by J. G. Sumner
She shakes her head. “Abby is in the hospital. She’s sick because of me.”
“Baby, look at me. This isn’t your fault. She’s got pneumonia. You heard the doctor; it happens from time to time. You carried the kids to almost full term which is nearly unheard of with twins. You’re amazing. Don’t think for a minute otherwise.” I brush my hand against her cheek.
The tears continue to pour down her face. She doesn’t attempt to smile or pretend everything is okay. I’ve heard of postpartum depression and wonder if this is what she’s experiencing. “Baby, maybe we need to go talk to someone. You’ve got a lot of hormones going through your body and perhaps it’s causing you to not think clearly.”
“I don’t know. I’ve been through so much therapy since I got away from Matteo. I don’t know what else they can do for me. Maybe I’m a lost cause.” She still refuses to make eye contact.
I take her face into my hands and kiss the warm tears from her beautiful pale skin. Her eyes sparkle like the Hope diamond despite the fact that she’s so unhappy.
“Baby, we’re going to fix this. Everything is going to be great and our kids will be fine.” Just as I finish my last word, Kate’s mom walks through the door.
“You won’t believe the wonderful produce I found at the st…what’s going on?” Elizabeth stops in her tracks. The wrinkle on her brow tells everything about her concern.
I don’t move from between Kate’s legs. I want her to know that I’m here and never leaving her side no matter what. “Kate’s experiencing a little depression. I’m thinking it might be a good idea for her to see her therapist.”
Elizabeth approaches the couch and she’s obviously not convinced by my suggestion. “What’s going on, honey?”
As with me, Kate refuses to look at her mom. “Nothing, Mom. I’m fine.”
“If that’s the case, why does Tony think you need to see someone?” She stops right next to me and places her hand on Kate’s shoulder.
“I’m just not sure about things. It’s nothing.” Kate closes her eyes and leans back against the couch. “I just need to be alone. Here, take AJ.” Kate shoves our son in my arms and then takes off to her bedroom leaving Elizabeth and me alone.
Elizabeth watches Kate move into the other room and then refocuses her attention on me. “Do you mind telling me what’s going on? What have you done to my daughter? Why is she so upset?” Her hands are on her hips and I know at any minute she’s going to pull out the mama whoop-ass on me.
I imagine my mom standing before me getting ready to slap me upside the head for being an idiot. Fortunately, this time I’m not responsible. “She’s been tearful since we had to bring Abby back to the hospital. She thinks it’s her fault and that she’s not a good mom. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to reassure her, but it’s not working. I was thinking that maybe she has postpartum depression, but I don’t know anything about it. I don’t know what else to do to make it better.”
I move to the couch and continue to rock and comfort AJ. I don’t know much about babies, but this one seems to be especially easy. For that I’m thankful. Kate and I have enough to deal with without having a crabby baby.
“Let me talk to her and see if I can help.” Elizabeth walks with poise and purpose to Kate’s room. Next to Kate, she’s probably one of the most graceful women I’ve ever seen.
I pull my cell phone out and call the only person I can talk to right now. “I need a favor.” Jasper is ready to do whatever I need.
“I need you to hire a driver and purchase a car. I don’t want Kate taking a taxi or walking anywhere. There’s too much going on.”
“Aye aye, Captain. Anything else?”
“Yeah, can you have Kendall stay with Kate as much as possible? I think Kate may be dealing with some depression. I don’t want her alone.” Even saying the words scares me a bit. I can’t imagine that she would do anything to harm our kids, but I’m definitely worried about what she might do to herself. Kate’s spiraling out of control more with every minute that passes.
“Bloody hell! How are you handling all this? I’m a little worried there might be too much on your plate. You’re not drinking again, are you?” The line goes silent and I can picture Jasper standing there with his arms crossed ready to light up a cigarette.
“I won’t lie; this is hard. But, my kids and Kate need me. Besides, I don’t really have another option. If I want any chance of having this life, I need to keep my shit together.” For once in my life, I’m going to take the road less traveled and work through all the potholes and washboards. God freaking help me.
