Say You Love Me

by J. S. Cooper

  “I guess a guy as good-looking as you can have his pick of women,” Louisa said, continuing to butter me up, and I wondered why she was laying it on so strong. She was a beautiful woman, so she certainly didn’t need to be going after me this much.

  “Well, I can’t complain.” I shrugged.

  “So what are you looking for?” she continued and her eyes searched mine desperately. I was starting to feel like perhaps the reason why she was on the dating sites was more due to her intensity than anything else.

  “Not really sure. More something casual,” I said slowly. “I’m not really sure what I’m looking for right now.”

  “Hmm, I see.” Louisa pulled her hand back from me and frowned. “I’m looking for a husband.”

  “Okay, then.” I nodded at her and I could feel my stomach churning. This was so not a match. “I can honestly say I’m not ready for marriage yet.” I gave her an apologetic smile.

  “But maybe in the future?” she asked hopefully.

  “I guess?” I shrugged; starting to feel like the conversation had taken a dangerous turn. Especially for a first date. Didn’t she know that these weren’t the conversations to be having with men? I almost felt like laughing. Sally would think it was hilarious when I told her what had gone down on this date, I thought to myself, and then I paused. I couldn’t really call Sally and tell her anything. I wasn’t sure she’d appreciate me calling to tell her about my bad date, though I knew she’d get a kick out of it.

  “Look, I’m going to be honest,” Louisa continued. “I’m looking for a husband. I’m not getting any younger, and I want kids, but I think you’re hot. And it’s been a while, so I’m willing.”

  “Uh, willing for what?” I asked her curiously.

  “Willing to see where this goes.”

  “Where what goes?” I asked dumbly. Was she serious?

  “I’m willing to go home with you tonight,” she purred. “I’ve got an itch I think you can scratch.”

  “Oooh,” I said with a grin. “I see.”

  “And I’m sure you have one I can scratch as well.” I felt her hand under the table, rubbing my thigh and running its way up towards my crotch. I felt nothing at her touch and for a few brief seconds I felt sad. I wished I weren’t even here. I wasn’t having fun. I didn’t want to be with her. I wanted to be hanging out with Sally. And I’d love for her to be rubbing me right now. I sighed as she crossed my mind again. This was getting totally ridiculous. I didn’t know why I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I bet it was because I hadn’t fucked her. If I’d slept with her, she’d be gone from my mind. I wanted to slap myself.

  “I’m okay,” I said and jumped up. “Hey, I have to go to the restroom. I’ll be right back.” I walked away from the table quickly, my head feeling heavy and confused as I went to pee. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I knew I had to fix it fast. Maybe sleeping with Louisa was what I needed to help me stop thinking about Sally. I knew it would be a risk, since Louisa seemed all sorts of psycho and was likely to go all stalker on me, but I’d handled stalkers before. All you had to do was ignore them. They went even crazier at first, but then they finally got the hint. Especially if you told them you’d get a restraining order or something. Though I wondered if it was worth the hassle. I didn’t want to sleep with Louisa. No part of my body was interested in her. I’d probably have to think of Sally to even get off. I could feel myself growing angry at that thought. Sally was nothing but a friend to me and as soon as my big and little head realized that, I’d be okay. I exited the bathroom with one thought in my mind. I’d take Louisa to a bar and see what happened after we both had a bit more to drink. I knew it wasn’t my best idea, but I knew I had to stop thinking about Sally before she drove me crazy.

  * * *

  “Another shot?” I asked Louisa as we stood by the bar, both of us already quite drunk, but not ready to leave.

  “Sure, why not?” She giggled as she placed her hand on my arm. “Trying to get me intoxicated?”

  “I’m not sure if I need to try,” I said and she giggled some more and pressed herself against my chest.

  “I’m ready to leave whenever you are,” she said and then licked her lips slowly. “I’m ready to be a bad, bad girl.”

  “Oh?” I asked her, staring as she sucked on her pinky finger.

  “A bad, bad girl,” she said again, this time with more inflections.

