Divulged Secrets

by Larissa Ladd

  But today when I stepped in, it was different. Today it felt serious.

  I was aware right away. The lack of concentration was gone and I snapped to attention like an animal that knew it was hunted and would die if it didn’t pay attention. The atmosphere felt heavy, black, and the expressions on each and every one of their faces confirmed what I felt.

  Nema was where she always was, with her air of authority and her expression like she was the head mistress instead of the high priestess. I knew that some of the newer witches were petrified of her, and I didn’t blame them; Nema could be aggressive if she wanted to and even when she wasn’t, she was intimidating. But I was beyond caring. I knew she couldn’t beat me just as well as she knew, and there was too much I had to deal with now without everything they were trying to put on me.

  “Cherene,” she invited, using my full name, which wasn’t a regular thing for her, “join us. We’ve been waiting for you.”

  “I’m not late, am I?” I said, careful to keep irritation away from my voice so it wouldn’t sound like I was looking for trouble. Trouble was the last thing I wanted.

  “You weren’t; we just gathered early to discuss some matters of business.”

  It was strange of them to discuss anything without me. A coven was like a family in many ways, but in some ways, it was also like a partnership, and none of the business discussions were held without all the partners present.

  I walked over to the circle and stood next to my sister. Some of the witches shot me a hostile look, and I noticed that none of them were very receptive to me, not even Marlena.

  Since the attack in the apartment had happened, I hadn’t really spoken to my sister. She’d betrayed me, and even though she’d tried hard to make up for it afterwards, I just wasn’t interested. I didn’t have time for blood who betrayed me, it wasn’t something I would ever have done, and I had been shocked that it had been an option to her at all.

  The coven used to be like my family, I thought as I looked at the faces one by one in the silence that felt like it stretched out into eternity. I knew them all, and even though I was ignorant to their personal lives, we had a kind of bond; we knew each other in ways that mattered, knew what was important to each other. Well, that was all gone now. It had come down to drastic measures because I didn’t do what was expected of me. Now, it was clear that none of them were on my side anymore. And none of them cared about what was important anymore. So much for family.

  “I understand you’re seeing a man,” Nema finally said, cutting straight to the point.

  “I am,” I said with my voice monotonous and calm. I was determined not to let my face show any emotion. The atmosphere stayed heavy and the darkness made me weary; the disloyalty I felt from every single one of them made me unwilling to trust that they would be there for me anymore.

  “You understand that this cannot continue,” she said, and the silence that followed, accompanied by her stern glare told me the rest of the sentence even though she didn’t. They were telling me to break it off.

  “With all due respect, Nema, I’m not going to end it with him.”

  “And how do you think that will work for you? You know that whether or not you choose to take your position as high priestess, you still can’t keep him around. He’s not right for you, you deserve someone who understands your way of life.”

  I looked down for a moment before I met her eyes again. I didn’t dare look away for longer than that; I needed to keep my enemy in sight at all times.

  “I understand what you’re saying,” I said, and I was pleased about how confident I sounded, “but I’m not willing to give him up.”

  “You’re willing to be with someone who doesn’t know you? How can you expect him to love you if there’s so much that you’re hiding of yourself?”

  “You don’t know what we feel for each other,” I said.

  “Well, he certainly doesn’t feel the same about you as you do about him,” she said, and a hollow feeling opened up in my chest. It’s a lie, I told myself; she’s saying it to get to you.

  “You’re not going to get into my mind,” I said, “and I’m not going to give him up.”

  There were days when I felt that my life would have been simpler if I never met him. There were times when I thought that if he didn’t fix it between us after the fight then that would be the end of it. But now that I was asked, no ordered, to get rid of him, I felt the resolution to stay with him solidifying inside me.

  “I’m not trying to get into your mind,” Nema said, and her voice was softer. It was an attempt to get me to believe she had my best interests at heart. But I knew better; I was stronger and I wouldn’t falter.

  “I know you hate that I am stronger than you, Nema,” I said, and I heard the witches all around either suck in their breath or gasp. No one had the nerve to talk to Nema without respect; as the high priestess, she could punish a witch for it. But I knew she had nothing on me, and I was sick and tired of her trying to push me to do something I didn’t want to. “And I know that you hate that you’re forced to give up the position you fought so hard for. I’m not going to take it from you; I don’t want it. And it doesn’t matter what you do to me; I still won’t. I’m not leaving him, and you’re not going to do anything to him.”

  “He doesn’t feel about you the way you do about him,” she tried again, and I could feel the thin tendrils of her mind control weave its way through my resolution. “He’s not a witch; he doesn’t feel the way we do. We have different values, different goals, and if he doesn’t even know about them, how could he ever begin to understand and respect you?”

  He wouldn’t do it to me. He wouldn’t leave me now, not after he told me that he wanted me and loved me. It was true that I had secrets, but he didn’t know that, and as long as he didn’t know I was keeping something from him, it couldn’t hurt our relationship.

  But the silence was getting to me. I hadn’t heard from him. It went against everything he’d been telling me since he met me. It went against him telling me that he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life. It went against his telling me that he didn’t want to lose me.

