Before You

by Annie Brewer

  Releasing the breath I held, I feel torn. By the time I pull up behind a car two houses down from Brent’s to park, my nerves and muddled thoughts have completely taken over all logic. I unbuckle my seatbelt, feeling bold and stupid. Probably more stupid, though.

  Addie undoes hers, about to reach for the door handle when my hand darts out to snatch her by the arm, stopping her. She turns in my direction, a look of confusion crossing her face. “Are you okay?” she asks with a tilt of her head in concern.

  I don’t answer or think. I just act on impulse. Letting go of her arm, I reach for her and grip the back of her neck, pulling her to me. My lips touch hers, for all of eight seconds before hers finally respond. And she’s kissing me back. Fuck, I’ve kissed plenty of girls before, but none of them have ever ignited something so consuming within me. Want. Desire. Lust. Passion. And something else I can’t quite put a name to yet. I move closer to her, kissing her harder with so much need, I’m practically sucking the life out of her. Or she’s breathing life in me and doesn’t know it. Either way, I’m getting lost in her kiss long enough to forget all of the shit in my life. I needed this.

  All of a sudden, her hand is on my chest and she’s pushing me back, away, as she stares at me like she doesn’t know who I am. Her eyes are wide with a million questions and emotions zipping through them, but her lips are swollen and so fucking irresistible, I have to consciously think about what I’ve just done.

  Crossed that line, the one I can’t uncross now. Not ever. And by the looks of it, I just made the biggest mistake. Yeah, I was stupid.

  I scoot back toward my seat and shut my eyes, wondering what possessed me to do that. Noticing the dead silence minutes later, I press my head against the steering wheel. “Say something.” My voice is raspy, a soft plea. Please don’t tell me I fucked this up.

  “I think…” I open my eyes and lift my head in her direction, catching the harsh sounds of her breathing and see she’s looking straight out the windshield, so lost. Her hand is covering her mouth and then uncovering it. “We should go inside.” She doesn’t wait for me to answer before she’s opening the door and climbing out of the truck.

  When the door slams—hopefully harder than she intended—I release a long breath and tip my head back, pinching my eyes shut tight. The taste of her lips still linger on mine and I can’t stop wanting more. Even if it’s stupid. Though I got the feeling she was enjoying it as much as I was right before she floated back down to reality. What stopped her?

  Finding the courage to step out of the truck to join the party, I light a cigarette and watch as teenagers mingle and loiter on the front lawn. I greet them with a polite nod when they wave or say hello to me, even though I could care less about any of them.

  “Hey.” I hear from behind me.

  I don’t turn around. “Not in the mood, Shelly,” I say through clenched teeth. I just wanted to spend a few minutes alone. Is that so much to ask? And frankly, she’s the last person I care to see.

  Apparently she doesn’t get that I’m not in the mood for small talk and moves in front of me so I have no choice but to acknowledge her. She doesn’t smile, though she’s not scowling, either. I could care less either way. “I’ve been trying to text you.”

  I look her square in the eyes, never wavering. “I got them.”

  She flinches like I slapped her and scrunches her eyebrows in displeasure at my honesty. As she folds her arms in front of her, she bites her lip, letting her gaze roam my front unabashedly. I detect the lust underneath the hurt in her eyes as they travel up until they latch onto mine. “You seem upset, Ky.” She plants both hands on my chest, causing my muscles to go rigid. “I wanted to talk.”

  Every muscle in my body responds to her touch and normally I’d take the opportunity to kiss her until we moved this to a more private setting. But after what just happened with Addie, I can’t bring myself to go anywhere with Shelly. Or anyone.

  Speaking of Addie…

  I remove her hands from my chest as politely as I can, taking a step back. “I can’t do this, Shelly. I’m sorry.” I seriously hate those two words. They’re thrown around so often, they become meaningless.

  She pouts, as if it’ll change my mind. “I don’t get you.” She crosses her arms. “I’m what you need, Ky. Who you need.”

