Without Words

by Stewart, Delancey

  I wrapped my legs around him and pressed myself closer still, moaning as one of his hands slid up my stomach beneath my shirt, pushing my bra aside and finding my breast. He cupped it lightly and I pushed myself into his hand, sounds escaping my lips that I’d never heard myself make as a rough thumb found my nipple.

  “Oh God,” I heard myself say, and his fingers tightened over my nipple, pinching with a gentle pressure. “More,” I whispered without meaning to, needing something, needing some kind of release. I was on the edge of some kind of insanity I’d never experienced.

  His fingers tightened on my nipple, flicking and twisting. There was pain, but it was also a relief, and I pushed myself into him, wanting the pain, wishing for it.

  “Fuck,” he breathed, his mouth finding my throat, making small circles, sucking and licking down to the hollow of my neck. I let my head fall back and pushed my center against him, grinding as I pulled him into me. “Dani,” he breathed as I slid myself up and down the hard length between my legs. His mouth found my nipple and I cried out as his teeth pinched me tightly, wanting more. Wanting everything.

  I wasn’t thinking. I was pure sensation. If I’d been thinking, I’d have been telling myself what a mistake this was, how this fragile and vulnerable, strong and inescapably sexy man would certainly break my heart if I let him. I’d be backing away, adjusting my clothes and apologizing for letting my body get the better of me. I’d be putting my charging heart back into its box, wondering why this felt like so much more than my body wanting him. But I wasn’t thinking. Maybe because even my mind was wrapped up in Rob deRosa, lost in his cedar-salt scent, and carefree and wild beneath his strong hands.

  One of my hands was under his shirt, pulling him over me as I practically lay back on the counter, the other had slid down the smooth hard plane beneath his waistline and was pulling at his tight smooth ass. I was losing control of myself, and whatever was about to happen—all I knew was that I wanted it more than I’d wanted anything ever before.

  Then the bell above the door jangled, and we froze, both of us panting, eyes locked.

  After a beat, we slid apart, each of us tucking and adjusting where necessary while our eyes stayed glued on each other. A smile crept across Rob’s face, and my heart lifted. It was a whispered promise.

  I grinned, and something passed between us. No one was running away today. This wasn’t over. No matter who was out there, we were just getting started. And Rob’s face told me we were on the same page there. I pushed away the part of me still grappling to control things, trying to steer me back to focusing on work, on business only.

  As I smoothed my jeans and took a deep breath, I ignored the fear that rolled through me. There was something here. But I wondered how long it could last. How could I believe anything about the way I felt, or the way he might feel, when I’d been so horribly wrong in the past? My instincts for men were shit. I had the battle scars on my heart to prove it. If things were going to happen with Rob, I’d have to protect myself, prepare myself somehow. I didn’t know if that was even possible.

  I shook off the cold ache that ran through me at the thought and cleared my throat. I stepped into the main room of the shop just behind Rob, and my heart launched into my throat. There were two of them?

  “Mateo,” Rob said.

  A dark-skinned stranger stood in the doorway. He was tall and broad, with dark hair and sparkling green eyes, and he could have been Rob’s twin.

  Chapter Eleven

  Rob

  “Roberto!” My little brother stepped from the doorway of the shop to where I stood, and pulled me into a rough hug as surprise coursed through me, damping down the flashing lust I’d felt seconds before. How did he know where I was? And what was he doing here?

  “Quito,” I said, hugging him and then pulling back.

  His warm open smile stayed fixed as his eyes found Dani, standing just behind me. “Hey,” he said, everything about him friendly and calm—everything I used to be, wished I could be.

  “Hi,” Dani said, a question in her voice.

  “This is Dani,” I told Mateo. “Dani, Mateo.”

  She reached out a hand and they shook, and I could see the wheels turning in her mind. “Hi,” she said again, slowly.

  “My little brother,” I explained.

  “Not so little now,” Mateo laughed. “He still calls me ‘Quito,’ even though I’ve had twenty pounds on him for the last five years.”