  “I see.” I grinned down at her, faking an enthusiasm I didn’t really feel.

  “You do?” she said and I felt her hand sliding down the front of my jeans. “I can’t feel it,” she said with a pout as she moved her hand away. Normally a comment like that would make me feel like I had to man-up, but for some reason her overt sexual talk was doing nothing for me.

  “I’ve never had any complaints,” I said finally with a wink.

  “I’m sure I wouldn’t be complaining,” she said and I felt her tongue in my ear. It was then that the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I felt a sudden chill. I wasn’t sure how I knew, but I just did. I moved my head to the side and all of a sudden I saw Mila and Sally standing there, staring at me and Louisa. Sally’s eyes were wide and as they met mine, I felt a flicker of worry as something akin to disappointment flashed through her eyes. I immediately stepped away from Louisa and raised my hand and waved my sister and Louisa over to join us. My stomach flipped as I watched them give each other a small look and then walk over to me. I could see Sally muttering something to Mila and I would have given anything to know what she was saying.

  “Fancy seeing you guys here,” I said brightly and gave them both a hug.

  “Hey, bro,” Mila said, her eyes flashing at me.

  “Hi, Cody,” Sally said and looked away.

  “Who’s this, then?” Louisa asked me forcefully. I gave her a small smile and then turned back to the girls.

  “This is Mila, my sister, and this is Sally,” I said, willing Sally to look at me. “She’s Mila’s childhood best friend,” I said and then paused. I didn’t know what else to say. She’s my friend? She’s one of my closest friends? She’s my almost lover? She’s someone I have feelings for that I don’t quite understand? I frowned and then looked at Louisa. “And this is Louisa.”

  “I’m his date,” she said as she offered her hand. “Cody, I didn’t expect to be meeting your family on the first date.” She giggled as she looked up at me. “What’s on the second date? Dinner with your parents?”

  “Ha-ha,” I said, not laughing, feeling annoyed with myself for having brought Louisa to this bar. “So what have you two been up to, then?” I asked both Mila and Sally the question, but my eyes were on Sally, drinking in her face.

  “Drinking. Hanging out,” Mila spoke, and Sally nodded.

  “You guys want a drink?” I asked, offering to buy them a drink even though I knew date protocol should really have me dedicating my time to Louisa.

  “Uhm, are you sure?” Mila looked at me and then at Louisa and made a face. “We don’t want to interrupt your date.”

  “You won’t be,” I said with a smile, feeling annoyed at Mila. Why was she making this more difficult?

  “Well, you might be ruining our style,” Mila continued. “We’re looking for a nice guy.”

  “You have TJ.” I narrowed my eyes at her. “Aren’t you in love with him or something?”

  “I said we’re looking.” Mila rolled her eyes. “The guy isn’t for me, obviously, it’s for Sally.”

  “I see.” I felt my stomach twisting and I looked at Sally. “You didn’t tell me you were looking.”

  “You never really asked.” She shrugged nonchalantly and looked up at me with a faint smile. Her eyes gazed into mine with an innocent look and she reminded me of a doe, all wide-eyed and nervous. What was she thinking? Was she thinking about that night? Was she mad at me? Did she hate me? I wanted to tell her that I was sorry for taking her back to my place. I was sorry for kissing her and touching her. I wanted to tell her that I
hoped she didn’t think I’d taken advantage of her, but more than that I wanted to tell her that I’d spent the last few nights restlessly thinking of her and reliving those moments, wishing things had gone differently. I wanted to tell her that I could still taste her on my lips and feel her nails on my back. I could still feel her silky strands of hair on my chest, teasing my nipples. And I could still feel her quivering body underneath mine. My mind was constantly on her, wishing I could hear her screaming out my name as I took her to heights she’d never known before. I thought that maybe, just maybe, she’d be thinking the same, but no, here she was out looking for a guy, just days after our night. That made me mad and I didn’t even stop to think about what a hypocrite I was being. Here I was, also out, but actually on a date.

  “So you looking to hook-up or for more?” I asked, trying to sound casual. “Or just whatever you can get?”

