Miss Independent

by Kiki Leach

  “What the hell are you doing?” she asked.

  “I’m making a move on you, Vanessa.”

  She pressed her hand against his stubble free face and turned him away from her. “Save it.”

  “God, get me out of this limousine,” Nikki mumbled. She sank down in her seat and grabbed her stomach, claiming to feel ill.

  Less than thirty minutes later and despite the large amounts of traffic, the three of them arrived in one piece to the hotel. Nikki jumped out first, as Maurice got out from his side and ran to the other to help Vanessa. He showed her both hands and she gladly took them, jumping to the ground as he pulled her out. Nikki was picking up on a weird vibe coming from the both of them, one she didn’t like at all.

  As they headed into the lobby, friends from cheerleading eagerly flocked over to Nikki and Vanessa. They felt forced into hugging everyone they remembered, many of whom were also enthusiastic about showing off their wedding bands or engagement rings. Maurice shook hands with the guys from his football and basketball teams and appreciated their wives, as well as their very pregnant bellies. Vanessa looked around, hoping to avoid what she knew was coming next. When Nikki noticed her all but staring off into space instead of listening to what the women had to say about their new lives, careers, men and old friendships, she made up an excuse to get them to the bathroom as fast as possible.

  Once inside the lush entryway, both felt like they could breathe again. It was as if all of the air had been sucked from their lungs the moment they were face to face with those people again. Vanessa dropped to a couch while Nikki leaned back on the counter.

  “Are you sure we need to be here?” she asked. “We don’t have to stay. I wasn’t even technically invited.”

  “Everyone was invited. You just didn’t RSVP,” Vanessa said. “Neither did I.”

  “But you’re at least getting a name badge.”

  “Which I’m not wearing. If people don’t remember who I am, fuck ‘em.”

  “And if you don’t remember them?”

  She looked upward. “Then it’s their own fault for not being more interesting in high school.”

  “That sounded kind of bitchy.”

  “That’s what this place does to me.”

  Nikki folded her arms and felt like recoiling. “I feel so out of place here,” she said. “Everyone is either married, engaged, carrying babies or just had them. I didn’t know so many people our age were wanting to get married so quickly and start a family, except for you.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  “You know what I mean, V. I didn’t expect to see so many people from our class be so put together before the age of twenty-five or even thirty. It makes me feel more inadequate.”

  “You’re not inadequate. You’re living your life the way you want and doing your own thing. Don’t think the lack of a man or a baby makes you anymore inferior than the rest of them.”

  “What about the lack of a career?”

  “You’ll get there, you will… I believe that.”

  “And I believe you’ll get what you want too.”

  “Not in the near future, I won’t,” she muttered.

  “V.” She exhaled. “Just because you don’t have a man or a baby doesn’t make you inferior to the rest of them.”

  “Don’t use my words against me.”

  “I’m not. I’m using them to help you. I know what you’re thinking, it was practically written all over your face when they all came running up to us. You’re beautiful and successful and rich. I don’t like Maurice, but I can admit he’s good-looking and he’s been chasing after you since we were kids. Your life isn’t bad just because you don’t have a few things you wish you did.”

  “Yours isn’t either.” Vanessa dropped her head back and scowled. “Why the hell can’t we tell ourselves this shit in the mirror?”

  She shrugged. “Maybe I’m meant to be your reflection, and you’re meant to be mine.”

  “Or, maybe we’re afraid if we tell ourselves this shit, it isn’t true, so we need it validated by someone else, so that when THEY say it, we can stop feeling sorry for ourselves.”

  “Or that too.”

  One knock on the door led Vanessa to get up from the couch and answer.

  It was Maurice. He rested his hand on the frame while sliding his other inside his pocket and leaning in. He looked like a Gucci model from his ‘earlier’ days.

  “I didn’t come here so that you two could sit all night and gossip in the bathroom. We might be at a high school function, but this isn’t high school anymore.”

