The Architect

by J. D. Lander

  “He was just standing there.”

  “Its sounds like he got loose from a home or something. That’s not normal. I would have called the police and let them take care of him.”

  “I don’t think he’s dangerous though. He’s just different”

  “What if he is a criminal and got loose and he’s looking for someone to kill! Then you come along and are like, ‘oh, be my friend, Mr. Serial Killer!’” Alice exclaimed.

  “He said he’s going to be enrolling in our school. I don’t think they let serial killers enroll.”

  “We’ll see. Anyway, what did you want to talk about?”

  “Nothing in particular.”

  “Listen, Connor, you need to get out of this room. It’s depressing. We should hang out like normal people. You know, go into town or to the mall.”

  “I don’t want to be around a lot of people right now,” Connor replied.

  “It’s senior year. It’s all about being around people right now. You might not see some of these people ever again.”

  “I can’t.”

  Alice caught Connor up on her latest accomplishments. She had organized a dance for senior citizens that was apparently very successful. Alice wasn’t like the other seniors. She didn’t volunteer her time to add things to her college resume. She genuinely wanted to help people. When they were younger Connor remembers her volunteering at the local animal shelter. She loved it but her parents made her stop after a dog knocked her down and gave her a concussion. Alice was the only person that Connor trusted.

  Everyday over the next week Connor looked for Adam in the halls between classes. There was no sign of him. Alice noticed his aloofness when trying to converse. Connor even took a lap around his house before heading inside. On Wednesday it rained and Connor scoured the tree line from his window. Connor started to feel like he imagined Adam. Everything changed on Monday.

  Connor walked into his homeroom on time as usual. He sat in his normal seat. Moments after he sat down, Adam walked into the classroom. Adam had changed his clothes. He wasn’t wearing his normal jeans and a t-shirt. He was wearing a gray and blue plaid military shirt with black jeans and a leather jacket. Mr. Vorheeve introduced Adam to the class and said that his parents moved up from Georgia. Adam then took the seat to Connor’s left.

  “Hey. How have you been?” Adam asked.

  “Ok. Where have you been?”

  “I’ve been studying, getting ready for school.” Adam winked as he whispered.

  The students around him suddenly started to take an interest in Adam. They asked him what Connor perceived as a billion and one questions. Adam surprisingly handled them all like a normal person. When the bell rang for first period, the girls swarmed him like vultures on a rotting carcass. Connor couldn’t get close enough to ask him what his first class was. The situation bothered him for some reason. Suddenly, he had a total of two friends and now people were already trying to take Adam away. As his frustration mounted, he noticed the mob dispersed outside of his classroom door. He walked inside to find Adam waiting with an empty seat next to him.

  “Connor, I saved you a seat,” Adam yelled to him.

  “Thanks,” replied Connor. The seat was not Connor’s usual seat but today was not usual by any means.

  Connor sat through each class amazed by two things. The first was the fact that Adam had the same exact schedule as him. The second was how smart Adam was. It was almost has if Adam was a different person. His manners had completely changed along with his clothes. Where was the socially inept boy from the yard?

  The last period of the day was gym. While walking in the hall toward the locker room, Adam seemed to vanish in the crowd. He reappeared once gym class started. First they ran football drills. Connor prided himself on his sprints and Adam was able to keep up with him. When it came time to practice catching long passes, Connor fumbled the ball consistently. Adam effortlessly cradled the ball. The other guys in class started asking him if he played any sports at his old high school. He replied no, which made them try to recruit him even harder. To them he was putty ready for molding to their benefit.

  When gym ended and everyone headed into the locker room, Connor walked slower behind them with Adam. Connor felt the time was right to share his thoughts.

  “I don’t think you should join any sports. You don’t want to be friends with guys like that,” Connor stated.

  “Ok. What kind of guys are they?” Adam replied.

  “They’re self-centered and act as if there’s nothing else going on in the world. There is a lot going on in the world in reality, so don’t get stuck in their bubble.”

  “There is a lot going on.”