  “Quito?” Dani asked, looking at me.

  “Poquito. Little,” I explained.

  Dani laughed and the sound rolled through me. I loved the sound of her laugh. It was like water or air—something so essential you sensed you might not be able to survive without it. I clamped my mind down on that thought before it could go any further. Thinking too much about Dani, about whatever might or might not be happening between us, was dangerous.

  “Your boy Trent told me you’d be here,” Mateo said. “I stopped by the firehouse.”

  I nodded.

  “Need to talk to you, man.” He looked around the shop, taking everything in. “Would be nice if you answered your phone,” he said.

  “Sorry.”

  He shot me a look, and then peeked into the back room.

  “This place is cool. What’s it gonna be?” He was talking to Dani now, and I let myself turn toward her. Her eyes were shining, and her skin practically glowed. I fought the urge to put my arm around her, to put myself inside the aura of that radiating glow, to claim it for myself. The burst of jealousy was almost painful when I saw the interest in Mateo’s eyes, the way he was responding to her sunny, open beauty.

  “Kind of a combination bookstore and wine shop,” she said, waving her hands around the space as she spoke. “Something I’ve always dreamed about—where people can come taste wine, grab a nice bottle to take home, or just sit and read with a glass in a comfy chair.”

  “Cool,” Mateo said, and I knew he really thought it was. Wine was in our blood, and he knew as well as I did that Dani’s idea was a great one, especially in a neighborhood like this where people came to linger, to socialize and spend time. Mateo gave Dani a warm smile and then shot me a look that meant business, his expression cooling. “Rob. Need to talk to you, man.”

  My body was still humming from the time I’d spent with Dani in the back, when we’d been interrupted. My dick wasn’t pleased about it, either, still hard and aching as I adjusted it subtly in my pants. “Lunch,” I suggested, turning my head to include Dani in the invitation.

  She looked from me to Mateo. “I don’t want to intrude,” she said. “You guys should catch up.”

  “Nah,” Mateo said, grinning and throwing an arm over Dani’s shoulder in an exaggerated flirtation that made my blood heat. “I never get to hang out with the pretty girls. Roberto always gets to them first. Come with us.”

  I fought down the surge of frustrated jealousy as Dani glowed under Mateo’s attention. It was so easy for him, he was so natural, so confident. I’d been that way once, too. But Dani laughed and stepped out from under his arm, moving close to me and lowering her voice. “Is that really okay? I don’t want to invite myself along.” All I wanted in the world was to put my arms around her, pick her up, and carry her to a quiet room somewhere. Finish what we started. Instead, I nodded.

  “Fish tacos?” Dani said.

  “Good call,” Mateo agreed.

  We stepped out into the bright sunlight, where Ocean Beach enjoyed its usual steady stream of strolling tourists, half-clad surf rats and Rasta bums. Sampson danced in a happy circle as I picked up his leash and leaned down to pet him.

  “The Beast,” Mateo laughed, rubbing the big dog’s head. “Not much of a watch dog, man. He barely opened his eyes when I walked right in.”

  “You look and smell like me,” I said, thinking out loud. I hoped Sampson was more loyal than that, but it made sense. Part of me wished he had barked at Mateo when he’d arrived, given him just one little roadblock. Everything
was always easy for my little brother.

  The restaurant at the end of Newport was an open, sprawling beach bar with glassless windows on the two sides facing the beach and the street. We gave Sampson a few minutes to select a shrubby bush along the sandy foot of the pier to mark as his own before settling him under a window with a bowl of water. Two other dogs were leashed at the opposite end of the open window, and they watched us with interest for a minute before rolling back over to sleep.

  When we were settled at a high table in front of beer and tacos, Mateo stretched his arms overhead and looked around. “Got it good here, brother.” He smiled, but there was something hiding in his eyes. His words were loaded. I only had to wait to see what had brought him all this way. “But you can’t hang out here, being a bum forever, right?” He grinned at Dani, like he was expecting her to agree with him. She stayed silent.

  “Figuring things out,” I told my brother.

