Before You

by Annie Brewer

  Shelly moves fast and stands so close to me, she brushes up against the side of my leg. “Are you okay?” She frowns at me. “You look glum.”

  I stare at her in disbelief. “Maybe because you just put your mouth on my beer without asking for a sip…or maybe because you’re avoiding the real problem. I’m not sure though. Maybe you can tell me why I’m upset.”

  She scoffs. “You’re no fun.” Her hand somehow makes it up to my shoulder, running down my chest while she’s pressing her body into me.

  I shake the thoughts straight from my head and back up so her hand drops from my shirt, scraping the chair across the wood floor. “What are you doing?” I look up into her now lust-filled eyes. I push her away and get up from the chair. I toss a nod in Brent’s direction. “I’m gonna go for a smoke.” And check if Addie is lost in the woods.

  Brent nods and waves me away.

  I step outside, welcoming the cold chill bite my skin. I was getting hot in there. And I’m sure it was due to my nerves of not knowing where Addie is and all of the people packed into the room. Not to mention my long sleeved T-shirt was sticking to my skin with sweat.

  I’ve taken two drags when my phone vibrates in my pocket. Fumbling to get it out with one hand, my cigarette burns my finger and I wince. As soon as I glimpse Addie’s name on the screen, my minor burn is forgotten and a breath of relief escapes my lips.

  Addie: I’m fine, Kyler. I’m in the bathroom…not feeling very well. So I guess I’m not fine. But don’t worry, I’m sipping on water and will be out soon. Don’t let my current state keep you from enjoying yourself. Pretend like I’m not even here.

  I read her message and plop down on a thick tree branch near the edge of the water, taking a drag of my cigarette. Wiping the sweat from my hand on my pant leg, I scan the surroundings. She’s okay, well, aside from being sick. But it’s funny to me that she thinks I even want to be here. I thought I did, but after the shit with my father, I just want to get in my truck and get the fuck out of town. I wish I could take Addie somewhere.

  I hit the reply button and type out a message: Do you want me to sit with you in the bathroom? Hold your hair back when you have to puke? We can leave any time you want. I’m ready.

  I hit send and tilt my head back on the branch, closing my eyes. I don’t get another reply.

  ***

  Addie

  I’ve been sitting on the toilet seat, staring at the floor for an extended period of time. Luckily this bathroom is upstairs, so I haven’t had anyone bother me. I feel bad for leaving Kyler to worry about me. Truth is, I’m so confused and feeling doubtful and all sorts of emotions that I made myself nauseous. I’ve thrown up once, and it was enough to make me gag. I hate throwing up.

  His last message is displayed on the screen, has been since I received it. It made me smile to think that he’d actually hold my hair back while I vomited. No guy has ever done such a repulsive gesture for me. Since the kiss in his truck, my mind has been so screwed up. I can’t even begin to figure that out.

  With one last glance, I exit my messages and return to the main screen. And then I dial my best friend, because right now, I could really use some advice.

  “Tell me you made out with some hot guy, Addie.”

  I almost laugh out loud at her accurate assumption. Except it’s not exactly the story. “Ummm, maybe?”

  “Addie—”

  I hold my head in one hand and close my eyes. “Kyler kissed me.”

  Pause.

  Peeking through one eye, I wait for her to say something but only hear silence. “Layla?”

  And then…“Tell me you’re kidding.”

  I sigh and shake my head, but regret it when my head throbs from the action. “Not really. I mean, I think he just did it because he was upset and got lost in the moment.” I’ve been back and forth on how he just grabbed me and kissed me with no warning. And then he wanted more. I was stunned and confused and still so shocked by his father’s behavior before we left, it was hard for me to think rationally.

  “Did you like it?” Her voice squeaks with excitement.

  I roll my eyes. But it doesn’t take long before my mind is conjuring up the whole scene in his truck. The way his lips felt against mine was so perfect, it scared me. It was unexpected and spontaneous and yet, I don’t want to get my hopes up that it meant anything more to him.

