Sean's Reckoning

by Sherryl Woods

  “I can’t promise to stop caring,” he said, regarding her solemnly. “But I’ll try to stop hassling you.”

  “That would be nice,” she said. “And I’ll try to stop overreacting when you lose your head and do it again.”

  He gave her a rueful look. “You’re so sure I’ll forget my promise?”

  “I’m certain of it,” she said. “But, oddly enough, I think that’s one of the things I like best about you.”

  “Care to name any of the others?”

  She laughed, suddenly feeling better. “Stop fishing for compliments.”

  “You know, Deanna, one of these days we’re going to have to deal with the real issue between us.”

  She swallowed hard at the suddenly solemn expression on his face. “What issue is that?” she asked, not entirely sure she wanted to know.

  “The fact that I want you,” he said simply.

  Desire curled through her like the warmth of a fire on a cold winter night. She refused to let herself look away from the heat in his eyes. “I guess that’s plain enough,” she said, her voice unsteady despite her best efforts to seem blasé.

  A smile tugged at his lips. “You’re not going to admit it, are you?”

  “Admit what?”

  “That you want me, too.”

  She drew herself up and inquired in her best imitation of a haughty princess speaking to a peasant, “Whatever gave you that idea?”

  To her surprise, Sean laughed.

  “Nice try, darlin’, but you’re not going to win any prizes for your acting.”

  “I am not acting,” she said irritably.

  “One kiss says otherwise.”

  “Are you daring me to kiss you, Sean Devaney?”

  “Yep.”

  “Well, you can just forget it. I don’t have to prove anything to you.”

  “Then you don’t mind if I go right on believing what I want to believe?”

  She leveled a look straight at him. “Up to you. I can’t control what you think.”

  “But you can prove me wrong,” he countered mildly. “Or rather, you can try.”

  “That is so…” She couldn’t think of a word to describe just how low she thought he’d sunk, but finally settled on the first one that came to mind. “Juvenile. That’s what it is, juvenile.”

  He didn’t seem especially offended by the accusation. In fact, he merely shrugged. “I’ve been called worse.”

  “I’m not surprised.”

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  She studied him suspiciously. “About?”

  “What the hell did your ex-husband put you through to make you so suspicious of all men?”

  The question caught Deanna completely by surprise. Sean had never shown any interest in her relationship with Frankie before. And her ex-husband was not a subject she liked discussing.

  “Isn’t it enough that he walked out before Kevin was born and left me on my own?”

  “That’s pretty rotten,” Sean agreed. “But I have a feeling it was more than that.”

  “Such as?”

  “Why waste time with me speculating? I’m asking you for an explanation.”

  Deanna thought back to her brief marriage. She’d gone into it with stars in her eyes, convinced she was madly in love and that Frankie felt the same way. Barely eighteen, she had defied her parents, walked away from a promised college education, given up everything and everyone to be with the charming rogue who’d stolen her heart.

  But Frankie had been after more than her heart. To Deanna’s everlasting embarrassment, she finally realized he’d been after her trust fund. That money was the only reason he’d been willing to make a commitment to her. After the wedding, when he’d finally understood there was no way either of them were going to get their hands on it, he’d lost interest and moved on to someone a little older, a little richer, someone whose parents hadn’t disowned her.

  The humiliation had been almost unbearable. There was no way Deanna could bring herself to crawl back to her parents to ask for help, which, of course, was precisely what Frankie had assumed she’d do. To this day she doubted he knew the dire straits in which he’d left her.

  Despite Ruby’s urging her to tell her folks what had happened and that they had a grandson, Deanna had been determined to make it entirely on her own. Though the court had awarded her child support, she’d never expected to see a dime of it, not from a man who’d expected to be supported by her family. So far she’d done a pretty lousy job of triumphing over the past, but at least she hadn’t had to listen to an endless tirade of “I told you so.” One day, when she was really and truly back on her feet, she would contact her parents, but not now.

