To Follow Her Heart

by Rebecca DeMarino

  He found the captain at the master cabin, eating his breakfast. The captain’s room was more than twice the size of his own on The Swallow. Captain Leonard Thornberger dined at a round mahogany table. He stood as Jeremy entered and waved an arm to the chair across from him. “Ah, Captain Horton. Join me.” He sat back down. “Everyone was worried about you, but I thought you’d make a figure of yourself in due time. One has to eat, you know.”

  Jeremy extended his hand before he took the offered seat. “Please, Captain Thornberger, call me Jeremy.”

  “And call me Leo.”

  A cabin boy promptly placed a pewter plate filled with cold meats and pickled fruit before him. He dug in and enjoyed the unusual tang of flavors. “Leo, we have good wind, and the gulf tide is in our favor. What is your calculation for the journey? Four weeks? Six?”

  “After we eat, I shall pull out the maps, and we can look at the charts again. The weather is good. I have high hopes we shall stay on course and make good time.”

  “Excellent.”

  “I’m curious, how does it feel to be aboard ship again after being thought drowned?”

  “To be sure, I hadn’t given it a thought. I suppose too much on my mind at the moment.” He took a scone from a platter and broke it in half. He spread clotted cream on it and spooned strawberry jam on top. It dissolved in his mouth, but he barely noticed the taste. “So tell me, how did you come to be captain of your ship?”

  Leo leaned forward. “No real story there. My father was a captain, and I followed in his wake, so to speak.”

  “And successfully, I see.” He glanced around the well-appointed room. A massive bed and a chest with drawers took up the back of the room, and a desk sat to the left of the dining table. All were gleaming mahogany.

  “And you, Jeremy? How did you find yourself the captain of a ship?”

  Jeremy finished chewing. “Much like you, except I rather careened into it instead of falling.”

  “Eh? How so?”

  “It was my uncle who took me sailing as a lad, and I could never get the sea out of my head.” He shifted in his chair. “Or my heart, as someone dear to me once told me.”

  Leo stood and brushed the crumbs from his breeches. “Ah, you’ve left a woman at home. Let’s take a stroll to the stern.” He led the way out, and they walked along the deck “Tell me about your lady.”

  It was not his intention to talk about Patience. “Suffice it to say, the lady in question is no longer mine. Nor will she ever be. It seems I determined that when I made the decision to return to Mowsley.”

  They stopped at the rail and watched the rhythm of the white-foamed caps peak with the current. Leo spoke first. “Ah, that is the way of it. I know it well. We are accused of being married to our ship, are we not?”

  “I am afraid marriage is altogether out of the question for me. I go to Mowsley to see what waits for me there. God, it seems, has other plans for me.” He fell silent for a moment, thankful Leo did not pursue the issue. “By the by, I want to offer my services to you. I know I have paid passage, but if you require anything of me, do say so.”

  “Thank you. We always do an inventory in hull once we are out to sea, and I may ask you to assist in that.”

  Jeremy nodded. “It would be my pleasure.”

  To keep occupied was his goal whilst on his way to Mowsley. He wandered back toward his cabin and paused again at the rail. He breathed the sea air in so deep his expanded lungs were ready to burst. It was his calling to go to the Horton estate in its time of need. It was a legacy passed down to him by his parents, and he could not ignore that. How he wished Patience understood that. There was a time when he’d thought, with Patience at his side and God at the helm, there would be nothing he could not do. Mayhap with God still at the helm, there was nothing he could not do—but he truly wished Patience was there to share it with him.

  36

  September 21, 1665

  The apple harvest was in full swing, but the temperatures continued to scorch everything living. Patience noted the orchard grass crunched as they moved from tree to tree to pick the pippins, and tempers were as frazzled. Even Mosh seemed impatient.

  She was huffy to her friends and blamed it on the excessive heat. Mary, as loving and sweet as always, acted like she’d forgotten their terse words before Jeremy had left. Mercifully, she did not bring him up.

