Little Samantha's Choice

by Meredith O'Reilly

Jackson smiled as he reached for my bottle and began to nurse me. I closed my eyes, leaning against him and holding my Molly doll. No matter how I felt, being held in my daddy’s arms always made me calm down and just feel safe.

  When I finished my bottle, my daddy pulled it out of my mouth and asked, “So what would you like to do today, pumpkin?”

  “Can we just relax and watch a movie for now?”

  “Of course, sweetie. What would you like to watch?”

  “Monsters Inc., please.”

  “Okay. Let’s go downstairs and I’ll set it up.”

  “Thank you, Daddy,” I said, as he picked me and Molly up and carried us downstairs.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  It had been a week since Jackson and I had talked about how I was feeling, and it was the day of the munch and my staff holiday party. I felt so nervous about going to the munch. I was terrified that I would see someone I knew and that they would tell everyone how Jackson and I liked to role play.

  Jackson kept promising me that wouldn’t happen, but no one—not even my husband—could guarantee something like that wouldn’t happen. Other than that, I was intrigued to meet other people who participated in the lifestyle. I thought it would be fun to make some friends with other little girls and boys so I could talk to them about their experiences.

  Then my thoughts turned toward the past week. Jackson had been such a great husband and Daddy to me, and we’d kept things pretty light during the weekend. We just hung out and did some childish things like coloring, or he spent an hour reading picture books to me. When I started getting tired in the afternoon, he took a nap with me and Molly.

  When I went back to work, I got on my “A” game and made up for last week, in which I hardly got anything done since I was so distracted. Each day when I got home, Jackson would have dinner ready and after dinner, we would play a game or watch a movie. Then when it was bed time, I still got read my story and fed my bottle, and I would fall asleep so happy. It really was the perfect week because there was no longer any secrets between my husband and me.

  Suddenly, Jackson popped his head into our bedroom doorway and asked, “You ready, baby girl?”

  “Yes,” I said, taking one last look in the mirror. We had decided to dress normally, considering this was our first time at a munch and we didn’t know what to expect. Also, if I saw someone I knew, I didn’t want them seeing me dressed as a child. I had decided to wear black pants with a light pink blouse. I would also wear my winter coat and a pair of gloves. The gloves had little princesses on them, but that was the only item I would wear that could be considered childish. Jackson chose to wear a pair of black pants with a blue button down shirt and his winter coat.

  I jumped when I felt his hands on my shoulders.

  He began to gently massage them. “Sweetie, you’re so tense. Are you sure that you want to go to this? I know that I’m the one who suggested it, but if it makes you this stressed, we don’t have to go.”

  “No. I want to go. Even if I am freaking out inside,” I said, rubbing my hands together.

  “I have an idea that might make you feel a little better. Is this the purse you’ll be bringing?” he asked, gesturing to my black purse on the bed. The purse was huge and Jackson liked to joke that I could fit our entire kitchen in it if I really wanted to.

  “Yes,” I said, not sure where he was going with this.

  “I’ll be right back,” he said, stepping out of the room with my purse.

  I didn’t understand what he was doing until he came back into our bedroom and handed me my purse.

  “Umm… thanks,” I said, taking it and realizing that it was heavier than it had been before. I opened it and saw that Molly was tucked inside of it.

  I looked up at my husband and he said, “I thought that might help. No one will be able to tell that you have her in there with you. And if you get nervous, all you have to do is just stick your hand in your purse and you can touch her. But if you don’t like it, you don’t have to bring Molly.”

  “It’s okay. I like it,” I said, still keeping my hand on Molly. Having Molly in my purse really did make me relax more. I don’t know how or why, but it did, and that’s all that mattered to me right then.

  We finished getting ready and put on our coats, gloves, and shoes.

  I turned toward Jackson and said, “I’m ready now, Daddy.” He looked at me with that happy smile on his face and I felt even better about the entire thing. My daddy took my hand and together we left our house, got in our car, and were off to the munch.