  The words that spewed out of Connor’s mouth with almost no thought seemed to really impact Adam. His eyes seemed blank as if every problem in the world suddenly became his and he had no solution.

  “It was just a suggestion. Let’s get changed so we can go home.”

  Adam grabbed his backpack from the floor when they entered the locker room. Apparently, he had not chosen a locker earlier. He now chose an empty locker next to Connor’s. While changing, for the first time ever Connor felt embarrassed of his pale body and lack of definition. His eyes watched as Adam pulled his shirt off overhead to reveal definition in his abs. He felt his heart beat harder in his chest before he looked up to see Adam staring back at him, smiling.

  “Hurry up and get changed while it’s still daylight,” Adam chuckled.

  They left the school and headed home surrounded by the sounds of cars speeding past and buses straining to keep moving.

  “I want to apologize for acting the way I did when we first met,” Adam blurted out once the busy street noises were behind them. “Since I last saw you, I’ve watched a lot of MTV.”

  “It’s ok, I’m over it. It was just a very odd situation and you didn’t help make it any less odd. I actually considered you dangerous at times.”

  “You’re crazy. I would never hurt you. I’m just new to the area and settling in was more difficult than I thought.”

  They made their way to the edge of the woods behind Connor’s house. He must use a shortcut to get home, Connor decided upon refraining from asking. As Adam walked into the woods a few steps, he turned around and yelled, “I’m glad I met you that day, Connor!” Connor smiled, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

  Connor ran inside the house invigorated with energy. He ran into the kitchen to see his mom cutting vegetables.

  “Adam started school today,” he blurted out.

  “That’s great! Is he in any of your classes?”

  “He’s in all of them! Isn’t that crazy! In gym, he was so good that these guys were trying to get him to join their sports teams.”

  “Since you’re so full of energy, instead of taking a long nap do you want to grill these steaks later?” Darcy smiled, hoping for some help.

  “Sure! Better get my rest now then!”

  Connor scurried up the stairs. Once in his room he grabbed his headphones, set his cell phone alarm, and started playing an acoustic version of a punk rock song. He closed his eyes and smiled because he no longer felt alone. When his phone alarm buzzed against his body, he felt like no time had passed. He didn’t fall into a deep sleep as usual but instead laid with his eyes closed absorbing the lyrics. His energy didn’t seem to fade after the “nap.” He ran downstairs, grabbed the seasoned steaks waiting on the counter, and headed out the side door to the patio. The grill fired up without issue and he laid the steaks onto the grill with a greeting sizzle. He sat in a patio chair and stared out at the woods, imagining Adam somewhere out there.

  Adam walked home with Connor every day that week. They played catch in the back yard each day. Instead of dreading a lonely night in his room, Connor looked forward to each passing day with excitement. Connor often imagined if he had a brother they would practice after school. Adam’s social skills constantly amazed Connor. Adam had even won over Alice. Usually Connor sat with Alice and her frien
ds at lunch. Now, Adam was there to help balance out the table of mostly girls. Even a couple of additional guys began sitting with them. The girls still swooned over Adam, but had become noticeably subtler over the course of the week. Connor soon forgot the awkward boy from his lawn. The only thing peculiar that remained about Adam was his walk home through the woods. Connor began to wonder why Adam never invited him over to his house or mention his family.

  CHAPTER 6

  Awkward situations

  Friday had finally come and with it the rain. Connor invited Adam inside so he didn’t have to walk home in the bad weather. Adam sat on the bed so Connor took the computer chair. Adam broke the silence.

  “You still haven’t answered my question. Now that we’re friends, it’s time for you to answer it.”

  “I don’t have an answer,” Connor replied, suddenly feeling dread come over him. His body felt heavy and he could feel his heart pound against his rib cage.

  “Sit over here for a second,” Adam suggested. Connor obliged, feeling trapped. “Take my hand.” As soon as Connor took Adam’s hand he felt like someone had knocked the air out of him. He let go and believed it was his own nerves and emotional insecurities that caused it. He jumped to his feet and apologized.