  After the last long, sweaty day of picking the apples, Barnabas suggested they pile in the wagon and ride to the beach. He asked Caleb to hitch up Stargazer, and Patience helped Mary pack a large hamper with cold meat pies and fresh-picked fruit for a supper on the beach. Mosh hopped up after everyone had climbed in.

  Barnabas turned Stargazer toward the sound side of the fork. Horton Lane ended at the cliff, but they’d found if they continued east of the property, there was a pretty beach that reminded the elders of the long-ago beaches of Southwold in England.

  Benjamin was back in Winter Harbor, working with Harry to complete The Annabelle. Anna had busied herself with the apple harvest while he was absent and came with them to the beach. She took a blanket from the wagon, and Patience reached out to help her spread it. As they unfolded it, she saw it was a large, star-patterned quilt. What had become of the quilt the ladies had been stitching for her? Mayhap they were saving the squares with the names for another friendship quilt. All except for the square on which she’d written “Patience Horton.” They’d most likely burned it.

  She shook her head. Those thoughts were better chased far from her mind. How could she get on with her life if she constantly thought about Jeremy? Yet the fact that she was friends with so many members of his family made it difficult.

  Once the quilt was spread and the hamper opened, the adults settled around, the children too interested in running near the waves to sit and eat. Anna began to talk of Benjamin’s work on The Annabelle.

  Mary put out a sack of ginger cakes. “Lizzie is busy making the bedcovers, drapes, and tapestries for Harry.”

  Patience tried to sound interested, and truly she was. “Oh really?”

  “Yes, she is using a beautiful gold damask. The master cabin shall look so elegant.”

  Anna nodded. “Benjamin says it already does. Mahogany throughout. He’s made the furniture and the bed is massive. It has four posts for curtains.” Her pretty eyes grew wide as she spoke.

  “We should all go out to see it.” Mary uncovered the pies.

  Patience watched her cut slices. “Should we not wait until ’tis done? It must be almost complete. It would be fun to see it with all of Lizzie’s finery added.”

  Mary nodded. “Perhaps that is best. I shall ask her how close she is to finishing.”

  Barnabas took out his knife and sliced several pippins. They munched on the crisp fruit, and before they loaded the wagon back up, the ladies took off their slippers and ran down to the water’s edge, skirts in their hands, laughing and dodging the waves. The children shrieked with glee at having the adults run and play, so infrequently did they see such behavior. Mosh was excited and confused at the same time. He couldn’t decide who to chase so he ran in circles.

  Patience watched the others walk back to the wagon while she lingered and let the water lap at her toes. She drank in the fresh air. It smelled of salt and sand and Jeremy. She cried out and was thankful the noise of the waves drowned out the sound. She reached for a handful of seawater and splashed it on her face. No one would see the tears that cascaded down her cheeks.

  Patience sat in the wagon with a wet Mosh in her arms, and as they turned away from the road that led to Winter Harbor, she strained to look over her shoulder, as if she could see the ship. Sometimes, if she let her thoughts get ahead of her, she imagined Jeremy still there, working on The Annabelle. It was like a slap in the face when she remembered he was gone.

  The next morning, she woke up singular of mind. She needed to go see the ship. Granted, she’d been the one to suggest they wait. But perhaps she had just said that so she could g
o without company. “Come, Mosh. Let’s get some water on the flowers, and then shall we go to the livery and go for a ride?” He followed her out, panting, and before she watered her plants, she set the bucket down and watched him lap half its contents.

  Before they left, she went in to take off her apron and brush her hair. She twisted it back high on her head and pinned it in place. She set out with Mosh for the livery stable. A reluctant Mr. Timms harnessed Chester, and she watched as he led the horse out into the sunshine. Her dog jumped in the wagon without waiting to see if she followed.

  She looked beyond the horse and saw Reverend Hobart. “Good morrow to you, Reverend,” she said as he approached.

  “Good morrow. And are you not supposed to address me as Joshua, Miss Terry?”

  She did a small curtsey. “And you? Should you not call me Patience?”

  He laughed easily. “Of course, Patience. If I’m not mistaken, you look to be ready for a ride.”