  The munch was being held in a private banquet room, so when Jackson and I got to the restaurant, we went into that room. There were quite a few more people than either of us thought would be at the munch—about forty people were there. I immediately began to feel shy and with one of my hands, I grabbed Jackson’s hand and with the other, I felt the inside of my purse for Molly.

  “You okay, baby girl?” Jackson asked, turning his head towards me.

  I just nodded.

  He gave me a knowing look and said, “Why don’t we go find some seats and we can get some food from the buffet.”

  I nodded again.

  There were six tables in the room and each table had ten seats around it. Jackson chose a table that two people were already sitting at. I sat down next to a woman who had blonde hair cut in a bob style. The woman had lightly tanned skin and looked like she could take on the world.

  “I’ll go get us food, sweetie,” Jackson said, standing and walking over to the buffet table.

  I just nodded my head and reached in my purse to touch Molly again. My nerves subsided until the lady sitting next to me turned and started to talk to me.

  “Is this your first time here?”

  I nodded.

  The woman smiled at me.”Hi, I’m Meghan. What’s your name?”

  “Sa-Samantha.” My face turned bright red from embarrassment at being so shy while talking to a nice looking lady.

  “Can I tell you a secret, Samantha?”

  I nodded and leaned closer to her.

  “There is no reason to be afraid here. Everyone here will never reveal anything they see or hear. You can trust us.”

  I pulled my head back and nodded. I had never been this shy before. I was an executive of a company. Normally, I was very outgoing, but today I truly felt like a four-year-old girl in a huge room with strangers, and all I wanted was my daddy to come back and protect me.

  “Samantha, would you like to meet my husband? Maybe you two will be able to talk a little more,” Meghan said as she leaned back in her seat so I could see her husband. He looked to be about 5’10’’, with dark brown hair and brown eyes. His skin was also lightly tanned, leading me to believe that he and Meghan had just gotten back from a vacation somewhere warm.

  “Joey, this is Samantha. Samantha, this is Joey.”

  “Hi,” Joey said, waving his hand shyly at me.

  “Hi,” I waved back hesitantly. I noticed that he had a small carry-on bag and he had one of his hands in it. I turned towards Meghan. “You’re Joey’s mommy?”

  She smiled and took her husband’s free hand in hers. “Yes, I am. But foremost, Joey is my husband, my best friend, and then my little man.”

  I liked that she had said that. It told me that they engaged in the same respected age play relationship as Jackson and I did.

  “How long have you guys been playing together?”

  “We’ve been married for ten years, and we’ve been role playing for about nine years. How about you?” Joey asked.

  Maybe it was the fact that I had found someone I felt comfortable with, but I began feeling less shy. “My husband and I have been married for three years and we just started role playing together a few months ago. Here he comes,” I said, noticing Jackson walking towards the table.

  When he arrived at the table, he put two plates filled with hot food down, one for me and one for himself.

  He took his seat as I said, “Meghan, Joey,
this is my husband and daddy, Jackson. Jackson, this is Meghan and her husband and little man, Joey.”

  Jackson smiled and shook both Meghan’s and Joey’s hands. “Hi. Nice to meet you both.”

  It was Joey’s turn to get shy as he shook Jackson’s hand. I noticed that right after Joey got done shaking Jackson’s hand, he slipped his hand back into his carry-on bag.

  Once introductions were out of the way, we all switched spots. This way, Joey and I sat next to each other and Meghan and Jackson sat next to each other. I liked it this way because I felt more comfortable talking to another little without his mommy and my daddy overhearing us.

  “What’s in your bag, Joey?” I asked, finally voicing the question that I’d had since I sat down and noticed it.

  His cheeks turned bright red as he said, “My blankee. I hold it whenever I’m nervous. What’s in your purse?”

  It was my turn for my face to turn bright red as I said, “It’s my Molly doll. I hold her whenever I get nervous.”

