[Montgomery Ink 00.5 - 01.0] Box Set

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  She and Austin needed to talk.

  Well, that was the understatement of the year right there.

  “Miss? Miss? Does this come in purple?”

  Sierra blinked then shook her head, trying to clear it. Her customer took the movement as a no to the question and pinched her lips.

  “Well, if you don’t have the color I desire, I guess I will go to another store. You have every other color here but the one I want.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, yes, we have purple in the back I believe. Someone must have bought the other one I had laid out this morning.”

  “Then why did you shake your head?” the woman demanded. Sierra’s temple started to pulse loudly.

  “I was clearing my thoughts, I’m sorry. Let me go get that for you.”

  “She tells me you’re the owner,” the customer said, pointing over at Becky. “If you’re going to sit and daydream all day, I think you might need another job.”

  Apparently this woman had no problem in voicing her opinions and kicking her while she was down.

  “I’m so sorry. Let me get that scarf for you. I will be right back.”

  The woman pursed her lips even harder. “Do so. Then we’ll see if I even want it. I have important things to do today, dear, so be quick about it.”

  Dear Lord, that woman reminded her of Marsha in so many ways it was a bit jarring. Sierra had never been good enough, pretty enough, fast enough, and classy enough for Marsha’s precious, precious baby boy.

  Now Sierra couldn’t be punished enough for it.

  Wow. Where had that come from? She’d done her best not to think about her ex’s parents too hard, knowing there was nothing she could do about them until the next step was taken legally. However, they were always in the back of her mind, haunting her like the ghost of their son. If experience told her anything, it was to get that woman what she wanted and send her on her way as quickly as possible. It was impossible to please everyone, and pursed lips would never unclench unless people went a bit crazy.

  Sierra quickly got the scarf and gave it to the woman, who sniffed then made her way to Becky, purchase in hand. Apparently she wanted the scarf more than she wanted to belittle the owner. Well, that was good for her bank account anyway.

  As soon as the woman left, Becky hurried to Sierra’s side. “Dear God, that woman was something.”

  Sierra shook her head, making sure no one was in the shop. They were in a lull since it was right before they were closing, but they could never be too careful.

  “Something is a decent word for it,” she said finally as she went behind the counter to start the closing-out process.

  “I would have said something worse, but I was afraid she’d be able to hear me through the glass across the street. You never know with those types.”

  Sierra nodded, her mind on the task in front of her so she wouldn’t have to think too hard on what her next step was that night: Austin or being alone.

  Walking out and not calling for a day wasn’t the most mature response, she knew that, but it had been the only thing she could do then. The look on Austin’s face when he’d heard the whole story was enough to break her all over again. She didn’t want to see it again. Having him apologize and say he would do better wouldn’t be enough. Things would have to change, but it wasn’t as if they hadn’t been trying to make things better in the first place. It was just a hard and awkward situation that needed time to settle. However, that didn’t mean Sierra wanted to be the emotional punching bag when things went wrong.

  That would have to change.

  She was already the outlet for pain, grief, and rage for Marsha and Todd. She couldn’t be for Austin when he had issues communicating with his son.

  “Hey, what’s wrong, honey?” Becky asked as she switched the sign to closed.

  “Nothing, I’m just a bit tired.”

  “Well, yeah, you opened today and refused to leave. So go now. I can finish up closing the store and doing everything that needs to be done. You should have left hours ago, but you seemed to need to stay busy.”

  To her horror, tears fill her eyes, and Sierra blinked quickly.

  “Honey, tell me what’s wrong.”

  She shook her head. “Nothing.”

  “You’re lying, but if you don’t want to talk about it yet, I understand. Just know I’m here for you. Go see Hailey if you need to talk to someone and I’m not the right one. I would have said Austin, but from that look on your face and the fact that you didn’t do lunch with him today, he might be the center of whatever issues you have going on.”

  Sierra wiped her eyes and nodded. “Thanks, Becky. I’ll go home and get some rest. I think I’m just tired.”

  “I can handle Eden, Sierra. It’s what you pay me to do. I won’t let your baby fall to ruin. I might throw a large rave here tonight, but that’s another story altogether.”

  She laughed, just as Becky must have intended, and then went to get her purse. She’d been on her feet for over twelve hours, and she could feel it in every step now that she let herself feel in the first place.

  “Good night, love,” Becky called, and Sierra waved, making her way to her car behind Montgomery Ink. She refused to look inside just in case Austin was there. Or Maya. Or Sloane. Or Callie. Anyone that had seen her walk out of the shop the day before or could know about it.

  By the time she got to her car and started up the highway, she knew what she needed to do. Austin’s home was farther away, but it was where she needed to be. The night before she hadn’t been able to sleep without his presence, and she didn’t want to do that again. Running away from her problems was not the answer, and she would face them with her chin held high, darn it.

  She pulled into Austin’s driveway and got out of the car, her hands shaking. Austin had given her a key as soon as Leif moved in, the significance of that action paling in comparison to her taking care of his son.

