me through.
Adding weights to the weight bench, I pressed up with as much force as I had. I needed to feel pain, do something to make me forget. Anything. With each rep, I groaned as my muscles throbbed and begged for me to stop. My body was nearing exhaustion, but my head was still in a daze. With shaky arms, I had finally reached my limit. As the weights nearly crashed down on my chest, hands grabbed the bar.
“You know, you really shouldn’t be working out alone. You’re not even supposed to be here without a wingman.” A guy I didn’t know pulled the bar back up to help me and stepped away to use another weight bench.
I stood up. “Who the hell are you?” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Besides, I don’t see your wingman.” I glanced around the room. We were the only two there.
“Touché,” he laughed. “Sergeant Declyn,” he said, pumping out his reps. “I’ve been coming here when I can’t sleep. The guys in my tent snore so damn loud I couldn’t hear an incoming missile if it hit beside our tent.” The bar clanked against the metal as he finished his set.
“I know the feeling,” I muttered, grabbing my bottle of water off the floor.
Feeling annoyed that I no longer had the place to myself, I went over to the treadmills and put the incline at its max then upped the speed to the fastest I could go without it shooting me across the room. After about ten minutes, I was breathing heavy, my shirt was soaked with sweat, and my muscles ached and burned with every movement. I was starting to feel nauseous when more visions of that night invaded my thoughts. Jumping off the treadmill in one swift movement, I ran to the nearest trashcan and threw up.
“Man, are you okay? Maybe you shouldn’t push yourself so hard,” Declyn said, walking up behind me.
“I’m fine, leave me the hell alone,” I barked at him, grabbing my stuff to head to the showers.
He threw his hands up in a defensive pose. “Whoa dude, whatever. I was only making sure you were okay. Chill.”
I shook my head and walked past him. I knew I was being a douche, but I didn’t care. I was tired of people asking me if I was okay. Hell, I didn’t know.
Standing in the sucky shower, I turned the water to hot and stood under the spray as it burned my skin. It stung like needles and fire hitting my back. It hurt but felt so good at the same time. The pain was giving me something else to focus on, something besides Jones. But I wasn’t sure how much longer I could go on like this before I completely fell apart. I didn’t like losing control, especially when my emotions were involved.
I punched the wall. “Dammit!” I held my fingers under the water and watched as the blood from my knuckles washed away.
I couldn’t really understand what was happening to me. I’d been around death, watched people be blown to pieces, and even watched people get shot right in front of me. But nothing had ever affected me like this.
After the water started to run cold, I hurried out of the shower, got dressed, and headed back to my tent.
It was two in the morning. Great. Back in time to get a couple hours of sleep before another long twelve hours at work.
Crawling back into my sleeping bag, I closed my eyes, concentrated on my aching muscles and sore back, and drifted off to sleep.
IT WAS HARD TO BELIEVE it was time to go back home. The months had seemed to fly by. Though trying to get out of this place while hiding my demons hadn’t been easy. I was still having nightmares, so I would stay up as late as possible until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer, and then I’d pass out from pure exhaustion, lessening my chances of having another one.
The dreams wouldn’t stop. My spirit was worn down because of what had happened to Jones and the other Airmen who wouldn’t be going home with us.
Our last mission was a damn good one. It was satisfying and a good way to leave. Jones would’ve loved it. He had been the hardest working airman I knew. He’d lived and breathed the Air Force and missions like that. He’d taken pride in what he did and took his job seriously.
Throwing all my gear in my bag, I turned one last time to look at the empty cot across from mine that used to be Jones’. It was still empty. He was supposed to be standing here next to me, packed, and ready to go see his wife and daughter. A goofy grin would’ve been plastered to his face as it was every other time we were packing up and ready to head home.
He’d be teasing me right now about going home to see Chesney, and I’d be riding his ass about him going home and passing out before he could actually get laid, like he’d always claimed he did. The thought of our bantering made me laugh.
“Bye, brother. I sure do miss the hell out of you. See you on the other side,” I said, putting my backpack on, throwing my deployment bag over my shoulder, grabbing my weapon, and heading out to the plane.
I’m going home.
Homecoming
I stood there looking out the hangar door waiting for Zane’s plane to land. He was really coming home today. I couldn’t believe it. I was so anxious standing in the drab white-washed hangar that I couldn’t stand still. It had taken me forever to figure out what I was going to wear, but I’d finally decided on my low-cut, full-length, white dress with a black embroidery design and my black cowboy boots that Zane loved so much.
I couldn’t believe Zane’s parents had surprised the kids and me with plane tickets, so we could all be there for him. They would be staying on base for a few days with the kids while Zane and I stayed at his house. My body tingled as I remembered all the memories we’d made in his home so many years ago. I wondered if his house still smelled the same, looked the same…I was very excited to visit his shower again. I shivered at the thought. Though I wasn’t sure if the cold weather was making me shiver or if it was the anticipation of what was to come.