“Wow, I’m impressed. A few weeks ago, you were a drunken mess, barely living. Now you’re taking charge. I’m glad to have my friend back. If you need anything else, I’m yours, and you can make sure I’ll keep an eye on Kate. If you’d like, I can put cameras throughout the apartment.”
While the idea is tempting, I don’t want anyone seeing my woman naked but me. “No, I don’t think we need to go that far. I’ve let Elizabeth in on what’s going on. I think she’ll keep a close eye on the situation.”
AJ begins to cry and I imagine he’s probably a bit hungry. “I’ve got to go. Duty calls.” I hang up the phone without waiting for Jasper to respond, and head into AJ’s room to change the diaper I’m sure is screaming for a refresher. I’m still not very efficient at the changing. In fact, most of the time, I put the diaper on backward the first time. Thank God no one is looking over my shoulder.
As soon as I’m finished, I head to Kate’s room and knock before entering. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but I think we have a hungry guy. I’ve already changed him, so he just needs his mama.” I bring AJ to Kate. She hesitates before taking him and I’m worried she might not be bonding. “I picked up a breast pump on my way home. I’ll go get it sterilized so you can use it.” I look to Elizabeth for some direction. She motions for me to leave.
As I get to the doorway, I stop and turn around. “I think someone needs to be with Abby. I can do that if you want. I can also take AJ with me if it makes things a bit easier.”
Kate doesn’t answer. I close the door behind me and allow her to mull over my suggestions for a few minutes. Hopefully, Elizabeth will be able to get through to her.
Chapter Fourteen
Tony
Elizabeth emerges from Kate’s room with AJ and his bassinet. I bolt up off the couch to help her. I put the bassinet next to the floor-to-ceiling windows in our living room in an effort to provide him some natural light. The doctor said that this would help prevent jaundice.
After getting him nice and tucked in, I quiz Elizabeth. “How’s she doing?”
Elizabeth is silent for a few seconds. She’s in her head trying to process everything. “I think you might be right. Kate does appear to be depressed. When did all this start?”
I think back to the night before and realize I haven’t slept much in the last forty-eight hours. As if on cue, my eyes grow heavy. I take the back of my hand and try to wipe the fatigue out of them. “After we got home last night, she started talking about not being a good mom. I tried to write it off as she was just tired and needed some sleep. Now, I’m not so sure. She’s withdrawn and doesn’t seem to want to participate in providing the kids what they need. Even feeding them is a chore.” Hearing the words come from my mouth makes me realize that, in fact, Kate is spiraling out of control.
Elizabeth walks over to the window and looks down at the street below. “I’ve never seen her like this. Even after you left, she was tearful and sad, but not withdrawn like she is now. Her therapist’s office should be open in a few more minutes; I’ll see if I can get her in today. I think she needs the help.”
I agree, but silently try to figure out how I’m supposed to juggle everything that’s going on.
Elizabeth approaches me. Her face is weary and frown lines sneak up along her mouth and forehead. She places a hand on my shoulder. “How are you holding up?”
I’m not sure how
much to say, but I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this. Jasper would just tell me to man-up and not give actual solutions. I need some help and a direction to follow. “I’m a little overwhelmed with things. I need to be in three places at once and I’m not sure which one should be my priority. I don’t want to leave poor Abby alone, but I can’t take AJ to the hospital because he might get sick. I need to be here with Kate to help her through this, but I also need to take care of the boy because she can’t. I thought about hiring a nanny or getting Kendall to help out, but none of it does any good, because we need Kate’s breast milk and she seems disinterested in the feeding process.” I pull my hands down my face. “I don’t know where to start.”
“You definitely have a lot going on here. I’ll work on getting Kate the help she needs. In the meantime, we should look into getting some formula. That way, there’s not so much pressure for Kate to produce the milk.” Elizabeth squeezes my shoulder. “We’ll get her through this. Don’t worry.”
