Now isn’t the best time to overanalyze what just happened a moment ago. I’m not even sure if I will let myself think about it ever again if I’m honest.
“Fuck.” I press my palm to my forehead to come up with a solution. “Can you please tell Nick that I’m so sorry, and I’ll explain everything to him?”
“Of course, I can, babes.” She smiles warmly, adjusting the cat ears on her head.
“Would you mind also telling Abby the same thing for me, please?” Hayden hesitantly speaks from behind me; his proximity causes my pulse to jump.
Anthea crosses her arms and clicks her tongue on the roof of her mouth, tilting her head to the side. “Actually, I do mind.”
I throw him a quizzical look, not realizing how hard it would be to look him in the eyes.
“Did you think I wouldn’t come with you?” Hayden questions with an indigent tone, tearing his harsh stare away from Anthea to gaze at me fondly.
“It doesn’t matter.” I huff, irritated that we’re even standing here in this awkward position. With pleading eyes, I look at Anthea who gives in with a small “Fine, whatever.”
“We need to go, then.” I tug on Hayden’s wrist to drag him down the stairs with me.
Anthea splits off from us to reenter the gym as we jog through the corridors, passing hordes of people who are either making out or innocently talking with others. We burst through the school doors, sprinting through the parking lot to immediately hop in Hayden’s car. He revs the engine to life and speeds down the road faster than I’ve ever seen him drive.
The entire car ride is stuffed with silence and unattainable words. I shoot texts to Gabe on and off to be updated, quietly directing Hayden to the hospital.
As soon as we pull into a parking space, I climb out and scurry inside, trying to keep Hayden with me by tugging on the sleeve of his costume because he apparently knows where he’s going. Which is utter bullshit, but I don’t say that.
Instead, I stop us at a front desk in the maternity wing that we found by pure luck. A nice-looking woman sits in a chair behind a computer, typing away. “Anna Archer!” I tell her my mother’s name, and she glances down at the papers, sending us funny looks, especially at Hayden. “We were at a school dance.” I drone out, rolling my eyes because we’re wasting time.
I just want to get to my family.
The nurse spews out the room number and how to get there. I thank her quickly before we’re off again, spurting through the hospital until we come across 19 above a door that makes us both skid to a stop, nearly knocking into each other.
Hayden chuckles, looking down at me with a breathtaking smile that I return before I remember. My cheeks flame an uncomfortable red as I look away, knocking on the door. When I hear Gabe holler something, I pull the handle to enter, wanting to get away from Hayden as fast as possible.
My mother is laid out on the hospital bed with blankets up to her waist. Her hair is swept off her sweaty forehead in a ponytail, hands resting on her swollen stomach. Gabe sits in the chair next to her with Wylie bouncing around excitedly on his knee.
“Elsie, Hay!” Wylie cheers, jumping away from Gabe to run towards us. I scoop him up in my arms, pressing a sloppy kiss to his cheek as he giggles and tries to push my face away with his little hands.
“Hi, Mama…” I grin, leaning down to peck her flushed cheek. “How are you feeling?” I wonder, glancing to see Hayden move to the end of her bed with hands on the footboard.
“I’m doing okay.” She musters up a simper, and I can see in her eyes that she’s exhausted. “The contractions hurt like hell, but I’ll be okay.” Her eyes trail over my body, observing the costume. “Aw, sweetie, you look so cute! And so do you, Hayden.” She winks, and he blushes, looking down at his feet.
“Adorable, but you’re dressed as a doctor in a hospital,” Gabe says.
I pull Wylie’s hand off my necklace that he’s tugging at. “Maybe they’ll arrest him, if we’re lucky,” I mumble under my breath. The little boy in my arms heard my small outburst, and apparently, everyone else did too.
“Elsie…” Hayden sighs in what sounds like defeat, eyes still focused on the ground as his fingers curl even tighter around the edge of the bed.
I avert my gaze elsewhere, catching my mom’s for a second to notice her curiousness swirling in them. I only shake my head lightly, silently begging her to not ask any questions when even I haven’t figured out what the hell is going on.