  She glanced at Mr. Timms and then back at Joshua. “I am.” Alone, she hoped.

  “Would you be riding out to Winter Harbor?”

  “Yes. I thought I’d see how the shipbuilding is progressing.” She turned to Mr.Timms. “Thank you so much. I shall return before dark.” He nodded and went back into the livery.

  Joshua’s eyes became serious. “I should go with you. We don’t want any more injuries.”

  “I shall be fine. I really thought I’d just like to ride out by myself.” She meant for her words to be kind.

  He stepped closer. “I made a promise to Jeremy and myself that I would escort you when I could. I’m here now. Let me drive you.”

  Her heart was breaking, and she was certain her face gave it away. She barely got the words out. “I thought you promised me, and if that is the case, I release you from the promise.”

  He folded his arms. “You are in no condition to be going by yourself, Patience. I shall take you. And to be sure, I would like to see the ship, too.” He picked her up and set her on the wagon’s seat. He climbed up, took the reins, and clucked to Chester.

  Patience did not say a word on the ride, and neither did Joshua. It was awkward, but she was thankful he did not press her to talk. She had no idea what she would say to Benjamin, but she longed to see Harry and see his ship. Mosh stuck his head over the backboard between their shoulders and panted the whole way.

  Soon the dock was in view. Joshua guided Chester right up to the side of the dry dock. Harry and Benjamin came out to see who’d arrived, then hurried to her side. Benjamin helped her down, and she turned to Harry for a big hug. It was awkward to have Joshua with her because Harry and Benjamin loved Jeremy, but she was glad for Joshua’s company.

  While Benjamin ignored Joshua to begin with, he rallied and gave the reverend a grand tour. The boat was beautiful, almost majestic, and Harry clearly was proud of The Annabelle, but Patience held back, not ready to see the ship that had so occupied Jeremy, and oddly Harry didn’t insist she board. Instead, he asked her to come sit with him on the trunk and look at the water. Mosh lay at Patience’s feet.

  The water was a little rough in the breeze, but she found the waves relaxed her. “I like the ship very much, Harry. It surprised me how nice it is. Not that you couldn’t make something so nice, but I remember how awful it was coming over in the hold of The Swallow.” The moment she mentioned Jeremy’s ship she felt heat travel up her neck and blossom in her cheeks. “Not that he had a horrible ship.”

  Harry laughed so hard he held his sides. “I know what ye mean, child. No need to explain.” He became serious. “Ye miss him, I see.”

  She tossed her head, and with a raised chin, she studied the water through half-closed eyes. “I don’t think so. I do not give him much thought. I think that is how it should be from here on out.” She could not look at Harry.

  Harry didn’t move a muscle except a slight twitch of his hands, which he had folded in his lap. “I don’t pretend to know Jeremy as well as ye do. But I wager he is a lot like me. He does not deal well with matters of the heart.”

  Why did her women friends leave this subject alone, but the men seemed compelled to bring it up? She loved Harry dearly, but she did not want to talk about Jeremy. “May I say he does not and leave it at that?” She tried to smile, but it was a grimace.

  “Aye, of course. I only wanted to tell ye: do not be too harsh on him. He is doing what he was meant to do. That’s all.” He faced her. “And I want ye to know, if I’d had me way, he’d a married ye ages ago. He was wrong on that one. Now, shall we all go over to Mrs. Sweeney’s and have some fried fish?”

  Relief washed over her like a wave on a hot beach. Her eyes danced with her smile. “I would not come out here without partaking of her fish, Harry.”

  He clapped his hands at Mosh, who ran a large circle and barked enough to bring Benjamin and Joshua out. Harry called to them. “We are heading over to Mrs. Sweeney’s. Are ye coming?”

  The four gathered around a table, and though it was too hot for a fire, Mosh was polite enough to lie down by the cold hearth. They ate heartily of the crispy fish, and tonight Mrs. Sweeney served a fish stew, as well.

  Talk was sparse, though Harry tried to begin several conversations. She was lost in thought about the times Jeremy had sat with them, and it was increasingly apparent to her that it had not been a good idea to come out for a visit. Too much Jeremy here.

