I grunt and rub my palm over my face, his words only stressing me out further.
“You kissed me back…”
It was a mere whisper, but it hit me like he had screamed it at the top of his lungs.
“I know, but I shouldn’t have.” It’s the truth, but that doesn’t stop the ache in my chest. Of course, I’ve always wanted him to kiss me, to hold me close like that, but not like this. “You have a girlfriend, Hayden. Don’t you feel at least a little bit guilty?”
He doesn’t respond, which only makes me feel that much worse. Hayden keeps his eyes on the tips of his fingers that are gripping his phone tighter with each passing second.
“You said to forget it…So you know what, Elsie?” His forest-green eyes catch mine so quickly it startles me, and I take in a sharp breath as he stands from his seat. “It’s forgotten. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” He spits coldly, strolling past an oblivious Wylie out of the room.
My feet hit the floor as I uncurl my legs and set the cup on the ground. I slouch in my seat and rest my face in my hands. I take in a shaky, deep breath to compose myself, so sick of this back and forth between us.
If we don’t personally kill this friendship, that kiss will.
A smaller body pushes my hands away and sets them in my lap. I peel my eyes open to see Wylie sitting on my knees, leaning in to press a kiss to my cheek before resting his head on my shoulder to cuddle close.
“Why are you and Hayden fighting? I thought you loved each other.” He wonders innocently, furrowing his brows.
I sniffle, wiping at my nose with the sleeve of my sweater. “Sometimes the people you love the most are the ones who hurt you the worst.”
He sits up, blinking at me. “Are you guys going to be okay? I don’t want to see you hurt.”
I give him an encouraging smile, cupping his cheek. “I hope so.”
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but would you guys like to meet your baby sister?”
We both turn towards the door where the sweet voice came from. We see a nurse with a wide and adoring grin.
Wylie looks at me with wide sparkling eyes before jumping off my lap to waddle over towards the nurse. I inform her that we’re just waiting for someone else, and she says we can take our time before walking back out.
Hayden joins us again, and I tell him the good news. He helps me pack all of our stuff back up before we arrive in my mother’s room. Wylie is practically sprinting there, and Gabe scoops him up to set my brother down on the couch.
The next couple of hours is spent with my family and my new baby sister, Leena. Hayden continuously sends me glances of regret the entire time, slyly trying to touch or talk to me.
He’s clearly sorry for what he’s said. He constantly says things he doesn’t mean, and I don’t know how much longer I can stick around and put up with it.
“She’s beautiful, Lori,” Hayden says while cradling the new addition to our family, rubbing her cheek with his thumb. “She looks like her sister.”
Chapter 19
Elsie
The day that Leena was born sort of eased the tension between Hayden and me for a little bit. Being around my family held us back from arguing or saying things we didn’t mean, which was a nice break.
We spent hours at the hospital before Gabe ordered us to just go home and get some rest. Hayden drove both Wylie and I home, bidding us a short and shy goodbye before speeding away back to his house.
The rest of that day was spent with my little brother who kept on complaining, asking when we could go back to the hospital so he could hold his sister. He’s been so ecstatic that he’s now an older brother, but I had to tell him that we’d see her soon.
Anthea wakes me up the next morning with a phone call, asking me to go to a party with her later tonight. I tell her that I’d love to, but my mom and the baby are getting released from the hospital to come home, so I should stick around to help them get settled.
It’s a relief that they’re letting my mom come home so soon, and they say she and Leena are both in perfect health.
Afternoon, evening, and night, an eager Wylie bounces on the balls of his feet, watching over the baby like a hawk. It’s too cute, but we tell him to back off a little bit because she’s sleeping, and now he’s pouting.
I spend my time doing the laundry and making food for everyone because Gabe is changing diapers while my mother rests. I don’t mind doing the majority of the work because I know it won’t be like this forever, just until everything falls into place. Plus, it’s a way for me to keep my mind off Hayden.
We haven’t spoken at all today, which is fairly normal. Our friendship isn’t overbearing in the way that we have to speak every second of the day to keep our relationship intact. We actually do a thousand times better when we give one another space.
This is good, though. We’re giving ourselves some moments away to think before we try to break down the walls we built up between us when he decided to kiss me.
I can’t act as if I didn’t have a part in it because I did. I felt that jolt in my system, and I kissed him back; no one forced me to. I’m not afraid of putting our friendship on the line to see where this could take us, and some might ask why I didn’t jump at the chance that was thrown in my face…
Abby.
What if I put myself in her shoes? What if the roles were reversed? I’d be absolutely crushed if I found out my boyfriend had knowingly and willingly kissed his best friend when he swore that he didn’t have feelings for her.
So, time apart will benefit us. Then maybe I won’t think of that kiss every time I look at him. Perhaps it’s just a memory that’ll fade.
The rest of the night drags on until I get a drunken picture around midnight from Anthea and Jake of them playing beer pong with Nick. I giggle, wishing I could have been there to forget everything for a little bit.
When two in the morning rolls around, I decide to give my binge-watching a break because my eyes are starting to burn. I flick off all the lights downstairs, jogging up the steps to pass the baby’s room. My mom smiles at me, rocking Leena from side to side. I wish her a goodnight, kissing them both on the cheek.