  “That’s cool.”

  I just nodded and then asked one of the questions I was dying to know. “How did you and your mommy start role playing?”

  “Well, to put it nicely, I had a really nasty childhood. My parents were cruel. So, when I turned thirteen, I moved out of my house and managed to get by living on the streets. I worked my butt off to graduate from high school and then college. After college, I got a job and a few months after that, I met Meghan. She was one of the first people who made me feel like I actually meant something. We ended up getting married, and of course, I didn’t tell her how at times I liked to act like and be treated like a little kid.”

  I was stunned. This man before me looked so innocent and he had a goofy smile on his face. I didn’t understand how someone could want to hurt him. My heart went out to his poor thirteen-year-old self.

  “How did she find out then about your fetish?” I finally asked.

  “Oh, she caught me one day napping with my blankee and a pacifier in my mouth, and I told her exactly what I liked and how I felt. The rest is history.”

  “She didn’t freak out?” I asked, amazed. After I had found out about my husband’s fetish, I had needed a month to process the information. Yet, Meghan had been cool with it the moment she had found out. Maybe it’s a mommy/daddy thing, I decided.

  “No, she didn’t freak out. Though that might be because she said that she had found my blankee and pacifier before. She said that she had been waiting for me to come to her and talk about how I felt. But, when she saw me sleeping how I was, she couldn’t not say anything. It worked out for the best, though. We talked about what we both wanted, and we ended up realizing that we pretty much wanted the same type of relationship. So, now sometimes I act as her husband, and other times I act as her little man. I’m happy with how things happened.”

  “I’m glad that things worked out for the two of you,” I said, really meaning it. I couldn’t imagine having to take care of my every need at thirteen, and I knew for sure that I wouldn’t have been able to do it. The fact that Joey had showed how strong he was. I also thought that because of it, he deserved to have no more problems in his life.

  “Thanks. Do you mind if I ask how you and your husband got started in this lifestyle?”

  “Well, long story short, I always knew that he was hiding something from me, but he wouldn’t tell me. One weekend, I came home sick as a dog, and the only way that he could take care of me was to dress me up and treat me like a baby. So, after a few days of that, I awoke and saw that I was wearing footie pajamas and a diaper. Needless to say, I figured out what he was into pretty quickly. At first, I freaked out, but then after we tried role playing one time, it turned out that I liked it. So, I agreed to do it with him on a regular basis.”

  “Wow. That is some way to be introduced into this lifestyle. I don’t know how I would have handled it if I had been in your shoes.”

  “Yeah. It was a little scary when I first woke up. Hey, can I ask you another question?”

  “Absolutely.”

  I couldn’t help the smile that crossed my face. I had only known Joey for five minutes and he already acted so cool about everything. He gave off that vibe like he didn’t have a care in the world and that he would get along with everyone. I knew then that we would be friends for a long time. “You’ve been role playing for almost a decade. Don’t you have a voice in your head telling you that you and your wife are freaks because of how you guys like to role play?”

  Joey grinned and said, “I remember feeling like that. When we first started role playing, yes, I did feel like we were freaks because I thought we were the only people who liked to role play this way. Before Meghan found out about my secret, I didn’t feel like a freak because I just summed my behavior up as me acting this way because of my crappy childhood. But, when Meghan and I started role playing together, a big part of me thought that we were not normal and that we were freaks.”

  “What made you stop feeling like a freak then?” I really wanted to know. I hoped that whatever had worked for him could possibly work for me as well.

  “Well, we went to our first munch. Being able to see all these people and realizing that they all participate in this lifestyle too made me realize that what Meghan and I were doing was okay. Also, after playing for so long, the comfort and love that I get from Meghan being my mommy outweighed the voices in my head. I wouldn’t give up being my mommy’s little man for the world. Are you feeling like you and your daddy are freaks for role playing in this lifestyle?”

