I scream it so loudly he flinches. We stand there, him holding me up, our eyes locked, for long, long moments. His eyes search my face and then he rasps, “Fuck you Willow Black, you’re fuckin’ killin’ me.”
Then he slams his lips down over mine, in a kiss so harsh it hurts, but oh…oh god…I need it. Then he pulls me back, drops me and shoves me down onto the couch before walking off, leaving us all standing in shock.
“Well shit,” Angel murmurs.
Shit all right. I spin to Ace, and rush over. Rusty is helping him off the ground and there’s blood everywhere. I drop to my knees, gently taking his face in my hands.
“Ace, oh god, I’m so sorry.”
He shakes his head weakly, spitting blood onto the floor.
“Not your fault,” he rasps. “I hit him.”
“You need a hospital!”
“I’ll take him,” Ava says softly, she’s standing in the corner, looking shocked.
“The kids?” I cry.
“They’re sleeping, it’s ok, they didn’t hear.”
“We can’t…god what was I thinking bringing them here?” I cry, gripping my hair and shaking my head.
Ace reaches out, gripping my arm. “He reacted.”
“And nearly got you killed!” I yell, more emotionally than angrily. “It was an awful idea!”
“No,” Angel says, helping me to my feet while Rusty lifts Ace. “It wasn’t.”
I hear the sounds of smashing and angry yelling coming from Jagger’s room. Everyone looks over at the door, wondering, no doubt, if he’ll come charging back out.
“I should go in there,” I say in a small voice.
“That’s a bad idea, Willow, “Ava says, shaking her head at me, a look of fear filling her face.
“He won’t hurt me, you all just saw that. I have to help him. Guys, you get Ace to the hospital.”
Rusty nods, helping Ace towards the stairs.
“Jenny?” Ava asks.
“She’s not back yet, she went to get my mother,” I sigh.
“She’ll be worried sick when she finds out,” Ava croaks, rubbing the sides of her head as if she can take the images away by doing so.
Angel goes over, wrapping his big arms around her. I look away, feeling my eyes well with tears.
“I’m so sorry, Ace,” I whisper, before walking towards Jagger’s door.
When I open it, and step inside, I am hit clean in the side of the face with a flying shoe. I drop to the ground, crying out in pain as my temple throbs.
“Willow?” Jagger rasps.
Then he’s by my side, gripping my face.
“Fuckin’ hell, Willow, why are you in here?” he yells, almost slowly.
“I wanted to see if you’re ok,” I cry, big angry tears thunder down my cheeks. “I wanted to help you.”
“How many times do I have to tell you to walk away,” he whispers.
“You can tell me as much as you want, I won’t leave, Jagger.”
“You need to let me out of here.”
His voice comes out desperate. I look up at him, and his face is masked with rage.
“No.”
“God dammit!” he roars, standing and picking up something else, slamming it into the wall. I hear it shatter, and I flinch.
“I will end up killing someone, I nearly fuckin’ killed Ace. Is that what you want?”
I get to my feet, pressing my fingers to my temple as I spin a little.
“No, it’s not, but you won’t do it.”
He storms over, gripping my face and jerking it up towards his.
“Why do you have so much faith in me, when I am doing nothing but hurting you?”
“Because I know you’re still in there, out there, I saw it. For a moment, I saw you in there. Jagger, you’re not a bad person, this isn’t you…”
He lets me go, turning and storming out of the room.
“It is me!” he roars to anyone that’s left in the room. “It is! Do you all hear me? This is me! Let me go. Let me out of this fucking house!”
Ace and Rusty are gone, but Angel and Ava are both staring at Jagger in shock, Bull is just coming back up the stairs with a confused look on his face. Jagger spins to them, picking up a lamp and launching it in their general direction. Ava flinches and Angel steps in front of her. I get the feeling this is it, this is his big breakdown. He’s panting and staring at them with such rage, it frightens me.
“Let me the fuck out!” he roars, storming towards the stairs.