I nod, grateful for her optimism, but hesitant to believe it. “I’ll run down to the market and get the formula if you don’t mind hanging here with AJ”
“Mind? I’m happy to have a chance to be a grandma. This little guy is as sweet as pie.” Elizabeth stares proudly at AJ sleeping.
“And you’ll call the therapist?” For someone who was so out of control a couple of weeks ago, I’m desperately grasping at straws trying to make sure everything is taken care of and in order.
“I’m on it. Hurry back so you can head over to the hospital. I’ll hold down the fort here.” Elizabeth provides a reassuring smile, but I can still see the worry in her eyes.
I grab my keys and wallet and head to the grocery store a few blocks away. I pass by the Starbucks where Kate was abducted by Matteo’s goons. I haven’t been back in there since it happened and as much as I need my espresso to stay awake, I’ll keep walking and find another one. Lord knows they’re on practically every corner.
It dawns on me that I forgot to ask what type of formula to get. Even I know there are several different kinds, and I have no clue as to where to start. I pull out my phone and dial Elizabeth. Just as I’m about to hit the call button, a woman’s voice distracts me.
“Massimo, is that you?”
I look up, surprised that anyone is calling me Massimo. It’s been so long since I’ve heard my given name, it no longer sounds natural. The woman identifying me is none other than Emilia, the girlfriend I had when my parents’ house exploded. In fact, I was outside on the phone with her, which is what saved my life. I’ve never talked to her since that fateful day. “Emilia? Wow, what are you doing here?”
I’ve forgotten how beautiful Emilia is. Her long brown hair extends down her lower back. Her green eyes are the color of grass, and her smile is breathtaking. Had it not been for my family’s demise, I might have married this woman. Lord knows she was giving me enough pressure to make it happen.
“I’m just taking a little vacation. I thought I would check out SoHo.” Emilia looks around. “This is a fascinating city. I can understand why you moved here.”
My chest grows tight. I’m not sure how she became aware that I was here. “How did you know?”
She gives me a lopsided smile as though I should know the answer. “You’ve been all over the news. I saw you pleading for the return of Katherine Anderson, and now I understand you’re a father.”
Of course, I should’ve known. My shoulders relax slightly. “Yeah, I am.” I beam proudly when mentioning my family. So, this is what it’s like to be a proud dad.
“Wow! I didn’t take you for having kids so young. I thought you’d wait at least another ten years. You certainly weren’t in any hurry when we were together.” Emilia rubs my arm, leaving me with goose bumps on my flesh and an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.
“Well, it wasn’t really planned, but now that they’re here, I couldn’t be happier.” I look at my watch knowing I need to get back so I can check on Abby.
Emilia continues to smile at me, but now there’s a certain flirtatiousness to it. “Do you have time to grab some coffee and catch up? I’d love to hear about what you’ve been up to.” Emilia pulls a tendril of hair around her shoulder and twirls it around her finger while producing a seductive smile.
“Umm. Thanks, but now is not really a good time. I’ve got to pick up some stuff for the kids and get back.”
She produces a pouty lip. “Well, can we schedule something? It’s a shame that I’ve come all this way and we can’t reconnect. You know, we were pretty serious at one point. Then for months, I thought you were dead. I’d really like to hear what happened. I think you owe me that much.”
I don’t like the direction that this conversation is heading. In fact, I’m quite uneasy. “If it were some other time, we could maybe meet and chat. Unfortunately, there’s a lot going on right now…you know with newborns and all. Kate and I are pretty busy.”
Her flirty behavior is long gone and now there’s fire in her eyes. It’s as if I said the magic word to trigger her anger. “Oh, I didn’t realize you were still with the mother.” Her words are ice-cold and bitchy.
“Yes, we’re planning on getting married as soon as things settle down a bit.” I lie, but I’m hoping this will thwart any further efforts of meeting up. “It was nice seeing you, but I need to run.” I slip her a brief peck on the cheek and turn to leave.