  “I’m sorry. I just don’t feel that well right now.”

  “I know why now.” Adam smiled. “You are so much more complicated than I thought. That’s a good thing where I come from. It’s the differences between people that impact this world.” Connor felt embarrassed.

  “I don’t want to be different. I try and hide it and it only makes me sadder. I wish I was more like you, but I’m not. I’m either average and boring or a freak. I didn’t have a choice and what do I have to show for it, nothing!” Connor spewed. Connor didn’t know whether he was mad or if he should cry.

  “You harbor so much pain but still tell no one. I can change this for you if it will protect you from yourself,” Adam said. Connor saw Adam reach to grab his hand. He lifted his hand to meet his. Was he pulling him closer?

  Connor woke the next morning feeling hazy. He couldn’t remember what had happened the night before. Why had he blocked it out? His clothes were still the same as the day before. There were no clues around his room to tell him any kind of story. His arms felt shaky and his stomach turned. He grabbed his cell phone from the nightstand to call Adam. Staring at the screen, he realized that Adam didn’t have a cell phone. He grabbed a fresh set of clothes and headed for the shower.

  The warm water poured over Connor’s head as he stood in the shower. For reasons he didn’t comprehend, he began to cry. His tears raced, blending with the water. He didn’t pout and his lips didn’t quiver. He stood stoically with his eyes closed, overflowing from within. Maybe it was the amnesia or perhaps finally acknowledging his secret. He imagined his tears as streams of water rushing down his face onto the rest of his body and eventually the shower floor. As if his sins could be removed so easily.

  He gathered the strength to wash his hair and body. His reservoir for tears ran dry and the deadness inside he had felt before Adam was ever present. As he brushed his teeth and combed his hair, he stared blankly into the bathroom mirror. An emotionless stranger stared back. He felt an overpowering weight on his empty body.

  Finally ready to face the day, Connor only made it to the couch. He powered the television on and watched Saturday morning cartoons. The rest of the weekend, the only time he left the comfort of the couch was when Darcy forced him to eat or his curiosity dragged him to the dining room window. There was never a sign of Adam. He had been abandoned.

  Monday finally arrived. Connor, in zombie mode, made it to school on time as always. In homeroom, Adam was present and asked him if he was feeling any different. Adam seemed to be concerned about his well being now? After deserting him the rest of the weekend? Connor replied with “fine” but wasn’t sure what the question was actually referring to. Was it the fact that he finally non-vocally admitted he was gay? Was it about something that happened between them but he couldn’t remember? Were drugs involved?

  “Hey, Connor?” Alice whispered. “Can I talk to you after homeroom without Adam?”

  “Yeah, that's fine.” Connor managed to reply. The bell rung and outside the classroom door Alice was waiting for him.

  “I feel replaced by Adam. I haven’t heard from you all week and not even a phone call over the weekend?”

  “He didn’t replace you. I just didn’t feel well.”

  “I drove past you after school all last week and I saw the two of you walking together!”

  “I guess I was just excited about having a new friend.”

  “And you didn’t think to include me?”

  “I promise I will make more of an effort. I’m not sure what’s going on with me lately. I’m just confused by all this.”

  “When you’ve been confused in the past, I was the one to talk you through it. Remember that.” Alice made the last statement before walking down the hall.

  During gym class they were divided into two teams. Adam was on the other team and Connor was glad. Maybe there would be a chance to take his aggression out on him. Dylan, the quarterback for the football team, elected himself to be quarterback for their team. Connor heard the hike, ran long, and waved for Dylan to throw the ball to him. The ball spiraled in what appeared to be slow motion toward Connor. Connor ran as fast as he could to position himself in the ball’s path. He turned and reached his hands up toward the ball. Connor felt the ball touch his fingertips and then the slow motion quickly screeched to a halt as the ball continued past. He immediately felt angry with himself for screwing up the play. Somehow, catching the football would have made everything in life seem okay for a moment. Out of breath, he slowly jogged back.

