Saved (Surrender Series Book 3)

by J. G. Sumner

  Yes, I went there. I’m a fucking ass. They say mothers are protective of their young. Well guess what? So are fathers. I don’t care how much I love Kate and want her back, I’m damned sure not going to let her take the only two blood relatives I have away.

  Kate gasps and her face fills with pain that I’ve just inflicted. Never once have I tried to intentionally hurt her. The strength and courage I felt seconds before by sticking up and fighting for my kids has withered away into nothingness. I have fallen to a whole new low. As tears escape her eyes, I realize what an asshole I am.

  Kate’s tears turn into sobs. “How dare you use that against me? It’s something that I can’t help or control. Do you think I like feeling this way? Do you think I enjoy taking medications just so I can get out of bed?”

  Reluctantly, I move closer to Kate and put my arms around her. She doesn’t fight. Instead, she buries her head in my chest. I inhale the sweetness of her hair and kiss the top of her head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things.”

  Kate continues to cry, but to my surprise, she wraps her arms around me and holds on tight as though her life depends on it.

  “You’re going to be a great mother. We just need to get you through this. Please let me help you.” I rub my hands up and down her back memorizing the feel of each vertebra and curve of her body in case this is the last time I ever hold her.

  Kate lifts her head and makes eye contact. “I’m sorry. I know how much you love our babies. I shouldn’t have tried to take you away from them. I think I was a little jealous watching you with Abby. You’re so good with her, and I wish I could be. I want to be able to bond with her like you are.”

  Fuck. There is so much going on inside of Kate’s head, I don’t know where to start. I make a mental note to go talk to someone to learn how to deal with Kate’s depression.

  “It’s not a competition. Abby and AJ love and need both of us. We’re supposed to be a team to give them what they need. I think it’s even more important since there’s two. When you can’t be there for them, I can and vice versa. Don’t beat yourself down.”

  Kate buries her head in my chest again and sobs as she’s talking. “I should’ve been here for her. I’ve barely spent any time with Abby while you’ve been gone. You come back and she’s already cooing and responding to you. I’ve missed so much.”

  Quite honestly, I’m a little surprised to hear she wasn’t with Abby day and night. I know I would have been. I wonder what she was doing.

  “It doesn’t matter now. They’re only several days old. We have all the time in the world to make it up to them. Abby’s going to come home tomorrow and you can love and dote on her as much as you want.”

  Kate nods and is silent for a few minutes, but doesn’t lift her head. I continue to hold her and watch as the staff passes by with sympathy written on their faces. I can only imagine what they’re thinking. Two parents standing in front of a NICU with one crying and the other comforting. Little do they know, our baby is doing great, and she gets to come home soon. Then it hits me that our son isn’t so lucky.

  “Babe, where’s AJ?”

  I no sooner get the words out when the team of nurses, respiratory therapists, and techs come around the corner pushing my little guy and his little bassinet incubator thing. They move past us in a rush. Kate lifts her head from my chest and we both look on as one of the nurses calls back.

  “Just give us a few minutes to get him set up and then you can come visit.” With that, the entire team disappears through the door leaving us standing there alone yet again.

  “I thought they were taking him to the pediatric floor.” I really didn’t expect to have AJ coming back to the NICU.

  “He was going to, but the pediatric doctor thought it might help his failure to thrive if AJ was near his sister. They might keep Abby one additional day to see if it helps AJ out at all.”

  Part of me is relieved they are together again. Hopefully the plan will work and AJ will respond. I also like the idea of both kids being in one place so we don’t have to go back and forth. On the other hand, I was really excited to bring Abby home and spend some time with her outside of this cold and sanitary place. I guess I’m going to be hanging out here more often instead.

  “Why don’t we get you something to eat while they’re settling AJ in?” I don’t know when Kate last ate, but I’m fucking starving. Emilia’s portion controls are taking their toll on my stomach.

  “I’m not hungry.” Kate looks defeated. Her arms hang at her sides. The dark bags under her eyes suggest it’s been sometime since she last slept. Kate is frail and if there was a strong wind, she might be blown away with the amount of weight she’s lost. They say moms lose weight faster when they breastfeed, but this is excessive. It’s almost as if she were never pregnant.

  “When was the last time you had anything?”

  Kate’s eyes shoot up to the sky. A lock of blonde hair hangs down over her forehead, while the rest is pulled back into a disheveled ponytail. She looks torn up, but to me, she’s as beautiful as ever. I think this woman could wear a burlap sack and I’d still find her looking like a super model.

  “I’m not sure. Maybe yesterday.” Kate’s eyes shift down as though she’s guilty.

  “Come on. You at least need to snack on something.” I wrap my arm around her waist and lead her down the hallway.

  “I don’t want to leave them.” Kate looks back over her shoulder searching for any sign of our babies.

  “We’ll still be in the same building. If they need us for anything, they can page us overhead.”

