Bad News

by Lilly James

“What you’ve been through?” I poke him in his chest so hard he rubs at the part where I poked. “You were so angry. Fighting, arguing, you broke Giles Boris’s ribs, Hunter.” I found that part out when I came home yesterday. “You were treating me like a piece of meat!”

  His eyes are scanning my face quickly, taking in the attitude I’m giving him. “I was drunk, Lou.”

  I shake my head, sick of the drunk excuses. “No, you were a fucking lunatic.”

  He steps back. Eyes wide. Mouth open. “You swore?”

  “Yeah I did.” I snap. “And now I’m going to hell because of you!” I shove his shoulder, intending to cause an impact, but it doesn’t and because of it I get angrier! “I don’t want to be in love with an asshole Hunter. I don’t want to be in love with someone who is so angry inside and won’t tell me why. I don’t want to be in love with someone who picks fights. Who messes me around and can’t tell me the fucking truth when I ask for it. And now I’ve sworn again. God, damn it.” In the heat of anger, I realize what I just said. Hunter, too.

  “You don’t want to love someone like me?” He whispers.

  I swallow, not entirely sure how he’s taking my confirmation of love. “I don’t want to.” I sigh. “But I do.”

  Hunter closes his eyes and it’s not what I wanted to happen. What do I want to happen? That he says he loves me too? Just how it’s meant to be? If he doesn’t love me back, that still isn’t going to stop me from loving him. I change the subject quickly.

  “Tell me what’s going on in there.” I tap his temple, and he takes my hand gently and places it against his lips.

  “Too much.” He whispers. “And I can’t say it out loud because it makes me look like a bad person.”

  “You’re not a bad person, Hunter.”

  “I’m bad news, Lou.”

  I exhale to try and compose and stop my tears. “No, you’re not.”

  He steps away from me letting my hand drop to my side. “You don’t know me Blondie.”

  I don’t know why but it hurts. I don’t want to be in love with a boy who thinks I don’t know him. But I am.

  “You’re right. I don’t. I don’t know why were you so drunk last week you felt the need to have a fight. I don’t know why you flaked three times on our first three dates. Why you’re so secretive about your dad. Why you were at the hospital last night.”

  Hunter frowns. “How did you know about that?”

  “My dad called me. Are you going to tell me why?” He scoffs and flaps his hand, dismissing me, so I give up. “You know what, forget it.”I am about to turn away regretfully, but Hunter grabs at my elbow.

  “I have never lied to you, Lou. Ever.”He looks at me coyly. “Maybe I haven’t been honest with you but I have never lied.”

  I snatch my elbow from his grip. “Then care to be honest now?” Hunter clutches his hair and looks away from me. “I’ll take that as a no.” I’m about to walk to the door so I can tell Hunter to leave but he surprises me.

  “My father is sick.” He blurts out. His head falls back, and he looks up to the ceiling. “He’s sick, and I’m allowing my little brother to become his full-time fucking carer because I can’t stand the sight of him.”

  I am stunned into silence. My heart has stopped I’m sure of it. “Your dad is sick?”

  Hunter rubs a hand over his face, a face I have been aching to see for days. Now he’s in front of me looking drained, far away from his funny, fresh looking self.

  “He has cancer, Lou.”

  I gulp. The word cancer sends a shiver down my spine because I know only too well how damaging it can be. “How severe?”

  Hunter looks away from me. It’s like telling me is hard enough for him, never mind explaining it. I don’t urge him, I wait patiently.

  “It’s bad.” He’s angry at himself. “How the fuck can I let a skinny teenage boy care for his dad when he should be out enjoying his life?”

  My mouth goes dry because the question I’m about to ask is risky. However, I ask anyway. “And why has your thirteen-year-old brother been caring for him on his own?”

  Hunter bows his head in shame. “Because I don’t want to help.”

  “I don’t understand.” Why isn’t Hunter helping his brother? Why wouldn’t he want the best care for his dad? I know I would. Why is he being stoical about the whole thing? Or maybe he isn’t. Maybe this is the reason why he’s so angry inside. Hiding so much rage he doesn’t know the best way to handle it. He could have talked to me. I wish he did talk to me. I’m glad he is now.