“Are you ready, dear?” Zane’s mom ripped me from my thoughts.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I said nervously.
She wrapped her arm around my waist and gave me a hug. “Don’t be nervous. You look beautiful, and I know Zane is going to be so happy seeing you and the kids.”
My pulse hammered in my ears, my palms were sweaty, and butterflies were stirring in my belly. Crowds of people were gathered to welcome the Airmen home. Banners, balloons, and flowers were scattered about. Children were jumping up and down waving their little flags. It was a feeling I hadn’t experienced before.
Breathe, Chesney, just breathe. Don’t trip when running to him and don’t throw up. Oh please, God, don’t let me throw up.
My nerves were raw. It’d only been a few months since I’d last seen Zane, but they were the longest few months of my life. And, because of the crappy internet and phone connections over there, it’d been a few weeks since I’d talked to him. Well, unless you count the quick email telling me he was safely out of Afghanistan and on his way home.
The last couple months, he’d seemed distant and…different. I’d tried to ignore it and hoped it was because he was so busy and exhausted. I knew the yearlong deployments back-to-back had not b
een easy on him.
Zane’s enlistment was almost up. He just had to do his out-processing and ship all his things to North Carolina.
“Look, Mom! He’s here! He’s here!” Dylan bounced up and down, holding his large ‘welcome home’ sign in one hand and waving his small American flag in the other.
I almost couldn’t breathe as the roar of the plane’s engine echoed through the air and the wheels touched the runway.
This is it. Oh my God.
Everyone around me starting shouting joyfully and waving as the plane taxied and came to a stop in front of us.
I closed my eyes and tried to imagine his face, his shimmering blue eyes that spoke volumes, even when he couldn’t. His perfectly shaped mouth and the lips that fit perfectly against mine. Thinking of what it would be like to kiss him again sent my hormones into overdrive and awakened me in ways I hadn’t felt since before he’d left.
It didn’t feel right going home without Jones.
This should be a time for celebrating. Everyone around me was rejoicing, and all I could think about was my best friend dying in my arms, and his wife and child who would never see him again. How was I supposed to function without him? He was not only my best friend, he was like my brother.
Why him?
It was the question I’d been asking myself for months now.
Even though we’d landed, we had to be debriefed before we could open the cargo door and get out. I pulled out my phone and looked at a few photos of Jones and me before we were released.
Anger arose in me as I stared at photos of us goofing off in the chow hall, him chugging hot sauce in a stupid dare to win a hundred dollars, and him falling asleep at his computer while all of us were huddled around him making stupid ass faces and drawing on him with a sharpie.
He deserves to be here.
Tucking my phone back into my pocket, I got ready to walk out the cargo door into the large crowd waiting outside. We could hear cheers as the door opened. Plastering a fake smile on my lips was something I was good at. Burrowing the depression inside of me once again, I picked up my bags and stood to my feet watching the soft glow of light as it peeked through the opening door. Jones should’ve been walking off this plane with me.
Here we go.
Taking my first steps onto the pavement, cold air blew around me, and the sky was a pallet of colors. Orange, blue, purple and pink hues streaked across the sky as the sun was setting behind the large hangar.
I took a deep breath. “Jones, brother, I’m sorry,” I whispered, trying to bury the guilt.
I walked toward the hangar and scanned the crowd for Chesney and the kids.
When the back of the airplane opened, a sea of uniforms disembarked and started toward us.
“That’s him! There he is!” Dylan yelled then took off running.
Even with the hundreds of Airmen in uniform, I was able to spot Zane immediately. His sun-kissed skin was a bit darker, his jawline was sharper, and his muscular arms filled out his uniform completely. Everything about him was just as sexy, if not more, than when I’d last seen him.
A smile spread across my lips as I watched Dylan trying to get to him. He’d been so excited for the homecoming and to see England, where we’d first met.
Jake and Julia were standing behind me with Alayna as I started to make my way out into the crowd. I finally got within a few feet of Zane. Then I froze in place as I watched him pick Dylan up and swing him around. That memory would be etched in my mind forever. Dylan’s laugh as he gave Zane a bear hug brought an even bigger smile to my lips.
My heart warmed as Zane put Dylan back on the ground and talked about how big he’d gotten since he’d last seen him.
Slowly, he looked up at me, smiled his sexy half-grin, and started to make his way to me. Our eyes never left one another. It was as if there was no one else around. Only the two of us. My pulse hammered in my ears, tears filled my eyes, and my heart raced with so much excitement I thought it would burst.
He closed the remaining space between us, and I collapsed into his arms.
“I missed you so much,” I breathed into his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me tight. I was relieved he was home and was safe.
It was as if all of my broken pieces were finally back together again. Every ounce of anxiety, fear, confusion, guilt, and anger from the past disappeared. I would’ve given anything for the whole world to fade away until it was just me and him, in this moment, in his embrace. It was perfectly wonderful in every way. Breathing in deeply, I tightened my arms around his neck, letting the smell and feel of him wash over me.