  I toss my cigarette into the street, before making my way up the walkway. As I pass her, I say, “I’m not what you need, Shell. You’ll see it.” I hope she does.

  Stepping into the house, I’m blasted by loud music. The sound of balls being knocked around a table with a pool stick and people talking shit as always fill the air around me. I ignore it all, stopping into the kitchen, and open the fridge for a beer. I pop the top and throw my head back for a long swig. The cold, bitter liquid coats my dry throat, but it’s not quenching my thirst. I sling back some more. And then I’m on a search for my best friend and my other…well, whatever she is now.

  Fuck, there are more people here than I was told there’d be. Was hoping for a calmer social gathering. Oh fucking well. A few acquaintances try to stop me and have a conversation, but I push past them. I’m practically rubbing against a few dancers since there’s little room to get by.

  Someone yell, “Kyler!”

  I stop and turn as Greg, who has a shit-eating grin on his face, approaches me. I don’t trust that gleam in his eye for a second, but I keep my head held high so I appear nonchalant.

  The gleam is gone just as quickly as it appeared, replaced by a flicker of annoyance. He crosses his arms and tilts his head. “What’s going on with Shelly? She was crying but didn’t say why,” he says, the grin wiped away now. “Did you say something to her?”

  Of course, she ran to him when I turned her down. This isn’t the first time she’s done this. I wish she’d grow up and fucking accept that things aren’t always going to go her way. This is just more drama than I need right now. I don’t have time for this. I mirror his stance— arms crossed, feet together and eyes squinting as if they were shooting daggers right into his—aware we have an audience. I keep my tone level, though adrenaline is coursing through my veins. “I told her I didn’t want be with her.”

  I see his throat bob up and down as he swallows, finally nodding in understanding. We used to be cool, and every now and then, I catch a glimmer of the old Greg I used to hang out with. It’s rare that he appears, but I see him now. “Well, I don’t want her running to me in tears because of you.”

  Taking a drink of my beer, I swish it around my mouth before swallowing, keeping my gaze on him. I relax my stance a little, though since he appears non-threatening now. “I don’t think this is any of your business in the first place.” I pause to consider my next words. “I can’t control what she does, but you can just ignore her.”

  His eyes bore into mine and then the expression changes as his gaze shifts to something over my shoulder. “Well, hello.” His tone is mocking, or amused. Probably both. “Who are you?” Greg whistles with catcalls, acting like he just won a prize. “Damn, you fine… I know I would remember a pretty face like you.”

  I turn to see what got his attention and catch Addie standing behind me, Brent beside her. Both of them seemingly confused as to what’s going on. I’m sure they can feel the tension around us thick, though. Uncomfortable. “Hey,” I say to no one in particular, but my attention is on Addie.

  She’s not looking at me now, though her gaze is unfriendly, her eyes zeroing in on Greg. She just looks pissed. I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing because this situation is no laughing matter. Her arms cross over her chest while she tips her chin up. “I’m Addie.” She keeps a leveled tone.

  Greg smirks, stepping closer to her. He’s sizing her up and I don’t like the way his eyes linger longer on her chest. I’m watching him, stepping closer to her side. “Hello, Addie. I’m Greg.” He holds his hand out to her, which she just stares at. And then back at him with a look of disdain. His hand finally drops to his side when he gives up. “
Where’d you come from?”

  I notice we’ve drawn a crowd—they’re quiet and waiting to see what happens. Which is why I didn’t notice them hovering until now. Or maybe I didn’t notice because they don’t matter to me. I’m more concerned with watching Greg’s every move. Not people I hardly know.

  Addie’s close enough to me I can feel her quaking a little, due to nerves and anxiety, I can imagine. Greg can be intimidating if you don’t know him…especially to a sweet girl. “I’m a friend of Kyler’s,” she says with a sneer. Whoa, my sweet Addie is not so sweet now… I think I like it. “Visiting from Texas,” she adds.