  At long last, Joshua said he should take her home, and she quite agreed.

  “Harry, it was so very good to see you.” She grabbed his hands, and he kissed her cheek. She stood on tiptoe to kiss Benjamin’s cheek. “Anna shall be coming out for a visit with Mary when Lizzie brings the bedclothes and curtains. Pray understand if I decide to stay home.”

  Benjamin helped her take her seat in the wagon. “Of course, Patience. I know this is hard for you, too.”

  Joshua took up the reins, and they were off.

  “Why did he have to say ‘too’? Of course ’tis hard on me. I am not the one who decided to leave.”

  Joshua nodded. “I don’t think he meant it that way. Everyone is upset Jeremy had to leave. Most of all Jeremy, I suppose.” There was silence, and they listened to Chester’s clop-clop on the dirt road.

  At long last she looked sideways at Joshua. “Are you siding with the men because you are one of them, or because you really believe I’m being unreasonable?”

  His laugh was light. “I won’t comment on that. But Patience, I wonder if you forgave him, perhaps you could move on?” His words carried a ring of hopefulness.

  “I know we should forgive. And, truly, I believe I have. And I have moved on, Joshua. I have.”

  As they neared her house, Joshua said, “I should see you to your house and then return the cart for you.” He slowed Chester and turned in the seat. “I’m not so convinced, Patience, that you are ready to move on, but I want you to know I’ve come to care deeply for you. If there comes a day that you might feel the same, know that I am here.” He jumped down and held out his arms.

  She thought for a moment about how easy it would be to let him be strong for her. To let him care. She put her arms out to his shoulders, and he lifted her to the ground. “You are right about one thing, Joshua,” she said as she looked into his warm eyes. “I’m not ready to move on. And I should tell you, I might not ever be.”

  He slipped his arms around her and pulled her close. “You deserve more than Jeremy is willing to give you, you know that, don’t you?”

  Her heart was pattering double time, and she wondered if he could hear it. Why could she not just let go and accept his embrace? And then he kissed her. It was warm, and for a moment, she didn’t think of Jeremy. And that was what she wanted, wasn’t it? To not think of him anymore? But she pulled back. “I . . . I must go.”

  Mosh followed her into the house. She called a thank-you as Joshua drove away. Perhaps she did want to cling to the hurt, to live in the past. It was the last thing she wanted to admit, but mayhap that was where s
he was most comfortable.

  37

  October 21, 1665

  With the crops in and a hint of winter in the air, Patience was glad to be in Mary’s kitchen. Abbey and Lizzie were there, too. The room was warm and smelled of sweet spice and apples. Baking was once again in full swing leading up to a day of thanks for the harvest. All of the young Horton girls were with Misha at Anna’s house, helping her get ready for the church supper. The pies coming out of the oven looked near perfect with their beautiful crimped edges and golden-brown crusts. Barnabas had baked bagfuls of crisp ginger cakes, and Patience had a large crock of beans loaded with onions and molasses baking at home.

  Lizzie busied herself with making an encrusted roast of venison. She liked adding a French flair to their New England cooking. “Did I understand correctly that Joshua Hobart shall be preaching again?” She studied her pastry as she asked.

  Patience waited for Mary to answer.

  After a moment, Mary turned. She held a pie from the oven with two tea towels under it. “He is.”

  “It seems he’s been doing that often. Is Reverend Youngs sick or anything? Tired of us?” She frowned.

  After another long pause, Patience finally answered. “No, Lizzie. I think he knows that Joshua likes it here very much and enjoys giving him the chance to preach. Reverend Youngs is fine, but he won’t be around forever. And Johnny isn’t going to be taking over for him.”

  They laughed together over that thought.

  “No, I would not think so.” Mary put her hand to her cheek and shook her head.

  Lizzie stepped back from her masterpiece. “Patience, is it true he comes to call on you?”

  Both Mary and Abbey turned to look at her.

  “No, he does not.”

  “Are you certain?” Lizzie persisted.