  “I did. But then he and I talked about it, and I felt a lot better. Now that I’m here also and realize there are a lot of people who play in this lifestyle too, it makes me feel better. You were right about one thing, though. Being my daddy’s little girl definitely outweighs the voice in my head calling me a freak. Thank you for talking to me about this.”

  Joey smiled. “I’m glad that I could help you out. Do you want my phone number so we can call each other or if you ever need advice again?”

  “Okay! That sounds good because I’m sure that I will have a dozen more questions for you,” I said, giggling as we pulled out our phones and added each other’s number.

  Joey and I continued to talk throughout the munch, giggling at stories we told each other about our time spent as our little selves. While we were talking, I noticed another man who sat down at our table by Jackson and Meghan. The man looked really friendly, I thought. He had dirty blonde hair and light blue eyes. He was really tall, probably 6’4’’, and he was super muscular—more so than Jackson.

  I stopped focusing on the man when out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a terrified looking woman and a man come into the banquet room. The woman was about five feet tall and looked like she was severely underweight. The man seemed to be trying to calm her down. I decided that I had to do something, so I excused myself from talking to Joey, got up from the table, and walked up to the new arrivals.

  “Juliana, it’s okay. I promise. No one here will hurt you,” I heard the man say to the woman as I approached them.

  “Hi. I’m Samantha,” I said, waving my hand, approaching the couple. The woman’s gaze quickly went to mine, and I could see that there were tears in her eyes. The woman said nothing and I gave the man who had brought her a calculating look. Even though the man sounded like he was trying to protect the woman from what I had overheard, I wasn’t taking any chances.

  “Hi. I’m Samantha,” I repeated, this time extending my hand to the man.

  “Hi, Samantha. I’m Mark Cowell,” the man said, shaking my hand.

  Firm handshake—that’s a good sign, I thought to myself. “You don’t have to be afraid,” I said, directing my gaze to the woman again. “If you want, you can come sit by me. This is my first time here too, and I was really nervous before I started talking to people.”

  The woman nodded and began to follow me to where Joey and I had been sitting.

  Mark went over to where Jackson, Megh
an, and the mystery man were sitting. Mark clearly knew the mystery man because when he got to that side of the table, the mystery man stood up and they hugged each other in greeting.

  I focused back on my side of the table as Joey said, “Hi, I’m Joey.”

  “H-hi. I’m Jul-Juliana,” Juliana said, while staring down at her hands in her lap.

  “That’s a pretty name. Are you hungry, Juliana? Would you like some food?” Joey politely asked.

  Juliana nodded but made no indication that she was going to move.

  “I’ll go get you some,” Joey said, standing up and shooting me a confused look as he left.

  “Can I ask you a question, Juliana?”

  She nodded.

  “Is that man who you came with hurting you? Because if he is, my husband could stop him.”

  Juliana’s head popped up and she began to shake it back and forth fast. “N-no. He-he saved me,” she confessed in a whisper.

  I was confused. “Saved you from what?”

  Juliana looked like she was ready to pass out. “My o-old d-d-daddy,” she whispered.

  I could barely hear what she had said, and tears started falling down her face. I felt terrible that I had put them there.

  “I’m sorry, Juliana. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I started to gently rub long stokes up and down her back. I thought it was a good idea because whenever Jackson did it to me, it made me calm down. It seemed to help her a little. “It’s okay, Juliana. We don’t have to talk about any of that. Why don’t you tell me what your favorite color is?” I was trying to calm Juliana down and clearly having Juliana think about her old daddy wasn’t helping, so I thought that asking simple questions to get her mind off of her old daddy might help.

  “Y-yellow.”

  “That is a pretty color. It’s my favorite color too.”

  Juliana looked up at me with big eyes. “R-really?”

  I nodded as Joey came back with a huge plate of food and a soft drink for Juliana. “Here you go, Juliana. I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I got you some of everything.”

  “Th-thanks.”