Incognito

by Nick Payne

Elouise The boys and I have been –

  Harvey Honey, something real big happened at work today.

  Elouise Well, I should hope so –

  Harvey No, I mean real big.

  Elouise (beat) Well, are you gonna tell me or am I gonna have to –

  Harvey Albert Einstein passed away.

  Elouise What?

  Harvey You remember I told you he came inna the hospital a couple of weeks back and we took some blood and urine?

  Elouise Yuh-huh.

  Harvey This morning I got a call from Jack who just got off the phone with Guy Dean. The professor suffered an aneurysm overnight and they couldn’t stop the bleeding. The professor’s son, a fella named Hans Albert –

  Elouise Beautiful name.

  Harvey You think?

  Elouise I really do.

  Harvey I think it’s kinda austere.

  Elouise It’s a beautiful name.

  Harvey Anyway: Hans Albert wants Jack to perform the autopsy, but Jack’s away in –

  Elouise Vermont.

  Harvey Right. So Jack calls me and he says: ‘Harve, you gotta do this.’

  Elouise Oh. My. God.

  Harvey So I get outta bed –

  Elouise Why didn’t you mention none of this this morning?

  Harvey There wasn’t time to get into it.

  Elouise So what happened when you made it to the hospital?

  Harvey When I get there, I’m introduced to this fella named Otto Nathan.

  Elouise German?

  Harvey Maybe.

  Elouise Otto.

  Harvey Right.

  Elouise Otto Nathan.

  Harvey He’s the professor’s executor. Wants to meet me. Says he wants to watch.

  Elouise Watch?

  Harvey The autopsy.

  Elouise That is not normal.

  Harvey Fella seems kinda normal to me.

  Elouise Who watches autopsies?

  Harvey He’s distraught.

  Elouise It ain’t right.

  Harvey Honey, honey: here’s the thing.

  Elouise What’s the thing?

  Harvey He –

  Elouise Tell me what the thing is.

  Harvey He wants me to speak to the press first thing tomorrow morning.

  Elouise Oh. My. God.

  Harvey Could be a helluva crowd.

  Elouise I gotta call Ma.

  Harvey No.

  Elouise What?

  Harvey She hasta read about it in the news like everybody else.

  Elouise When she reads about it in the news, you know what she’s gonna think? She’s gonna think how come I ain’t heard about this already. And you know what she’s gonna do then?

  Harvey There’s something else.

  Elouise What?

  Harvey Something else I gotta tell ya.

  Elouise (beat) What’d you do?

  Harvey I was, I was looking at this fella, right? One of the greatest minds of the twentieth century, right, no question. And he’s pale. And he’s kinda small. Fragile-looking, okay, kinda small and kinda fragile-looking. And I say to Otto, I say: you got any kinda studies lined up? And he looks at me and I say: studies, you know, scientific? This is the brain of a genius, right, it oughta be studied.

  Elouise Thomas Harvey –

  Harvey Just lemme …! So I ask about the will. I say there’s gotta be something in the professor’s will, right? The fella’s clueless. Anyway, the point – I got the professor in fronta me, I already opened him up and I’m looking at this … brain, and I’m thinking to myself: this could be the biggest moment of my life. So I took it.

  Elouise The moment?

  Harvey The brain.

  Elouise What?

  Harvey I took the brain.

  Elouise You took Albert Einstein’s brain –

  Harvey Exactly.

  Elouise You took Albert Einstein’s brain, are you kidding me?!

  Harvey Honey –

  Elouise Is that even legal?

  Harvey Of course it is. I’m a pathologist.

  Elouise You’re seriously tryina tell me –

  Harvey I took the brain.

  Elouise What’d you do with it?

  Harvey It’s in the trunk of the car.

  Elouise Sweet mother of –

  Harvey Elouise, you gotta calm down.

  Elouise In the trunk of the car, are you kidding me?

  Harvey I didn’t wanna leave it at the hospital.

  Elouise Well, you gotta give it back.

  Harvey I’m gonna speak to Hans Albert.

