Room to Grow

by Lisa Heaton

  “Josh Taylor, nice to meet you.”

  “Thanks for coming out,” Phil said, looking more at Sophie than Josh. To her, he said, “I haven’t seen you in what, two years?”

  “At least. You came with Stephanie to our party.”

  “That’s right. After seeing your yard and hearing you were doing this professionally, I had to have you.”

  Josh’s head snapped around to look at her, his eyes wide.

  Phil turned to walk ahead of them, so Sophie shrugged and raised her hands, wondering what was wrong. Clearly something was.

  They went around back to look at the space Phil was wanting to improve. Josh conducted most of the meeting, leaving Sophie out of the conversation. She wasn’t sure what to make of it.

  A few times Phil talked to her on a personal level, and a few times she thought he might be testing the waters to see if she was dating yet. Then it hit her: Josh was jealous.

  When they walked back to the front of the house, Phil made a move again to hug her.

  Josh’s hand was up so fast and pressing against Phil’s chest that Sophie actually heard the thump of the impact.

  “Yeah, that’s not gonna happen, pal,” Josh said.

  Phil blinked a few times and looked at Sophie. “Oh, so you two are a thing?”

  Sophie looked at Josh and then at Phil. “Yeah, we’re kind of a thing.”

  Phil turned to Josh and took a step back with raised hands. “Sorry, man. I had no idea.”

  Nothing more was said. Sophie and Josh got into the truck and made the trip back to the office with not one sound but the radio. During the ride, Sophie concluded that she had found the one percent. Josh had a jealous streak and a temper to go with it.

  They pulled into the parking lot at the office, and Josh put the truck into park. Because he didn’t make a move to get out, Sophie didn’t either. She watched him as he clinched the steering wheel and shook his head. He began to speak but then stopped.

  Eventually, he turned and stared at her. “So how do you know that guy?”

  “I go to church with his sister.”

  “You saw that he was making a move on you, right? I wasn’t making that up in my head.”

  “I didn’t at first. There at the end, maybe.”

  “That’s why he called you out there, to ask you out.”

  “I had no idea when I scheduled it.”

  “Well, we both know now.” He got out of the truck and slammed the door.

  For the remainder of the afternoon, he worked on sketching plans for estimates, and Sophie left him to it. She wasn’t angry with him. On occasion, he would yell something across the hall. By his tone he wasn’t angry either, just quieter than usual.

  “Got a minute?”

  Sophie had been lost in thought when she looked up to find Avery there. “Sure. What do you need?”

  Avery came in and closed the door. Once seated on the edge of the chair in front of Sophie’s desk, she said, “You have a kid in school, right?”

  “I do, Chloe.”

  “I suppose you helped her get in.”

  “Of course.”

  “I would like to apply somewhere, but I don’t know what to do. My mom took off. I live with my sister, but she never went, and I don’t know how to get started. I was wondering if you might help me.”

  Something happened inside of Sophie, another level of softening toward Avery. The hard exterior that Avery had shown early on was now a crumbling façade.

  “I’m a pro at it. You bet I’ll help. When did you graduate? Last year?”

  “I didn’t. I just got my GED last week.”

  Sophie slammed her hands on her desk. “You what?”

  Avery's eyes flew open as if maybe she had done something wrong.

  “You just did something that gigantic and we haven’t celebrated?”

  Avery’s shoulders relaxed as if every last defense in her fell. “It’s not that big of a deal. It’s not like I graduated.”

  “It is a big deal, Avery. I couldn’t be prouder.”

  They discussed the next steps, and Sophie sent Avery on her way with a list of what they would need to get started.

  The moment Avery was gone, Sophie stuck her head in Josh’s door. “I’m heading out a few minutes early.”

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, I just have something to do on the way home.”

  ***

  Josh pulled into Sophie’s drive and parked behind her Beemer. It reminded him of that first time he had come all those years ago. Her car then was similar, same color and body style. Back then, he had felt intimidated about working for a rich lady in Brentwood. His family wasn’t poor, but neither were they wealthy. They lived near Brentwood, in a place considered on the wrong side of the line between Nashville and Brentwood proper.

  After meeting Sophie, he never felt that way again. Her warmth and kindness were evident from the first hello she had spoken. Until the encounter between her and Phil earlier, he had never felt out of place around her. Her response to Phil had changed that.

  Josh stepped from his truck and went to her car where a door was still open. Plastic bags lined the back seat, so he grabbed them and headed up the sidewalk.

  When she opened the door, he just stood there looking at her. She opened the screen door wider for him to come in, but he didn’t move.

  “I know you think I acted like a jealous idiot today. Maybe I was at first, but that wasn’t what followed me the rest of the day. I was hurt.” He looked away. “You hesitated.”

  “Huh?”

  “When Phil asked if we were a thing, you hesitated.”

  “I was just surprised by the whole situation,” she said. “I didn’t expect any of that.”

  “You said we are kind of a thing. I thought we were a thing. I guess I’m missing something.”

