Room to Grow

by Lisa Heaton

  The rest of the day wore on with Sophie distracted and accomplishing little. Late that afternoon, she went to set the food out for Avery’s party. She texted Justine a reminder to bring Avery once all the guys were back from the field. It wouldn’t be long.

  When Josh came in first, he found her in the kitchen eating a cupcake. “That looks good. Have a spare for me?”

  She shook her head. “You’ll have to wait until everyone gets here. I skipped lunch and needed a little bump.”

  “I’ll wait.” His face fell, and he turned as if to leave.

  “Josh.”

  He turned back.

  “Nothing. I’ll tell you in a little while.”

  “Okay. Let me go shower. I’ll be back when everyone else gets here.”

  The celebration unfolded just as Sophie had hoped. All were there and waiting when Avery entered.

  In unison everyone said, “Congratulations!”

  Avery just stood and stared at Sophie. For a second Sophie feared the girl would tear up and cry.

  Sophie said, “You deserve this. Now, you have another new adventure ahead of you. We will all support you in that.”

  When Avery approached and hugged her, Sophie whispered, “I’ll mom you a little if you’ll let me.”

  Avery only nodded.

  Sophie allowed Justine to take over serving the food. She took a plate from Justine and carried it over to Josh. When he reached for it, she moved it away. “It’ll cost you.”

  A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Cost me what?”

  Her voice was low. “How ‘bout a little kiss?”

  Josh scanned the room and grinned. “Right here in front of everybody?”

  Heart pounding in anticipation, she said, “Yeah, right here in front of everybody.”

  He took the plate from her and set it on the counter. “So, this means you’re in this thing?”

  “This means I’m in this thing.”

  Even before she finished speaking, he pulled her to him and kissed her, a real kiss right there amid the hoots and hollers that sounded behind her.

  He raised his head and looked at her. “It’s about time.”

  “Sorry, I’m a little late.”

  “Most times a late bloomer is the prettiest one of the bunch.”

  Sophie stood looking on as Josh laughed and joked with the guys. Her cheeks flushed as if warmed by the sun. Now, looking around the room at her crew as they celebrated Avery, Sophie knew she was planted in the right spot. She had been delivering checks to the guys on Fridays and was getting to know many of them. Avery was a work in progress, and Sophie was honored to help her as she prepared for her ACT test and school registration. Everything about Sophie’s surroundings made her glow inside.

  Without meaning to, Sophie locked eyes with Justine and had to look away. There was that knowing look that Justine often gave her, a look that challenged her to meet with the Gardner again, the one who prunes and makes cuts too deep to bear.

  After work that night, Sophie waited at home for Josh. It was early still, and they had agreed to go to the market together to find something for dinner. The thought made Sophie’s pulse race, but she was doing it. And she had no intention of hiding it. Now that Chloe knew and approved, Sophie found she didn’t worry as much as before.

  He arrived and they rode together in her car. The moment they parked, Sophie saw the mom of one of Chloe’s friends walking into the store. Sophie turned to Josh. “Okay, we will see at least one person I know.”

  “And?”

  “And, I’m okay.” She rolled her eyes. “Maybe not okay.”

  Josh turned to her. “Babe, what’s the worst that can happen?”

  “She will laugh at me behind my back.”

  “If she laughs behind your back, you’ll never even know.”

  “That’s true.” She took his hand. “I’m not embarrassed by you. Please never think that.”

  He sat for a moment without saying anything.

  “Josh, say you know that. This was never about you.”

  “You’re not the only one with insecurities here. You were married to an attorney and moved in circles I could never dream of being a part of.” He paused. “Even if I was accepted in those circles, that’s not who I am. I need to know you’re good with that, okay with who I am.”

  She touched his face, his dark stubble prickly beneath her fingers. “I’m more than okay with who you are – just as you are.”

  When she became quiet, he took hold of her hand still on his cheek. “What? Whatever you’re thinking, tell me.”