  Elouise Thomas Harvey –

  Harvey Listen: I’m gonna speak to Hans Albert and I’m gonna straighten this whole thing out.

  Elouise I need a drink.

  VictorHello Henry.

  Margaret Hello Henry.

  Henry Hello my love, where have you been?

  Margaret Right here. I’ve been right here.

  Henry I thought you’d left?

  Margaret No.

  Henry Well, it’s good to see you.

  Margaret You too.

  Victor Did you have a good night’s sleep, Henry?

  Henry Tell you the truth, I didn’t stay awake to find out.

  Margaret Henry?

  Henry Yes, my love.

  Margaret I was wondering if you might be able to play something on the piano for Dr Milner?

  Henry …

  Margaret Henry.

  Henry Hello my love, where have you been?

  Margaret Here, I am always here.

  Henry I thought you’d left?

  Margaret Henry, please listen to me.

  Henry It’s good to see you, my love.

  Margaret Henry, please!

  Victor Perhaps we ought to leave it there?

  Margaret Henry, Dr Milner and I would like to hear you play the piano.

  Henry Alright.

  Margaret Now, Henry.

  Henry I might be a bit rusty.

  Margaret It doesn’t matter.

  Henry moves to the piano and takes a seat.

  Henry (beat) I’m not sure I know how to?

  Margaret You do. I promise you.

  Beat. Margaret takes a seat beside Henry.

  Victor Margaret, I know this is difficult, but we –

  Margaret (to Henry) Ready?

  Henry As I’ll ever be.

  Margaret (beat) Henry, please.

  Henry plays a note.

  Margaret That’s it.

  Henry plays a different note.

  That’s it.

  Henry plays a different note. Beat. Plays a few more notes; he’s nearly playing a melody. Beat.

  Henry?

  Henry Hello my love, where have you been?

  Margaret shoves or pushes Henry out of sheer frustration. This frightens Henry.

  I don’t understand?

  Margaret I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I …

  Margaret kisses Henry softly on the lips.

  Victor Thank you, Henry. I’ll think we’ll stop there.

  MarthaMorning.

  Patricia Hello Martha.

  Martha How are you?

  Patricia I think I’m pretty terrifically hungover.

  Martha Same. (Beat.) Was I sick?

  Patricia A little bit.

  Martha You can say.

  Patricia You were pretty sick.

  Martha Sick-in-here sick, or sick-somewhere-else sick?

  Patricia A mix of outside and in.

  Martha I’m so sorry. Did you have to clean up?

  Patricia I thought it was the ladylike thing to do.

  Martha What did you use?

  Patricia I used some towels.

  Martha Towels plural?

  Patricia Yeah.

  Martha How many towels plural?

  Patricia Three.

  Martha I was sick on three towels?

  Patricia You weren’t strictly speaking sick on the towels, no. But, yes, the towels were the main cleaning implement used to dispens
e of the sick.

  Martha Whereabouts?

  Patricia A combination of the bathroom and ze landing.

  Martha Christ. I am so –

  Patricia It’s totally fine.

  Martha It’s not.

  Patricia It really is.

  Martha Thank you for looking after me. In my own home no less. (Beat.) I have to go to work now.

  Patricia Okay – When d’you, when d’you need to – Can I have, like, ten minutes –

  Martha You can stay. If you wanted.

  Patricia Oh.

  Martha Help yourself to some. Bran Flakes. If you like.

  Patricia Oh, okay.

  Martha Or go. If you – I can –

  Patricia No, it’s a two-day, so Bran Flakes would be, fucking, bang on.

  Martha There’s a spare key, also, if you wanted to come and go.

  Patricia Wow.

  Martha Or not.

  Patricia No, that’s –

  Martha I’ll be back around sevenish.

  Patricia Okay.

  Martha But if you need to go –

  Patricia I’m redundant, so.

  Martha I have Netflix.

  Patricia Nice.

  Martha If you – I don’t know – If you didn’t feel like – If you felt like a day in front of the –

  Patricia Netflix sounds epic.

  Martha I ought to go.

  Patricia I ought to have some Bran Flakes.