“This could take a few hours, Elsie. Why don’t you and Hayden take Wylie back to the house and get some rest?” Mom speaks softly, fingers rubbing her stomach.
I know it’s her way of saying, ‘The two of you need to sort this out.’
“I want to be here.” I frown, not liking the idea of missing the birth or being alone with Hayden. Plus, I need something to take my mind off everything, and I know I won’t be able to sleep anyway.
“I’ll just take them home to get changed. We’ll grab some food and then come back?” Hayden offers, his raspy voice sending a chill down my spine.
“Thank you,” Gabe speaks up since I’m not saying anything. He stands to pat Hayden on the back, nodding. “Did you guys drive Hayden’s truck?”
I nod while Wylie lays his head on my shoulder to rest.
Gabe starts to dig around in my mother’s purse, and she scolds him for making a mess. It’s like Hayden already knows what he’s doing when he says, “I still have that old booster seat you guys gave me in the backseat.”
I kiss my mom one last time, wishing her good luck in case we don’t make it back in time. I pass Wylie off to Hayden to give my arms a break as we walk out, the air thick with tension. We don’t exchange a word, not even when we get in my house until I tell him to put Wylie to bed, and we’ll wake him up before we go.
While Hayden tucks Wylie in, I change, peeling the uncomfortable costume off to replace it with leggings and one of my father’s old sweaters that I kept after he passed.
I look in my mirror to see Hayden coming to a stop at my doorway, leaning against the frame. He picks nervously at his fingers, refusing to meet my eyes.
Dread and utter confusion bubble up my belly as I try to swallow the lump in my throat. “I, um…” I cough, moving to dig through my closet for what I’m looking for. “I have some old clothes you’ve left here,” I say once I’ve emerged, handing him the sweats and the old Rolling Stones tee.
“This works. Thanks,” he murmurs softly, moving further into my room while I stand where he previously was. I turn around and leave, but I hear him say my name with an edge to his tone. “Elsie…”
“Hayden, please don’t,” I beg, keeping my back towards him because I can’t face him right now, not until I collect all of my thoughts first.
“We have to talk about it.”
“Y–you’re you, and I’m me. We’re best friends.” I croak, rubbing my hands over my face to rid the tears that are welling up in my eyes. “You have a girlfriend.”
I never in a million years thought I’d be one of those girls who allows a guy to cheat on his girlfriend, but I am. It makes the guilt literally swallow me alive.
“I know” is all he says with no emotion like the topic doesn’t bother him.
“Dammit…” I almost whine, twisting around to face him, and I’m shocked. His voice makes him sound so distant and uncaring, but his facial expression is the complete opposite. Liquid pools in his green eyes; his lips curve down, and his hands ball into fists. I never thought things would get this messy. “Can we just forget it happened?”
I don’t want that. I don’t want to have to ask the one thing you hear in all the overused movies about tragic love stories, but this feels much worse than it looks on television.
“That’s not where I was hoping this conversation would go,” he says so quietly I almost don’t hear. A small but sad smile blesses his lips when his gaze once again falls to the ground. “You mean the world to me, and I don’t want to lose you.” He huffs, soun
ding doleful. “So if that’s what you want, then fine.”
He seems hurt by my proposition, and I can’t figure out why. Shouldn’t he be jumping at the opportunity to forget it since he has a girlfriend? I mean, what else am I supposed to say? ‘Oh, it’s totally fine that you just two-timed your girlfriend with your best friend, and I have no idea what to think about it because I’m in love with you?’ I can’t do that, even if I want to.
If I were in Abby’s position, I’d be crushed.
I move to walk out again. It’s the only way I know how to respond right now, but I know I’ll regret asking him to forget.
Dazed, I slowly trudge down the steps, on the verge of sobbing till I can’t cry anymore. A thousand thoughts are breezing through my head when I think I hear him let out a string of curses fall from his lips before stomping over to close the bedroom door.
I’ll never forget.
Chapter 18
Elsie
Everything has shifted out of place. After our kiss, nothing has felt right but the kiss. It felt like an unbearable amount of love and home, though it shouldn’t.