  Kate hesitantly follows me down the corridor to the cafeteria. It may just be for a brief time, but I’m really happy that Kate isn’t fighting and letting me know how much she hates me. I can only hope we’ve reached some understanding and we can put our relationship back together.

  Chapter

  Twenty-One

  Kate

  I don’t have a clue what has gotten into me. The words that came out of my mouth when talking to Tony were so foreign. I spoke so meanly to him. I guess all the stress over that past several months finally came to a head.

  Since Jasper took me to the Empire State Building, I’ve been up day and night staring at the door and my cell phone, hoping and praying to see or hear something from Tony. Four days he was gone. Four. That was four days of not knowing whether my son was dead or alive or my fiancé, or whatever Tony is to me right now, had abandoned me yet again. I haven’t eaten, and the worst part is I never went to see Abby. I completely abandoned her. What kind of mom does that? Needless to say, when I saw Tony in the emergency department, I projected all of my insecurities and unhappiness onto him. I’m lucky he didn’t walk away right then and there.

  My lord, what am I going to do? I feel like my mood swings are on a perpetual pendulum and I can’t stop the ride. I don’t know what’s up or down; right or wrong. What I do know is everything always seems okay when I’m in Tony’s arms, which is part of the reason I refused to let him touch me. I knew if I did, any chance of pushing him out of our lives would be lost.

  Now, I keep asking myself, why do I want Tony gone? It’s not his fault what happened this time. Then I wonder if I’m just making excuses for him. Maybe I’ve let my love for him cloud my judgment. If someone could just give me the answers, I would really appreciate it. I want to run away from all of this and not have to deal with any more problems.

  I imagine Tony and me running off to some secluded island where no one can reach or harm us. The four of us would walk along the beach, collecting seashells and sand dollars each day. There is a sense of security and overwhelming joy that could constantly surround us. To me, this sounds like heaven. I no longer have the desire to live in a city full of people. I’ve suddenly become claustrophobic and maybe even agoraphobic.

  “Are you okay? You’re pretty quiet.” Tony pulls me tighter into his side as we walk down the corridor to the cafeteria.

  “Yeah, I’m just
trying to process everything.”

  I let him hold me. It feels so good to have the warmth of his body next to mine. For some strange reason, it feels like a support system or even a lifeline. The skeptic in me warns not to let him get too close. I wasn’t able to listen to that voice in Italy, why should I think I’ll be able to now?

  “Why don’t we talk about what’s going on inside that head of yours? Maybe we could make sense of things.”

  I know Tony is trying to help, but I’ve had these same conversations with my therapist and it’s doing nothing to calm the random thoughts running around in my head. Besides, I’m not ready to pour my soul out to him. There is a certain amount of trust needed to confide in someone, and the last thing I want is to share my feeling and scare Tony away.

  “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

  “Kate, you’ve been through the wringer. I’m perhaps the only one who can really appreciate it. I promise to be a good listener.” Tony stops and turns to me, brushing a stray lock of hair from my face. “I love you, and want to help make things better for you. It’s the least I can do.”

  “Why don’t you tell me about you and Emilia?”

  “Ha! Nice change of subject. What do you want to know?” Tony wraps an arm around me and continues to walk.

  “I want to know how serious she was to you.”

  Tony lets out a heavy sigh and pulls a hand through his already disheveled hair before speaking. “I know your impression of me isn’t the greatest right now, and I really don’t want to say anything that will make you think even less of me.”

  It’s my turn to stop and meet his gaze. “Tony, since we came back from Italy, we’ve always agreed to be honest with one another. That is one of the things I value most about our relationship. I need your honesty now. I need to know I can count on it.”

  Tony nods and swallows hard. “Okay. We dated for almost three years. It started out as a one-night-stand, but we kept running into each other at various clubs, coffee bars, and restaurants. We ran in the same social circles. We started hanging out with each other more, and it got comfortable. I’m not sure how long we were dating before we started referring each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.

  “The relationship was easy for the first couple of years. I was working a lot at my dad’s factory and didn’t have time to go out anymore or really focus on our relationship. It was something that was just there. She got along well with my family, and everything just seemed to work.

  “At some point, she began to hint toward marriage. At first, I didn’t read too much into it, but then my family began to pressure me to settle down. That’s when I began to assess my life and our relationship. I realized I wasn’t in love with Emilia, nor was I ready to get married—at least not to her.

  “I didn’t know how to tell her, and by this time the pressure to get engaged had increased tenfold. I began to drown myself in to my work, and detach from the situation. I guess in a way, I was running away from the problem—kind of like what I did when I found out you were pregnant. I guess I have a history of that. I’ve got to fix that. Anyway, we began fighting a lot which just pushed me further away. My brothers started giving me a hard time for not being able to commit. As I told you before, we were arguing the day my family perished in the fire. When I left that phone there, it was an out. It was the easy way to end the relationship and never look back—at least that’s what I thought. Then, she showed up here and San Diego looking to rekindle the relationship she thought we once had, and you know pretty much what I do after that.”