  When Connor reached the line, he noticed Dylan staring at him. He looked back and Dylan whispered “fag” to him. Suddenly, as if someone had taken control of his body, he ran at Dylan and tackled him to the ground. Dylan easily overpowered his grasp and soon Connor found himself pinned to the ground. He could hear everyone around them cheering Dylan on. As he struggled to free himself, he caught a glimpse of Adam standing in the line of people. At that moment, Dylan’s fist connected with Connor’s left temple.

  The pain stopped Connor from struggling further as he lay there. Mr. Evans, the gym teacher, finally made his way over to them as Dylan was getting off of Connor. Dylan took one last look at Connor on the ground before spitting on him. Mr. Evans, discovering an intact, humiliated Connor on the ground, blew his whistle. “Everyone back in the game,” he yelled and continued walking past Connor. The left side of Connor’s head throbbed in pain. Connor looked up to see Adam standing there offering his hand. Connor hit his hand away, struggled to his feet, and jogged back to his position. For the rest of the game it was as if Connor didn’t exist. There were moments Connor felt Adam’s eyes on him but they were short lived, interrupted by Adam completing some amazing play. Connor felt something he had never felt toward Adam before: hate.

  Connor, feeling abandoned, ignored Adam the rest of the school day. As Connor made his way home he could hear Adam’s footsteps behind him. He believed Adam could feel the anger emitting from his body and knew to stay away. In his mind he imagined a flame burning around his body, making anyone too fearful to come close. When Connor reached his front door, he turned and Adam was standing there.

  “Connor, we need to talk,” Adam said sadly.

  “You know, Adam, I’m actually really interested in what you have to say. Seeing how I can’t think of any good reasons you wouldn’t help me out today.”

  They walked quickly through the house to Connor’s room. Connor slammed the door behind them. “You’re a coward! I stood up for myself today and where were you? Is it fun for you to watch your friends get beat on? Is that how people act where you come from? Seriously! What is your deal?” Connor screamed.

  “You attacked him.”

  “You know what he called me? A FAG!” A
knock came at the door, so soft they didn’t notice.

  “Connor, is everything all right in there?” Darcy whispered through the door.

  “It’s fine Mom, go away!”

  “I didn’t hear him say that but violence isn’t going to solve anything,” Adam said. “Besides he’s twice the size of you. What were you even thinking?”

  “I was angry and I wasn’t thinking. Everyone cheered for him and you just watched.” Connor sat and sobbed into his hands.

  “I didn’t like watching but more violence wouldn’t have helped the situation. Besides, you’re not a fag...” Connor shot up from his chair.

  “I need you to leave, now.”

  “We need to talk this out, I don’t want you to be angry with me.”

  “NOW!!! NOW!! NOW!” Connor screamed as he aggressively pushed Adam out of his room and slammed the door behind him.

  During the school week, Connor clung to Alice in all of his free time. She was the only source of steadiness in his life. He made it a point to slip out the side door when leaving school and turned away whenever he saw Adam. In Connor’s absence, Adam sought friendship in some of the guys from gym class, which angered Connor even more.

  Friday, during lunch, things seemed to turn for the better. The cafeteria was particularly abuzz because Lydia’s parents were going to be away all weekend, gambling in Atlantic City. Their absence meant it was a prime opportunity to throw a party and her older brother was home from college to buy the alcohol. Connor didn't really like to drink because he always had a big upswing in energy followed by a steep decline into depression. However, with the miserable week coming to an end, he needed any uplift he could get. Lydia, a good friend of Alice’s, was currently sitting at his lunch table.

  “Connor, did you hear my parents are going away? I’m having a party tonight,” Lydia stated before she bit into her greasy pizza slice.

  “Yeah, I heard from Alice after third period.”

  “Well, I know you don’t like to drink but you should come. My cousin Amy is going to be there. She’s a junior in Newland and doesn’t know anyone. Anyway, she’s quiet like you so I figured you should meet.”