  He cuts me a look of surprise. “I didn’t know you had hot friends in Texas.” His eyebrows wiggle in her direction. “How long are you here?” His finger traces a line down her arm. She shoves it off and he puts both hands out in front of him, laughing. “She’s a feisty one,” he tells me with humor in his voice.

  Glaring at him, not in the mood to shoot the shit with him like we’re friends, I nod. “Yeah, she’d cut your dick in pieces.” I grab her by the arm to steer her away from him. “Don’t fucking touch her.” My tone is deadly serious. If he couldn’t tell I was pissed before, he knew now.

  Still, he continues to make jokes. “You’re not gonna share her?” He pretends to pout, throwing his arms out. “Dude, that’s just wrong.”

  Addie digs her heel in the floor before pulling away. I try to reach for her again, but she’s quicker and turns her back. Stunning me with her boldness, I watch as she stops in front of Greg, who is also intrigued as to why she’s giving him her attention. At least I can tell it’s not because she likes him.

  “You think you’re so sexy, don’t you?” She eyes him up and down, not an ounce of fear or intimidation in her gaze or posture. She appears more defensive, ready to attack. She keeps going, her gaze hard. “With your lust-filled eyes…and your mind only on one thing.” She holds a finger up for her point. He just stares at her, completely at a loss for words. So am I to be honest. “You think I don’t know guys like you?”

  It’s obvious he’s not used to being talked down to, not by a girl. They either ignore him or fall at his feet. He seems out of his realm of expertise. And I’m happy to see Addie put him in his place. “Hey, Ky…” he calls to me, looking sheepish. “Wanna help me out here?”

  I wave a hand, dismissively. “Nah, I think I’m good here.” When I catch Addie’s eye, I wink at her. But she just looks away, back at Greg. I get the feeling she’s still pissed at me about the kiss. Guess we’ll have to tackle that situation later. I’m kind of dreading it.

  “I am not one of those girls who will just melt into a puddle at your feet.” Addie continues, “So don’t for one second think you can sweet talk your way into my pants…”

  There are oohs and ahhs filling the air around us, including my quiet one. It’s such a sight to see. Most of the girls he approaches either know him or they want to. This is…this is something different. I’m quite proud of her for standing up to him.

  Greg smiles down at her, “Okay then…” He glances around the space, the witnesses that I’m sure he’s not too happy to have caught that scene. And with a wave of his hand, he says, “Nothing here to see. Just a misunderstanding.” He laughs it off, though I observe the unsettled spark in his eyes. He’s pissed that he was just told off, in front of friends. I need to keep an eye on him now.

  As Addie passes me, I grab her by the arm to stop her “We need to talk.”

  She shakes her head and I can see her eyes welling with tears. “Not now, Ky. I need to be alone for a minute.”

  I pull her away from prying eyes. “Please. Just come with me to talk.”

  She wipes at her face and I refrain from pulling her into my arms. Not here. There’ll be time for that later. “Give me some time.” Her eyes scan the room before settling back on me. “Go have fun. I’m not feeling well and need to be alone. I’ll text you in a little bit, we can meet up or whatever.”

  Gripping both shoulders, I stare into her eyes. “Do you want to leave? We can go—”

  “No. I’ll be fine.” She turns halfway and gives me a small smile. “Go enjoy some time with Brent.”

  I finally give in and give up, with great reluctance. I have no fight left in me. “Okay, text when you’re ready to join me.” She nods. I watch her disappear into the crowd and I wonder where she’s going to go. I hope like hell she stays close. After all, I’m responsible for her.

  I run a hand through my hair and search for Brent.

  Chapter Seven

  I mingle with some of the guys from the basketball team. It’s all harmless fun, shooting pool…until Rich walks into the game room and sits by the Foosball table with another guy I don’t recognize. I just ignore them.

  “Is Addie okay?”

  I’m lining up my shot, having a few options of which pocket and balls to hit. Even with a slight buzz, I can play pretty decent, except tonight I’m playing like shit. Brent doesn’t comment on it, though. I shake my head, before answering Brent’s question on a whisper. “Some shit happened with my dad before we left. I think she just wants to be alone.” I bend forward as my eyes assess the table, slowly stroking the stick back and forth between my fingers before I shoot.