  In the meantime, there were all those scars, the ones that made her question her judgment, the ones that made her distrust all men. Not that anyone could possibly be after her for her money now, she thought, barely stifling a laugh.

  She felt Sean’s warm, steady gaze on her and finally lifted her eyes to meet his.

  “Where’d you go just then?” he asked.

  “Back in time,” she said wearily.

  “Obviously not a happy time.”

  “No,” she said succinctly.

  “Will you tell me sometime?”

  “Probably not,” she said.

  “Because you can’t talk about it?”

  “That’s one reason.” There were others, though. She didn’t want his pity, and she certainly didn’t want him realizing what an idiot she was for being taken in so easily.

  “Did you love him that much?” Sean asked quietly.

  She had. That was the worst joke of all. She had really loved Frankie, at least the man she’d thought he was. She’d had some sort of Romeo and Juliet fantasy about the two of them defying all the obstacles in their path to live happily ever after.

  “Truthfully?” she said wearily. “I didn’t even know him.”

  Sean couldn’t forget what little Deanna had revealed about her relationship with her ex-husband. Nor could he keep himself from speculating about all that she’d left unsaid. It was just one more mystery to be unraveled, one more facet to add to this fascination he couldn’t seem to shake.

  And despite all his promises to stop hovering over her, he couldn’t seem to stop himself from worrying about the almost driven way she continued to live her life. It went beyond survival instinct. It had something to do with the past. He was sure of it.

  Despite her boss’s promise to help her win a settlement from her landlord, as far as Sean could see, Deanna was still working herself to death. He was damned proud of the fact that he managed to keep from butting in, hauling her home and barring the door until she got at least twenty-four straight hours of sleep. But every time he saw her, the circles under her eyes were darker, the weariness in her shoulders more evident.

  Even though he’d resolved to keep silent, he couldn’t stop himself from doing what he could to keep an eye on her. Something told him she was nearing the end of her rope, and he intended to be nearby whenever possible in case she needed him. What had begun as a resolution to make sure Kevin was well looked after became an obsession to do the same for Deanna.

  “You know, Sean, I like Joey’s food as well as the next guy, but do we have to eat there every night?” Hank inquired as they left the firehouse.

  “Yes,” Sean said tersely. He sighed and raked a hand through his hair as he regarded the whole group of firefighters apologetically. “Look, I really appreciate the fact that you guys are willing to go there.”

  “Not a problem,” the others chorused. “Especially if you keep paying.”

  Sean winced at the reminder. He figured if Deanna found out about that, she’d be furious that he was wasting his money just to keep her under surveillance.

  As the other men drifted away, Sean faced Hank. “The truth is, I’m worried about Deanna.”

  “Why? What’s up?” Hank asked, his expression instantly filled with genuine concern. “Her ex isn’t stalk
ing her or something, is he?”

  “No. But she’s tired and on edge. She can’t keep up this pace forever.”

  “And this is your problem because?” Hank asked, though his eyes were dancing with undisguised amusement.

  “Because I’ve made it my problem,” Sean returned. “Besides, I don’t know what you’re complaining about. Tonight is spaghetti night. You’re bound to run into Ruby.”

  Hank looked decidedly uncomfortable at the reminder. Sean studied him intently. “Is that a problem?”

  “No,” Hank said tersely.

  Even though his expression warned against further questions, that didn’t stop Sean from asking, “You sure about that?”

  “Leave it alone, okay? My relationship with Ruby is none of your business.”

  “That can cut both ways, you know. I can tell you to butt out of my relationship with Deanna, as well.”

  Hank’s laugh held little mirth. “As if you two actually have one.”

  Sean’s gaze narrowed. “Relationships aren’t just about sex, you know.”

  “Is that so?” Hank retorted sarcastically. “Enlighten me, then. What are they about?”

  “I’m not surprised you don’t know,” Sean said. “Since you’ve always been a wham-bam kind of guy.”