  “You’re wondering why I haven’t said anything before?” He asks.

  I don’t mind that he may have just read my mind, but what I don’t like is the way he is looking at me. It’s a look that says he thinks I’m judging him, and that is so far from the truth.

  “It’s because I try to forget that my father is in pain. Fuck,” he slumps down on my bed, and his head goes into his hand. “I almost want the motherfucker to be in pain.”

  Now I am judging. “Hunter.” His name is a gasp on my lips. “How can you say that?”

  He looks up at me, impassive, nothing inside his eyes or on his features to say that he is hurting for his father. “I say it with ease.”

  I almost want to tell him to get out. I want to scream and yell at him. He is being immoral. Disrespectful and damn right disgusting. Although, what will that achieve? Too many problems are not resolved because of the lack of communication and the more of arguing. I don’t want to scream at him. I don’t want to yell if it will only make things worse.

  I sit down next to him, so close our thighs are touching. Taking his hand, I place it in my lap, and he finally looks at me. His eyes stare into mine, and I can see pain hidden inside. “Tell me exactly what’s going on in there.” I tap his temple again, and he clenches his eyes shut like my touch has given him some sort of electric shock.

  He takes my hand and kisses my fingers. “You are too pure for me,” he whispers against them. “You find the good in everyone, but I’m sorry to disappoint you Blondie, you won’t find any good in me.”

  “Stop.” I yell, even though I promised myself I wouldn’t. “You are everything good in my life, Hunter. Don’t say that, it hurts to hear you say it.”

  He shakes his head. “Is it good that I can’t care for my own dad because I don’t care about him?”

  I’m so confused. I know Hunter explained to me that his dad used to beat his mom, but is that cause for Hunter to be so cruel right now? “I don’t get it.”

  Hunter laughs spitefully. “You don’t get a lot of things, Lou.”

  I blink a little offended. “You’re right, I don’t. I don’t get it because you don’t tell me! And I don’t get why you think you have to act like this bad boy asshole who doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything just to be impressive.” I bang my fist on my desk. “News flash Hunter, it doesn’t impress me. So, stop. Stop acting like someone who isn’t you, because I know who the real Hunter Holland is, and I am in love with him.”

  Hunter gets to his feet and presses his hands behind his head. “Acting like I don’t care about my dad is not a lie. It’s not a joke, or me just trying to act cool okay. I. Fucking. Hate. Him.”

  I stand in front of him and place my hands on my hips just like my Gran would do. “Well, you need to get your head out of your ass and take a stand, Hunter. Your father has looked after you your whole life, now he needs you to look after him.”

  He pushes me aside. “I’m not listening to this.” And so, he leaves, slamming the door behind him. I almost want to chase him down the halls with a baseball bat. But I don’t because a) I don’t want to make a scene and b) I don’t have a baseball bat.

  I fall down onto my bed and stare at my phone. I have brought the text screen up, but I don’t know what to say to him. Call me. Where are you going? Have you calmed down yet? I don’t know which out of the three is more appropriate–so I send all three. Moments later my phone is ringing. He’s calling
me.

  “I’m at the gym. And no I haven’t calmed down yet.” And he hangs up. Well, it was abrupt, but at least he did what I asked and answered my questions. I pace back and forth, but I’m not settling because I need to speak to Hunter face to face. If I have to go to the gym, he warns me to stay away from, then so be it.

  ***

  I drive to the other side of town and pull up next to Metro’s Gym. I take a deep breath, unbuckle my seat belt and climb out of my car.

  The moment I push open the blacked-out glass door, the sound of rap music hits me in the face. The smell of sweat and grime assaults my nose. Thrashing and yelling from across the room has got my attention, and when I look up, my eyes are fixed on Hunter in the boxing ring. His head is unguarded, his hands in boxing gloves. The boy who is he sparring with him is hunched over, his nose pouring with blood and his eyes looks like two balloons.

  “Give him another fucking jab, Hunt.”

  A small round man is jeering Hunter on, and when Hunter throws the next punch, his opponent falls to the floor, knocked out.

