“It’s over for me, my own husband really doesn’t love me anymore.”
Ava makes a soft sound and Jenny grips my face.
“Listen to me, he does love you. He does.”
“No,” I cry, slapping her hands away. “He doesn’t. He’s been trying to make that clear to me and I didn’t see it. I do now. I see it.”
“You’re wrong, Willow, don’t give up now. You’ve fought so hard.”
I stand, shaking my head. I walk over the window and stare down, and that’s when I see him. They’re sitting on an old broken seat on the borderline of trees. They’re talking and the expression on Jagger’s face is gentle. I haven’t seen an expression like that on him for…well…a long, long time. When he reaches out and takes her hand, my heart breaks in two. He leans closer and says something to her, and she hangs her head, clearly crying. He lifts her chin, saying something else and that’s enough for me. I can’t deal with this any longer.
I give up.
I. Give. Up.
~*~*~*~*
JAGGER
Summer has been here for five days, and in that time, she’s helped me in a way no one else has been able to. To be able to confide in someone, it’s doing things to me, it’s opening me up. Each day I wake up, I feel a little better. My heart is a little less sore, my head a little less foggy. I smile at my kids more. Heck, I think I even laughed yesterday. The numbness in my body is slowly leaving my body and I’m able to feel again. The nightmares have worsened, but I think it’s because I’m letting it out. They were right, bringing me out here…since I broke down, and Summer showed up, things are piecing together for me again. I didn’t realize what a fuck wit I was being.
And then there’s Willow. She disappeared for two days, wouldn’t answer my calls, wouldn’t let me talk to my kids. When she reappeared, she refuses to talk to me. Each time I try, she walks away. She won’t let me fix this with her. She’s given up on me. It’s my fuckin’ fault, she’s only doin’ what I told her to, but now she won’t even look at me. I want to tell her things are getting better, that maybe soon we can work on fixin’ what was broken, but she won’t have a bar of it. She’s hurting. And I can’t fix it. Not when I’m tryin’ to fix myself. I fuckin’ miss her though, one thing Summer has showed me, is that I was fuckin’ wrong to Willow and I hurt her beyond words, and I need to fix it. But I don’t know how.
“Hey, there you are.”
I turn to see Summer walking over. She sits beside me, and we both stare out at the trees in front of us. I’m outside on the chair that I spend a lot of time on, thinking.
“Just thinkin’ again,” I say, turning to look at her.
Summer is timid, beyond timid. She speaks softly, quietly, but she’s a good listener. She understands. She doesn’t think anything I say is fucked up, because she’s seen so much worse. All I wanted, was just someone to understand. I knew Willow would, but I couldn’t tell her, I couldn’t have her look at me differently. How could I? She’s my god damned wife. Summer, she’s different, she knows the mental torment.
“How is Willow?” she asks.
“She’s ok, still not talkin’ to me. I don’t know how to talk to her…”
“You need to fix it with her, Jagger, she’s hurting, she looks at me like I’m a monster.”
“She’s jealous,” I sigh, rubbing my temples.
“That’s because she doesn’t understand. From what I’ve heard, she spent months trying to help and you did nothing but abuse her, and now you’re opening up to another woman…”
“It’s not like that, Summer, you know…you know if I ever gave myself to a woman in this world, it would be my wife.”
“Then maybe she needs to know that.”
“What if I’m not ready? I don’t want to lead her on, give her hope…”
“You don’t have to make promises, just open up to her. You two have a long way to go before things are ok again, but let her know you want to try Jagger, tell her what you told me.”
“What happens if I don’t get it all back, what if I give her some little hope and my feelings don’t come flooding back. I know I want to talk to her, I know I want to fix this, but what if it’s not enough? What if it’s too late? What if the damage is already done?”
Summer sighs. “So many questions I can’t answer for you, only you know if you can fix this with her. Do you love her still?”
I sigh again. “I know I am drawn to her, I know lately my body has been noticing her again, I know that I feel my heart beating more and more when she’s around, but I don’t know if it’s love…or if it’s just an old feeling.”
