The Reconstruction of Cyprian

by Michelle Love

  When I stop in front of his door, he looks at me for a second then grabs the keys, turning off my car and yanking them out of the ignition then getting out of the car.

  My first instinct is to scream at him as panic floods my system. Then I realize he’ll be handing them back in no time and telling me to get the hell out of here.

  So, I get out and walk behind him as I take off my green smock and toss it in the open passenger window as I pass by it. I crack my neck and knuckles and find him looking back to see what’s making the noise. “You thinking about hitting me?”

  I shake my head. “You thinking about trying to get me to change my mind about you?”

  He nods and punches in the security code on his door then opens it and we go inside. He takes my hand and leads me all the way through the house and out to the garage. Placing my keys on the pegboard, he takes the Lambo keys off it and hands them to me. “I’m giving you the Lambo, Cami.” He reaches into his inside jacket pocket and pulls out a paper. “I put the title in your name today. It’s yours now.”

  I take the keys and step to one side then look at him and smile. “No, thank you.” I place them back on the pegboard and take mine back. “And you can wipe your ass with that fucking title, you prick.”

  Turning to go back inside and leave, I feel his hand on my shoulder. “Cami, just stop being this way. It doesn’t suit you at all.”

  Spinning back, I throw my hand back to slap the shit out of him but he grabs my wrist just before I can connect. “Damn you!”

  “I’m not going to let you hit me, Cami.” He pulls me along with him and we end up in the kitchen. “You look pale and I’m sure you haven’t eaten much today.” He doesn’t let me go as he gets something out of a bag on the countertop. “I picked this up for you on the way home. It’s a cheese burger and you’re going to eat all of it.”

  “Sure,” I say as I take a seat on a tall stool at the island in the middle of the huge kitchen. “Suddenly, I am very hungry.” I take the burger and begin to eat it. He lets my wrist go and looks at me with a wary expression.

  “What can I get you to drink?” he asks as he makes his way to the fridge.

  “A beer. Better make that three of them. I don’t care what kind. Something strong, none of that light shit,” I say and take another bite. I’m preparing myself for battle and I’ll be damned if I go into it with an empty stomach and no stones to tell him what I think of him.

  He places one beer on the countertop. “Let’s start with one, shall we?”

  Looking right into his dark eyes, I pick up the beer and down it. Placing the empty bottle back down, I say, “Another please.”

  He frowns and takes the empty bottle, tossing it into the recycling bin. I watch him get another one out of the fridge as I take another bite. The burger is delicious and I want to ask him where he got it but that would be too conversational and I don’t want to have a conversation with the man. I want to piss him off. And I want to do it, thoroughly!

  Sliding the beer to me, he takes the seat next to me. “About last night.”

  I hold up my hand. “I don’t want to talk about that. I’m eating and that subject matter makes me sick.”

  He nods and looks away. “I thought about that. I thought about if you’d done that to me. Not another woman, as that would be fine but another man. I did find it to be a thing I wouldn’t want.”

  “Great. Too late for me, though,” I say as I take another bite, followed by a drink of the beer. “You say if I brought a woman in and had her suck your cock and screw you that you’d like that, huh?”

  “Yes,” he says as looks at me. “I have done that many, many times, after all.”

  “And you should get back to that, Cyprian. You really should. You need to leave me the hell alone and get back to the life you know and love. Don’t let me stop you or get in your way,” I say as I slam back the rest of the beer. “How about another?”

  “You’re going to get drunk?” he says but gets up to get me another beer.

  “I am. I am going to get drunk tonight and wash this shit out of my mind. I am going to get back to the woman I was before I met you.” I take the last bite of the burger and watch him as he looks back at me with defiance dancing in his dark eyes.

  “I see.” He brings me another beer but keeps it in his hand as he takes my hand and pulls me up, wrapping his arms around me. “I love you, Camilla Petit.” He brings his lips toward mine.

  “If your lips touch mine, they will be met with a bite,” I say and find him stopping.