  “I just wish I was more okay with who I am – just as I am.”

  “I want that for you. I’d give anything if you could see yourself as I see you.”

  He slid his hand behind her neck and pulled her close enough to kiss her. “We will get you there; I’ll help you get to know the Sophie I know.”

  She nodded.

  Josh released her and reached for the handle. “Okay, then, let’s get the first introduction over with.”

  “All it will take is one,” Sophie said. “She’ll be on the phone before she gets out of the store.”

  Inside the market Sophie forced herself to relax and not look around every corner like before. If anything, she spent so much time watching Josh and how absolutely handsome he looked in his short-sleeve button-down and dark-wash jeans that she didn’t even notice Sheila approach until she was standing right there before her.

  “Sophie! I thought that was you.” Sheila hugged her.

  It was a real hug, not the fake kind with air kisses near the cheek. Sheila held her for a moment and gave her an extra squeeze.

  Since the divorce, Sophie had avoided the other moms whenever possible. She hated the looks of pity they gave her and the subtle stay-away-from-my-husband glances toward her as a newly single woman.

  Sheila stepped back. “I tried to call early on, but I understand that you didn’t want to hear all the sympathy blah, blah, blah.”

  “Sorry I never called back. It was a tough year, and I just needed to get through it with as little discussion as possible.”

  “I can’t even imagine.” Sheila smiled in genuine appreciation. “But you look amazing in spite of it.” She turned and seemed to notice Josh for the first time, then looked back at Sophie, blinking and speechless.

  So that she didn’t appear to hesitate, Sophie said, “This is Josh, my boyfriend.”

  Sheila surveyed Josh again and her eyes grew only wider. “Your boyfriend?”

  Sophie took a deep breath and said with much more force than she felt, “Yes, my boyfriend.”

  “You go, girl!” Sheila’s words were loud. “Seriously, you go, girl!”

  Sophie’s cheeks burned as she looked over at a grinning Josh.

  Sheila turned to Josh. “I don’t blame you, Josh, for grabbing this girl. She’s a keeper.” Then she turned back to Sophie. “Kevin is an idiot. Everybody knows that.” She reached in and hugged Sophie again. “If anyone deserves this little cutie, you do.”

  With that the encounter was over leaving Sophie at a loss for words.

  Josh draped his arm over her shoulder. “You really do deserve this little cutie.”

  Later that night after dinner, they sat in front of the TV with Josh surfing channels. Eventually, he turned the TV off and sat looking at her.

  “What?” she said.

  “What you did today for Avery was kind.”

  “I feel bad for her. She has no mom to help her take the next steps.”

  “Yeah, Justine has told me. I guess that’s part of the reason I didn’t want to hurt her.”

  “I don’t know how any mom could choose a man over her children.”

  “This, your heart for people, is one of my favorite things about you.”

  All thoughts floated away when he moved in to kiss her. Unlike usual, the kiss intensified, and they soon ended up stretched out on the sofa together rolling around like teenagers left home alone.r />
  After a few minutes of this, Sophie sat up. “I’ve only ever been with Kevin –”

  Still lying there, Josh held out his hand. “Before you go any further and try to seduce me, I think you should know something.”

  She grinned at his innocent expression. “What should I know?”

  “For the past three years, I haven’t been with anyone. I guess you could say I took a vow.” He smiled. “Not like some biblical, shaving-my-head vow, but I’ve committed to God.” He sat up and took her hand. “The life I was living back then wasn’t matching up with my beliefs. I knew it but kept justifying that this is a different era than Bible times. Conviction fell hard one day that it doesn’t matter what day and time you live in, God’s Word is God’s Word.

  “Anyway, I just want you to know that you don’t have to worry about me pressing you on that issue.” Josh kissed the tip of her nose. “You’re always safe with me.”