  I rush into the restroom. I think I’m going to throw up. I push open the door of the cubicle, and just stand with my back to the door until I can regain some composure. Calm down, calm down, calm down, I tell myself. It’s just a sport, a violent and ugly dangerous sport that Hunter seems to enjoy.

  I unlock the door when I have calmed, and come face to face with a row of mirrors over the sinks. The mirrors are smashed; graffiti cover the green walls. It smells of stale piss, it’s dark, and the sinks are full of grease.

  “What you doing around these ends Blondie?”

  I jump as I turn around to see who is talking to me.

  “It’s rough around here. Didn’t Hunter tell you not to come to this side of town?”

  I clutch at my chest when I see Jaxon leaning against the wall, his eyes look worried for me.

  I wipe at my teary eyes. “Why is Hunter fighting like that?”

  Jaxon bows his head. “He’s in a bad place right now, Lou. Fighting helps him relieve anger.”

  I narrow my eyes. “Why can’t he tell me about it? Talk to me? I’m his goddam girlfriend.”

  Jaxon nods in agreement. “I know. I’ve told him to let you in, but he’s not listening to anyone.” He steps forward and places a gentle tattooed hand on my shoulder. “Let him cool down. He’ll figure it out.”

  “I won’t let him hurt himself, Jax, or anyone else.”

  “He’s a big boy.” He smiles to try and reassure me. It’s not working.

  “When will he calm down?”

  Jaxon feels sorry for me, I can tell. I don’t know him that well, but I suspect he has a good heart.

  “I can’t tell you that, Lou. That’s his call. But what I can tell you is that he needs you right now.”

  “He doesn’t.” I scoff out of disbelief. “He’s pushing me away.”

  “Then push back harder.” He opens the door and nudges his head. “Go on.”

  I walk out of the restroom, and I see Hunter throwing his duffel bag over his shoulder. He’s about to leave, so I call him before he opens the door.

  “Hunter, you need to talk to me.”

  Hunter spins around and I notice he has a black eye. “Lou?”

  I rush towards him, and when I reach him, I gently touch his cut eye. “You need to clean that up.”

  Hunter takes hold of my wrist. “And you need to get out of here. It’s not safe for a pretty girl like you. I won’t hesitate to step on someone’s fucking face if they so much as look at you the wrong way.” Hunter pulls me out into the street.

  “Hunter!” I yell his name when we get out on the sidewalk. “Stop it. Stop acting like this.”

  He opens his arms wide. He’s angry, and his tone is a growl. “Acting like what? Acting like me?”

  I refuse to believe that this is him. That this ruthless, cold person is anything to do with Hunter at all. “This is not you. I know you.”

  Hunter prods his finger into his chest. “You know what I allow you to know, Lou.”

  I almost want to grip at my hair in despair. He’s pushing my goddamn buttons right now. “Then what’s the point to us?”

  I see the flicker of grief in his eyes. Confused and hurt pass the look on his face.

  “What?”

  “You heard me.” Come on voice, don’t break now. “If you don’t want to show me all of you, if you don’t think you can open up to me after I tell you I love you, and that I will be here for you, then why am I chasing something that isn’t real?”

  Hunter stops to think. I see his Adam's apple dip as he swallows. His head bows back, and he looks up to the night sky.

  “Don’t do this Lou, you know how much you mean to me. I am trying, I’m fucking trying. I just don’t know how to handle everything that’s going on inside my head. Other than fight it out.” Two steps towards me close the gap between us, and he’s holding both my hands to his chest. “How can I let the girl I am madly, deeply in love with, see the side of me that I hate and wish I never had? How do you expect me to explain that I don’t want to hate my dad, but I do, Lou? I fucking hate him. I can’t expect you to love me when you know how heartless I am, so heartless that I wish to fucking God this cancer will kill my dad. I want him to be in pain so he can feel the exact pain he put my mom through from the day she met him.”

  I am doing everything in my power not to cry right now. Forcing myself to keep it together is proving difficult. Trying to steady my shaking hands is almost grueling. To let my heart still love this boy, though? is as easy as counting to three.