  To me, it meant…well, I’m still trying to figure that out. I just know we can’t go back—it’s going to feel different around him. Confusing. And maybe a part of me hopes for something better. I plan to ask him why he did it, just not sure how to approach the subject. Maybe he’s forgotten? I know I won’t ever forget it.

  Suddenly a tear falls onto my jeans and I press my thumb against it, covering it. I wipe any traces of new tears springing to my eyes, glad my best friend can’t see me. “I liked it,” I admit in a whisper. I clear my throat. “But I’m not sure how he felt.”

  She’s going on about how I should just sleep with him and see where it goes, even though I’m sitting here a complete mess of confusion. I know she means well and thinks a kiss is a good thing. Was it really? I certainly don’t want to be just a distraction for his dark and tortured thoughts. A kiss is one thing, but to even contemplate sex? That’s another story. Still, I just sit and listen as she offers advice and consider what to do.

  I get off the toilet seat and sit on the floor by the tub. I need to get out of here soon, I’m getting claustrophobic. Besides, someone may need to use the bathroom and I shouldn’t be hogging it for those that really need it. “I’ve gotta go, Layla.” I hug my knees to my chest and play with my hair. “Call you tomorrow or something.”

  She sighs in disappointment. “Okay. I love you, girl. Just…just let things happen naturally.” I nod. “Everything will be fine.” I shake my head at that. Nothing seems fine to me. But there’s no sense in telling her that, so I let her believe what she wants. “Night Addie.”

  “Goodnight.” I hit end and lean my head back. The light is hurting my eyes and making my headache worse. I’ve been dreading this next thing I plan to do, but pick up my phone again and dial.

  A voice picks up. “Hello? Addie?”

  I hold back my emotions, biting my lip. “Hi, Daddy.”

  My conversation turned out better than I expected. I came clean about being in Oregon and though my dad was pretty shocked and angry at first, he was just glad I was safe. I miss him and hate the pain he’s suffering. My mom slapped us both with such a devastating revelation, breaking up our family, and now my life is just one big tragedy after another. Which is why I haven’t told them about my own tragedy yet. I just can’t do it. It’s too huge.

  “I love you, Princess.”

  I smile into the phone, closing my eyes. “I love you, too. I’m so sorry again for lying.” Maybe I’m sorrier for lying to him than to my mom. She’s the one who’s been cheating on my dad, basically lying to us for I don’t know how long. She doesn’t deserve my apologies.

  He’s quiet for a few minutes, and I wonder what he’s thinking, but afraid to ask. Finally, he clears his throat and says “I’m sorry you’re sorry. This isn’t your fault. Yeah, I wish you hadn’t lied to me, but I can’t say adults are any better. They lie too.” I think about my mother and how she made us believe we were a happy family. Maybe it wasn’t always a lie. No, it wasn’t. Not when I was a kid. I remember her kindness and generosity and her love for my dad. They were happy and truly in love. I guess things change.

  People change.

  When I hear a beep in my ear, I pull the phone away to see a new text from Ky. I don’t read it yet, but smile with the notion that he is probably trying to convince me to talk to him. And I will.

  The conversation lasts a few minutes longer until neither of us has anything left to say and the silence takes over. It’s time to leave the bathroom. “I have to go, Daddy.”

  “Okay.” He says. “Are you going to tell your mother where you are?”

 
I shrug. “I don’t know yet.” I pull my lip between my teeth, running a hand over my face. “I just wanted to tell you because I feel horrible that you’re home alone and have already been betrayed. I don’t like lying to you.” I let out a breath. “Thanks for accepting this.” I’m so lucky to have a father who loves me and worries about me. Instead of having one that abuses me both physically and mentally. I think about Ky and what he’s had to live with and I want to cry. No child should ever have to live with that. I consider telling my dad about the situation, but it’s really not my place. I don’t say the words that are on the tip of my tongue, instead, I feel the corner of my mouth tug upward. “I love you.”

  “I love you too. Keep me informed when you’ll be coming home. I’ll pick you up at the airport.” I nod, getting ready to hang up. And then I hear, “Honey—”

  I get off the floor and glance at myself in the mirror. “Yes?” My hair looks like crap. Carefully, I remove my pink ponytail from my wrist and gather my blonde strands back into a loose ponytail.