  “We weren’t gossiping.” Vanessa lifted the strap of her little white cocktail dress. “We were just trying to get away from all of that out there.”

  She nodded behind Maurice, who looked back at everyone else as they greeted one another with handshakes, high-fives and tight hugs and squeals. More weddings on the way, more babies on the horizon. Never had all three of them felt so lonely together as they did in that moment.

  Maurice turned back to them and shrugged. “Screw ‘em. We came here to have a good time. If I’m not getting laid tonight, the least one of you could do is dance with me. And by one of you, I mean Vanessa.”

  “There’s no music playing out here,” she said.

  “We’ll make our own until we start to hear it inside. Come on.”

  He tenderly pulled her from the bathroom as Nikki followed.

  They entered the ballroom to a sea of people dancing to music from a DJ on the stage. Others were eating caviar and drinking spiked punch as well as endless glasses of champagne, wine, and shots of vodka and tequila. Unlike the decorum and live music, no expense was spared for the amount of alcohol used to liven things up, courtesy of Sheila’s father’s credit card. Their graduating class consisted of a little over nine-hundred people, all of whom were either extremely successful or still seeking it, handing out business cards and trying to get numbers of those who knew someone, who knew someone, who knew someone else’s brother. Nearly everyone Vanessa passed as they moved through the crowds stared at her in pity for still being alone. Her career and success meant nothing. It seemed that since she no longer had Nathan, she was still that girl everyone looked upon with great sadness. Making more money than the entire room combined, be damned.

  When they moved over toward the food, Nikki searched the room for more familiar faces and spotted Eliza Duncan across the room talking to Sheila near the stage. She froze in place and jerked Vanessa’s arm back just as she was grabbing a paper plate.

  “What?!” she snapped, tossing the plate down and ripping her arm away.

  Nikki didn’t say a word, only pointing across to where they stood.

  Eliza and Sheila were laughing away like two childhood friends who hadn’t spoken since then due to outside circumstances, when it was well known by everyone in that room just how much they openly hated each other, due to the fact that Sheila had made co-captain of the cheerleading squad while Eliza had barely managed to even stay on the team, thanks in part to Sheila always identifying her small frame as ‘too fat for the top of the pyramid’. Vanesa watched them with a keen eye, figuring that there had to be some kind of ulterior motive on Eliza’s part, or maybe she had in fact matured in ways that Vanessa had yet to completely understand or agree with, especially when it came to Sheila.

  Nah, she thought after pondering it for a moment.

  “What do you think they’re talking about?” asked Nikki, leaning in close.

  “I don’t know,” she answered. “Maybe Eliza’s asking her the same stupid questions she did in high school, like how she still manages to keep that really good, natural looking tan without ever being in the sun.”

  “V.”

  “I don’t know, Nicole. What was the name of that book you were reading before, the one she wrote?”

  She quickly glanced at Vanessa and sunk her shoulders, feeling self-conscious. “How To Land Your Man While Still Keeping Your Dignity.”

  “Oh. Well
, Sheila landed her man yet still has no dignity, which is evident from the way she’s been acting since she came back. Maybe she should write a book about that. Maybe that’s what they’re discussing. Who cares?”

  “I care.”

  “You shouldn’t.” Vanessa reached over for a cocktail wiener and ripped it from the toothpick with her teeth. She soured, searching for a napkin to spit it into. “This food is terrible. I think that one was actually still frozen in the middle.”

  Maurice made his way around the room after grabbing a few drinks for Nikki and Vanessa, nodding at the available former female classmates he passed -- how few and far between they were -- as they all checked him out and silently questioned his status: Was he finally with Vanessa for good this time? Was he not? Was he interested in Nikki? Was he too good looking to still be straight? Some didn’t know or care about any of it, even as they couldn’t help but continue wondering. Most were more curious to know if all the hype about what he had to offer as a supposed ‘God of Sexual Desire’ was true.

  He found Vanessa not long after.

  “Here,” he said, handing her a drink.