“I’ve missed you too, Firefly,” he whispered into my ear as he picked me up and spun me around. “You look beautiful.” He put me back on the ground and looked into my eyes. I smiled up at him, but when he smiled back at me, his smile never reached his eyes. He almost looked like he was sad or in pain. Something wasn’t right. Was he not happy to be home?
Before I could think too much about it, he gave me a sexy grin and looked down at my lips.
I’d fantasized about this homecoming for months, and the way he would look standing here, leaning over me, about to softly connect his lips with mine for the first time in so long. Biting my bottom lip, I closed my eyes. His warm, soft lips touched mine and electricity bolted through me. My body was on fire for him. Parting my lips, I granted his tongue access as he overtook me in the most passionate kiss I’d ever had.
He kissed me with such urgency and passion; then, he pulled back and grinned.
Before I could say anything to him, I heard, “Gwoss, Mom!”
As I turned around, Alayna had her hands over her eyes. Dylan shook his head and laughed at her.
Zane and I laughed as he walked over to Alayna and his parents to say hello.
“Welcome home, son.” Jake shook his hand and pulled him into a half-hug. “Glad you’re back.”
Then it was his mother’s turn. She blinked back the tears in her eyes. “Yes, honey, welcome home. It’s wonderful to see you again. I’m so glad you’re home and now safe.”
WELCOME HOME. GLAD YOU’RE BACK.
Each word stung like a thousand bees. It was hard to be happy about being home when I didn’t feel I deserved to be happy about it.
“Thanks, glad to be home,” I said, hugging my mom and forcing myself to smile back at her.
“Okay, well I know you’re ready to get home, so go, get some rest, and your dad and I will take the kids to get some groceries. We’ll cook a big late meal for you tonight at your place. Chesney, go with him. We’ve got the kids,” my mom said as she winked at Chesney.
Chesney giggled, and I looked over at her, admiring her beauty and realizing how much I’d missed her laugh.
“Mom, really?” I rolled my eyes.
She gave me a sly smile. “Honey, have you forgotten who you’re talking to? Your dad has been on more deployments than I care to remember. Homecomings were the best part.” She glanced lovingly over at my dad and grabbed his arm.
“Oh God, let’s go, Chesney,” I said, pulling her into my arms and walking toward the exit.
After putting Alayna and Dylan into the back of my parents’ rental car, we said our goodbyes, and they headed off to the store.
“Don’t worry, we’ll take our time.” My dad laughed as they started to pull away.
“I’m sorry about that.” I turned to Chesney, shaking my head. “That’s my family for ya. No shame.”
“Are you kidding me?” She grinned. “Your parents are amazing. They helped me a lot while you were gone.”
She closed the gap between us, slid her arms around my waist, and looked deeply into my eyes.
“Besides, she wasn’t wrong. I’ve waited for this day for a long time. Let’s go Sergeant Thomas. Take me home and ravish me. We have a lot of making up to do.”
She reached up to kiss my lips, and I tightened my arms around her, pulling her flush against me. Once again, I realized how much I’d mis
sed having her in my arms.
“Okay, let’s go,” I said, helping her into my truck and hitting the road as fast as I could. One thing was for sure, I couldn’t get home fast enough.
Once we’d arrived at my house, I quickly got out of the truck, ran around to open Chesney’s door, and practically dragged her up my front steps. I couldn’t wait another minute to devour every part of her body.
My lips met hers urgently. One hand was wrapped around her hair as the other blindly tried opening the door. All I could think about was getting her into my bed as quickly as possible.
“Wait, Zane, aren’t you hungry?” she said, both of our chests heaving from breathing so hard.
“Chesney, the only thing I’m hungry for right now is you,” I said, meaning every word. I needed her in this moment more than ever. She had no idea. I longed to feel happiness again. If anyone could help me with that, it was her.
Biting her bottom lip, she looked up at me with a fire in her eyes, and flashed a devilish grin. “Well, that’s one hunger I know for sure I can satisfy.”
Once the door clicked open, I pushed her inside and kicked the door shut with my foot. Taking her hand, I led her straight back to the bedroom, not caring about anything else except being inside of her.
In my bedroom, Chesney unbuttoned my uniform shirt and took it off in a hurry, throwing it on the dresser by the bed. I ripped her dress off and threw it on the floor, followed by her bra. She wasn’t wearing any panties. One less thing I’d have to worry about.
I could feel her pulse quickening through her skin as I kissed a trail down her neck to her shoulder.
“Damn, I’ve missed you so much,” I said, breathing in her skin.
So sweet, like honey…
She took her boots off and then slid into my bed under the covers. “Show me then,” she said, her eyes begging me to take her.
The bulge in my pants grew harder, and I ached for release. I quickly pulled off my combat boots and slipped out of my uniform pants then crawled in next to her. Feeling Chesney’s body entwined with mine created feelings I’d never felt before with anyone else. I don’t think I ever knew what my heart had desired until I’d met Chesney.