Angel steps in front of him, and Bull quickly rushes up to join him. Jagger stares at the two of them.
“Move!” he orders.
“No, boss,” Bull says.
“I said fuckin’ move!”
He tries to shove past them but they grip his arms. He angrily thrashes, trying to hit them, I actually think he gets a few in. They begin dragging him to my old room, the one that locks from the outside. His eyes widen when he realizes what they’re doing.
“Don’t you fuckin’ dare! No, don’t you fuckin’ lock me in there.”
“Sorry, boss, but you’re goin’ to hurt someone.”
“Don’t!” Jagger roars, his voice pained, broken.
Hot tears stream down my face as I watch him look up at me.
“Willow, don’t let them put me in there,” he pleads, his voice broken.
My tears get heavier and I look away, unable to see the pain in his face for a second longer.
“Willow!” he roars.
I hear some shuffling, and then the door slams loudly. I hear Jagger’s angry roar of pain, as he begins to slam and break everything in the room. I slowly lower to my knees, shaking and crying at the sound of my husband falling to pieces, and there’s nothing I can do to help him. I have to let him break, I have to let him feel, I have to let him hurt and oh god, it’s doing horrible things to my heart. I can still hear his roars, I can hear the thumps as he kicks the door and snarls curses.
Angel walks over, kneeling in front of me. “He’s breaking, Willow, this is the best thing for him.”
“He sounds so hurt,” I sob.
“It’s a good thing, he needs this. I know it hurts, but he’ll be ok.”
“I need you to do me a favor,” I whisper. “I need you to get my kids out of here while this is happening.”
Angel nods, and looks up at Ava.
“Honey, come with me, get away…” she pleads.
“He needs me here, Ava. I have to be here. Take the kids downstairs, outside, I don’t know…just get them out of here.”
“Mommy?”
I turn to see Cody standing in the hall, his hair sleep mused.
“Hey, baby,” I say, swiping my tears. “Come here.”
He runs over and I pull him into my arms, kissing his cheeks and his hair.
“Hey little guy, what about you come and play some football with Uncle Angel?”
I smile at Angel, so grateful for him right now.
“Yeah!” Cody cries, punching the air.
I’m thankful in that moment to see he’s completely oblivious to Jagger’s roars and angry destruction in the other room. Angel lifts Cody into his arms, and carries him off. I get to my feet, my knees wobbly, and walk into Leila’s room. She’s just stirring from her sleep, so I reach in and lift her into my arms. I press my lips to her soft cheeks and just take a moment to breathe her in, then I lay her down on the changing mat and let her wake up. When her little eyes flutter open, I smile down at her.
“Mommy has been missing you, sweet baby.”
She makes a whiny sound, and I reach down and stroke her soft locks. Then I quickly change her and carry her out into the kitchen to get her a bottle. Ava walks over, her face hurting for me. She wraps her arm around me, and we stand like that for a long moment.
“Are you sure this is what you want to do, Willow?”
“He needs me, Ava. He won’t hurt me. I know he won’t.”
“He might not hurt you physically, but mentally�
�”
“He doesn’t mean what he’s saying,” I whisper. “I know him.”
“Bull is going to stay upstairs in case you need him, ok?”
I nod, handing my daughter over to her. Ava kisses Leila’s cheeks and takes the bottle from me. I kiss my daughter once more before watching Ava disappear down the stairs. Then I turn to Bull. He’s giving me a cautious expression. He walks over, taking my face in his hands.
“You ready for this?”
I nod, swallowing. He leans in and presses a kiss to my head, surprising me.
“You’re a tough girl, Willow. I only hope that someday I find someone that loves me as much as you love him.”
I smile up at him, and he swipes a stray tear from my cheek.
“All right,” I rasp. “Let’s do this.”