  “Thanks.” In one swig, it was gone. She handed the glass back to him and he raised his brows, concerned.

  “Maybe you should slow down a bit.”

  “I think I need to have a little more in my system if I’m going to be forced into enjoying this thing.” She snatched the other drink from his hand and guzzled it back in a single swig as well. She sat it on the table behind her and flipped her hair back. “There.” She turned to Maurice and smiled wide. “Wanna dance with me?”

  He smiled back, entranced by everything about her in that very moment, but wondered if dancing was such a good idea after drinking that much alcohol so fast. And then he saw Nathan moving through the crowd and suddenly felt territorial. Maurice sized him up, noticing he looked a little taller than the last time he had seen him, and was more built. The gym had obviously become Nathan’s new best friend in Los Angeles. He frowned, wondering if this was truly his competition for Vanessa’s heart. She started dancing by herself in place, the alcohol had really started to kick in even more. Maurice sat down his glass and took her by the hand, gesturing toward the floor.

  “Let’s go.” He kept an eye on Nathan the entire time.

  Just as they were about to embrace one another in a slow dance, the music stopped midway and Sheila appeared on stage. The majority of the room clapped for her while others simply turned their heads and began whispering to whoever was next to them.

  She nervously chuckled and took the mic from the stand at the end of the stage. “I just wanna start out by saying, welcome everybody to Lockney High’s Five Year Reunion!”

  Everyone clapped then, the guys hooted and hollered while the women laughed at them. Vanessa looked up at Maurice and stuck her finger in her mouth, imitating a vomiting motion.

  Sheila pumped her fist in the air and dropped back on her heels. “YEA! I wanna thank everyone for coming tonight. I know that for some it wasn’t easy to make it down here…” She wiped hair from her face and neck, tossing it behind her. “But you did, and I couldn’t be more thrilled to see so many familiar faces.”

  Vanessa tugged Maurice’s jacket. He bent down to her lips. “Does she look slightly drunk to you?”

  “Can you spot each other across the room like that?”

  She reached up and slapped him on the arm. “I’m being serious. She looks blitzed up there and sweating all of her makeup off.”

  “You would too under all of those lights after everything you’ve had to drink tonight, and on little to no food. I shouldn’t have given you that champagne in the car.”

  “I’m fine,” she assured him. “I can hold my liquor, you know that better than anybody else here.”

  He did know it better than anybody else. She very rarely got sick in high school after having too much to drink, but she often passed out in various places around the city that most would consider too dangerous to even criminalize. When she wasn’t sleeping off the booze at Sheila’s house, she was sleeping it off with Maurice at his. He often snuck her in after his parents were asleep, carrying her upstairs and watching her most nights to make sure she was still breathing throughout. It didn’t happen often, at least not so much until after she learned of Nathan and Sheila, but when it did, he was always there to make sure that she was okay.

  “Joan wanted me to let everyone know just how sorry she is that she couldn’t be here,” Sheila continued. “But she has that new baby to take care of.” Vanessa sensed sadness in her voice, but chose to ignore it. “With all of that said, we are here to have a damn good time tonight! And in that damn good time, I want to welcome someone to the stage who may not have been around during our time, but from what I heard, she was a sensation during her own.” Everyone looked at one another and made strange faces, shaking their heads. “Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to introduce to you the one and only, Miss C. Dennis!”

  No one knew what to say or how to react. Some halfheartedly clapped while others just stared unknowingly.

  A pale, slender woman with blistering red hair came out on stage then. She was wearing a long dress that flowed behind her, covered in dandelions and lilies. She shook hands with Sheila, who looked out into the crowd and spotted Vanessa with Maurice. She nearly fell off stage but caught herself before she could.

  Maurice leaned over and made a face. “Who the hell is that?” he asked. “You’re always listening to that old stuff in your room.”

  “I don’t know this one.” She opened her hands. “C. Dennis?”

  He jokingly looked around the room. “Where? Is he here?”