  And I scratch on the cue ball. I quickly check my phone, but there’s nothing there. No message. No call. I’m starting to get worried.

  “Do you know where she went?” He asks, catching my troubled gaze.

  I shake my head. “She said she’d text me when she’s ready to be social.” This isn’t how I expected to spend the evening.

  He seems fidgety for some reason, but I block him out. “She did look pissed at Greg.” He continues to bring her up and it’s starting to piss me off. “I’m just glad she told him off.”

  When I lift my head, my eyes find Brent looking at me in concern. “What happened to this being a small gathering?” I knew the whole time it would turn into the opposite. Right now, I just want to go home. Or not home, but somewhere else, away from the same routine.

  He raises both hands in surrender. “I’m sorry, dude. I only invited a few from the team.” He hates the big crowds like I do…except when he’s on the court, in the zone. Then he doesn’t care. He rather enjoys the cheers and chants like I did.

  I move away from the table with my beer, taking a swig as I sit down. “Your shot.” I fold my arms in front of my body, my eyes on the table, but I’m not really focusing.

  He leans a hip against the pool table and crosses his arms. His expression stern, full of questions. “What’s going on, Ky? Something’s not right. Something else is bothering you.”

  My laugh comes out bitter as I take a look around to see if Addie is wandering around in sight. “What’s ever right?” I ask, thinking about my parents. “In my life, anyway.”

  He turns around, grabbing his stick and looks for an open shot. “I know one thing that is.” His voice is distorted from facing the other direction, but I still hear his comment.

  I roll my eyes. “Well, I think that may have gone to shit, too.”

  He makes a lucky shot and then turns back around, tilting his head in curiosity. “What happened?”

  Some people are in earshot of me if I were to say it aloud, so I get up and walk toward him, looking around again. No one seems interested…except the douche fuckers, of course. I turn my back to them, practically sitting on top of the pool table with Brent facing the opposite direction. I contemplate shrugging it off and saying forget it…but I know Brent won’t let it go since I opened the door wide open. Staring straight ahead, I swallow first and then say in a low voice, “I fucking kissed her.” And I wanted more, so much more.

  Silence.

  When I chance a peek at his expression, he’s cocking one eyebrow at me with a look that says he knows I’m not finished with my confession. I don’t elaborate, though. I turn away instead. “And?”

  I meet his eyes at that. “And what?”

  “Did she�
��?”

  “Kiss me back?” I finish the question for him. “Yes. Did she then push me away when she realized she just got caught up in the moment, but didn’t want to be kissing me? Yes again.”

  He resumes his turn while shaking his head. Probably in disapproval. Yeah, I know, I was a dumbass. I wasn’t thinking. Or maybe I was thinking too much…of myself. And my dick. I never stopped to think what she wanted. I never asked. And now I may have lost the only person in my life to confuse and excite me at the same time. And I have no one to blame but myself.

  I hop off the table and take a seat after pulling out my phone to text her. Where are you? I set the phone down and stare at the screen, as if by some force of nature, a message will materialize or I can will her telepathically to text me back. It’s pathetic, really. I’m still searching the room and hallway for the only face I need to see.

  “I play winner.”

  I catch Shelly leaning against the table close to Brent, her tits practically falling out of her top. She’s trying to be subtle yet flirty. Totally not working for me anymore. She turns around to face me with a smile.

  “Well then get ready to play Brent, because I’m sucking ass tonight.” I’m still pissed she cried to Greg about me. And I tell her as much. “And next time I piss you off or make you cry,” I watch as her eyes avert from me as I’m speaking, and she bites her lip. Yeah, feel guilty…real guilty. “Don’t expect me to speak to you. I’m tired of being threatened.” Discreetly, I check my phone again and when I see nothing, I send another text. Please tell me where you are.