  “How do you know you love me?”

  Tony cups my face in his hands. “You are my world and my lifeline. You captivated me from the moment we met, and you haven’t stopped. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, but every second we spend apart is an agonizing hell. If I could, I’d lock us in a bubble and never come out. When it’s just the two of us, we’re perfect. It’s the world that seems to throw us off our axis.”

  “The world isn’t going to go away, Tony. It’s always going to be a factor in our lives. If we can’t learn to live within it, then there’s no chance we’ll work.” I say these words because they’re true. However, it makes me feel a little warm inside. Tony has the same desire to go to a secluded island. I love that we’re on the same page about things like this. Maybe there is a chance for us after all.

  “I have no doubt we can survive in this world. Our love is strong. It’s endured so much. Look how far we’ve come. We just have to find a way to be in control of the outside influences. I’ll find a way. I promise. We will have our happy ever after.” Tony sounds so sure of things. I wish I had half the confidence he does.

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “I know I’m right. Now, come on. Let’s get you something to eat. The first thing we need to do is fatten you up a bit.” Tony throws his arm around my shoulder. This time instead of it being for support and to hold me up, it’s a joking and happy display of affection. I love how he knows how to lift a mood and make me realize there’s something to smile about.

  Chapter

  Twenty-Two

  Tony

  Our time in the hospital cafeteria was a blessing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Kate eat so much food at one time. She had an entire turkey sandwich, chips, cookies, and then part of my lunch. It was incredible watching her pack away all that food in such a petite body.

  We had the opportunity to talk and catch up a bit. The conversation was mostly about the kids and whether or not we thought they would be healthy once they were discharged from the hospital. Unfortunately, it’s all just a guess, but we were both very optimistic.

  Kate did take the opportunity to ask me more about Emilia. Talk about an awkward conversation. Jesus, I never thought I would have to bring up my past with her again. However, I’m glad we did because Kate was much more relaxed and settled with what happened. I think she just wanted to hear that there were no residual feelings.

  “What do you say we get back to the kids and see how they’re doing?”

  A glimmer of light appears in Kate’s eyes as she smiles. There’s life coming back into her. Perhaps the medications are starting to take effect. “I’d like that. I need to feed Abby.” Kate grabs her breasts. “They’re as hard as rocks. I need some relief.”

  I’m taken aback for a second as I’ve never really heard Kate talk about her breasts before, nevertheless grab them in public. I’d like to be able to hold those in my hands. Her breasts have grown at least a good three sizes.

  I can’t help but smile at the thought that my Kate is making a presence. The woman I fell in love with was happy, adventurous, and easy going. The last few weeks she has been anything but. I grab our tray off the table and throw the contents into the trash receptacle before taking Kate’s hand and starting down the long hallway that will eventually lead us to the beautiful little people we created with love. Thinking back, Kate probably conceived them on the night I proposed to her and the day before she went missing.

  That was probably one of the most magical nights ever. I had been planning the proposal long before Kate and I reunited at the Empire State Building. It was no easy feat getting private access to the World Trade Center observation area. It took a very hefty donation and a lot of bargaining. It was worth every penny to get a once-in-a-lifetime view of Manhattan from someplace very few people have yet been allowed access to.

  The sound of my phone ringing snaps me out of the happy memories. I fish it out of my pocket without ever letting go of Kate’s hand. Now that I have her, I don’t ever want to let go.

  The screen comes alive with Jasper’s face from that night in Fool’s Gold when Kate first met him. “What’s up, man? Why are you calling me? You’re supposed to be spending some quality time with your woman and spending your fortune on charities.”

  “Is Kate with you?” His tone is rushed and he’s not messing around.

  “Yeah, why?” I’m slightly annoyed, but at the same time a sense o
f fear begins to wash over me peppering goose bumps along my flesh.

  “What about your kids? Are you with them?”

  “Yes, what’s going on?” Now, I’m completely frightened to hear the next words he’s about to speak.

  “She’s gone. Emilia wasn’t at the apartment when my men got there. Your family could be in danger. Don’t leave them for a minute.”

  Motherfucker. My pace quickens as the sense of urgency to get to my kids propels my legs forward. I attempt to hide my fear from Kate, but it’s futile.

  “What’s wrong? Why are you walking so fast?” Kate tugs on my hand trying to slow me down.

  I give a reassuring smile and slow my pace while I’m wanting to do a full-on sprint. The last thing Kate needs is to get worked up and become afraid again. We’re making such good progress. Hopefully the security in this hospital is such that my kids will still be in the NICU when we finally get there.

  “Are you there? Did you hear what I said?” Jasper is impatient and wants my undivided attention.

  “Yes, we’re just going to check on the kids now. The staff was getting AJ settled with Abby in the NICU.” I try to make it sound as though I’m just giving Jasper an update.