  Hank threw up his hands. “Forget it. I ask a serious question and I get wisecracks. Who needs it?” He walked out of the station and slammed the door behind him, leaving Sean staring after him.

  Well, well, well, he thought. Hank was neck deep in water and floundering. He recognized the signs because he was pretty much in over his head himself.

  Sighing heavily, he went after his partner to make amends. He found Hank sitting on the running board of the fire truck, looking despondent.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize she was really getting to you,” he told Hank.

  Hank scowled up at him. “I never said—”

  Sean cut him off. “Save it, okay? Just save it. If you can’t tell me the truth, who can you tell?”

  For a minute he thought Hank might stand up and throw a punch, but he finally shrugged. “Okay, I’m falling for her,” he admitted. “There. I’ve said it. Are you satisfied?”

  Sean grinned. “It’s a start.”

  “I don’t hear you admitting that you’re crazy about Deanna,” Hank said sourly.

  “Yeah, well, maybe I’m not as in touch with my feelings as you are.”

  “Like hell. Everyone around here knows you’re Mr. Sensitive.”

  Sean laughed. “Tell that to Deanna.”

  “Why waste my breath? I’ve seen the way the woman looks at you. She already knows it.”

  “Actually, at the moment she thinks I’m an interfering, pushy man, and I’m not too sure which part of that she considers to be the worst crime.”

  “Then by all means let’s get over to Joey’s so you can reinforce her opinion,” Hank said wryly.

  “You think I should stay away, give her some space?”

  “If that’s what she says she wants, yes,” Hank told him.

  Sean considered Hank’s advice. It wasn’t as if he was doing anything more than satisfying his own overprotective instincts by sitting at Joey’s watching Dee work.

  “Maybe we should eat here at the station tonight,” he said, just as a call came in for an ambulance. Though he wasn’t involved in the call, he instinctively listened to the dispatcher.

  He and Hank recognized the address at the precise same moment. It was Joey’s.

  Panic swept through Sean, even as he ran for his gear. He frowned at Hank. “You coming or not?”

  “It’s not our call. Let the paramedics take it.”

  “Are you crazy?” Sean demanded. “Get the rest of the guys. We’re going over there. It could be Deanna. Or Ruby, for that matter.”

  “More than likely, it’s one of the seniors who eat there every night,” Hank said reasonably, then shrugged when Sean refused to back down. “I’ll get the guys.”

  “I’m riding with the EMTs. I’ll meet you there,” Sean told him, shoving his way into the back of the departing ambulance. His scowl kept the paramedics from arguing with him.

  The instant they reached the restaurant, he was bolting for the door, scanning the cluster of people gathered over someone stretched out on the floor for some sign of Deanna.

  “Please, let her be in the kitchen,” he muttered as he raced across the room. But something in his gut told him he wasn’t going to find her in the kitchen. When Kevin wiggled through the crowd, his eyes filled with tears, Sean knew even before the boy charged at him.

  He scooped Kevin into his arms. “What happened?”

  “Mommy fell down,” Kevin sobbed, clinging to his neck. “She won’t wake up.”

  Sean held him tightly and rubbed his back as sobs shuddered through him. He would have given anything to put Kevin down and rush to Deanna himself, but he understood that the EMTs knew what they were doing. “It’s okay. The paramedics are going to take real good care of her,” he promised, saying the words aloud as much for his own benefit as for Kevin’s.

  When the customers recognized him, they parted, making a path so that Sean could get closer. Ruby caught his eye.

  “I think she just fainted,” she said, her voice tremulous, her cheeks pale. “We wouldn’t have called nine-one-one except she didn’t come to right away.”

  “Can you take Kevin for a second, so I can check on her?” Sean asked, surprised to hear the husky sound of his voice.

  “Of course.” She reached for Kevin. “Come here, buddy. Let Sean help your mom.”