  “I’m just looking for a nice guy, like every other girl,” Sally said softly.

  “She wants a guy who can commit and show her that she’s special and treat her like a Queen,” Mila said sharply. “She wants a guy who will be there for her and love her and dedicate his life to her.”

  “And you guys came here?” I asked questioningly. “Really?”

  “Are you saying only the shady guys come here?” Mila gave me a pointed look and I glared at her. Why was she trying to force Sally into something?

  “That’s not what I’m saying.” I shook my head. “I just think Sally can meet a higher quality guy than the guys who are here tonight.”

  “You guys don’t have to talk about me like I’m not here,” Sally broke in and put her hands up. “I’m here and just looking to have fun.”

  “Same here.” Louisa pouted and grabbed my arm. “I thought we were going to go back to your place and have some real fun, big boy?” Everyone went quiet at her words and I looked over at Sally to see how she’d reacted. Her face was downcast and she wouldn’t make eye contact with me. I tried not to sigh. This was a mess and I didn’t know how to fix it.

  “We’ll let you guys be, then,” Mila said and gave me a disappointed look. “Sally and I can take care of ourselves and our drinks for the night.”

  “Mila,” I said, annoyed. “I want to buy you guys your first drinks.”

  “We don’t want to interrupt you on your big night, Cody,” Sally spoke up and looked at me coldly. “Louisa doesn’t want her first date with you to also include her sister and her friend.”

  “You’re my friend as well,” I said softly, gazing into her eyes, wanting to pull her into me and kiss her.

  “Yeah, yeah,” she said and pursed her lips.

  “What does that mean?” My voice grew louder and I stepped towards her. “We’re friends, right?”

  “Yeah, of course.” She gave me a big smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “We’re great friends.”

  “Why does that sound insincere?”

  “Cody, let her be.” Mila sounded annoyed. “We’re here to have fun. Sally needs to get laid.”

  “WHAT?” I practically shouted and I felt like fire was shooting from my eyes.

  “I’m joking.” Mila gave me a weird look. “Calm down.”

  “I’m calm,” I said and then looked at Sally. “So maybe we can go to lunch tomorrow?”

  “I’m busy.” She shook her head. “Sorry.”

  “I see.” I frowned. Busy doing what was what I wanted to ask her, but I didn’t.

  “Cody, are you nearly done?” Louisa tapped me on the shoulder impatiently. “I want to get out of here.”

  “Yeah, just a second.” I sighed and tried not to roll my eyes. “What about this weekend?”

  “Sally’s coming over for lunch,” Mila said. “You should come too. We’ll make it a nice family affair.”

  “Fine,” I said with a small frown. I didn’t want to do lunch with TJ and Mila. I wanted to talk to Sally alone. I wanted to make sure everything between us was okay and I wanted to find out what the hell she was doing going to bars looking for other guys. “I’ll be there.”

  “Whoopdedoo.” Mila grabbed Sally’s arm and then looked at me. “Have a good night, Cody. We’ll see you later.”

  “Night,” I said reluctantly and watched as she dragged Sally across the bar and stood next to two athletic-looking guys who immediately started looking at them. I could feel my body growing hot as I watched them standing there studying Sally. I wondered if she was into them? I wondered if she would be dumb enough to fall for their lines. I wondered if she would go home with one of them. My heart stopped at the thought and I looked away quickly.

  “I’m ready to leave now,” Louisa said, staring at me, and I looked down at her in surprise, already having forgotten that she was there.

  “I’ll give you money for a cab,” I said quickly as I pulled out my wallet. “I forgot that I have things to do tonight.”

  “Oh?” She looked put out and pissed off, but I didn’t care.

  “This should cover it.” I handed her a couple of twenties. “I’ll walk with you to get a cab if you want.”

  “Don’t put yourself out,” she said, but I was barely listening to her. My eyes were on Sally and the jock who had just started talking to her. I felt my skin growing cold as she threw her head back and laughed at something he’d said. What the hell was so funny?