  She set her purse down on the bookshelf that stood in the foyer and took a deep breath. No one was home, the silence of the house deafening. Nothing had changed since she’d been there last. In fact, it was as if she’d never left, but something was…off. She didn’t feel like she quite fit in anymore. Leif’s shoes were by the fireplace, haphazardly thrown off and near a pile of books he must have been reading. Austin’s leather bracelet that he switched out for his metal one every once in a while was on the coffee table next to his tablet, sketchpad, and pencils. There were dirty breakfast dishes in the kitchen sink and crumbs on the counter.

  That morning had been the first one where Austin had to get Leif ready for school on his own. She hated herself for not being there to see Leif off the day after he’d gotten in a fight. With all her own personal issues, she’d let him down. She knew that. She hadn’t even bothered to say goodbye to him because if she’d waited around long enough to do so, she wouldn’t have been able to leave his father even for the night.

  She was weak, and she knew it.

  “Sierra?”

  She turned on her heel, her hand going over her racing heart. “Austin,” she gasped.

  He stood in the foyer by the door to the garage, his keys in his hand, his eyes full of pain. After staring at her for what seemed like an eternity, he cleared his throat. “Hey, Legs,” he said, his voice falsely calm, “I was just coming home to grab a bag and head to your place.”

  She licked her lips. “My place?”

  Austin set his keys on the shelf then took two powerful steps toward her. His hand tangled in her hair, pulling her head back so she met his eyes.

  “I’m so fucking sorry, Sierra. I shouldn’t have reacted like that. I shouldn’t have taken out my frustrations on you.”

  “No, you shouldn’t have.” He might look sexy with that beard of his and the intensity in his eyes, but she couldn’t walk away from what had happened. Not fully. It wouldn’t do either of them any good.

  “I can’t believe I got jealous of you and Leif. Because that’s what it was. It was petty jealousy b
ecause my son would rather go to you.”

  She shook her head. “You didn’t see his face when I walked in, Austin. He wanted you there. He doesn’t pick me over you. He just doesn’t know how to tell you he wants you. Just like you don’t know how to do the same to him.”

  He looked like he’d been struck at her words, but he nodded. “I…I don’t know what to do, but I do know that I want you by my side when I do it.”

  Her heart lurched.

  “You’re mine. You get that? I was an asshole and scared about Leif, and I fucked us up. You had every right to leave me in the shop alone with my own troubles yesterday, but sleeping without you last night? Baby, that was horrible. I don’t want to do that again. You get me?”

  “I get you,” she whispered. “But that’s not the end of it. Do you get me?”

  Austin sighed, moving close to rest his lips on her forehead. “I know. I know, baby.”

  Something inside her relaxed, and she leaned into his touch. They might not have fixed everything, nor had they said everything they needed to say, but she was in his arms, and that was a step forward.

  “Where’s Leif?” she asked after they stood there a few minutes in silence.

  “At Meghan’s. He wanted to stay with his cousins…and I wanted to be with you. To talk with you. To just be.”

  She pulled back slightly so she could look into his eyes. “I’m glad you’re here. I…I just need you.”

  She couldn’t say her true feelings out loud, not right then. Not when she might have trusted him with her body, but her heart was fearful of what was going on inside his head.

  He collared her throat, and she sucked in a breath, her body shaking in anticipation. “I want you in my bed, but tonight isn’t about sex. It’s about you and me talking and just being ourselves.”

  She nodded, even though the disappointment of not having him inside her crashed into her. She wanted to hear his voice, feel his beard on her neck as he hugged her hard. He held her then, picking her up and cradling her to his chest. They laid in bed fully dressed, their legs entwined as they spoke of their days, starting with the small things and just listening to one another.

  The major decisions would come and the challenges of being with a man who had a son he’d never met before would find their paths. Right then, though, her worries were voiced, and she could breathe again. It wouldn’t be easy, but she had Austin’s voice, his touch, and his body.

  She just needed his heart.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Shea paced Griffin’s living room, running her hands through her hair as she did so. They were leaving Denver in three days to head back home, and yet she didn’t feel like she was ready. In fact, she felt like everything had taken a turn for the worse in her heart, rather than the actual reason they had come north in the first place.

  Shep’s uncle was doing okay, but not great and nowhere near out of the woods yet, but alive and breathing. That counted for something when cancer was involved. She’d met Shep’s family and friends and had been welcomed with open arms.

  If anything, that made what was going on within her even worse.

  She had a clear example now of what a family was supposed to be rather than the farce she’d lived with. Her mother had attacked and emotionally abused her for her entire life while her father had cheated on his family and had ignored Shea since she was a baby.

  Baby.

  Damn it. She couldn’t think about that. She couldn’t think about what was going on within her while there were more important things. She was being stupid and silly, and yet she couldn’t stop it. Shep was pulling away day by day because she wasn’t telling him what was going on inside her head and body, yet she couldn’t find the courage to actually tell him.

  Maybe once they got back to New Orleans, everything would be okay and she’d be back to normal. That had to be the answer because, right then, she couldn’t think about what was going on. She couldn’t make decisions, and that was so unlike her. She’d spent her life doing what was expected her and following the path that others laid for her before she ventured out on her own. First with her job, then with leaving her ex—the same man her mother had chosen for her. Then Shea wanted a tattoo and found Shep.