  Sophie sat looking at him for a moment. “I admire that. Not many guys your age would do that.” She grinned and traced her finger along the tapestry on his arm. “Not many guys who look like you would even consider it.” Her eyes flew open at what that must have sounded like. “I didn’t mean tattooed guys; I mean handsome guys.”

  “Now that we’re an official thing, can I show you something?” He looked down at her hand resting on his forearm, then took her finger and began to trace a path along his arm. “S-o-p-h-i-e.” He moved her finger a little higher. “And here, the O in Josh intersects with the O in Sophie. You have to look closely since the letters are all interwoven with the flowers.”

  The more she looked, the clearer it was. Sophie and Josh were there amid deep red petals. She found them again and again the more she inspected his arm. Their conjoined names were repeated in varying sizes and shapes and colors.

  Eyes fixed on the artistry of his arms, she said, “How did you do this?”

  “I started with a template the size of my arms. I drew our names out a dozen times for each arm. Then I started drawing in flowers and vines.” He pointed to one. “This is your Carolina Jasmine.”

  She looked up and found his eyes questioning as if wondering her thoughts. “This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” she said. “When did you do this?”

  “Three years ago.” He locked eyes with hers. “I kept comparing them to you, knowing I would never find another Sophie.”

  “I’m blown away by this.”

  “I never thought I would have this with you, something real. I figured there would be someone else someday. That’s why I hid our names there, as a way to always carry you with me.”

  “The jasmine,” she said. “Do you remember?”

  Josh nodded. “Yeah, you’re the better. I’m so glad I never settled for the good.”

  Later, when Josh was gone, Sophie sat looking at the bookshelf next to the fireplace. On the bottom shelf was her Bible, a book that was once a treasure to her. She now had a new one that she carried to church, but her old one, one with loose pages and peeling leather, was the one she had first used to journey with God. A sense of longing tugged at her spirit, so she went and got the Bible. Just before she opened it, her phone sounded.

  Josh: Here’s a photo of one of my journal pages:

  Today we pulled up perfectly good tomato plants. The fruit was just beginning to form, so it seemed a waste to destroy such great potential. But next to them was Sophie’s Carolina Jasmine climbing up a trellis. The leaves are turning yellow, indicating disease. Since she would have to use a toxic spray to save the Jasmine, the tomatoes would be contaminated. The Jasmine is a backdrop for her garden that stays green year around. Sophie said she would rather save the Jasmine and buy tomatoes.

  Josh: Sophie, that day you chose the better over the good. I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I find it remarkable that God has chosen you as the better for me when I was prepared to settle for the good.

  Tears sprang to Sophie’s eyes, not over Josh’s romantic words as much as from the memory of who she was back then. She went back to the bookshelf and reached for a hydrangea covered cardboard box. It should be heavier than it was now; it used to be. With the box in hand, she sat on the floor, opened the lid, and peered in at the emptiness that once held her accounts of her walk with Jesus. Until Kevin left, the box had been filled with her journals, her own insights and prayers and lessons learned while with the Gardener.

  For the first time in months, she began to cry. All those years she had believed God would heal her marriage and save her family from the destruction that came anyway. Through hours of prayer she would find peace, believing that Kevin would someday find her to be enough. Never once did she consider she would suffer the humiliation of being put away, as the Bible termed divorce. She had believed and believed until Kevin actually packed his bags and walked out the door. Then she believed some more until she received the divorce petition. That was the day she realized she had missed God all along. He had never spoken His blessing over her obedience and faithfulness all the years she had been with Kevin. No matter how many times she had forgiven another indiscretion or his bullying or his dismissal of her or his lack of involvement in her daily life, ultimately, she lost everything anyway.

  Or so it seemed a year ago.

  Sophie closed the box and crawled over to her phone on the coffee table.

  Her text to Josh: I needed that snapshot from your journal more than you know. I’ve forgotten so much of that journey in my garden, and I destroyed my reminders. I can’t tell you how much I regret that now.

  I, too, find it remarkable that God has chosen you as the better for me when I was prepared to settle for the not-so-good-at-all.