  “What is your problem, dude?” Louisa pushed past me and I realized she was leaving. I stared over at Sally flirting with the random guy and then at Louisa as she walked away. I didn’t want to leave the bar, but I knew I wouldn’t be a gentleman if I let Louisa leave without making sure she’d gotten into a taxi safely, so I quickly followed behind her. I’d have to be quick though because I was definitely going to come back to the bar, just to make sure that Mila and Sally were safe and not taken advantage of by the two guys they were talking to, who were looking shadier and shadier by the minute.

  Chapter 12

  Sally

  “So what you up to tonight?” Cody asked me nonchalantly as we waited on Mila and TJ to bring through the lunch. His eyes bore into mine with an intense expression and I wondered what he was thinking. Everything was even more awkward between us since that night we’d nearly made love and the night we’d met up when he’d been on his date. We hadn’t spoken since that night and I wasn’t really sure exactly what he was thinking. All I knew was I had to move on. Seeing him on that date with Louisa had been the nail in the coffin for me. It was then that I’d realized I had to move on. Like, really move on. Cody felt nothing for me, and if he did, he was just playing games. It didn’t—I didn’t—mean anything to him. Not like he meant to me. I needed to just forget about all of my daydreams and hopes. I couldn’t afford to live the rest of my life pining away for him.

  “Not really sure,” I lied, not wanting to tell Cody that I had a date. I was already a nervous wreck and part of me felt like telling Cody about the date would be like slamming the door on our non-existent relationship. And that would mean that I would be giving up all hope. And while I knew I was a fool for having hope in the first place, it was a hard thing to give up. I just really wanted to believe that maybe someday it could happen. Even though I knew I was moving on from him, it was still hard to shut the door completely. I wanted to cry as I sat there, hating myself for being so flimsy and weak. I’d just told myself I was going to move on from him, yet I still wasn’t able to completely make the change.

  “I’m going to go check out a band in the fashion district if you want to come,” he said casually as he sipped some water.

  “Oh? Who?” My heart thudded excitedly. Was he asking me out? I felt myself about to say yes when I realized that in order to accept his very casual invitation, I’d have to ditch my date with Luke. And while I didn’t have the same feeling for Luke, he seemed like a really genuine guy who could really like and be into me and, well, that meant a whole lot more than what Cody was offering. He barely knew what I did for a living. And he never really showed any huge interest in me asid
e from casual hanging out.

  “I can’t remember the name.” He shrugged. “But it’s free and I think it’s sponsored by some brewery, so lots of cheap and free beer.”

  “Oh, I see. Who else is going?”

  “I’m not sure. Some of my buddies and then some girls we met at the bar last week.”

  “Oh?” My stomach dropped and I was glad that I hadn’t dropped my plans and said I was going to go. I didn’t want to be around him and more girls that were all over him talking about their plans for the night.

  “So, yeah, feel free to come.” He shrugged and then stretched his arms. “Mila, where is this food?” he shouted aloud. “Are you trying to make me starve tonight?”

  “Cody, shut-it,” she shouted back at him, and I laughed. “It will be ready soon.”

  “So, I don’t think I can make it tonight,” I said softly and gazed at him, everything in me wanting him to look sad and beg me to come. Even though I knew he wouldn’t.

  “Okay.” He nodded and gave me a smile, no sadness in his eyes or face. As if it meant nothing to him. Which it likely didn’t. Because I meant nothing to him.

  “I have a date,” I said, hoping that maybe that would strike something in him, maybe some sort of jealousy. I knew it was a long shot. I knew I was playing with fire, but I wanted to affect him. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to feel one iota of the jealousy and confusion that I was feeling. How could he not feel it?

  “Cool, good for you. Anyone I know?” He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing slightly, the smile still on his face.

  “You don’t know him. His name is Luke,” I continued, my heart feeling like it was breaking. How could I be so upset about going on a date with someone? I knew that I wasn’t upset about the date, but more so that Cody wasn’t reacting in the way that I wanted him to. Why was he smiling like it was a good thing? Why didn’t he look pissed or upset? Didn’t he care at all?