  “You told me you loved me, only yesterday. How could you stop so quickly? Unless you were only telling me what you thought I wanted to hear?”

  “I thought I loved you. But that was before I knew you for the real man you are. A pervert who destroys women’s trust.”

  “If you call me a pervert one more time, I may find it necessary to punish you, Camilla.” His eyes dart back and forth as if he’s being serious.

  “If you lay a hand on me, you will bring back a stub, Cyprian. I am not the woman to think you can do that to.” I level my eyes on his and find him letting me out of the hold he had on me.

  “You have too much anger going through you still. I thought, by now, you’d have come to your senses about last night. It wasn’t ugly or perverted. You looked beautiful. I watched the recording many times and you’re face and body told me you did enjoy it.” He walks away from me, slowly.

  “You would watch it over and over again. Tell me how you liked the part where I slapped the shit out of you,” I say then grab the beer he’s placed on the counter.

  My body is about to start shaking as he reminds me about last night. I take a drink and blink back the burning of the tears that are threatening me, yet again. “I’ve thrown up more today than I ever have, and I had the flu once. I’ve cried more too. Are you still sure I enjoyed that?”

  “You did, until your misplaced morals got in your way. It’s merely sex, Cami. Nothing more than that. It’s people making others experience pleasure. You’re making it into something society has changed it into.” He slips his jacket off and then unbuttons his white shirt and takes it off. “My body can bring your body much pleasure and vice versa. So why are you fighting everything so hard?”

  “You should never have done that, Cyprian. And the fact you won’t apologize and keep shoving it down my throat, tells me who you really are and I don’t like that man. You know many women who will do what you want. Go to them.” I take another drink as he eyes me like a wolf does its prey.

  “Camilla Petit, I have set my sights on you. It is you I want and need. I crave you. I was willing to change for you. When I found, you liked the same things I do, well, I had to venture out and see if you could really be a part of the me I was. If you think you can’t then I can change.”

  I shake my head. “I have never asked you to change for me. Not once. I have repeatedly told you not to. While I liked what you and I did, alone, I don’t see myself ever wanting more than you in my bed. But for a moment, let me stick this picture in your head. Me in bed with you and another man. Let that little picture sink in, Cyprian.”

  “That’s not a thing I’ve ever done. I like to be the dominate one in the bedroom. I like to rule over the women I bring to it. I like to orchestrate the scene to satisfy us all. And I’d like you at my side while I do that.”

  “I don’t want your dick in any other female, or male, for that matter. I don’t want your lips on anyone else’s either. I don’t want their mouth on you, anywhere. I want you all to myself. It may sound selfish but here, in normal society, it’s widely accepted.” I place the beer on the counter and bait him some more. “So, I’m going to ask you something and see if you see fit to give me what I want.”

  “Shoot,” he says. “The world is at your fingertips, baby.”

  “This Friday night, take me to your father’s party and let me have sex with another man while you watch. If you like seeing me being aroused by another person,
that is.” I watch his face go into a blank expression and his Adam’s apple lurches in his throat as he swallows hard.

  “I thought you had to have feelings for a man before you allowed him to have sex with you? God knows you made me wait,” he says as he looks into my eyes. I think he’s trying to see if I’m serious.

  I’m not sure if I am or not. But I say, “Since you brought a person into me who I had no feelings for, I figure why not do it with a random man too. Fuck, I’ve already been desecrated, what’s one more? And this time a man.”

  Pacing in front of me, he seems to be thinking. I see a vein start to thump in his forehead. I’ve never seen that happened before. Finally, he stops and looks at me. “I can’t do that. I can’t see another man’s hands on you, much less him taking you.”

  “But you let that woman take me,” I say and watch him shake his head.

  “It’s not the same. I suppose it’s because she can’t get you pregnant and a man can. I don’t know, exactly. I just know I can’t stand to even think about another man on you, in you. The thought, alone, makes me crazy. And why would you even want that, if you love me?” he glares at me as I shrug.