“I don’t know how you can make yourself work this out, I do think you need to talk to her though, sort this out, let her know where you’re at.”
I know she’s right, I just don’t know where to start. I don’t know anything right now. This feeling can be almost worse than feeling nothing.
~*~*~*~*
WILLOW
Now I’m the numb one. I am hurting, but I’m blocking it off. I don’t want to feel. I don’t want to see him with her anymore. See him talking to her for hours and hours. On the first night, they sat out talking until four am. Then he went to bed without a word. The next day, I disappeared home for two days. I couldn’t face it, couldn’t watch her help him when I couldn’t. I just couldn’t watch my husband disappear on me completely. When I got back, they were still talking, though Jagger’s face seemed less tormented. That’s when he tried to talk with me. He tried over and over, gripping my arm, asking me to listen, but I shoved him away.
I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to take his ‘goodbye, this is for the best’ bullshit any longer. I just can’t do it. I don’t want to do it. I don’t have to do it. It’s been five days now, since she showed up and while he’s improving, I’m drowning. Not just me, but Bull too. For some reason, there is some serious tension between he and Summer, yet no one can figure out why. When she first saw him, she clung to Jagger, all frightened. I couldn’t believe it. Bull? Really? She’s scared of Bull? Then I overheard them saying it had something to do with the rescue, I don’t know. Right now, I don’t really care.
“Willow, how are you feeling?”
I turn to see Ace standing at my door with a mug of coffee in hand. I turn away, not answering him.
“Aw, come on kid, it’s me.”
“I am fine, Ace.”
“Bullshit.”
He sits beside me on the bed. “Come on, talk to me.”
“What is there to say?” I whisper, my voice empty. “He’s confiding in another woman, we’re over.”
“He never said you were over.”
“He didn’t have to.”
“He’s been trying to talk to you.”
“Now you’re defending him?” I cry.
Ace grips my chin, hard. “Don’t. You can be angry at him, but don’t you turn around and throw it on me. Don’t even fuckin’ think about it, Willow Black.”
I jerk my chin from his grip and stand. “I’ve had enough, ok? I’ve had enough. He won’t talk to me, but he’ll talk to her!”
“She understands, that’s all.”
“And I don’t?” I scream. “I don’t?!”
“Willow, it’s not….”
I turn and storm out, my anger getting the better of me. Jagger is just walking up the stairs when I come in, and he flinches when he sees the rage on my face. I storm over, stopping in front of him. Everyone in the room falls silent. Summer retreats a few steps.
“You think I don’t understand?” I scream, shoving his chest.
“Willow…”
“I understand Mick stole you and made you fight.”
He flinches.
“I understand you saw women being raped.”
He flinches again.
“I understand you shot your own father in the head.”
He tenses and his breathing deepens.
“I understand that you did what you had to do, to survive. You were survivin
g, Jagger. There is no shame in doing what you have to do, in a messy situation, to keep your feet on the ground.”
He begins panting now, and his hand lashes out to grip the railing to steady himself.
“I understand more than you will ever fucking know, Jagger Black! I have nightmares, did you know that? Did you know that I see his face in my head? He tried to make me have sex with him! He made me watch other men rape a woman! I saw it too, or did you forget that? Did you forget that I experienced that island too? You saw more, I know that, but how dare you confide in her,” I scream, stabbing a finger at Summer who flinches. “How dare you! You never even gave me a chance to understand. You can go to fucking hell.”
I grip my keys and rush down the stairs. In this moment, I feel nothing for anyone. I know Ava will take care of my kids, but right now I can’t be here. I’m so out of it, I don’t even see him. The random man in the driveway. It’s too late before I realize he’s no good. He has me, spun around, my head to his chest and his hands around my throat. Everything in my world stops. It quite literally stops. I can’t breathe, I can’t think, my vision is blurred and my heart is beating so hard it hurts. The man squeezes until I begin to gasp. God, is he some psycho? Is he just going to kill me?
“Hello, Willow, I’ve heard about you,” he rasps into my ear.
I squirm, unsure who the hell it is that is trying to strangle me on my front lawn. I feel my vision cloud as he begins slowly cutting off my air.