  I shook my head, and focused on blocking Nema. I knew that this doubt was partly because of her, that her mind control tricks were working on me. They usually didn’t, but now there was something strong to grab hold of and use against me. Now there was the doubt already, and all she had to do was link to it and enforce it, make it play on my mind, use me against myself.

  “You know that we’re not going to let this rest,” she said, and a murmur of agreement rose up from the other witches. None of them, none besides my sister, had spoken to me about anything important before. That was Nema’s job, but still their agreement annoyed me. I was alone, they were all against me. It felt like everything I had grown up with, the support, the fact that there were others like me, the guidance, the friendship, tumbled around me and I was completely alone.

  It was strange to think that these were the people I was supposed to protect with my life if it came down to it. I wouldn’t sacrifice my identity, my dreams, my love for them, but it hadn’t been necessary before. I had learned that what they offered wouldn’t falter, what they were to me wouldn’t change. We respected each other so much in a coven that it was impossible to touch one witch without touching all of us.

  But I was learning that it only counted if you did exactly what they said. It didn’t apply when there were disagreements, it wasn’t unconditional. I realized that what loyalty meant to them wasn’t the same as what loyalty meant to me.

  “This isn’t up for argument anymore,” Nema said, her voice clipping the stone walls around us. “If you don’t do something about this, we will, and you’re not going to like it. So I suggest you do what you’re told before we have to step in and people get hurt.”

  Her voice was solemn, serious, and I knew she wasn’t playing games with me now. Nema and I both knew who was stronger, but when it came to stubbornness we were equa
l, and she intended on fulfilling her duties until the very end.

  I turned on my heel. I wasn’t willing to listen to this anymore. I wasn’t willing to stand here hearing her tell me the same things over and over again. I got sick of the repetition, the frequency of it all.

  “Just remember,” she called after me when I walked toward the entrance, “he might not know your secrets, but you don’t know his either.”

  This caught me. She knew it would. She had that smile of satisfaction of her face when I stopped in my tracks and turned around.

  “What do you mean?” I asked. I couldn’t walk out after she said something like that. That’s why she said it.

  “Your hiding from him, Cherry, and secrets are never good in a relationship. But he’s hiding from you too, you know. You’re looking for a normal life, something different than you have with us, but he’s not your answer.”

  “Why wouldn’t he be?” I could feel my pulse speed up, felt the tingling on my scalp and my breath shortening.

  “He’s not human, Cherry. He’s a fae.”

  “It can’t be,” I said. I felt the blood drain from my face as I said it, felt the lightheaded feeling set in as her words pressed down on me. “He would have told me.”

  “Like you would have told him?” she asked, and she knew she had me now. Her eyes glinted and her face looked delighted, like someone having fun beating an opponent at chess.

  “He’s not a fae; you’re just saying it to get to me,” I said, but my voice sounded weak despite my efforts to make it sound hard. Then, when she looked at me without answering, I added, “how long have you known?”

  “Not very long; he hid himself well. But faes always do. You know what this means, don’t you?”

  I did. He was my enemy. He wasn’t to be trusted.

  I felt my body warm up as anger, like a bonfire, built inside of me. I felt anger because he hadn’t told me and lead me on for so long, anger because Nema used it against me, and, most of all, anger because I loved him and he’d let me.

  I felt my energy draw to my chest, felt it build as the seconds ticked by. My body felt warmer and warmer, my chest was on fire. Some of the witches took a step back; Nema raised her eyebrows. I knew they could read my mind, and I didn’t care. I was angry, and for the first time in my life, I let it rule my powers.

  It felt like I was going to explode, the force that built up inside of me was more than I had ever felt before, and the room started to fade, I couldn’t make out exactly what was around me anymore. I could sense where they were, each and every one of them, making my dimming eyesight irrelevant.

  They were scared; I could feel it. It was building inside of them the same way my power was building inside of me, and it was so thick in the air, it was almost like a fog, or rain.

  When it felt like I couldn’t get any hotter, when my hands were tingling and it felt like I would collapse if I didn’t do anything now, I thrust my hands forward. I didn’t aim it at anyone, but at the center of the group, and with a groan I let it all go. A white light shot out from my hands and travelled to the witches at a ridiculous speed. They didn’t have time to react, they were on the floor before they knew what hit them. Nema was clutching the wall behind her, trying to stand despite the force of what I’d just thrown at them.

  “I know you’re angry, but you have to control yourself,” she said, and she sounded scared too. It was weird to hear her scared; she had never been the type, never been weak enough in my lifetime to fear anything, nothing besides me, anyway.

  “Keep to myself? That’s what you want? I have suppressed what I can do my whole life, I have hidden who I am from the day I was born. And what has that gotten me? A family that will stab me in the back and a liar for a lover.”

  I waved my hands in the air and trails of white light followed them. They sang through the air with a gentle hum and every time I moved them the witches cowered.

  Nema started a low mumble at the back of her throat, working up a spell that might do something, but I’d had enough.