  “Your secret is safe with me…” My reflection is mocking me, and copying my confusion. I don’t respond to that since I’m not sure what he’s referring to. He can’t know my secret. He continues. “I mean about you really being in Oregon. I won’t tell your mother.”

  Oh, yeah. That secret. I nod my head, thankful for his trust. “All right. I’ll call you soon.”

  We hang up and I set the phone on the counter, turning on the water and splash some on my face. I can see streaks of black under my eyes from my tears. I thought mascara was supposed to be waterproof. It said it was and yet, I look like a raccoon. I force my lips to form a smile or something other than a frown. I should feel better for telling my dad the truth, all I feel is numb. I wish I were with him. I shouldn’t have left.

  Well, crying about it isn’t going to solve anything, I mumble to myself. I snatch my cell off the counter and grab my purse, opening the door. I barely step into the hall when a guy comes up the stairs and stops when he sees me. He looks familiar, but I don’t remember where I know him from.

  He seems to recognize me, though. “Addie.” He says my name in a condescending tone and I flinch. “Well, well, well. What a surprise to see you here.”

  I stare at him, trying to decipher the familiarity. “Why do I feel like I know you?”

  He laughs an unpleasant laugh. “Oh, you do know me. It’s just been awhile.”

  I swallow and catch myself taking a step back, away from him and his arrogance, but my back hits the wall behind me. I have nowhere else to go. Who is he?

  He holds his hand out and my eyes scrutinize, though I don’t return the gesture. He doesn’t make me feel good. My heart is racing and nausea builds up in the back of my throat. “I’m Rich.” He says, tilting his head and dropping his hand. “You know my cousin well—”

  I shake my head, not in disagreement, but in denial because I know. I know. But…it can’t be…he can’t be. Even though I know it’s true. “Marcus’s cousin.” I breathe his name, the sudden realization so strong, I grab my stomach and cover my mouth to stifle the bile threatening to come up.

  He seems to be enjoying my discomfort. His eyes size me up and he arches a brow. “Damn, my cousin said you got hotter as you got older. And he was right.”

  Stay calm. Stay calm. He’s just trying to scare you. Don’t show fear.

  I try to sidestep him, to get far away from my past that this guy is drudging up. But he gets in my way. He’s close… too close. I move back. “I need to go back downstairs.”

  He leans his arm against the wall next to me, bringing his face closer to mine. “What’s the rush?” He asks with a sick smile. “The night is still young.”

  I start to panic. I need to get out of here. Scanning the hallway, I look for an escape. The only one there is I can’t get to. I could scream but would anyone hear me? Or even care? The music is loud and half the people downstairs are drunk. I consider texting Kyler for help, but dismiss that thought. I couldn’t get away with it without Rich grabbing my phone and throwing it out of reach. Shit.

  I block his presence out and close my eyes. Think happy thoughts.

  His touch startles me and I gasp when he traces a line from my jaw up to my mouth. “I can help relax you,” he says in a low voice that normally I would find sexy as sin, but the underlying intention makes it sound wretched. I contemplate spitting in his face, but that’ll just earn me a slap. “You seem tense.”

  I lean away from him and cross my arms. “No thanks. I’m fine.” I can hear the tremor in my voice, so I clear my throat, hoping I sound confident when I speak again. “I just want to go find Kyler.”

  His eyes narrow and he sneers at the mention of him and I get the feeling he doesn’t like Kyler for whatever reason, but he’s not the person to ask. “Does he know about you and Marcus?”

  I shake my head, wishing I never left his side. I’m so stupid. Of course, I didn’t expect to actually run into someone I might know. I’ve only seen Rich a few times when we were younger. He was an ass back then. And it’s clear that hasn’t changed about him. It runs in the family.

  I’m kind of wishing Ky would unexpectedly make an appearance right about now. Stay calm. “What do you want?” I finally ask, subtly moving my body to the left to try for a discreet escape, but make it look like I’m getting tired just standing here. I keep my focus on him, noticing similarities between the cousins. They’re both tall with darkish blonde hair and brown eyes. And clearly they know how to use their good looks to get what they want. One of them does, at least. I’m not falling for Rich’s charm, though. It’s repulsive.