All I want is to drop on my bed, but I peel my clothes off to replace them with sweats and a baseball tee. The lack of sleep lately is starting to catch up with me. I trudge over to my bed, looking forward to a good night’s rest.
I’m nearly under the covers when my phone goes off on my bedside table. I mentally prepare myself for an intoxicated conversation with Anthea, but I’m surprised when I pick it up to see Gwen’s name flash on the screen.
“Hello?” I answer with a curious tone after sliding my finger across the green button, worry stirring in my stomach. “Is everything okay?”
“I–I’m not really sure…” she mumbles off into the receiver, voice trembling. I hear his voice shout something in the background, but I can’t quite make it out. “He’s been like this since he came back from a party thirty minutes ago,” Gwen whispers through some rustling. “He’s locked himself in his room and keeps shouting things, and I hear things break, but I don’t know what to do. I haven’t seen him like this since our parents split up, Elsie.”
I’m guessing since the cops haven’t been called yet that his mother is working the late shift at the children’s hospital.
Unfortunately, I’m one of the very few people who’ve seen him absolutely lose it and stick around for the aftermath just to make sure he’s okay. I’m not sure if I’m the best person to fix this right now, but then again Gwen doesn’t know any more than I do.
“I’m on my way, okay?” I crawl out of bed to grab my keys. “Just call me if anything else happens. I’ll be there for a couple of minutes.”
Once I’ve hung up, I give my mom the short version, telling her I’ll be back soon. She gives me one of those motherly concerned looks, and I know what she wants to say, but I just shake my head and leave.
Her unsaid words are practically circlin
g in my head: ‘One of these days, that boy is going to break you till there’s nothing left.’
I know that—I really do—but I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to let him go. He’s already broke me, but he’s the only one who can piece me back together.
As I speed over, the only thing I can think is something isn’t right. He’d never want to frighten his sister like this, and Gwen’s right; he hasn’t behaved this way in years.
Their house comes into view, and I park my car in the driveway, shutting it off and sprinting to the front door, banging on it. It flies open seconds later to reveal a distressed looking Gwen who tugs me inside.
“Tell me what’s happened…” She holds intense eye contact with me.
“I don’t know what you mean.” I jump when I hear a crash come from upstairs.
“Something must have happened. He’s been moping about all day before he left like a lost little puppy, and when, he came back he’s been mumbling your name in between shouts.”
I sigh, feeling my heart pound. “We had a fight, I guess.” I gaze up the staircase when I hear his raspy voice yell something. “I’m going to head up and check on him, okay?”
Gwen nods, wiping at her tearstained cheeks.
I climb the stairs slowly, eyeing his bedroom door that’s sealed shut. I jiggle the handle to find that it won’t budge, and in that second, everything on the other side halts and falls to complete silence, no more jumbled words falling from him.
“Hayden?” I ask softly, tapping my finger on the wood. “Can you please unlock the door? I want to make sure you’re okay.”
All I hear is a loud huff that’s followed by a click. I inhale deeply before twisting the nob to walk through the threshold in enough time to see him slide down the wall across the way, putting his head in his hands.
I freeze when I see the mirror that’s normally hung on the outside of his bathroom door is now shattered to pieces. Shards of glass lay all over the ground, and everything that had been on his dresser was knocked to the floor. His room is a mess.
Slowly I approach him, taking a seat right in front of his curled-up figure. I lightly wrap my hands around his ankles to straighten his legs so I can sit with my knees resting on his thighs.
The close proximity makes my pulse race, but I can’t focus on that; I’m here to concentrate on him.
With my bottom lip pulled between my teeth, I just sit there, not uttering a word. The last thing I want is to push him. I need him to know that I’m here when he’s ready to talk.
Moments of silence pass by before he finally slides his hands away from his face, and he places one on my leg. On accident, my eyes squeeze shut when I see his bloodied knuckles, letting me know that he had punched the mirror.
I gaze at his face. Hayden’s bloodshot eyes are watery, cheeks the reddest I’ve ever seen, messy locks pushed under a beanie, and lips chapped. I come to the conclusion that he’s completely and totally wasted, not to mention the smell of alcohol that’s wafting off him.
“Hi,” I whisper with a warm smile, tucking my finger under his chin to lift his head.
“Hi,” he slurs back huskily, voice raw.
He nibbles harshly on his lips, and his hands tremble. I grab them in my own, careful to avoid his wounds to let him know that I’m here. He looks like a terrified little boy who is seconds away from getting scolded for breaking his parents’ lamp.
“Do you want to tell me what’s going on, or do you not want to talk about it?” I scrunch my nose, running my thumb along the skin of his uninjured knuckles.
His green eyes search mine carefully, and I frown. “I’d rather not talk about it, please.”
I nod in understanding, just letting him sit here with me. He leans forward with our fingers still intertwined to lay his head on my shoulder, nose nudging against my neck.
Some may get annoyed with constantly having to take care and reassure someone else because they’re the only person who knows them well enough to calm them down, but I don’t.