Emilia grabs my arm before I can get away. “You know this could’ve been us. We could be married now with our own kids.”
Clearly, she hasn’t gotten over the past. I left too many doors open and didn’t sever the ties clean enough. “Emilia, we were never meant to be. When my family perished in that explosion, my life and priorities changed. I walked away from that fateful day vowing to never look back. I’m sorry you happened to be one of the casualties, but it’s better this way. I’m not the same man I used to be. I hope you understand.”
I take her hand and kiss the top of it before letting go and walking away. The last thing I ever wanted to do was cause another person pain. Unfortunately, this is the second time I’ve walked away from her without looking back. Yeah, I’m an asshole, but Kate and the kids are my priority. I don’t mean to be callous, but I really don’t give a shit about Emilia anymore.
The conversation I was having with her the day of the explosion fires through my mind. We were arguing. She wanted more of a commitment and I wasn’t ready to give it. I remember thinking what a royal bitch she was. At the time, she was the longest lasting relationship I’d ever had. My parents liked her and Mom wanted me to marry her. Had it not been for that fire, I may have. Who knows? I guess everything works out for a reason.
I get back to the apartment in a relatively short amount of time. AJ and Kate are sleeping. Elizabeth informs me that she’s made an appointment for Kate to see the therapist at one o’clock today. That will give me a few hours to spend with Abby while Elizabeth is caring for Kate and AJ
“Thanks for everything. I don’t know how I’d be able to do this without your help. There’s so much to learn.” Part of me wants to talk about needing Kate back to normal to deal with some of this stuff, but I guess it’s just my turn. She took care of these kids for the past several months while I was a pathetic douchebag pretending none of this existed.
Elizabeth smiles. “I appreciate you stepping up and being the man Kate needs. When you took off, I wasn’t sure you were that guy, but you’re proving yourself worthy. Please don’t let your family down again.”
I’m not sure if Elizabeth is pleading or telling me not to mess up again. Either way, I’m in this for the long haul like I should’ve been all along.
“Is it all right if I go see Abby, or do you need me to do anything else before I go?” I’m feeling quite antsy. She’s been alone for far too long.
Elizabeth motions for me to go. “You go on and give my granddaughter some love. Let her know I’m praying for a speedy recovery.”
I nod and h
ead over to the bassinet to get a quick peek at my mini me before I go. He’s sleeping but one corner of his mouth is raised and he’s smiling. My God, that could bring a man to his knees, it’s so frickin’ adorable. He’s going to be a ladies’ man, just like his old man.
It’s amazing how one little person who can’t even talk can put a smile on my face and help me remember how lucky I am.
“That’s a proud daddy right there. I’m glad to see that look on your face. Now get going. I’ll handle everything here.” I kiss Elizabeth on the cheek, say goodbye, and head to see my favorite daughter.
Chapter Fifteen
Tony
I spent most of the morning and a good portion of the afternoon with Abby. They didn’t let me hold her, so I sat just watching her little chest rise and fall. Compared to AJ, Abby looks so fragile. Even if they did allow me to hold her, I’d be afraid.
Toward the end of my visit, Dr. Ashcroft came to speak with me. He said that Abby was doing better and they’d probably be able to take her off the ventilator in the next day or two. Then, she would have to stay for a few days to make sure there were no other complications. I’m thankful for this, because I’d rather not have a repeat of the first night she came home. By far, that was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced.
When I get back to the apartment, Kate is sitting on the couch feeding AJ. My heart warms and it reassures me that things are going to be okay. Kate has made some progress. I look around and see no sign of Elizabeth. I walk over to Kate and kiss the top of her head. “How was your appointment?”
Kate is slow to respond, and doesn’t make eye contact. “I have depression. The doctor is putting me on some antidepressants. She said it should go away a little bit each day.” Kate’s voice lacks emotion and inflections.
“I’m glad to hear that. I’ve been worried about you.”