We both turn and walk towards the door. When we get to it, we can still hear Jagger yelling and screaming. Bull presses his ear to the door, listening a moment. His eyes narrow, and I know he’s trying to find the right moment to open the door, he will only have a split second. When he hears the sounds of more smashing, he quickly unlocks it. I don’t get a second to think as he shoves me in and slams the door closed behind me, locking it. I turn wearily and see Jagger at the other end of the room, with an ornament in hand, ready to smash it.
I look around the room, horrified. He’s torn the sheets off the bed, smashed everything in sight, he’s upended couches, desks, anything he possibly can. When he notices me, he lowers the ornament. He’s panting and…oh god…he’s crying. My heart breaks into a thousand tiny pieces as I wearily walk over to him. His entire body is trembling and he looks like he’s in so much pain. With a haunted expression, he smashes the ornament in his hands. Blood pours from his fingers as the bits of clay slice into him. I lurch forward.
“Jagger, stop!”
He closes his fists tighter around it, never moving his eyes from mine.
“Jagger, please,” I cry, stepping closer. “Stop.”
“What for?” he rasps. “You all wanted this, didn’t you?”
“We wanted you to feel,” I plead. “Not hurt yourself.”
“I want to hurt myself,” he roars suddenly. “I don’t want to feel. It hurts to feel!”
“I know,” I say, gently. “I know it does.”
“You don’t know!” he rasps. “You don’t fuckin’ know!”
“I do know! I know, Jagger, I know you don’t want to face it, I know you don’t want to feel it because if you do, it will tear you apart. That’s reality though, and that’s what we’re all here for. You have to face what happened, you have to let it go.”
“You will never understand what happened!” he yells. “Never.”
“Then tell someone who will, just stop this, Jagger. Stop hurting yourself. Stop hurting me.”
He drops the ornament and I rush over, gripping his hands. He stands emotionless for long moments, just watching me with a blank expression. I tear my shirt off, wrapping it around his hands. That’s when his legs give way and he drops to the floor. I go down with him, letting our bodies slide down the wall together. He’s trembling so hard my body begins to shake with his. I grip his head, pulling it close to my chest. I tangle my fingers in his hair and I just hold him like that.
“It will never go away,” he rasps. “It won’t leave me.”
“What won’t leave you?” I say, in a soothing tone.
“All of it. The memories. The look on my father’s face as his brains…”
“Oh, Jagger.”
‘I fuckin’ shot my own father.”
“You did what you had to, to survive.”
“You don’t understand,” he growls.
“Then make me understand!”
“No,” he says, cutting off. “I won’t talk about this with you.”
I sigh. “Fine, if you’re not ready now, we won’t talk.”
“Why are you here? Why did you let them put me in this room?”
“You know why, Jagger.”
He looks up at me, his face completely tormented.
“Let me out, just let me go.”
“No.”
He pulls back, slamming his fist onto the ground. “Just let me fuckin’ go!”
“I said no!”
He wraps his bloodied hand around the back of my neck and pulls me close.
“What do you want from me?”
“I want you, that’s all I want. I want my husband back.”
“Want me?” he rasps.
“Yes, I want you.”
“Now.”
“What?” I say, confused.
“Isn’t that part of what you want,” he husks. “My cock inside you. You miss feeling me, admit it, Willow, that’s part of this. If you want to fuck, just say so.”
Angry, I shove his hand from me and get to my feet.
“You know what Jagger?” I say, walking towards the door. “You can just go and fuck yourself.”
Then I tap on the door, and Bull opens it. I step out to the sounds of his angry outburst starting up again.
~*~*~*~*
JAGGER
My hand throbs as I wrap a shirt around it. God damn them all. Fuck my beautiful fucking wife. She got what she wanted. She cracked me. Then she let them put me in here. The frustration in my chest is overloading me. It’s fucking burning my chest. I nearly killed my best friend. I nearly hit my own wife. What the fuck am I doing? The pathetic tears are still rolling down my cheeks, because she left me here again, and I need her in here. I need her to wrap her arms around me again. What the fuck have I done? What the fuck have I done to my relationship? My heart hurts. For the first time in months, I feel a stabbing pain inside my chest. I was sure I would never feel that again.