  He leans forward and whispers in my ear. “I just want to see if my cousin was right about you.” His breath feels hot against my skin and I shiver in fear and disgust. His hand strokes my arm and I feel goosebumps rise with the contact. As his hand moves to my hip and closer to dangerous territory, my reaction is immediate with a slap to his face. And I gasp from shock.

  It stuns him just as well and he brings a hand up to his cheek. I take that opportunity to push passed him and rush down the stairs, holding back the vomit the whole way down. Until I’m outside in the grass and drop to my knees…retching.

  Chapter Eight

  I hold up a hand, bending over with the other one on my knee to catch my breath. “I’m done.” I’m practically wheezing now. I straighten and then pick up the ball, toss it to Brent and pace the court. “No more.”

  As Brent watches me light a cigarette, he shakes his head and I know what’s coming. “Dude, you wouldn’t be in bad shape if you weren’t a chain smoker.”

  I roll my eyes and inhale a long drag purposely, totally expecting the shit he always gives me when it comes to my vice. I don’t need to be told smoking is part of my problem here, but I also don’t want to give it up yet. I’m not forcing him to smoke, or blowing it in his face. He can just let me have this…without any comments. “Say what you want”—I meet his gaze—“but we both know I need this…” I shrug my shoulder. “And it’s not like I’m playing basketball for the pros, so my breathing is irrelevant. It’s yours we need to focus on.”

  As I’m holding my phone in one hand, I wipe the sweat from my forehead with the hem of my shirt with the other hand and then drop the material to check for messages. There are none, of course. I’m ready to leave and I’m not waiting for her replies anymore. I’d rather take her out to eat or do something, just the two of us, whether she agrees or not. I don’t want to be here and it’s obvious she’s been in the bathroom long enough to not be enjoying herself either.

  Brent bounces the ball up and down the court, ignoring me while throwing out comments about his plays and how the season is gonna kick ass. Blah. Blah. Blah. He stops suddenly and then cocks his head to the side, his eyes rolling around in his face. “Do you hear that?”

  I don’t move and strain my ears to listen, scanning the wide open space of nothing but grass and trees by the water. “I don’t hear anything,
besides the party going on.” It’s still alive and kicking. I thought I heard someone puking earlier, but that’s common during these parties. I look left and right and back to Brent. “When do your parents come back?” Brent chose to stay home this time, the first family vacation he’s missing. He wanted to work on his skills and get ahead for the season. Much to his parents’ reluctance, they gave in.

  He shrugs with no comment, dunking the ball into the hoop and then whips around in a quick blur. “I swear I hear something.”

  I heard it too this time. Where’s it coming from?

  My feet are moving as if they know where to go and I’m just following. I hear the sound getting closer, almost like a sob. Dread fills the pit of my stomach and the anticipation of what’s to come fills my head with the worst case scenario. My feet stop, but only for a second, until I spot Addie’s body on the ground and I rush to her. I fall to her side, lifting her head. She’s a ball of limbs and hair. “Hey.” I take her in my arms instantly, feeling her tremble and hear her whimpers. A rush of emotions swirls inside of me and I can’t for the life of me understand what’s going on, but I know I need to protect her. “I’ve got you.” I rock her while stroking her back and glance up at Brent, looking just as lost and confused as I feel, and hold her until she calms down. It’s definitely time to go.

  “I’m sorry.”

  I shake my head and furrow my eyebrows in concern. “Don’t apologize,” I tell her. We’ve been in my truck for thirty minutes now, and I’ve been patiently waiting for her to tell me what’s going on. We left the party—well, I carried her to the truck and I drove out to this quiet place I strumbled upon years ago. It’s my safe place. No one else knows about it… at least I’ve never taken anyone else here. I reach over and smooth the hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear. She closes her eyes, and probably unintentionally, lets out a small moan. I like the sound and I like even better that it came out because of me. “Do you want to talk about it?”