I don’t think I’ll ever feel like more of a worse person than I do now. I let a boy go behind his girlfriend’s back, the one girl he should only be kissing like that, the girl he shares I love yous with, and the girl he holds at night. It hurts to think—it really does—but it hurts worse to think that Abby doesn’t even have a clue, and that’s the worst part.
It feels like a secret we’re keeping from everyone. My conscious would be clear if she knew and then decided on her own if she wants to stay with Hayden, even though I would encourage any self-respecting girl to not stay with a boy who cheated on them. I feel like such a hypocrite.
I’m not sure why we kissed, but we did. And I don’t know why Hayden initiated it, but I’m not sure I want to know. He was selfish. He put me in such an awful position, and he knows it. He knows I’m overly sensitive, and I care about everyone’s feelings more than my own; it doesn’t matter who they are.
Yet he still did the one thing that would make guilt swallow me whole.
Once everyone has changed, I pluck a wide-awake Wylie from his bed, strapping him into his booster seat in Hayden’s truck. I avoid his curious gaze in the rearview mirror.
I climb in the passenger seat, buckling myself in. “What do you want to eat, bud?” I ask my little brother, turning around to look at him.
“Tacos!” He cheers, raising his little fists in the air.
I chuckle, taking a small glimpse of the green-eyed boy who has the widest grin on his lips, looking happy for the first time since we arrived at the hospital.
“Tacos it is then.”
Hayden takes us to a drive through and orders for us. After they hand us our food, he pulls into a parking space. I unbuckle myself to give Wylie his tacos, and my brother sets his unwrapped tacos on his legs.
Wylie digs in while Hayden and I fiddle to take our food out, extra careful to not make any contact.
“Don’t spill your drink, Wylie. If you need help just ask, okay?” I send him a brief look to make sure the kiddy cup is still placed in the holder connected to his booster.
Our time sitting there is full of stealing awkward glances and silence.
Thankfully, we’re done soon after. Hayden heads back to the hospital the second he takes his last bite. He sneaks a glance at Wylie through his rearview mirror, and I follow suit, looking over my shoulder. My little brother lets out a huge yawn, eyes fluttering shut and head lolling from side to side as he fights the exhaustion.
“Are you sleepy?” Hayden asks.
Wylie’s eyes fly open, and he straightens up, shaking his head frantically. “No! I’m gonna have a baby sister or brother.”
My mother and Gabe didn’t want to know the gender of their baby, saying it would be fun if it’s a surprise. It’s honestly just nerve-wracking for me.
***
We’re in the eerily clean and white corridors again, except this time, we aren’t running. Hayden falls in line next to me with Wylie on his hip, and I look down. I chuckle and gaze away hastily when he catches me.
“What?”
“That is quite the outfit you have there.” I point up and down his body, referring to the shirt paired with a leather jacket, gray sweats, and sneakers.
“Oh, shut up, will you?” He groans through his amusement, nudging me softly. “I can always remind you of the time you bled through your skirt and had to wear my jeans with that fancy blouse at my aunt’s wedding.”
I gasp and prepare to defend myself and my lady parts, but my little brother speaks up.
“Yeah, shut up, Elsie,” Wylie echoes Hayden sleepily, leaning his head on my best friend’s shoulder while rubbing his eyes. He gives me a teasing smile.
A wicked grin spreads out on Hayden’s pink lips, and he sticks out his tongue in victory.
I playfully gasp, placing my hand over my heart in mock hurt. “Did my own flesh and blood just betray me?” I lunge forward to tickle Wylie relentlessly, digging my fingertips into his ribs.
“Aha!” He pants for air through his cackles that make Hayden snicker. “Stop! Stop! Hayden! Help!” Wylie tries to squirm away.
“I’ve got you, little man,” Hayden says and holds onto Wylie tighter before taking off down the hall, forcing me to chase after them.
Hayden is taller and far more athletic than I’ll ever be, so it’s no surprise that I lose them both along the way. Once I realize that I won’t catch up, I decide to mosey my way back.