Who do I talk to? I can’t talk to her. I just can’t. She’ll never understand. She’ll never be able to accept what I did. They all want me to break, and now I have, none of them are here to let me talk, because they all know they can’t handle it. I have no one to open up to. They’ve torn my fuckin’ heart open, and left me without a way to get it out. I want to get it out. For the first time, I just want to get it out. I want it gone. I want the numbness to leave. I want the pain to just go away. I just want, for one second of my life…
To feel ok again.
CHAPTER 7
WILLOW
“Willow, we have a problem.”
I am sitting out on the deck, calming down from my interaction with Jagger, when I hear Jenny’s voice. I turn and she’s standing at the door, looking at me with an odd expression. I stand, walking over to her.
“What is it?”
“Well, when I went to get mom earlier…she was at your door, looking for you. She said it was in regards to Jagger and the island, so I didn’t know what to do. I figured because I was bringing mom out, if she was just a fake, I could take her back when I take mom back this afternoon.”
“She?” I say, confused.
“Yeah, she said her name is Summer and she was one of the girls that was rescued from the island.”
My eyes widen. “What?”
“She wants to see Jagger.”
I hurry past Jenny and into the living room, but I’m too late, they’ve already let Jagger out. He’s watching the girl, his eyes narrowed as he walks towards her. I let my eyes fall on her. She’s got this long, beautiful dark hair and yellow eyes. She’s an extremely gorgeous woman, but she has haunted eyes and anyone can see she’s fragile. She’s tiny, with a petite frame that’s hidden with baggy clothes. Her eyes are on Jagger, and his face…he’s showing emotion. Deep emotion. Like they’re long lost friends or something. When he stops in front of her, I feel my knees begin to wobble.
“What’s your name?” he rasps.
“Summer,” she says in a voice so tiny I can hardly hear it.
“Why do I know your face?”
She looks around the room with a timid expression. “Because you saved me and on the island…you helped me…when Master…”
Jagger stares at her a moment, then his face softens and he nods.
“I remember, I…”
He looks around the room, as though he can’t say what he saw in front of us. He turns back to Summer.
“Are you okay?”
He asks it with such genuine interest, my heart quite literally burns.
“I…” she stares at him, and swallows.
“It’s ok, come on, we can talk.”
Talk? Talk? Is he serious? My knees wobble again, and I reach out to steady myself on the door frame. He wants to talk? With her? I have been trying for months, and he wants to talk to a stranger?
“As long as I’m not interrupting you here…” Summer says, giving a shaky smile.
“No, of course not. We’ll go downstairs.”
He reaches out and she takes his hand, and just like that, they walk off. My legs go then, and fall to the floor. Angel rushes over, wrapping his arms around me and standing me back up again.
“It’s ok…”
“He…He…He…”
“I know.”
“He cared! For her! He…”
“I know, shhh.”
“Oh god,” I say, feeling my eyes well up.
“Willow, what is going on?”
I hear my mother’s voice, and my stomach clenches. I look up to see her walking into the room holding Leila.
“It’s…nothing,” I squeak.
“It doesn’t look like nothing!”
“Mother, not now!” Jenny says in a harsh tone.
My mother pouts at her, then goes back to cooing at Leila. Ava and Jenny rush over, both of them taking my arms.
“We’ve got it babe, thanks,” Ava says to Angel.
Angel stares at me, his face pained. I look down at my feet, unable to grasp what just happened. The girls lead me into my room, and sit me on the bed. My hands are trembling. Jenny takes them in hers, forcing me to look over at her.
“He…he…felt something when he looked at her.”
“It’s probably just shock honey,” Jenny soothes.
“He probably just wanted to help,” Ava says gently.
“Months, for long months I’ve tried to help him…tried to make him feel and she walks in and his face…it changed…he offered to talk with her.”
“Oh, Willow.”
Dark Destiny (Dark Brothers Book #4) Page 7