  He nodded as he chewed. “Been a year, man. What’ve you really got up here?”

  “As much as I had at home.” I dropped his gaze, bitterness still flooding through me at the way I’d left home, about Papi and his old-fashioned edicts. About the way he’d treated Mom.

  Mateo shrugged and changed the subject. “See Mom much?”

  I nodded. “Having dinner there tonight. You should come.”

  He seemed to consider this. “Maybe I will.” It had been at least a year since Mateo had seen Mom. The last time they’d crossed paths was in my room at the rehabilitation hospital, and things had been tense. Mateo glanced at Dani. “We’re being rude.”

  She smiled and shook her head, her wild curls framing her face as her eyes shone. “Not at all. You guys probably have a lot to catch up on.” She took a sip of beer. “Where are you visiting from, Mateo?”

  “Near Ensenada.” Mateo glanced at me, and then continued. “Rob hasn’t told you where he’s from?”

  She shook her head, still smiling.

  “We grew up in the Guadalupe Valley. Our family has had land down there for a century. A business where we both worked—and our older brother, Antonio—from the time we could walk and talk.”

  “What kind of business?” Dani asked.

  “A winery,” Mateo said, his smile widening as he realized I hadn’t told Dani much about my past. “Rob didn’t tell you anything, huh?”

  Dani’s eyes widened and she swiveled her head to stare at me. Confusion clouded her features, wrinkling her nose adorably. She gave a look that promised there’d be more discussion about my failing to mention the winery. We had more in common than I’d told her. She turned backed to Mateo to hear more.

  “Did you know there were wineries in Mexico?” he asked.

  She nodded. “I knew the Catholic monks made wine down there. I thought it was mostly for the Church, though.”

  “That’s part of the history, yes,” Mateo told her. “When the Spaniards came to Mexico, they brought vines. When wine production got so good it threatened Spain’s exports, the king prohibited any winemaking in Spanish colonies except for use in the Church. That was true until Independence.”

  Dani’s attention was fully on Mateo, on his story, her mouth open slightly as her blue eyes danced. I watched her, wanting her even more as she listened to my brother with open wonder.

  “My grandfather’s hacienda had been part of one of the oldest Mexican wineries in the Guadalupe Valley. He bought the vineyards and planted more vines in the 1920s, started Bodega Buena Vida. The business grew from there.”

  “What kinds of wine do you make?” Dani asked. She bounced and fidgeted, her energy barely contained.

  “Chenin Blanc, Tempranillo, Grenache, Cabernet Sauvignon. Some Riesling. The wine is good, Dani. You should come down and try some.” Mateo smiled, and I had a flash to our childhood, the little girls who used to follow Mateo around. It was that smile that always pulled them in. Jealousy sparked in me again as she grinned back.

  “Maybe tomorrow,” Mateo said.

  I shook my head. No fucking way. “Keep talking.”

  “Anyway, Abuelo died the year before Antonio was seventeen, and he left everything to Papi. He didn’t have other sons. But he also made Papi write his will while he was still alive to see it. And he was very traditional.” Mateo glanced at me. The will had always made him uncomfortable. “In Mexico, not all families divide their wealth equally among children, and many favor the eldest son. When Antonio turned seventeen, Papi announced that he would inherit the business and the land when he died.”

  “And you guys?” Dani asked, her eyebrows furrowed.

  “I will get the hacienda, if I am willing to care for my parents as they age,” Mateo said. “Rob gets nothing because he is the middle son.”

  Dani frowned. “That’s ridiculous.”

  “My mother tried to argue with him, she said it was old-fashioned.” Mateo lifted one hand and gave a half smile to Dani. “Mom is fifteen years younger than Papi. And she was left out of his will, too.”

  Dani put a hand over her mouth.

  “They fought about it. A lot. For months. But Papi’s stubborn. He said he was honoring his father’s wishes, that it’s his land.”