  Sean sucked in a breath when he saw how pale Deanna was. Add to that the bruise already blossoming on her forehead from slamming into the floor facefirst and she looked pretty awful. He managed to find a spot next to her that wouldn’t interfere with the EMTs and took her hand in his. Hers was icy cold.

  “Hey, darlin’, wake up,” he murmured. “Let me see those pretty brown eyes of yours.”

  Her eyelids fluttered and a sigh seemed to wash over her.

  “Come on, Deanna, you can do it,” he coaxed. “Wake up.”

  She stirred restlessly. “No.”

  The word was barely a whisper, but it had him grinning. “Why not? You enjoying this Sleeping Beauty routine?”

  “Not that,” she said, her eyes still clamped shut.

  “What then?”

  “Don’t want to listen to you saying you told me so.”

  The EMTs regarded him with a grin.

  “I think she’s back with us,” one said. “Or at least she will be if you don’t terrorize her into sinking back into oblivion.”

  “Her vitals are strong,” another confirmed.

  “You taking her to the hospital?” Sean asked.

  Her eyes did snap open at that. “No,” she said very firmly. “No hospital. I just fainted, for goodness sakes.”

  “A trip to the E.R. wouldn’t hurt,” Sean said, still holding her hand. “Get you checked out. Have someone take a look at that bump on your head.”

  Her gaze clung to his. “No hospital, please. I’m fine. See?” She started to sit up, then clutched her head and sank back.

  “Whoa, darlin’, how about staying real still till your head stops spinning?”

  “Where’s Kevin?” she asked.

  “He’s right here. Ruby has him.”

  “I need to see him. He must be scared.”

  Sean heard the anxiety in her voice and knew she was worried about more than Kevin’s state of mind. She was worried that Sean was going to view this incident as one more example of her not being a good parent. Good parents didn’t fall on their faces in front of their kids.

  “Kevin’s a little worried about you, but he’s doing just fine. No harm done,” Sean reassured her, hoping that she understood the underlying message. “Hey, Ruby, bring Kevin over here. Somebody’s asking for him.”

  Once again Deanna struggled to sit up, this time making it with Sean’s arm to prop he
r up. When Kevin raced toward her, she enveloped him in a hug that Sean found himself envying.

  “Mom, are you okay?”

  “I am now,” she assured him.

  Sean watched the two of them clinging to each other, and for the first time in years, he felt like an outsider again. What had ever made him think that he could fit into their tight little family circle? They had each other and that was all that seemed to matter to either of them.

  The loneliness that crept through him now was even worse, somehow, than it had been years ago. He’d gotten used to it then, but lately he’d started to let himself dream. He was an idiot, no question about it.

  Satisfied that Deanna was going to be fine, he stood up, took one last look at them, turned on his heel and walked away. Some people just weren’t meant to have their dreams come true. It looked as if he was one of them.

  Chapter Nine

  Deanna was home, tucked beneath the sheets in Ruby’s bed with a tray of scrambled eggs, toast, raspberry jam and tea in front of her, by six-thirty. No one had listened to her protests that she was perfectly capable of finishing out her shift. She grinned ruefully. Maybe it had something to do with Joey’s liability insurance. He probably wasn’t covered for waitresses fainting into people’s dinners.

  Ruby and Kevin sat beside the bed watching her intently, as if they weren’t so sure she wasn’t going to pass out again.

  “Eat,” Ruby finally ordered, when Deanna had yet to pick up her fork.

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “Yeah, right. That’s why you fainted, because you were so overstuffed from chowing down all day.”

  “Very funny,” Deanna said, pushing the eggs around on the plate. She lifted the fork to her mouth, then put it down again.

  “Nice try, but you have to actually put the food in your mouth for it to do any good,” Ruby commented. She studied Deanna worriedly, then glanced at Kevin. “Kiddo, I knew we forgot something. How about going into the kitchen and getting your mom a glass of juice?”

  Deanna started to protest, then caught the forbidding look in Ruby’s eyes and clamped her mouth shut.