  “I’m just saying if you think watching another woman give me pleasure is what gets you off then why not let another man do it too?”

  “Look, I can live my life never seeing that again. I can do whatever it is you want. You want a plain, old, boring sex life? I can deal with that. God knows I’ve had enough wild sex already.” He moves around the counter to come to me.

  I get up and move away from him. “Boring sex life? Is that what you think I want? Is that how you felt when it was only you and me?”

  “No, I didn’t mean it like that. You’re putting words into my mouth.” He comes toward me and grabs my arm before I can get away.

  Pulling me into his arms, he puts his hand under my T-shirt. His hand closes over one of my breasts and I take in a sharp breath. “Cyprian, no.”

  “I take responsibility for hurting you, Cami. I promise to never do that again. Now, can we get back to where we were? I want you. I’ll do anything for you.” His lips touch my ear then he bites my earlobe. “I’m addicted to you. You’re sweeter than any drug ever made.”

  I press my hands against his chest as he’s driving my body crazy. “Cyprian, please don’t do this to me. I can’t,” I say but his mouth is on mine, stopping me from saying another word.

  My mind is telling me to push him away and leave but my body is craving the man. He takes one of my hands and wraps it around his neck then he picks me up and carries me with him.

  I want to stop kissing him, I want to stop liking it. I want to have more will power. But it’s fading fast. The anger is fading.

  He lays me on a sofa and touches something on the table and fire springs to life in a fireplace. “I love you, Cami. Forgive me.”

  I stare into his eyes and see more in them than I did before. Maybe he does love me. But do I love him, anymore?

  Sitting up, I stand up and shake my head. “I can’t right now. I don’t trust you. I don’t know if you can earn it again. Plus, the fact you still think you’d like to have sex with other women is a huge red flag.”

  He grabs my hand as I try to leave. “So, my honesty has cost me. Is that what you’re saying? Because I don’t want to be in a relationship if it means I have to hide things about myself or lie.”

  “You still don’t get it, Cyprian. I thought you told me you were a child prodigy? When did you stop listening? I want you to be whoever the hell you want to be. I will accept who you are or I won’t. At this point, who you are right now, well, I can’t be with you. I have to be able to trust you and I can’t right now.”

  “How can I make it up to you?” he asks as he pulls me back into his arms. His lips graze my forehead then he kisses me again. “Cami, don’t leave me this way. This is killing me.”

  “I have to be true to myself. I am sorry you don’t understand. Just give me space, please. I need space and time. Maybe I’ll get over this feeling and maybe I won’t. But you pushing at me, so soon afterward, is just pushing me away.” I push his chest and he lets me go.

  “Take the car I gave you,” he says then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of cash. “And this.” He holds it out to me.

  “No, Cyprian. You cannot buy me.” I turn to leave and he stands still.

  My heart is aching but I know I have to do this for myself. I must put myself first. I can’t lose myself in the man.

  “Cami, look at me, please,” he says.

  I stop and turn around. “Yes?”

  “I love you,” he says then blows me a kiss. “I will be here, waiting for you. You come or call or send me a message and I will be there. I am sorry for hurting you and making you lose trust in me. And I hope you can forgive me in time. Can I hear you tell me that you love me one more time? You see, no one but you has ever told me those words before. No one. And you are the only person I have said those words to.”

  What he said shouldn’t shock me but it does. He’s a 35-year-old gorgeous man with tons of money and no one has ever seen fit to ever tell him that he’s loved. Not even his parents.

  “I love you, Cyprian. I suppose I always will. But I love myself too and I have to uphold myself to the standards I have and will always live my life by. I hope you can understand.”

  He nods. “Thank you, Cami.”

  I nod and leave him. Again, I am walking away. Each time I’ve thought it was the last time, I’d be leaving him. Yet, I’ve managed to come back. But this time he’s really gone too far and I know who he really is and I can’t be with someone like him.