“You fuckin’ put her down, Rattler. I swear to fuckin’ god I’ll gut you.”
I hear Jagger’s voice, and I turn my eyes towards him. He and the guys have rushed down the stairs. The man turns us, until we’re all facing each other. I can see the panic in their faces, so whoever this Rattler is, he isn’t a good person.
“Ah, Jagger, long time no see. I heard this one belonged to you.”
I’m panting now, my whole body is trembling and I can’t breathe. I begin struggling for air. I can feel my head pounding as he cuts my air supply off, slowly, just enough to keep me breathing but not quite enough to knock me out. Yet.
“The fuck do you want, Rattler.”
That’s Ace. The man obviously looks to Ace, because Jagger meets my gaze and gives me a hand signal, so I will look at him. The concern, fear and love I see in his face is almost comforting. He presses his fingers to his eyes, indicating that I should look at him and by the expression on his face, he wants me to continue looking at him.
“Look at me,” he mouths.
I begin panting harder, oh god, I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. He’s going to kill me, one tight squeeze and I’m dead.
“I came for revenge, you know what for. Did you really fuckin’ think I wouldn’t come back when I found you?”
Revenge? Oh god, he’s going to kill me? He’s going to kill me. Jagger mouths, “My eyes, baby, look at me.”
I can make out the words quiet clearly. He presses a hand to his heart. “Watch me, always me, trust me, I got you.”
Then he steps closer to Rattler. I feel Rattler tighten the grip he has around my neck, but I keep my eyes on my husband.
“Revenge for what?” he snarls to Rattler.
“For killin’ my brother. I hear it was ‘coz of this little slut. And eye for an eye…”
“You fuckin’ hurt her, I’ll gut you!” Jagger growls, clenching his fists.
Rattler laughs, and I can feel it in my back. “You go right ahead and try son, I’ll fuckin’ snap her neck before you take one more step.”
“Snake was a fucker, he got what was comin’ to him.”
Rattler flinches. “He was my brother, my only family. You fuckin’ killed him.”
“Deserved it,” Jagger mutters.
“You and your fuckin’ no good gang!”
“Let her go, you wanna deal with me, then do it. Just let her go.”
Rattler laughs and his hands tighten so much I gasp loudly, my vision swims.
“Ah,” Rattler chuckles. “This is the one who stole your heart. I heard all about her, you know. I will enjoy making you watch her die…”
“Jagger,” I rasp, squirming. “Please.”
“Let her go!” Jagger growls.
It’s then I see Ace move ever so slightly to the left, he’s moving behind Rattler, slowly. Jagger keeps winding him up, and I finally figure out why. I wondered why Jagger hadn’t leapt on him and beat him half to death yet.
“You got issues, you take them out with me. Don’t fuckin’ hurt her. I killed Snake, I shot him in the fuckin’ head!”
“I’ll fuckin’ gut you Jagger,” Rattler roars. “After I snap her fuckin’ neck.”
Oh god, I begin hyperventilating again. I don’t want to die. Please, not now. Not here. Oh, god.
~*~*~*~
JAGGER
I can’t fuckin’ breathe. I’m too scared to take one, single breath, just in case I miss a moment to get her out of his grips. Her face is blue, her lips are parted and her eyes are on mine. She’s doing what I asked, oh fuck, what have I done? I put her in this position. She was running from me. It’s always fuckin’ me. Now I could lose her and for what? My own selfish, fucked up head. She never deserved anything I gave her, fuck, I can’t lose my wife. I can’t lose her. I keep my eyes on hers, and I can see the fear in her stare. She’s pleading with those beautiful green eyes, pleading to help her. I let my eyes flicker to Ace, and he’s slowly moving behind rattler, hand on his belt. I know he’s got a knife there.
“You will pay for what you did!” Rattler snarls, fixing his gaze on me.
I have to keep him distracted, but not piss him off too much. Ace only needs a second. He’s quick with a knife.
“Snake joined my gang, he knew what happened if he fucked up.”