  She had barely hit send when her phone rang. “Hey,” she said.

  He paused a few seconds. “You got rid of your journals?”

  “I did.”

  “That makes me sad for you. I used to see your journal with your Bible on the patio table each morning. That was what gave me the idea for my own journal.”

  “I was broken and felt abandoned.”

  “By more than Kevin, I take it.”

  “Yes, by more than Kevin.”

  His sigh was long and soft. “Let’s keep trying to find that Sophie again, the one who taught me about God by example.”

  “I can’t believe I let Kevin steal her from me,” she said.

  “He hasn’t stolen her. I know exactly where to find her.”

  When she didn’t reply, he said, “Go to church with me this Sunday. I want to walk with you through this.”

  “That’s a big step, going to church together.”

  With a soft chuckle, he said, “A big step is tattooing a girl’s name on your arms two dozen times.”

  “Yeah, that’s a pretty big step, too.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Sophie woke early and now sat at the patio table drinking her coffee. When she had taken her seat, prepared to meet with God, there was a sense of coming home. With a brand-new journal and a pencil in hand, she allowed her prayers to pour onto the page.

  After half an hour, she stopped and scanned her words. They were different than back in the Kevin-days. Her prayers then were so dismal, always begging for something that would never come. They now held rays of light and hope over a future filled with a lifetime of better.

  The day before, she had gone with Josh to church. In the first few moments she had felt self-conscious since most there were closer to Josh’s age. That didn’t last long as the place filled and Sophie saw that every age was represented, many much older than she.

  Josh had introduced her to so many people that she was soon wading in a sea of smiling faces whose names she couldn’t remember. From what she could see, he never once stopped smiling that morning. Her presence there with him had meant that much.

  It had been exactly what she had needed on a spiritual level. Since the divorce she had continued going to church, but she had become disconnected, only sneaking in and out, listening to the mes
sage so that she could check church off her weekly to-do list.

  Sophie glanced at her watch, knowing she had to get going if she was going to make it to work on time. With one last look around her garden, her heart soared. All the work she had put into her garden had paid off. The beauty of it was still there and still seemed to hold a promise.

  The same could be said for her faith. Years of pursuing Jesus hadn’t been destroyed along with the records of their encounters. He was still there waiting and still holding a promise.

  While Sophie was driving to the office, a text came in from Josh. In the parking lot at work, she read the image he had sent of his journal.

  Sophie said something today that’s stuck with me. She said, “I let my blue fescue sneak up and die on me. I took my eye off the ball. Even when I saw the discoloration, I didn’t take the problem seriously. Don’t ever take your eye off the ball, Josh.”

  Josh: That's what you’ve done, Soph. It’s what we all do at times. I’m glad you’ve got your eye back on the ball. Worshiping with u yesterday was even better than I imagined it would be.

  That’s exactly what she had done. Her faith had once mattered to her more than any other thing. It had been real and vibrant until she became more focused on Kevin and the fight to keep him. Then when that hadn’t worked, the fight for her house consumed her to the point she had borrowed money from her parents in order to buy Kevin out.

  All that time and energy she had spent on the issues of her falling-apart life had allowed her to wither on the vine rather than abide in Him. That was about to change. The morning in her garden had breathed new life into her spirit and had strengthened her resolve to find her way back to the woman who knew how to sit with Jesus.

  Once Sophie dropped her things off at her desk and while Josh was at the hub with the crews, she went to find Justine before even pouring herself a cup of coffee. In the weeks she had worked at RtG, Sophie had made it a point to avoid her as much as possible, not because she didn’t like her but because Justine was a mirror with a foggy image. There had once been a beautiful time when she had looked much like Justine, her faith bursting with every encounter with the Lord. Since meeting her, Sophie had felt to look at Justine was only a reminder of her current shaken faith. Now she knew that a woman like Justine was exactly what she needed in her life.