I walk through the threshold of my mom’s room with heavy breaths and glare when I see Hayden and Wylie sitting comfortably on the couch.
“It’s still in you?” I tease when I drag my eyes over to my mother and her bulging tummy.
“I could be in labor for hours.” She grimaces at me, not amused by my comment one bit.
“Remind me to never have kids,” I mumble, resting my hands on my hips to calm the beating of my heart.
“You better!” She almost shrieks, pointing at me with narrow eyes. “I want grandchildren before I’m fifty.”
My nose involuntarily scrunches up, looking at her like she’s lost her damn marbles. “You’re getting ahead of yourself. I haven’t even graduated high school yet, so slow your roll.”
She rolls her eyes but laughs nonetheless, knowing I won’t be popping out kids for years to come. Gabe dozes off in a chair, snoring every few seconds.
I can’t help, but I look over at Hayden who’s already gawking at me with a dismayed smile. We drop eye contact immediately, looking at the floor. I’m not able to take the strike of pain that hits my chest, tears burning in my eyes.
One day, I hope we can get past this.
After minutes in the hospital room, we get directed to spend our time in the waiting room to take care of my little brother while my mother gives birth. Wylie denies that he’s sleepy, but soon, he’s knocked out on one of the chairs with a blanket we brought, thumb perched in his mouth.
Us sitting in silence has become more than tiresome, and my legs have fallen asleep. To occupy myself, I begin to pace the empty room while Hayden texts back and forth with Abby who won’t stop blowing up his phone. That is the main reason I get up.
I get a small peek at his screen on accident, and she apparently isn’t too happy that he’s here with me. From what I see, he isn’t even making an effort to stand his ground and stick up for me, only apologizing to her.
Drowsiness only takes me over the more I drag my feet all over the room. I nibble on the tip of my pointer finger in anxiousness. The small clock in the corner of the room hits four in the morning, and I sigh.
“You’re exhausted, Elsie,” Hayden says with concern. “Why don’t you lay your head in my lap and take a nap?”
My body betrays me and lets out a yawn, making it impossible to deny his statement. My drooping eyes stay glued to him as I weigh my options, feeling heavier under his intense stare.
There is that
part of me that is so tired that I want to give in and feel his warm, comforting body against my own as he plays with my hair to put me to sleep. Then there is a bigger part that’s telling me it’s a bad idea, and I should stay far away.
Remorse and shame are taking me over from the inside out. It only gets worse when I remember Abby.
Maybe if Hayden weren’t in a relationship, I wouldn’t have asked him to forget our kiss. Maybe, just maybe, we could have seen where it would take us. But life can’t be based on maybes. He isn’t mine.
I gulp and muster up a small smile. “I’m okay.”
He exhales loudly, staring for a moment more before returning to the game on his phone.
Suddenly, pacing isn’t enough anymore, and I need to get out of this stuffy room. “I’m going to get some coffee…Do you want some?”
“Sure,” he answers curtly, not bothering to look at me.
I hum to myself so I don’t lose my mind while fixing the both of us a warm drink from the cafeteria, knowing how he likes his. Hopefully, this will keep me awake till my mom pushes that baby out.
Minutes turn to hours, and the sun rises in the sky. The clock hits nine, and my mother is still in labor. At this point, I have an oath with myself that I’ll never have kids.
Wylie wakes up at some point and forces Hayden and me to take him for breakfast. Now he sits on the ground on the other side of the room, pushing around a few car toys we brought to entertain him.
When we come back to the room, I take the seat across Hayden so I won’t have to bear the anxiety of sitting next to him. We haven’t made eye contact, let alone exchanged a single word since I brought back our coffees earlier. He just sits there with his phone that is probably on the verge of dying.
“Did you let your mom know where you are?” I ask to start up some sort of conversation, fingers picking at the lid of my third coffee that has done nothing but make my eyes feel heavier.
“I told her the second we were here.” Hayden nods, his tone less snappy than the last time. He catches my eye, and I look away, not prepared at all. I bring my knees up to my chest to comfort myself. “You know that you’re going to have to look at me sometime.”
The Best Friend: A Young Adult Romance Story Page 10