  I wonder how long it will take for the pain to leave my heart…

  Chapter 4

  CYPRIAN

  The moon still glows as it fills the sky and the stars still shine up in the dark sky. Life moves on, even though mine feels as if it’s over. She’s left me again and this time I don’t think she’s coming back.

  With no idea of who to talk to as making friends was never a real concern of mine, I’ve asked Ashton to come over and talk to me. The emptiness I’m feeling is overwhelming. And my father’s advice isn’t a thing I think is right for this situation. He and I are too much alike for him to actually help me.

  “So, you brought a woman into your love life, without Camilla’s consent?” he asks me then takes a long drag off a cigar.

  I told him everything. And he’s been quiet for about five minutes. “I did. Now, what can I do to get her to forgive me and understand I’m an idiot?”

  Ashton shakes his head as he looks up into the night sky. We’re out on a patio, the light has been bothering me all day and into the night. I have a migraine that could kill a horse.

  “Cyprian, there’s not a thing you can do. That was terrible. She’s probably feeling violated. Much like a rape victim,” he says then looks at me. Not in a judgmental way but like a man who’s trying to get me to see right from wrong.

  That line is so thin, in my mind, it’s nearly invisible. “Rape is too strong of a word, Ashton. And she was enjoying it, up until she realized it wasn’t me.”

  “That’s because she was trusting that it was you. You know damn good and well, you knew what you were doing. You knew she had no idea it wasn’t you. What’s worse, is she’s aware of how much thought you put into the whole thing. It was premeditated. I’m telling you, that wound will leave a scar so deep, it may never go away.” He looks away from me and shakes his head again. “Best to move on and leave that woman alone. Entirely, Cyprian.”

  His words are sinking in deep. I never meant for her to feel that way about what I did. I only wanted her to feel amazing things. That’s all!

  “Ashton, I have to fix things. I have to! I didn’t think the way you are, about it. I guess she feels exactly what you’re talking about. My God! I have to fix it. I have to!”

  “It’s too late, boy.” He gets up and walks over to the large potted plant at the edge of the pati
o and stubs out his cigar. “Leave her alone. Your face will only remind her of what happened to her one crazy night when she was in love with a man who made her do things that were never in her mind to do.”

  I double over as my stomach cramps. “My God! What have I done? I am a monster, aren’t I?”

  “You were created, Cyprian. Stay with the world you grew up in. You weren’t meant to be with a normal woman. You were made to be a man with a love for money and many, many women. Camilla is a special woman and she deserves to get to live a normal life. You will only ever hurt her. You’re not meant for that kind of life.”

  The pain inside my body is excruciating. “Ashton, something’s wrong.”

  He walks over to me and touches my head. “You’re not hot. You have no fever. Why are you doubled over?”

  “Ashton, something’s wrong. I can’t straighten up. I think I need to go to the hospital,” I look up at him and see him shaking his head.

  “It’s guilt, son. It hurts, huh?” he asks as he runs his hand over my head. “I’ll get you something stout to drink. It’ll knock the edge off.”

  He walks away and I find myself gritting my teeth with the pain in my abdomen. I have to admit this is my first bout with guilt but fuck it hurts like hell.

  I pick up my phone and call Cami. It rings and rings but she doesn’t answer. I don’t know why I thought she would. She left me only an hour ago. The anger is still white hot inside of her.

  Why did I do that to her? What the hell is wrong with me? Is there any way I can change what I’ve done?

  Ashton returns with a dark glass of something and hands it to me. “Sip on this and take a hot bath. This is what it feels like to fully understand your role in her pain. Yours is manifesting itself, physically. Hers is invisible. Her mind is where it resides and I’m sure she can feel it in her heart. I told you to leave her alone. You shouldn’t have pushed yourself on her. She was a good girl, Cyprian. She has to feel tainted by what you’ve done to her.”

  Getting up, I stagger into the house and make it to the first bathroom. Starting the water, I take my clothes off to get into the hot tub to try to relieve this pain in my gut. It’s so bad, I can hardly think.