  Sophie sighed. “Please come in. I don’t want to have this conversation on the porch.”

  “There are no neighbors out. I checked first.”

  “Josh, don’t.”

  He stepped in and passed by without kissing her as he would typically do.

  “You can put those down anywhere,” she said.

  Josh set the bags of party supplies on the sofa without asking what they were for.

  “I’ve tried to be cool about sneaking around, but I’m not cool with it now. I get it. You’re embarrassed by me.”

  “I am not!”

  “You are, or at least you were today.” He held out his arms. “Your tattooed boyfriend at your white-collar friend’s house. I’m sure it made you feel that you’ve taken a real step down.”

  “That’s not it at all.”

  “If you’re not embarrassed by me, then why were your cheeks on fire, and you couldn’t look him in the eye?”

  “It’s not you at all. It’s me. I was embarrassed for me.”

  Josh stepped in and took her by the arms. “Why? We’re not doing anything wrong. We’re both single. We care about each other. Why do you have to complicate this?”

  When she just stood looking at him, he said, “I see a future together, Soph. Don’t you?”

  “No, I don’t. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  He lowered his head and rubbed his chin. “Okay, thanks for setting me straight.”

  “I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m trying to protect you.”

  His voice boomed loud. “How is this protecting me?”

  “You have your whole life ahead of you, things like being a dad.” She paused and let out a long sigh. “You’ll be a great dad, Josh, but I’ve done all of that.”

  “Who says you can’t do it again? You loved being a mom. You’ve said it was the best accomplishment of your life, having Chloe.”

  “I’m too old for that. There are risks at my age,” she closed her eyes. “Assuming I could even get pregnant.”

  He reached for her arm and pulled her near. “Maybe I’ll want to be a dad someday. I’m not even sure about that now. If I am, I
want you to be the mom. I don’t care about the biology of it. If we can’t have one together, we can adopt or hire a surrogate. Or we can not have kids at all if you don’t want to start over.”

  “Josh, please.” She tried to step back, but he held onto her.

  “I’m falling right back in love with you.” He shook his head. “Actually, I realize I never stopped. All these years I’ve carried this deep and abiding love for you. It’s real. What I feel for you is real, Sophie. All I see for my future is you.”

  He smiled a broad smile. “You are spring to me – you know, when everything comes alive after a long gray winter.” He stopped and searched her eyes. “That feeling you get when you see the first cluster of daffodils or when Bradford pears burst open in a cloud of white? That’s what you make me feel, like everything’s new every day. I want to hang on to that feeling.”

  He stopped, dropped his hands to his sides, and blinked long. “But I guess you have to want that, too. You’re either in this thing or out. I can’t run after you anymore. You have to decide what I mean to you.”

  When he got to the door, he said, “I’ll give you time to decide. Just know, I’ll be here while you’re thinking.” He opened the door but hesitated, then turned back and kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Josh backed out of the drive and made his way to the coffee shop where he had run into Sophie that day. There were two ladies at the table where they had sat, so Josh grabbed a coffee and sat close by. He recounted how things had happened, what a miracle it had all seemed that day. No matter Sophie’s current hesitation, he still felt their encounter was God-given.

  For the first time he considered things from a different perspective, though. It’s like Drake had said that morning when he thought he had moved too fast and pushed Sophie away. He was doing the same as he had then, only considering how he felt and what he wanted.

  Maybe the miracle was for Sophie, to help her heal after the year she had endured. What if it was never about them after all? God may have intended to use Room to Grow to help Sophie find purpose and direction again in life. In that case Sophie’s words made sense, that she didn’t see a future together for them. After their conversation, knowing now that she wasn’t in love with him and may never be, everything looked different. Maybe their reunion wasn’t at all what he had supposed.

  He made the drive home, and rather than going into the house, he went around back to the garden center. When he couldn’t be with her, Josh felt closest to Sophie surrounded by the mass of color and flowers. Over the years he had spent countless hours meeting with God amidst the flowers, praying for her.

  Most of the display tables were full, but one, the section with purple pansies, had enough room for him to sit. Though he didn’t need to see it in print since he knew every word by heart, he pulled the verse up on his phone and scanned the familiar words.

  “For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come.”

  (Song of Solomon 2:11-12)

  Since reconnecting with Sophie, he had believed his wait was over, that he would finally have her as his own. Now that he read it again, he began to suspect this was Sophie’s verse alone and not theirs together.

  If God was giving Sophie a new season of singing, and that season didn’t include him, Josh knew he would step back and allow her room to grow without him. Josh’s heart sank at the thought, but it seemed that was about to be required of him.

  For all he knew, God may have an entirely different plan for Sophie, one that included a man like Phil and not him. At that thought, his heart began to pound and he drew his hands into tight fists. All his noble thoughts of stepping aside gave way to the part of him who would likely knock Phil out if Sophie dated him.