  Martha There’s my mobile and my direct line, just in case.

  Patricia Okay.

  Martha Only just in case.

  Patricia Your secret’s safe with me.

  Martha What?

  Patricia Have a really good day at work.

  Martha Yes. I’m really sorry again you had to clear up my sick.

  Patricia It’s the towels you ought to be apologising to.

  Martha Have a good day.

  Patricia Yes.

  Martha Bye.

  Patricia Bye.

  Martha Bye.

  Harvey (to Hans Albert) It’s a real pleasure to meet you, sir. This is my wife, Elouise.

  Elouise Pleased to meet you, Mr … Einstein?

  Hans A. You can call me Hans, if you like; it’s a bit more straightforward.

  Elouise Hans. I gotta tell you, you got a great name.

  Hans A. Thank you, Mrs Harvey.

  Elouise Will you be staying for dinner, Hans?

  Hans A. No thank you, Mrs Harvey, I don’t think so.

  Elouise There’s meatloaf.

  Hans A. I wish I could oblige but my appetite has been somewhat diminished of late.

  Elouise I can’t begin to imagine what you must have been through. I was very sorry to hear of your father’s passing.

  Hans A. Thank you.

  Elouise Can we offer you something to drink?

  Hans A. Oh, no thank you.

  Harvey How was the journey from California, Mr Einstein?

  Elouise Hans.

  Hans A. Long, sadly.

  Harvey I’m sorry to hear that. (Beat.) Well. Thank you for coming to see us this evening. (Beat, nervously kicking things off.) Sir, I wish to study your father’s brain. I believe there could be great, untold scientific value in doing so. Furthermore, if you entrust your father’s brain to me, not only will I take great care of it, I will ensure that it will be neither exploited or exposed to adverse publicity. Any research findings will appear only in accredited, scientific journals. (Beat.) That’s it. That’s my pitch.

  Elouise Honey, don’t call it a pitch.

  Hans A. I can’t pretend I wasn’t a little distressed when I heard that you had removed my father’s brain, Mr Harvey.

  Harvey And I –

  Elouise Let the man speak.

  Harvey Sorry.

  Hans A. (‘thank you’) Mrs Harvey. I have spent my life living in my father’s shadow, Mr Harvey. Perhaps I ought to feel outraged, as some do, at what you have done. But I don’t. My father was a strange, often cruel individual and I –

  Harvey I’m sorry to hear that.

  Elouise Honey.

  Harvey Sorry.

  Hans A. If you truly wish to study my father’s brain then I am happy to grant you permission to do so. But I wish to have no part in it.

  Harvey I understand. Thank you. I think this could be the start of something really spectacular, real important.

  Elouise How long will you be in New Jersey for, Hans?

  Hans A. A week or so.

  Elouise Do you have your family with you?

  Hans A. Yes.

  Elouise Two boys, is that right?

  Hans A. And a daughter, that’s correct. Bernhard, Klaus and Evelyn.

  Elouise Beautiful names.

  Hans A. We like to think so.

  Elouise Sure you don’t wanna take a little meatloaf for the family? I make a helluva meatloaf.

  Hans A. I don’t doubt it.

  Harvey I can vouch for that.

  Hans A. That’s very kind of you, Mrs Harvey, but no thank you.

  Elouise Call me Elouise.

  Hans A. Mr Harvey, may I ask you a question?

  Harvey Shoot.

  Hans A. Do you have it here?

  Harvey The brain?

  Hans A. That’s correct.

  Harvey It’s in the basement.

  Hans A. The basement?

  Harvey It’s a matter of temperature. Not to mention safety.

  Hans A. You’re preserving it in some kind of solution, I presume?

  Harvey You bet. I dissected the brain into two hundred and forty-two pieces –

  Elouise Honey.

  Harvey What?

  Elouise Too much.

  Hans A. I don’t mind.

  Harvey You wanna see it?

  Elouise Of course he doesn’t wanna –

  Hans A. No thank you.

  Harvey Lemme give you my card. You change your mind, maybe you, uh, maybe you wanna see it, anything, you just call that number right there. Anytime.