  Her happily ever after was supposed to be all roses and rainbows now.

  Not pain, heartache, and nervousness.

  “Shea?”

  She turned on her heel quickly, almost falling in her haste. Shep put out a hand and held her steady, that ever-present worry in his gaze.

  “You startled me.” And she couldn’t bear to look at him and keep this secret any longer.

  “I can see that. Tell me what’s wrong, Shea. You’re killing me here. What did I do wrong? How can I fix it? I love you so fucking much, and you’re pulling away from me. Please. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

  Oh God, she was doing this all wrong. She was ruining something perfect because she was scared. Scared that she’d ruin it all.

  “I…I…”

  He cupped her face, kissing her softly. She leaned into him, letting his taste settle on her tongue. He anchored her. He was her first love, her only love, and she needed to be honest and open. She shouldn’t be afraid of him; she wasn’t.

  No, she was afraid of herself.

  “Tell me, Shea.”

  “We’re having a baby,” she blurted out, her body shaking. The relief that should have come from telling him what she’d kept secret for far too long never came. Instead, she wanted to throw up, and she didn’t think that came from morning sickness.

  Shep opened his mouth two or three times like a fish out of water then grinned. “A baby?” He picked her up, twirling her around the room. She clung to his shoulders, wanting to run away rather than search inside herself.

  “We’re having a baby! Oh god, Shea. I’m so fucking happy about this. All this time you were worried we were having a baby? That’s it?” His eyes widened. “Is something wrong? Do we need to go to the doctor? Let me get my keys.” He set her down like she was fine china then patted his chest and pockets looking for his keys. “Shouldn’t you be sitting down? Do you want water? Or how about crackers? How are you feeling?”

  The way he acted should have been cute. Instead, she could hear only her mother in her head. Her mother who had told her that she’d never amount to anything. Who had belittled her for her entire life, making her want to run away or find another more permanent end to the way things had been.

  Shep had saved her life right then, and she couldn’t think of how to stop the pattern.

  To stop the torment that had plagued her for decades.

  Shep cupped her face again, and she blinked back tears. “What’s wrong, Shea? You’re not speaking, and you look scared. You’re pale, baby. Tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.”

  She hiccupped a sob then pulled away. “You can’t fix it, Shep. I’m having a child. A baby.”

  Shep frowned. “I know, Shea. You just said it.” His face went carefully blank. “Do you not want this child?”

  The idea of not having this baby made her body turn to ice. The implication of his words forced her to say what she was thinking, rather than going around it.

  “I…I want this baby. I’ve always wanted our baby, Shep. But…but you don’t understand.”

  “I won’t understand until you tell me, Shea. I don’t know why you hid it from me, why you were so scared to tell me.”

  “If I told you, then it would be real,” she whispered.

  “And what is so wrong with it being real? We love each other, and we had said we wanted children.”

  She remembered them talking, but when they’d brought it up, it had seemed like a dream. Now it was a reality. A reality she wasn’t prepared for. She didn’t have the life experiences needed to be a good mother. She saw the way Shep’s cousin Meghan cared for her babies, how Marie cared for her grown children.

  Shea had never had that before.

  How was she sure she wouldn’t end up like he
r mother?

  “We did this so fast, Shep.”

  Her husband’s face set to stone. “Yes. We did. We both decided to marry quickly without a wedding. We both decided to have me go bare within you and deal with what happened if the Pill alone didn’t work. Now tell me why you’re so scared because you need to be clear.”

  “I don’t want to turn into my mother.”

  Shep’s face softened, and he took a step toward her. She pulled back, but he didn’t let her stay away. Instead, he tugged her close, crushing her to his chest. He cupped her face, kissing her hard.

  “You silly, thoughtful woman. I fucking love you.”

  Irritation warred with anger in her veins. “Don’t call my fears silly, Shep. You don’t understand. You have this perfect family. What do I have?”

  “Me.”

  Her heart thudded, and she sighed. “Shep…”

  “No. You’ll listen to me now. You’re scared you’ll end up like you’re mother? Bullshit. You stood up for yourself long before I came along and grew a backbone. You’ve seen what damage your mother did and know that’s not how to raise a family. Fuck, you have my family to show you how to do it. Not saying we’re perfect because God knows we’re crazy assholes some days, but we aren’t cruel. You are going to be a wonderful mother.”

  Tears poured down her cheeks, and she sank into him. She might know his words were right in her mind, but her heart was another matter.

  “You have me by your side. I’m not going to turn into your father. I’m going to be by your side every step of the way. I’m going to watch you grow round with our child then change diapers and help our baby take his or her first steps. I’m going to let our child know that, no matter their choices, we will be by their side. They don’t need to conform to our expectations but, rather, find out who they are on their own. Now kiss me, Shea. Kiss me then tell me you love me.”

  She kissed him softly, her eyes closed as her body finally relaxed. “I love you,” she whispered. “I’m an idiot.”