  Josh shook his head, disappointed with himself for how easily he flipped the switch to being a possessive jerk. He wasn’t sure he would ever be able to help that. Now that he had known what it was like to have hope of more with her, he may never be able to settle for being on the outskirts of Sophie’s life. Because he had waited so long to be with her, if she did decide to stay in a relationship with him, he would likely always fear losing her and feel jealous when they encountered men that reminded him of Kevin.

  Nothing about the moment made him feel hope for more with her. Even after the way he had poured out his heart to her, it didn’t seem likely, not based on the way she had looked at him when he left. He meant what he had said, that he wasn’t going to run after her anymore. It was all up to her now.

  ***

  No matter how hard she tried the remainder of the night, Sophie couldn’t get Josh’s words out of her head. You are spring to me echoed in her mind like the melody of a sweet love song. Busyness didn’t help. Baking for Avery’s surprise party didn’t help.

  What was most prevalent in her mind was that she understood what Josh had meant; his imagery had struck a chord. She knew the feeling of seeing daffodils and Bradford pears in full bloom, something that caused a sensation like sunshine to radiate in her inner being. Josh made her feel just like that, only now she had words for it: He was spring to her.

  After a life of rejection and accepting so little of love and relationships, expectation had come. Hope had come. Josh had walked right up to her table and asked if he could sit. Every moment since then he had been a burst of sunshine and springtime that made her feel alive and glowing with happiness.

  Chapter Ten

  The following morning, Sophie unloaded her trunk and carried two loads of food and paper goods into the kitchen. Her attempt to mingle a congrats theme with a luau had come off as tacky but festive. She had made a coconut cake and a creamy pineapple dessert. It wasn’t much, but someone needed to make a big deal over Avery’s accomplishment.

  She wasn’t surprised that Josh wasn’t in his office. For a moment she stood and looked at his tidy desk, a sight that made her smile. That’s when she turned and found them, a clear vase of cut daffodils in the middle of her desk. The note next to it said, “You are still spring to me this morning.”

  Her lips drew into a soft smile. All the way to work she had warned herself that he would do something like this. She never doubted it. For his sake, though, she shouldn’t fall for it.

  A chiming phone with a text from Josh said: I’m not avoiding you. I’m heading out with Rodney today. A couple of guys have called out. See u this afternoon

  Her reply: Okay. Have a good day. Round up all the guys and come in when the crews come back this afternoon. I have a little celebration planned for Avery since she passed her GED.

  Josh: Will do

  Fewer than ten minutes later, Rodney’s work truck came wheeling into the front lot. Josh jumped out and came jogging in.

  He didn’t come all the way into her office but only grabbed hold of the top of her doorframe and allowed his body to lean in. “No matter what you decide, I thank you for giving us a chance. I promised you I wouldn’t let this ruin our working relationship. I meant that.”

  “Good to know.”

  “I called Phil this morning and apologized for being a jerk.”

  “I think that was warranted.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  His grin made her stomach flutter.

  “I love my daffodils,” she said.

  He glanced at them. “I hoped you would.”

  With that, he was gone, leaving Sophie alone. For long periods of time she was able to keep her mind on her work, but then something would happen, a thought would come and make her look across at Josh’s empty desk. It was hard to imagine working there and them not flirting across the entryway. That was the best part of her day.

  How could they go back to being co-workers after the blossoming relationship had begun? She knew how he felt about her, so it would always be there between them.

  A thought occurred to her. If they stopped seeing each other, Josh would eventually begin dating someone else. Her stomach didn’t flutter at
that. Rather, it lurched and made her feel nauseous, a feeling that hung around for much too long and made her skip lunch.

  The idea of him with someone else followed her around all day. If she were to see him across the hall talking on the phone with another woman, flirting the way he did with her, she would come unglued. Even worse, if he had a female visitor, Sophie would have to slap her chest and say, “Yeah, that’s not happening, pal.”

  She couldn’t help but grin at her rambling thoughts. No matter how preposterous it was to consider, the truth was, a future with Josh was what she wanted. She never wanted to let go of springtime and sunshine.

  Without another thought she picked up her phone and dialed Chloe.

  “Hey, Mom. I only have a minute. I’m walking into work right now.”

  “I won’t keep you long. I just needed to tell you something.” She hesitated.

  “What?”

  “I’ve been keeping this from you for a while now.”

  “Uh huh?”

  “I’m seeing someone.”

  “You mean Josh?”

  Sophie’s eyes flew open. “Yeah, how’d you know?”

  “As if I couldn’t tell by the way he looked at you. You, on the other hand, were a little harder to read.” Chloe paused and chuckled. “Ohh, you were the girlfriend at home with her kid!” She laughed louder. “At least he didn’t lie.”

  “So, you’re okay with this?”

  “Sure, I’m happy for you.”

  “What about all you’ve said about your dad and Jamie, how pathetic it makes him look?”

  “He does look pathetic. You just look like a hot mom.”

  Sophie smiled at that and let out the breath she had been holding for weeks. “I’m glad you know. I hated keeping anything from you.”

  “No worries here. I’ve gotta run, but you can give me more details later. Okay?”

  “Sounds good. I love you.”