  Vanessa playfully hit his arm again.

  “Hello, all,” C. Dennis began, her strong British accent booming over the microphone. “I’m certain many of you aren’t aware of who I am, but what I am certain of is that you’re going to remember me before this night is over. Welcome back, Lockney High.” She turned back to the DJ and raised her mic. “HIT IT!”

  A high pitched tone started playing over what sounded like a million wind chimes. As the tune sped up, some of the crowd kind of stood around looking while others just shrugged it off and started dancing as she sang with the music.

  “This song kind of sounds familiar to me now.” Vanessa found her groove and began dancing to the beat. “Hold me, baby, drive me crazy, touch me--”

  “Gladly.” Maurice began dancing as well, moving closer to her.

  She laughed aloud and pushed him back. “Those are the lyrics to the song!”

  “They’re the lyrics to our lives, V!”

  He took her by the hand and spun her around.

  Sheila stood watching them from across the room. She glanced around and spotted Nathan watching them from the other side, and noticed him drinking what appeared to be cognac which he had purchased from the hotel bar.

  Nikki, meanwhile, was trying to catch up with Eliza, who didn’t care for the music. She finally managed to corner her near the spiked punch bowl.

  “Hi,” she said, grazing her fingers against Eliza’s elbow.

  Eliza turned and slightly jerked back. “Names are to be said, bodies never to be touched.”

  “Sorry. I don’t know if you remember me…?”

  Eliza’s green eyes flickered. She pulled her brows together, wrinkling her pale forehead. She was truly pondering who was standing before her. “Help me out, I’m a little lost.”

  “Nikki… Nicole Sanger. You called me the Spanish fly all throughout freshman year, and you didn’t mean it as a compliment.”

  “Oh, Nikki!” she exclaimed in a light voice, tapping her on the arm. “Oh my God, wow! How are you? I’m so sorry I didn’t recognize you. You look so different!”

  She looked aside, puzzled. “I don’t look that different. I look pretty much the same as I did five years ago.”

  “Did you gain weight or lose it? There is something very different about you. I wish I could put my fing
er on it.”

  “I haven’t changed at all, physically. I’ve been the same weight since I was sixteen and--”

  “Uh-huh, uh-huh, so what’s new with you aside from all of that?” she asked thoughtlessly as she poured endless amounts of punch into her cup and scoured the table for guacamole.

  “I just wanted to tell you that your books are an inspiration. I want to be an actress and I’m not there yet, but--”

  “What’s stopping you from getting there?” She sipped from her cup and grabbed a blue sugar cookie from the table, chomping down.

  Nikki was taken aback. “I’m sorry?”

  “No reason to apologize. I’m asking what’s stopping you from becoming an actress.”

  “Nothing’s… stopping me, I just haven’t made it yet.”

  “Why is that? Weren’t you the one with parents on Broadway?” She looked down and wiped a few crumbs from her pink dress, a color which happened to match her perfectly painted nails.

  “They were, but I’ve been trying to make it on my own merit.”

  “Or maybe you’re just not that good.” She swung her brown hair over her shoulder and turned away from her.

  Nikki felt like she was in the Twilight Zone. Who did this woman think that she was to speak to her like this? She wrote a few self-help books before twenty-five, and suddenly, she’s ready to tell people in person how to live their lives and what they’re doing wrong with it if it’s not up her standards?

  Nikki dropped her hand on the table and craned her neck. She wasn’t in the mood for it. “What the hell is your problem?”

  “I’m not the one who seems to be having a problem, Nicole. You’re the unsuccessful actress seeking out my books to use as life lessons.”

  “That’s not what I’m doing at all. Eliza, I think your books are an inspiration because they’ve helped me wade through some tough decisions in my life, but I’m not using them as life lessons.”

  “Maybe you should. What’s the last book you read?”

  “In general or by you?”

  “In general… and by me.”

  “How To Land Your Man While Still Keeping Your Dignity.”