This boy means too much to me for something stupid to get in the way of my love for him. I don’t care if I have to come to his house in the middle of the night because he’s going on a rampage. I don’t mind cleaning up his messes. I don’t mind loving him. It’s just hard sometimes.
I release one of his hands to swipe at his cheek that isn’t pressed against my shirt, removing the tears that had spilled. He brings his head up slightly to gaze at me, and I give him a small smile before he rests his forehead against my own.
“Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” I start to stand, bending back down to help him up. He still keeps his grip on me, refusing to let go.
I lead us over to the bathroom and uncomfortably try to reach over the glass to open the door. I manage to step over the shards, and he does the same, wincing when he realizes that he did that.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say gingerly, pushing on his shoulders to sit him on the toilet as I dig around the cabinets for medical supplies. “I’ll clean it up.”
He jumps, hisses, and whines when I use tweezers to pluck the slivers of glass from his skin and disinfect it. He tries to pull away, but I only hold on tighter, caressing his skin and letting him squeeze my hip for a distraction.
After I’m done touching it up, I apply some ointment and wrap a white bandage around his hand in hopes that it will heal. I know that once I leave, he won’t do any of this over the next few days; he’ll probably leave it open and unattended till it scabs over.
The doorbell ringing downstairs grabs my attention. I peek back at Hayden to see an unfazed expression on his face, eyes swirling with sorrow and remorse.
“Thank you,” Hayden says just below his normal octave, standing to tower over me while I place everything back into its bag and shove it under the sink.
I twist back around to look up at him, holding his gaze to tell him that I’m here. “Always…”
My heart suddenly drops to the pits of my stomach that is churning like I can be sick any second when her voice rings through the room, calling out for him as the footsteps echo up the stairs.
Hayden is desperately trying to maintain my attention that I directed towards his room where Abby stands with arms folded over her chest. I swallow harshly, hands shaking profusely when I step out of the bathroom with Hayden following.
“I believe your job is finished here, Elsie,” Abby states sternly, an icy expression pinning me down.
“I’m sorry?” I question accusingly to make sure I heard her correctly.
Who was here to take care of him? To calm him down when he was close to hurting himself? To clean up his bloody hands?
“He called me earlier to come over. Did he call you?” she asks in a sickeningly sweet tone, cocking her head to the side. I remain quiet, not sure what to say. “That’s what I thought. I can handle my own boyfriend. I think it’s about time you leave…” Abby looks over at Hayden for backup.
I turn to face the boy who’s standing behind me, catching a wide-eyed Gwen at the door in the process. “Do you want me to go?” I ask sadly. Something deep inside me wishes that he’ll tell Abby to leave and ask me to stay.
However, hope is a fickle bitch.
“Yeah, I do,” he answers breathlessly, not having the courage to look me in the eyes.
I suck in a sharp breath when I feel a painful jab to my chest. I nod with a bitter smile on my lips, fighting back the tears that so badly want to pour out. However, I refuse to give him and his girlfriend who’s standing with a wicked smile that kind of satisfaction.
Is this how it’s going to be now? He’s going to push me away? I shouldn’t have come. There was that small voice telling me that he’s going to break my heart every time. It doesn’t seem to matter that I came here to let him cry in my arms, clean his wounds, and just sit there in silence until the pain went away…
I’ll never be his first choice.
Without another word, just the feeling of my chest tightening, I stumb
le out of the room and brush past Gwen to rush down the stairs. When I make it to the bottom, I feel someone tug on my arm and pull me into a hug, and it takes everything in me to not breakdown.
“I just need to go home, G. I’ll call you soon, okay?” I choke out, pulling away from her to walk out the front door and scurry down to my vehicle.
Once inside the solitary space of my car, I finally let the tears flow out of my eyes like a waterfall. One after the other and they don’t stop, just adding to the agony I feel inside.
Hayden gets to me in ways no one else knows how. I shouldn’t let him, but I can’t help it. So instead of actually doing something about it, I just sit here and pathetically sob my eyes out in front of his house.
With blurry vision, I pick up the phone I left in my car. My trembling fingers type out the words to him. I read it over once just to make sure it makes sense before clicking send, needing to get it off my chest
Me: You always say how you don’t want to lose me, but you’re making it pretty easy for that to happen.
Chapter 20
Elsie
Days and hours slip away and morph into an entire week of avoiding Hayden. Which seems to be something I’m getting pretty good at.
That night I left, just as he asked, because I wanted to respect what he wanted, even though what he wanted wasn’t me. The next morning, Hayden blows up my phone in a tizzy after reading the rash text I sent him. He’s falling over himself apologizing and begging me to answer so I can tell him what happened.
He had been so drunk that he didn’t remember hurting me. He didn’t remember picking his girlfriend over me, again. I didn’t answer him like he asked. I made the choice that if he truly wanted to know, then he could ask Abby—who’d probably lie—or Gwen who witnessed it all.
I wish he were sober so he could have seen for himself the way his oh so sweet girlfriend is actually the devil reincarnated. She either ignores me or puts on a show in front of Hayden just to try and make me seem like the bad guy.
The Best Friend: A Young Adult Romance Story Page 11