“He was my brother!” Rattler roars, tightening his grip on Willow’s neck.
She begins to squirm, and everything inside me turns to liquid. If I lose her now, without tellin’ her I fucked up, without tellin’ her she changed my life…oh fuck…how could I have honestly believed I didn’t love her anymore. Seeing her like this, it makes everything real for me again. The pain in my chest is beyond anything I’ve ever felt. The fear in my body at the thought of losing my wife, is so powerful my legs are beginning to go numb. I hold Rattler’s gaze, not showing him how fuckin’ terrified I am that he’ll take the one thing I can’t live without, away from me.
“Let her fuckin’ go, Rattler. This isn’t about you and her…”
“She killed my brother.”
“He fucked me over, he asked for it.”
Rattler hisses at me, and Willow cries out as he tightens his hands again. I quickly look at Ace, and catch the exact moment when he lunges forward. He drives the knife right into Rattlers back, with a roar, Rattler drops Willow. I dive for her, and manage to get her just before Rattler spins around. “Sorry baby,” I murmur, before I quite literally launch her into the air. She lands on the grass with a thud and my heart tears in two. I don’t get a chance to see if she’s ok before Rattler lunges at me, and with a bellow of pain, we both land on the grass. He’s got the knife now, and he’s slashing it past my face.
I grip his wrist, twisting it so hard I hear it snap. He roars with pain and rolls, taking me with him. He manages a swift hit to my jaw, that has my world spinning for a moment, but it also has instinct kicking in. I launch my fist into his face, hard, fast. I hear the gruesome crack as his nose splits. Blood spurts my face as I drive another fist, then another. When Rattler is finally lifeless beneath me, I get off him, running a hand across my jaw to swipe off the excess blood. I turn to Willow, and see she’s scrambling to her car. Her face is filled with terror as she fumbles with the door. Fuck. I quickly turn to Ace.
“Deal with him. Make sure no one finds his body.”
Then I turn and stride towards Willow. When she notices me, she begins shaking her head, incoherent words splutter from her lips. When I reach her, I kneel down and grip her face.
/> “Hey, look at me.”
“No, no, no, no,” she murmurs. “Can’t do it anymore, can’t do it.”
“Willow, you’re in shock.”
“No!” she screams, hitting me so hard my head swings to the side. Mother fucker. “I don’t want you anymore, get away from me!”
She’s breaking down, I can tell by the high pitched, terrified tone to her voice.
“Willow, baby…”
“You didn’t love me!” she wails, gripping the car door. “You didn’t love me, I tried so hard and you didn’t love me. Why?”
“Baby, hush, look at me.”
“NO!” she screams so loudly it rings through my ears. “We’re done. I’m leaving. Leave me alone. I hate you. I hate you.”
Her words shock me enough for her to be able to slip into her car and start it. As she reverses, I am launched backwards. I land with a thump and get to my feet quickly, but it’s too late. She’s off down the driveway, rocks flicking in her wake. I stare at her car retreating and the pain in my chest is indescribable. What the fuck is wrong with me? How could I hurt the one thing that made my life worth living? I could have quite possibly just lost her, forever. And all before I could tell her the one thing I know she’s been so desperate to hear…
That I love her.
And I always will.
~*~*~*~*
WILLOW
Three hours later, I am swaying, giggling, dancing with random girls and singing loudly. I told the bartender I nearly died, and I’m very sure he thought I had lost my marbles. Sometimes being drunk really does feel good. When I manage to get to the bar to pick up my sixth drink, I see the bartender turn his eyes to the door. I swivel in my chair, nearly losing my balance, to see Jagger and the guys, all standing at the door. The entire bar go quiet, do they know the guys? Standing there, in a perfect line, with serious expressions, the guys look god damned terrifying. I’ve never really looked at them like that before, but god damn, they really are a sight. A terrifying sight.
“It’s Jagger,” the bartender murmurs.
“You know my husband?” I slur.
“He’s your husband?” he says, taking a few steps back. “Why didn’t you fuckin’ tell me?”
Dark Destiny (Dark Brothers Book #4) Page 8