  I stared at the table as I remembered what life had been like at home. I was always something less than my big brother, and never the beloved baby like Mateo. I was invisible, no matter how I tried to please my father. I’d begun to know it when I was about eight, and when I tried even harder to please him, things got worse. During the year after he announced the will, things were awful. Antonio gloated. Mom cried and screamed. Mateo was too young to understand what this might mean for him.

  But I knew. I was fifteen. Things had been bad between my parents for as long as I could remember, and this was the nail in the coffin. When Mom asked me if I wanted to live in the States, I said yes. Her origins made us all citizens. And I figured I’d have more here than I was going to have there. Even if I had to make it myself.

  “Mom and Rob left.” Mateo said, staring out at the waves crashing around the dark pilings of the pier. “And the house got darker.”

  Dani nodded and looked at her own hands. “So you moved here?”

  “Yeah.” I shoved down the pain that memories of Papi’s disregard lit in my gut.

  “Mom remarried. Found a rich man in Coronado. Rob finished high school with them.”

  “And left as soon as I could.” Darkness filled my mind as I thought of those last years of high school—as the new kid at an almost all-white school. Didn’t matter that we came from money, or that I lived on the island like all the rich kids. Didn’t matter how progressive San Diego was. Kids were kids, and it was rough being different. “Went to San Diego State for a couple of years.”

  “Roberto was a soccer star—got a scholarship.” Mateo beamed. I was surprised by the pride in his voice.

  Dani grinned at me, and my stomach tumbled. Having her attention made my dick throb hopefully. “You said you didn’t finish, though?” she said.

  “Trent’s parents’ house burned down.” I’d never forget Trent’s face as he told me. “We applied to be recruits, both got accepted.”

  “And Roberto became a firefighter and forgot he had a family.” Mateo smiled, but the words were bitter. And they stung.

  “No, man.” I hated that he felt that way. But for me there was no life in Papi’s shadow. Or ’Tonio’s. “Never forgot.”

  I couldn’t look at him, though. I’d always felt like I abandoned my little brother. When he wasn’t being cuddled or carried, Mateo was underfoot, so he got yelled at a lot. But when he needed something, or just wanted some attention, he’d come find me. I’d read him a story, or we’d go for an adventure in the hills behind the vineyards. He was only ten when I left, and it was his eyes I remembered when I thought about leaving.

  Dani’s hand was on my knee, and she squeezed now, drawing my attention. I saw sympathy in her eyes, understanding. God, I wanted to pull her into my arms again. Soon.

  “C
ome home, Rob. Papi wants to see you.”

  I shook my head. “Not gonna happen.”

  “What’s keeping you here, man?” Mateo leaned across the table, his face serious. “You’re living with a friend. You’ve got no job, no family here.”

  “Mom’s here.”

  He shrugged. “Papi wants to change the will.”

  Surprise flared in me, but I knew better than to expect anything from Papi.

  “A third for you. We need the help. And you’d have a place. A direction. More than you have here.”

  I watched his face, and let myself think about it. It felt like a handout. Like pity. But Mateo’s expression held neither of those things. It would be easy to go back, especially if what he said was true. I’d have a life readymade to walk back into. But life with Papi had never been simple. I lifted a shoulder, sipped my beer. I could feel Dani watching me. “I’ll think about it.”

  We sipped our beers in silence, at an impasse. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out, happy for a distraction.

  “It’s Mom,” I told Mateo. I texted her back. “You’re coming to dinner.” I looked between him and Dani, an idea forming. Dinner with Teddy wouldn’t be so bad if I had backup. “You should both come.”

  Dani shook her head, her hand leaving my knee. I felt cold suddenly. “No,” she said. “I’ve got plans, actually.” She smiled, and I wondered if she really had plans or if she was just saying that to avoid a potentially awkward dinner. I didn’t blame her.

  We paid the bill, got Sampson, and walked Dani back to the shop.

  “Thanks,” she said. “It was so nice to meet you, Mateo.” She gave us each a hug, and it was like pulling lightning into my arms again. I wanted to keep her there, slam my mouth against hers, and finish what we’d started in the shop that morning. But she stepped back and waved us away. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” she said.