  “Don’t you dare!” I shouted and thrust my open palm to her. She was pinned against the wall, her head tilted up and her throat exposed. She couldn’t move. She made coughing and gurgling sounds, tried to scramble against me, but I wouldn’t let her.

  “I have no reason why I shouldn’t just kill you all right now,” I said.

  But they were my family. These pathetic creatures cowering on the floor in front of me, looking at me as though I were a monster, lacking in loyalty and compassion, were the closest to blood I would ever have. I felt the anger in me die down, settle for something more like resentment. I dropped my hand and Nema collapsed on the floor, holding her throat and breathing heavily.

  “This isn’t me,” I said almost to myself, and then I looked at Nema. “Don’t make it be.”

  It was a threat and she knew it. It was her fault that I had become this, that everything in my life was happening the way it was, and I was going to hold her responsible if it didn’t turn out alright. I didn’t have to say it to her; her white face, the fear in her eyes, told me she already knew.

  I turned again and walked away, stepping through the crack into the sunlight. The world didn’t know what had just happened, it had carried on the way it always did. But I was changed, a different person stepping back onto the soil, and I had to go and see Devan.

  Chapter 7: Devan - Enemies

  I was in the kitchen making a sandwich. It was turning out to be quite a masterpiece if I said so myself and Alex thought the same by the way he was looking at me.

  “No, you’re not getting any,” I said to him and he looked away as if he knew what I was saying before he looked back.

  I heard a knock on my door and licked my fingers to clean off the mayonnaise.

  It was Cherry. When I pulled the door open she narrowed her eyes at me before pushing past me into the living before I could ask her to come in.

  “Please, come in,” I said after she did to point out what I thought of her manners.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” She was angry. Her face was a ghostly white, a stark contrast to her auburn hair, and her green eyes were dangerous.

  “Tell you what?” I asked, not sure what she was talking about.

  “That you weren’t human.”

  I felt my gut sink, and my body felt like lead. My ears started ringing and, for a moment, I could hear my own breathing: in out, in out, labored and speeded up.

  “I—“

  “You weren’t going to do it, were you?” She was furious, her voice quivering with barely suppressed rage.

  “Look, I—“

  “I can’t believe you kept this from me,” she interrupted again. “You said you loved me,” she cried, suddenly sinking onto the couch, looking deflated, although her green eyes were still laced with flames.

  My mind cleared up, my body became lighter again, and I felt like I could move again.

  “Excuse me? It’s not exactly like you’re miss innocent, are you? I’m not allowed to have secrets, but you are?”

  It was her turn to be baffled, and I could see on her face that she was feeling what I had been feeling a moment before. Her face fell, her body froze, and I saw her mind racing, saw the thoughts as they flickered past her face.

  “You didn’t think I knew, did you?” I asked, and when she didn’t answer, I carried on, “you didn’t think I knew and you weren’t planning on telling me either. How does that make you any better than me?”

  “How did you know?” she asked, her voice barely audible.

  “Because I know what it’s like to be different. I know what to look out for. Because I can feel more than just emotions, just like you.”

  “I don’t… I don’t understand,” she looked tired suddenly. Like she hadn’t slept in days. My heart went out to her. No matter how angry I was at her double standards, I still loved her and I wanted to protect her. I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and hold her, make it all go away. It was horrible
to see her like this.

  I was still thinking that when she looked at me. Her eyes were dead now, void of the passion and the life I loved about her. The green was pale and it was like she was a stranger when she opened her mouth again.

  “So, that means you’re my enemy.”

  She didn’t ask it. It wasn’t a question, something she extended to find out if I still felt the same about her, despite my having known for so long what she really was. It was a statement, a fact.

  I made to walk over to her but she stiffened, suddenly guarded, and I stopped.

  “I don’t have to be,” I said to her, but it was too late. Somehow I’d lost her. “I don’t understand how this changes anything,” I said again, not knowing where to go with this.

  “How can you not understand? You’re my enemy. You’re the person I’m supposed to kill so that you won’t stop me from doing what I do.”

  “Those are the facts, yes, but we haven’t exactly been following the rules on this one.”

  “I didn’t know what you were.”

  “But you still fell in love with me. That’s got to mean something, doesn’t it?”

  My heart hammered against my chest, my mouth ran dry. It could go anywhere from here, there was no certainty that we were going to be okay. I might have lost her, and the last thing we did when we were still together was fight. I suddenly wished I’d acted differently that night. If this meant that it was over, then I should have kissed her one last time and held her in my arms so that I would have a memory of our last night together to treasure.

  “We can’t be together.”

  It was the simplest sentence, delivered so plainly, delivered with so little expression, but it hit me in my gut like a fist.

  “Now wait a minute; let’s not be rash—” I started, but she cut me off with a sarcastic laugh.

  “Did you really think this would work?” she said, her voice cold and hard. I’d never heard it before. “You’re my enemy. It’s bad enough that I’m dating a human, well, that I thought I was. Do you have any idea what it meant for me to be with you?”