  “I am a fuck up, Lou. You said it yourself, you’re scared of me. I get it.”

  Cupping Hunter's cheeks I bring him to me, and he rests his forehead against mine.

  “Then why do I still love you?”

  His clenches his eyes shut. “Don’t.”

  I kiss his lips, taste the salt flavor that a tear from his eye brings. “I will! And I believe you just told me you loved me too?”

  He wraps his arms around my lower back and presses me into his body close and tight.

  “I do love you, Lou. I really do. Please don’t give up on me.”

  I rest my head on his shoulder. “There is nothing to give up on, stupid. Now let’s go home, and you can tell me everything. Deal?”

  Hunter’s body relaxes. “Deal.”

  Chapter 33

  Hunter

  I know we made a deal to talk when we got back to my place. But all I want to do is make love to Louisa. To the girl, I have fallen in love with. Not talk about my fucking waste of space dad.

  “Hunter,” Louisa tries to push me off her. “You agreed.”

  “In a sec.” I’m kissing her lips gently, getting carried away in the moment, lost in thought, all until my phone vibrates in my pocket. I shove my hand, take out my phone and glance at the screen without even breaking the connection of our lips. I see it’s my dad, so I am about to shove my phone back into my pocket and pretend like he doesn’t exist, but Louisa somehow knows what I am up to. She places her hands on my shoulders and stares at me hard with a face that means something serious is about to go down.

  “You need to go and see your father, Hunter.”

  Why, why, why is our moment fucking ruined by a man that has already ruined my life.

  “Louisa…” I just say her name and don’t follow it up with anything. I have nothing to say.

  She thumbs along my eyebrow. “Hunter. Please.”

  I pull away from her harshly, and I hate the way her face screws up because of it. I clench my eyes shut trying to squeeze out frustration, then drop my ass down onto my bed.

  “I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to console him. I don’t want anything to do with him.” I know I am right. I know how I feel. So then why do I have an ache inside my stomach that feels like it’s eating away at me every time I say those things?

  “Hunter… just…” Louisa’s voice trails off as she toys with
the edge of her sweater. She’s standing in the middle of the room, so I scowl. It’s not like her to shy away from telling me off.

  “Just what?”

  She bites her lip, and I can see by the way she is looking at me that she’s having some sort-of inner conflict.

  “Louisa?”

  She lets the hem of her sweater go and throws her arms up in the air. “Right, I am just going to say it because it needs to be said.” She points at me. “And you need to listen.”

  I salute my lady and cross my legs. “All ears.”

  “You have one father, and one father only Hunter. Do you realize how many people are out there, begging to have their father back in their lives?” She rolls her shoulders back. “You know; some people may not have a dad because they don’t want to be there for their child.” She flaps her hand. “Or they have lost them to a fatal accident,” she stares at me pointedly. “An incurable disease.”

  I roll my eyes but Louisa snaps.

  “Don’t you dare roll your eyes at me Holland.”

  I sit up straight on the bed, and I feel my eyes widen. Well, fuck, that got my attention.

  “I didn’t–”

  “I’m still talking!” She barks. I button up and listen.

  She crosses her arms. “I know it may be hard for you to even sympathize with your dad because of the past–”

  “You got that right.” I scoff. Louisa scowls at me. I button up again and nod for her to continue.

  “But if we all lived in the past, our lives would never move forward, Hunter.”

  I feel my fist clenching as I start to relive the past again. “He made my mother’s life hell, Lou, if he didn’t, she would still be here.”

  “I know, Hunter, I know.” Louisa’s voice is completely sympathetic, but she’s not finished with me yet. “But how is he as a dad? not a husband, but your dad.”

  I swallow down a lump that suddenly forms after she asks me that question. No one has ever asked me that question before. I drop my eyes into my lap and remember all the times he took me to baseball practice when I was six. How he would never miss a game. How he would always mend punctures on the wheels of the bright blue bike I had when I was nine. How he taught me to stick up for myself against bullies. He taught me how to throw a punch. He consoled me when I broke my arm from falling off my skateboard.