  Hans A. Thank you.

  VictorHello Henry.

  Henry Hello.

  Margaret Hello Henry.

  Henry Hello my love, where have you been?

  Margaret I’ve been right here, Henry.

  Henry It’s good to see you.

  Victor Henry, may I ask you a question?

  Henry Please.

  Victor Have we met before?

  Henry Have …

  Victor We met before.

  Henry Not … not that I can recall. No.

  Victor Henry, do you know where you are?

  Henry I’m on my way home … Margaret and I went to … London. I am due to receive an operation, to alleviate my … seizures. And, then, once that’s all done and dusted, Margaret and I will be able to take our … honeymoon.

  Margaret Henry.

  Henry Yes, my love.

  Margaret Dr Milner and I were wondering if you might play us something on the piano?

  Henry Alright.

  Margaret Thank you, Henry.

  Henry I might be a bit rusty.

  Margaret You won’t.

  Henry moves to the piano and takes a seat. Beat.

  Henry I’m not sure I know how to?

  Margaret You do.

  Beat.

  Margaret (takes a seat beside Henry) I’ll start you off.

  She plays a note. Henry mimics, quickly and accurately. Henry now plays one or two more notes without Margaret’s assistance.

  That’s it, Henry.

  Henry plays a melody. It’s a bit slow and bit ropey here and there, but nonetheless it’s a complete melody for the first time. Henry falters and stops. Beat.

  Henry, that was wonderful. Wasn’t it?

  Victor Yes. Thank you, Henry.

  Margaret You see, he’s –

  Victor Yes.

  Margaret He’s improving.

  Victor He is.

  Margaret He’s improving. You’re improving.

  Anthony Imagination i
s more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world, do you know who said that?

  Martha Who?

  Anthony Einstein.

  Martha I didn’t know that.

  Anthony Have I told you about Deborah?

  Martha Anthony, would you mind if I ask you some questions?

  Anthony Of course not.

  Martha Great.

  Anthony Have I told you about Deborah?

  Martha …

  Anthony I’m going to ask her to marry me. D’you wanna see the ring?

  Martha If you want.

  Anthony Must’ve left it somewhere.

  Martha Anthony. Anthony –

  Anthony Deborah’s a physicist, have I told you about Deborah?

  Martha You have.

  Anthony D’you know how we met?

  Martha I don’t, no.

  Anthony We met at York. Have you been to York?

  Martha I haven’t, no.

  Anthony We met at a party. That’s the good thing about the first year of undergraduate study, you get to interact with students from other subjects. I guess maybe later on there’s no need to, to interact with other subjects. Deborah was at the party, I went outside because I’m not, I’m not really a fan of small spaces. I was with everyone, in the kitchen. I went outside to smoke. Deborah was outside and there were starlings. It was a beautifully clear evening. We watched the starlings. I love how they come together and move away and then come back together. They sometimes look like half a shape. It’s beautiful.

  Martha Anthony, can I ask you to do something for me, please?

  Anthony Absolutely.

  Martha I’m going to time you, I’m going to give you one minute, and in that minute I’d like you to list as many animals as you possibly can beginning with the letter S. Is that clear?

  Anthony Okay, alright.

  Martha As many animals as you can beginning with the letter S. Ready …? Go.

  Anthony Ss … Ss … Sausage dog … Hedgehog … Ss … Shoe …

  Martha (beat, then) Anthony?

  Anthony Yes.

  Martha Everything alright?

  Anthony Everything’s fine; are you alright?

  Martha I’m very well thank you.

  Anthony Would you like me to get you something to drink?

  Martha No thank you.

  Anthony Have I told you about Deborah?

  Martha A little.

  Anthony She’s extraordinary, really an extraordinary person; do you know about her father?

  Martha I don’t.

  Anthony He died when she was very young.

  Martha I’m sorry to hear that.

  Anthony He had a heart attack. She told me he used to drink a lot. She read The Time Machine and committed to the idea that she could build a time machine and go back to him. She described seeing him in an open casket; he was wearing a blue suit, and she cried and she said ‘I’m, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’